Jan 27, 2006

Why I love these Bears

I know that the Bears season is over (and the dynasty has yet begun) but we do have the coolest team in a long time. Here is an article from the Bears website:

" Dipping into his own pocket, Vasher will provide a fan and a guest roundtrip airline tickets, four nights in a luxury hotel and two tickets to the Pro Bowl game. The winner, who will be chosen in a random drawing Feb. 2, will also dine with the cornerback in Hawaii.

With fans accounting for one-third of the vote (along with NFL players and coaches), Vasher knows that he would have had a difficult time making the Pro Bowl without their support.

"It's just a way for me to show the fans how much I appreciate them," he said. "There's no way I could have had an opportunity to go to the Pro Bowl if it wasn't for their votes.

"It's just a way for me to get a chance to hang out with a couple of them and have a good time out there in Hawaii.

"It was really important to me to show the fans how important they are."

Bless you, Mr. Vasher. Now if I could only stomach listening to Mike North.

Jan 25, 2006


I have recently been introduced to this phenom that is called Podcasting. It is very similar to just a simple download or streaming audio except that it is updated through an RSS feed "automatically." The name stems from people downloading these things onto their iPods. Anyone that has Sirius can listen to Adam Curry's show on ch.103 to hear various and random podcasts. The main thing about these (and I admit I have not done it myself) is that you can subscribe through various services and have content automatically updated for you. They are a lot like college radio to me. Not very professional, much more creative than regular radio, and if you find a good one . . .

Anyway, I was hunting around for these things and found some interesting ones. Check them out. Leave addresses to your favorites in the comments so I can check them out.

The Beatles Chronicles: Long. Very long. Very informative. Even if you are a Beatles "expert."

Head up your ass headlines: A lot like News of the Weird.

Cubs Cast: Chicago Cubs. Very funny. Check out the picture of Rodney "Woo woo" on the front page.

I have more that I may add to the comments myself but have not listened to them all the way through.

Jan 13, 2006


Shouldn't have had all that cough syrup before the game.

There's a new sheriff in town, Benny.

Many of you in the Chicago area are familiar with Benny the Bull, the chubby, happy-go-lucky mascot of the Chicago Bulls. He is not to be mistaken with Da Bull, the pot-smoking, leather-wearing team instigator. I saw a few days ago that Benny was having a birthday party. Seriously, here is an official link. As you can see from the picture (which is from the actual event) that things seemed to have gotten a little heated. And how could it not be with the likes of Squatch(Seattle), Crunch (Minnesota), and Clutch (Toronto) to name a few fellow celebs in attendance. In fact, the "Caption This" pic above is also from the same event. (It's Stuff (Orlando) by the way.)

Anyway, I had once heard that Johnny "Red" Kerr had drawn up the idea for Benny the Bull on a napkin while coaching the team. I do not know if this is fact. Commenter Xavier GrassStain (x.g.s.) told me that once. I was looking this fact up for a little "Happy Birthday, Benny" post when I came across other Benny the Bull news and what kind of a blogger would I be without relaying my findings to you.

It seems that Benny has recently been replaced by Barry Anderson. Well, Benny hasn't been replaced but the guy inside Benny has been. Don't tell your kids.

Barry won mascot of the year two out of the last three years as Monte the Bear for the Montana Grizzlies. It seems that Bulls management lacking a big name on the court decided to get a big name anonymously tucked inside a bull outfit. I think it is a good move.

Barry specializes in break-dancing. Seriously. That's his specialty.

Anyway, just a quick announcement. There is an interview with Barry here. I am a little concerned. Here are a few quotes from the interview:

1) "I can touch them and dance with them. I can bring girls from courtside out on the floor and make them dance with the ref. It’s really cool." - Nope. Not cool. Not cool at all. Many of the girls are known to respond with a "Oh, no, you din'n't"

2) "
I could go out there and light a roll of toilet paper on fire and they’d love it." What? You were lighting shit on fire on a basketball court and people loved it?? F'in' Missoula. Here there would be a stampede. Bull style. My brother-in-law was the Tulane Green Wave guy (Before the pelican when it was a Gumby looking thing) and he said there was a rule about starting things on fire inside.

3) "
The two times I’ve been to Idaho State, I got beat up the first time and got the head broken on the costume. The second time a security guard tried to arrest me for being where I wasn’t supposed to be. Those are two memories of Idaho State." Luckily there are no NBA teams in Idaho.

Anyway, if you are going to the UC it's now BYOFE. Bring Your Own Fire Extinquensher.

Jan 12, 2006

A Filthy Beat

I am in a poker league. No, poker has not become suddenly legal in IL, it is not for money (technically). The deal is that the first and second places get gift certificates where the tourny is being played and third gets movie tickets. More importantly, The top six of each tournament get points. The top ten points getters by the end of a four month period get to play in a tournament where the winner gets round trip tickets and accommodation to Vegas. Pretty sweet for a free league.

I learned of the league late (early Nov.) but still managed to get near the top of the points ranking (27th as of this writing). I was playing Wednesday and figured out that the only way to get in contention was a) to win and b) to have others lose. There were 7 people left and one was a 10th place contestant. I was in the big blind and got the following hand:

my hand: Qh3h

Everyone limped in to me and I checked. The flop came: Kh3cKs. And everyone checked as did I.

The turn came: Qh

Good news! I assumed that there were no Kings on the table and my two pair went from 3's to Queens. I checked to "slowplay" and try to lure someone into bluffing at me. My dream came true. The "leaderboard" guy went all-in. He had me beat in chips but I could have hurt him and put myself in a good place. Everyone folded to me. I called. We flip the cards and amazingly he shows: As6c. I am a 90 someodd favorite. Then the river:


Luckily, the season starts next wee. If Chicago residents are interested, here is the web site.

Jan 10, 2006


We once had our chance. I am no history buff nor do I pretend to understand the zeitgeist of my own countries history. I am especially lacking in Civil War history. I even took some time to mock the lovers of the Civil War in my very first post. I do understand that the war was more about secession than any other issue of the day (Slavery, I am looking at you). That said, I would like to take a very unpopular (or maybe not) stance, we should have allowed the secession of Florida.

I bring this up because today on my "This day in history" pop-up thing on my computer has today's item as, "1861 Florida secedes - Florida becomes the third state to secede from the Union when a state convention votes 62 to 7 in favor of the measure." Imagine this, I say quietly to myself before I start blogging about it, we could have been rid of Florida, the state that has been the biggest liability to democracy, 145 years ago?

Florida was the third state to secede the Union. After South Carolina and Mississippi and before Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, and Texas. After some apparent arm-twisting Virginia, Arkansas, Tennessee, and North Carolina also jumped ship to form the 11 states of the Confederacy. If you think about it, what would have lost? I understand that the precedence was bad. That if a state could simply secede everytime they disagreed with policy there would be a bad situation. I am not the historical buff here, however, just a guy trying to say we should have not worried about precedents in this case and let Florida go. Lincoln probably just went with the odds, he wanted 10 of the states.

Besides the voting issues and the Kathleen Harris issue, Florida has many other strikes against it. I feel it my blogging duty to point some of them out. There is a large, pink, swampy, touristy, penis-shaped, cheap-flights-on-Southwest elephant in our room and I feel a need to point it out.

Strike One: In 1970 the state of Florida made the moonstone the official state gem. The moonstone is not naturally found in Florida (or on the moon for that matter).

Strike Two: Lack of originality. They have two rivers named Withlacoochee (not named by the current Florida residents, they are not that original) one in Madison county and one in central Florida. They have nothing in common. Except the name.

Strike three: this. An actual museum BTW.

Strike four(we are doing a whole inning): the need to have a law that specifically prohibits its citizens from having "relations" with a porcupine. What backwater, nerve-less redneck caused this law to be enacted? How was it taken seriously by the state lawmakers? Did they debate it on the floor? Was it an issue of the day? "My opponent is for porking porcupines! I am anti-rodent banging." As a side note but also related, in Florida it is also illegal to have sex in any position but missionary, illegal to have oral sex, and illegal to kiss your own wife's breasts. Probably accounts for them being 42 state in divorce rate.

Strike five: The damn Marlins that beat my beloved Cubbies in the 2003 NLCS. Now instead of only being negative, I will say if Florida were part of a different country there would be three countries contending for the World Series. That said, the Marlins do have the best logo in baseball. A giant, singular F.

Strike six: Jeb! Besides his rigging of elections, which I promised not to mention, Jeb in a mystical warrior named Chang. After a ceremony naming Marco Rubio (R-West Miami) as house speaker, Jeb released the Chang. From gainsville.com here are the words "spoken before hundreds of lawmakers and politicians" by Bush.
"Chang is a mystical warrior. Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society.

I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down."

Bush then unsheathed a golden sword and gave it to Rubio as a gift.

This is the great white hope of the republican party in 2008? And they call Democrats out of touch? One of the most powerful men in Florida sometimes disappoints his sword? And he calls it Chang? That's the coolest name he could think of for his mystical warrior sword? Damn, if I had a mystical warrior sword I would call it something much cooler like Snarksque. Hell, he is rich, call up Peter Jackson and get some help. Or just read some crappy fantasy novels. Hey, here is a link to a name generator. Whatever you do get some damn help.

Strike seven: It is illegal to fart in public after 6PM. Sort of the anti-Claudius law. Make sure that all your flatulence is done pre-dinnertime when visiting Disney.

Strike Eight: They 'X' out their own seal on the state flag.

Strike Nine: Delta Burke ~ Miss Florida 1974. If there were more outs in an inning I would give this web site a strike, too.

Inning over.

Jan 6, 2006

Hell, yea!

Before this football season began, Sporting News called Brian Urlacher the most overrated player in the NFL. This upset many Bear fans and gave my damn in-laws (Packer fans (don't ask)) something to goad me about. Well guess who the defensive player of the year is?

Not because of his sacks (6), tackles (97), turnovers (0), or any "stats" you may have. It's because he can run down Michael Vick and Steve Smith. He calls more audibles than Peyton Manning. He is defense incarnate. A Midway Monster.

When I was in grade school we had a saying. "En su cara!" Well, I was going to school in Mexico. But it is always fun in any language to face someone.

Update: Lovie Smith just won Coach of the year. Go Bears!
Update 2: Urlacher made All-Pro getting 49 of 50 votes.

Open Thread

Comments, suggestions, questions about Killres whereabouts. Write it all here.

Jan 3, 2006

On this day a blog is born.

The art of blogging. Well, not so much an art. More a loosely correlated series of musings, photos, and, god help us, history. There are many types of blogs, sports blogs, political blogs, band blogs, poker blogs, and people that share a little too much blogs. Chances are if people do it, it has a blog. We, too, wanted to blog. But no one would have us.

So on January 6, 2006, the world wide web spread her legs and gave birth to a baby blog, Blasphemes. There wasn't much celebration and the ceremonial eating of the placenta was unnecessary but there it laid. In need of a good cleaning. Healthy, confused, and well spanked, Blasphemes started living.

January sixth is a good day for the birth of a blog. It was this day in 1994 that Nancy Kerrigan got knee-whacked by the world's most famous trailer trash couple. It was 01-06 when Reagan raised the gas tax to "fix the roads." This day was chosen by Washington (1) and Bush (41) to get married. This day also birthed Rowan Atkinson, Syd Barrett, Joan of Arc, Porky Pig, and Schoolhouse Rock. Goddamned Sun Myung Moon and Illinois poet Carl Sandberg were born on Jan 6. It is Epiphany. If that doesn't raise the hairs on the back of your neck stand up . . .

In Europe and Latin America (OK, every place that has Christianity but the U.S.) Epiphany is also called Three Kings Day. (If you are in Mexico make sure to put your shoes out. And FYI, don't touch my myrrh.) Epiphany itself means "to show" or "to reveal.'" Somehow, it was the three kings that first revealed that Christ came for everyone. But enough. I will now reveal to you our three wise men, Killre, Holly Would, and me, One F.

Killre is an exceptional writer who is well-informed and perceptive. I will allow him to define his own legacy but I am very excited to read his unique insights to things that I never thought to think about. Having traveled the country many times from many feet off the road, you would not believe what goes on in this great land of ours. Especially when seen with a blacklight. Killre is the main reason that the link to the dictionary appears on the right.

Holly Would is a famous actor. Although I am sure that he will be forced to share some insights and stories of La-la land he will primarily be gracing our stolen blog template with his photography. He did promise lots of nudes and stories of banging Beatrice Arthur or Weezy from the Jeffersons or some outrageous "starlet." His most recent TV work is in Sleeper Cell. You can link to an episode index to find out more about him on the right as well.

Me, I am the resident bullshitter. Don't bother calling me on it, I already know. In addition to sport, music, and food rants I will be overlooking the feel of the site and making sure the NSA internet taps are in place. I am best in non-election years and when not in Amsterdam. Something in that damned city clouds my mind.

This site has plenty of room for others as well. Feel free to add, comment, disagree, bitch, and cry with any and all of us at any time. Just click that little blue underlined word that says "Comments" and type what you have to say. Enjoy yourselves, this is for fun.

Now let's all shake this baby. Don't be afraid, babies are durable.

Jan 1, 2006

Mission Statement

blaspheme (blas-FEEM) To write, speak or act irreverently of or toward anything considered sacrosanct.