Sep 21, 2015

Some Reassembly Required

"Everything for me is a reconstruction or deconstruction.
 I would actually say deconstruction.  Mission: Impossible
 would be the exception.  That would be a reconstruction-
 deconstruction."                                             --Danny Elfman

"Fort-- I say, fortunately I keep my feathers numbered for...
 ...for just such an emergency."                       --Foghorn Leghorn

commentary by michael j. wright

This popped up on my Facebook feed.  It would be ironic if I were to say it was blessedly free of photos, videos, et cetera, so that's precisely the way I will say it: It was blessedly free of those things.  Nothin' but good old-fashioned text.  I wasn't even bothered that it was in all-caps, though I will spare you that aggravation.

"A little girl wanted to know what the United States looked like.  Her dad tore a map of the USA out of a magazine and tore it into pieces.  Then told [sic] her to go to her room and see if she could put it back together..."

First of all, this is a very suspect teaching technique.  Most people learn geography by studying intact maps, not piecing together the tattered fallout from a half-crazed Ollie North wannabe who decides to treat the topic like a State secret.  Imagine the hue and cry if her question had been, "Daddy, what's the American flag look like?"  Out of place as it seems, though, this tear-able interactive lesson-plan was a necessary turn to get us to the moral of the story.

"...After a few minutes she came back with the map correctly fitted and taped together.  Her dad was surprised and asked how she finished so quickly.  She replied there was a picture of Jesus on the back and when I [sic] put him back our [sic] country just came together!  Repost if u [sic] agree [sick, sick, sick]"

*ahem* My thoughts:
Oh, that's just too [incestuously] precious for politesse.  Unfortunately for the writer of this little parable, the trick works just as well with any familiar image.

"How did you finish so quickly?"
"Well, dad, there was an advertisement for Jim Beam on the back.  Once I put the bottle together, everything else just sorta took care of itself!"


"How did you finish so quickly?"
"Well, you see, on the other side of the map is this really pretty lady with almost no clothes on.  I think her name is 'Aruba.'  Once I got everything in the right place, and I think you'll agree she has everything in the right place, well, um... Wait, what was the question?"

Found on Mars this week:
Something requiring true commitment...
a chain letter, chiseled into a stone tablet.
Click that, smart guy.