Terminator TV Show

Cap'n's TV Review Soap Box. - I'm shuffling the politic milk crate off deck in favor of the TV review box, if only for a minute. Just assume there are spoilers to follow, so don't get all up in my grill about it, okay OneF?

With the writer's strike on, and so little programming on television, I really wanted to enjoy the new Terminator show they just started airing on the FOX. I thought, hey, this could be cool! Big budgets - HD - and Terminator! You know, they've got a lot of material in there that they could use. There will be some awesome special effects - and they don't have to have to fall on the Governator to pull it off. I'm sure these producers saw Battlestar Galactica and realized that good geek shows with real values and production can be rewarding for the audiences and also their pocketboks. And with this material they could build years and years of Sarah Connor and her son in the events from the end of T2 up until T3 - there's supposed to be years of hiding off the grid while John learns the way of the Force - er, sorry - the skills needed to defeat the machines in the future and to build an Army and shoot really cool guns. They have enough material there for years and yea-


Nope, they effed it up already.

First off, it's called Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles - that title just SOUNDS like a high brow sitcom with Julia Louis Dreyfus just waiting to get canceled. And with a title like that - you have to focus on - exactly, the mommy.

The title character ought to be the character that ended the T2 movie. Buff, knows her weapons, is insane - you know, Linda Hamilton? (She was even married to James Cameron!)
Unfortunately, she's still the scared puppy lady from the end of the Tech-Noir bar scene. In this TV show, there's hardly any of the spit and NRA-a-Tude that oozed out of the mental institution escapee. Sure they mention the backstory. They mention the events of T2, hell, they even show the poor widow of the Skynet CEO again just to tie it all together.

Well, the fact that Sarah isn't up to par with the continuity they try hard to make you forget about that third film that came out -- and they screw that up a whole lot too. There's more time travel and metal being flung around than an episode of Dr. Who. Or some other nerdy time travel TV show - How about Time Tunnel or Journeyman? That 70's Show? Anyhow - We've got people sent from the future to the 50's to build time machines inside banks, for use in the 90's so that this show can take place last year. Got all that? Good, because that all happens in the first episode. In fact, in the first couple minutes of the first episode.

Let me just interrupt for a second and say that this show does look great. It looks like a feature. I'm sure it'll actually be a feature in the foreign markets. They also use Brad Fidel's iconic Industrial score which adds weight and the Terminator seal of approval. This isn't Flash Gordon on Sci Fi.

Continuity of that Terminator Brand Terminator story though? There are Terminators - sent back in time - how many times? That's three baddies in the features, one human, and two good guy Terminators reprogrammed by John in the future. Then there's the TV show - and my count is up to 120 more people in the past.

What the hell was going on around this time machine in the future? I imagine a room with a blue bubble and future John Connor is yelling at a HAL 9000 type of terminal.

SKYNET

"You may have defeated me, Future John Connor, but I'm going to send a Terminator to kill your mom before you're even born!"

JOHN CONNOR

"Oh yeah, well, I'll send my best soldier to make sure I am born! Suck it machine!"

SKYNET

"Okay, well, I'll send an even BETTER Terminator -- hmm?
I guess I should have sent model that first...?"

JOHN CONNOR

"Well, okay, let me reprogram this Terminator standing right here - yeah - well, that one will protect me from the Terminator you just sent back-"

SKYNET

"Fine, then here's another Terminator for T3!"

JOHN CONNOR

"Nuh-uh! I'll reprogram a Terminator - Hold on a second... There! - and this one will beat up the Terminator you just sent. So there!"

SKYNET

"Oh yeah, well, I'll just send another Terminator for this TV show too!"

JOHN CONNOR

"Well, then I guess I'll just reprogram ANOTHER Terminator and it'll just beat up your Terminator... again."

SKYNET

"I'm a little bored, you wanna play some chess or something?"

JOHN CONNOR

"I'll just reprogram another Terminator and beat you at chess ten minutes in the past! Checkmate MuthaFugga!"

I mean, how many people are in the past now? And if you can mess up the time-line (as per South Park and Terminator time travel rules) you're just postponing the future? My head is starting to hurt.

And the characters are stupid. They don't follow their own rules, then point out to you that they're not following the rules. They are supposed to have been trained by survivalists/ terrorists/ ex-boyfriends -- which are lines from T2 when John is talking about his male role models that Sarah introduced him to. She's supposed to be a bad ass crazy lass! In the first episode they're sleepwalking! It's just silly.

The new chick Terminator sent back to protect John now is cute and engaging in the first scene. Then it turns dumb. Real dumb. That's stupid. So now you're either re-making T2, but with a fem-bot, or you have the potential to create a stupid love interest with a machine? That's painting yourself into a corner no matter how you look at it.

The second episode has resistance fighters from the future in the past, which is now last year. Wow. Got a bit of a migraine... building here. And now they're all dead. Okay. Got all that? And there's a Terminator running around that's going to give away all the secrets of the future... kind of like in T3... again, my head. Where's that Advil?

Now I tried watching most of tonight's thrilling new episode. Sarah's still a wimp. She questions whether she could pop Oppenheimer for constructing the nuclear bomb. Please, let's review T2 again. It's only about 4 bucks at Best Buy! Sure she didn't shoot Miles Dyson... wait. Oh yeah, she still had humanity in her so she couldn't pop Dyson - and because his family was watching at the time... Maybe they did do their homework? Damn.

Ah - but - well - she still doesn't look anything like Linda. Yeah, I'm talking about her biceps - and also her crazy. And this Sarah seems more like in-between the first film and the second - not the second to dead in the third.

Needs more crazy.

And hopefully they won't get extra stupid and follow the continuity where Robocop is supposed to be part of Skynet... which continues to be beyond retarded.

I doubt I'll give this show another chance. I really wanted to like this. I'd even like to just turn my brain off and watch explosions for an hour. But I just can't seem to do it. Feel free to rebuttal - however, please note that I'll just send a Terminator in to the past and wipe you out before you can leave a comment.