Sep 29, 2007

Cub$ buy a playoff spot

I can't believe I beat everyone to the board here this afternoon...

I watched the champagne and congratulations being spilled on the Red's visitor's locker room last night.

Everyone was so happy.

Ron Santo came in and hogged the camera - and kissed Kerry Wood.

Everyone was so very, very happy.

However - they backed into the playoff spot. Winning the NL Central this year was akin to winning the Special Olympics. They do not match up well to the other (potential) playoff contenders. And I'm supposed to be excited.

I've been there.
And like any bad relationship - you give and give and give, and eventually, one day - you'll sit there and realize that you haven't gotten anything back. It's similar to viewing pr0n without anyone taking off their clothes. Everyone gets hot and bothered, heart rates rise, but at the end of it, I never saw anything.

Pardon me for NOT running out with the mob at Clark and Addison again. See, I've done that two times already. And really, let me sum up what you think you're missing. You get there. You jump around for a minute. Scream 'Go Cubs'. Then you realize that everyone there is just taking pictures of everyone else. The only difference from last night over 2003, is that this time the Chads and Trixies were taking pictures with their iPhones instead of their RAZR's.

Hey man, in the playoffs anything can happen.
You say, look at the Cards last year, right?

I know that girl,
she hasn't put out in 99 years.
I know,
this time it's different.

Yeah, you're in love.

Good luck with that.

JC Penny's 1975 Catalog

What a fantastic Xmas everyone must have had that year?

(click here for more 1975 classics)

Sep 26, 2007

Just try to act surprised...

President Bush is seeking another $50 billion for Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere...


You might not have noticed... Lieberman-Kyl’s Iran amendment passes!

By a vote of 76-22, the Senate passed the Lieberman-Kyl amendment, which threatens to “combat, contain and [stop]” Iran via “military instruments.” Sen. Jim Webb (D-VA) called the amendment “Cheney’s fondest pipe dream” and said it could “read as a backdoor method of gaining Congressional validation for military action.” Backdoor - yet another jab at OUt readers...


Before the vote changes were made to the original amendment, paragraphs three and four were removed. This paragraph was also added at the end:

“Secretary of Defense Robert Gates stated on September 16, 2007 that “I think that the administration believes at this point that continuing to try and deal with the Iranian threat, the Iranian challenge, through diplomatic and economic means is by the preferable approach. That the one we are using. We always say all options are on the table, but clearly, the diplomatic and economic approach is the one that we are pursuing.”
Not Voting - 2

McCain (R-AZ)
Obama (D-IL)

For some reason - As if it matters.

Oh, and if you still think that Nancy Pelosi and the gang are going to suddenly stop lying to their constituents and suddenly pull us out - uh, you're wrong.

Same for all the Democrat Presidential candidates. Except Dennis Kesenich.

If you drive - you support the war.

Sep 25, 2007

Rex is Extinct

You've probably already read this elsewhere.

Just thought you'd like to see the picture.

Wondering how many of you would even piss on this to put it out?

I do have to add - careful what you wish for.

This is all.

OUt Iran

The new issue of OUt Iran hit the news stand today.

The circulation of this publication just keeps falling.

I just don't get it at all.

Sep 24, 2007

Comments must be broken

The comments section seems to have reset just about everyone's clever commentary on our discourse back to zero.

We at Blasphemes sincerely apologize for wiping out your notes to Cap'n, OneF and Howard - apparently some of you were not hitting the save button or missing the 'comment' button entirely - and simply typing mad letters into the ether without first hitting the comment button.

We're working hard to fix that which is wrong. Unlike the Chicago Bears.

Thank you, and thanks for your support.

The Evil Has Landed

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad met leaders of an anti-Zionist Jewish group on Monday at the start of a visit to New York for the U.N. General Assembly meeting that has sparked protests and anger.

He's in town to 'communicate some alternate views'.

Such as his position that the Holocaust did not happen and that the state of Israel should be destroyed, have sparked international fury and have made his trip here to attend the United Nations General Assembly session contentious even before it starts.

Maybe he'd get along with Matt Hale?

Last week, Ahmadinejad made headlines by asking for permission to lay a wreath at Ground Zero.

Sep 21, 2007

Clinton and Giuliani in Possible Rematch - DUH!

The most obvious headline I've read since, "Uranus at its biggest and brightest this week"

Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani (9/11) and Senator First Lady, Lord Hillary Rodham Clinton: Rudy and Hillary face off!


For the first time.

Yeah! I've been saying that these two would be the leading assh*les for the the 2008 election for the last 7 years. I've been telling you that this is how the thing is going to shake up! The best part is the behind the scene features on the DVD. You'll have Karl Rove against James Carville in a campaign that'll make the whole Willy Horton spot seem quaint.

But it's not a rematch. It's a makeup from a rain delay folks. Ahem, Reuters, I'm looking right at you. What?

Memory, or the facts, would point out that Rudy bailed out. He bailed out before the PRIMARY which he was expected to win. He withdrew his candidacy. The stated reason was that he had been diagnosed as having prostate cancer and needed treatment.

Frankly, we haven't even seen this fight yet. But What a Bout it will be! Rove and Carville in a cage match for the death of the country! Get your tickets now folks. You'll want to be in the first three rows - because there will be blood and teeth souvenirs. And yes, you will get wet.

Sep 19, 2007

Did you hear ticking?

Iran warns it could strike Israel as nuclear tensions mount...

As we're sitting here waiting for the Bush Administration's clock to run out, as if it were a Browns vs the Bills on Monday Night Football, there is another clock ticking - and ticking towards midnight.

As discussed many times here, by me, Iran and Israel are preparing for the Sandbox Shuffle, Bombs over Babylon, Tussle over Turbans or the Glass Parking Lot - someone call Don King and name this thing already!

The Bush Legacy won't be a library in Crawford Texas at the pace we're headed toward this thing either.

Let's also be reminded that while not officially a nuclear power, Israel is 'rumored' or thought to have over 200 nuclear weapons, and a couple submarines parked in the Persian Gulf.

Unfortunately, when you plug the madness of religion into the equation, MAD - or Mutual Assured Destruction doesn't have the same punch as is does to people who like to, er, LIVE.

Get prepared folks. If I'm wrong, so what? You have an extra generator or one of those LED flashlights that you can hand crank. If I'm right, get ready for some good old fashioned Mad Max kind of crazy stuff -- that is, if you can find some gasoline.

Sep 17, 2007


So much for [H]omeland [S]ecurity.

We boarded the train in Emeryville, California, which is just a hop, a skip, and a crumbling flyover ramp from the deep-water port of Oakland. There, under the shadow of the Bay Bridge and the anxious gaze of the San Francisco office district, massive ships lumber in from all over the Pacific rim --especially China-- leaded and laden with hundreds upon hundreds of thoroughly un-inspected containers filled with thoroughly un-inspected products. All but a cursory few will still be thoroughly un-inspected when they are transferred to truck or to train and lugged into virtually every nook and cranny of Our Fare Land, which is supposed to be worried as hell about that sort of thing...

...according, that is, to the government-- which is precisely the same government that conducts all the un-inspections.

Still, security at the port is a thousand times tighter than is the security at the local Amtrak station. Emeryville is crammed into a nook --or maybe it's a cranny-- on the map between Oakland and Berkley. Any Cal students looking to transport anything illicitly need not seal it into a baggie and sink it into a mostly full shampoo bottle and then sweat the x-ray machines, man. Just put it in your pocket and take the train. As someone who doesn't particularly like the TSA pawing through his underwear and whiskey flasks, and who always gets pulled aside for a little extra look-see at airports (thank you, Howard, for putting all those red flags next to my name), even I think Amtrak's screening process should consist of more than: "Got a ticket?" Apparently, nobody cares if a passenger train gets blown up or if its passengers get infected with some slow-acting but inevitable biological nightmare-- not even if the train in question is destined, as ours was, for the boisterous bowels of Chicago's Union Station.

But then, why should anybody care? After all, Amtrak itself somehow manages to find something to crash the City of New Orleans into every third week or so.

The train we took was the California Zephyr. I'll spare you all the details. There are lessons to be learned from a train ride, but you have to be something of a history buff or an engineering buff or be one of those people who gets downright sexually aroused by railroads to really appreciate said lessons. Assuming that I, as usual, am the only one in the room who pitches a tent over such things, I'll avoid a full travelogue and impart only a handful of observations...

(1) Burlington, Iowa, is pretty well off any major, modern-day beaten path. I'd been to Burlington before --just passing through, really-- but it wasn't until I had the luxury of seeing it from the vast viewing windows of a dining car, snaking its way through the old and, uh, "down" part of town, that I could really appreciate what a big commercial center it must once have been-- say, eighty or a hundred years ago. You can tell by the architecture.

(2) We laid over in Salt Lake City for several of the wee small hours of one morning. I got off the train to get a little polluted air and wandered into the "station." I've seen smoking kiosks that were bigger than Amtrak's "station" in Salt Lake City. They had three vending machines. I found none of them inspiring-- and I'm a guy who is easily inspired to consume. I wandered outside again and walked over to the bus station next door. It was the size of a small shopping mall, and there were some brightly-colored machines in there, calling to me. Before I could commune with them, though, a rather, um, imposing woman with a utility belt and a no-nonsense mien intercepted me...

"Can I help you?" she asked in a what-the-hell-are-you-up-to tone of voice.

I explained that I was in search of better vending machines than the ones at the train station. She informed me that the bus station was closed.

Closed? Greyhound?

(3) While rolling through Wyoming we passed a number of hopper-style cars piled high with dark, chunky material. My traveling companion wondered aloud what it could be.

"Coal," I said.

"Coal? It can't be coal. Nobody mines coal anymore."

I felt my eyebrows shoot halfway up my forehead. "What about all those coal miners that got killed in West Virginia last year?" I asked.

"That's Appalachia," replied my companion. "That doesn't count."

Judging by the way one of those very same coal widows was utterly ignored by Joe Biden and the other Democratic presidential candidates at a debate in Soldier Field, that statement is true. But I didn't give up...

"Okay," I said, "well, what about the coal miners trapped in Utah. And what about that coal mining accident in southern Indiana?" A day later, still on the train but now in Illinois, I said, "Hey, come here a minute."

"What?" asked my companion.

I pointed out the window. "What do you suppose that is?"

"What what is?"

"All of that coal, piled up in all those coal cars, on that unit coal train we're passing. Are you gonna try an' tell me that isn't coal?"

Heavy sigh. Roll of the eyes. Shake of the head. "I'm not going to try to tell you it isn't coal, Killre."

I no longer travel with that companion.

P.S.... Bud "Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits" Selig must go.

Universal Healthcare is Socialized Medicine, and that's not the problem

Master Genius Lord Hillary Clinton unveiled her super new solution to the Healthcare woes that us plebeians - or, us, the public. What's her new solution to insane costs for regular checkups, overall poor customer service, too few beds creating overcrowding in any given hospital, pharmaceutical prices that make iPhones look cheep, the 'oh, you contracted something - well then you're dropped' policy of your insurance company, and physicians hanging up their white coats rather than deal with Medicare?

Drum roll... Everyone has to buy insurance.

Wait, that's it? That's the big unveiling? You're going to treat health insurance like car insurance? Uh, sorry, I'm not seeing the connection - other than the word insurance.

And employers are still going to have to pay - yep. But my employer doesn't pay for my car insurance?

But you can opt in for the same insurance that federal employees get. Can I also opt in for their car insurance? You don't do that? Oh, so how is this the same again?

The solution to force everyone to get insurance is already in place. And those who don't have it will continue to not have it. I see how that works just fine. We're paying for everyone already anyways, but now you need to see my 'proof of insurance' before the prostate exam I've waited three months for.

It seems the solution to a single payer or one big bucket has been abandoned?

And for the record, Mr. George Carlin, (hey, thanks for reading you SOB) Universal Healthcare is only a slightly different way of saying Socialized Medicine.

If was around for WWII

If you can't read it clearly, click on it and it'll open the picture in it's own window.

Sep 15, 2007

Gen. McClellan Grilled Before Congress, for Not Pursuing the War

WASHINGTON - Gen. George B. McClellan went before Congress on Monday to deliver his long-awaited assessment of the "War of Session", greeted by Republicans who praised him while sharply criticizing the war he commands.

The general, who commands the grand Union Army of the Potomac, sat a few feet away as Rep. Zachariah T. Chandler of Michigan, described him as "almost certainly the right man for the job." But, he added, "he's the right person three years too late and 250,000 troops short."

The Joint Committee on the Conduct of the War, created after the embarrassing Union defeat at the Battle of Ball's Bluff, at the instigation of Senator Chandler.

Chaired by Senator Benjamin F. Wade of Ohio, who many in the beltway consider a "Radical Republican" because he and his colleagues have called for a more aggressive war policy than those of the Lincoln Administration.

The Committee on the Conduct of the War is quickly being considered to be the toughest congressional investigating committee in the history of the country, despite the chair members collective ignorance of military science and preference for the heroic saber charge which is infecting public expectations.

The Committee's questioning McClellan's loyalties and ability to wage war has even brought suspicion of treason. It's been speculated that the committee may even introduce a resolution demanding the dismissal of McClellan. Even President Lincoln was quoted recently stating, "If General McClellan does not want to use the army, I would like to borrow it for a time."

In his long-awaited report to Congress, McClellan said the buildup of 30,000 troops, which brings the Union total to nearly 170,000, is working better than any previous effort to quell the insurgency and restore stability, according to the officials who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were discussing internal deliberations.

The officials also disputed suggestions that McClellan would recommend anything more than a symbolic increase in troop levels and then only in the spring.

The testimony sets the stage for an announcement by Lincoln later in the week about how he will proceed in the face of growing congressional discomfort with the war.

The hearing happened as a poll released Monday showed that an overwhelming numbers of Confederates say the U.S. troop buildup has worsened security and the prospects for economic and political progress in their country.

Forty-seven percent of those surveyed in a joint poll conducted by The Madisonian and the New York Enquirer, said they want Union forces to leave the country immediately. This was 12 percent more people than harbored those views in a March poll, just as the troop increase was beginning. And 57 percent, including nearly all Southerners, said they consider attacks on Union forces acceptable, a slight increase over the past half year.

Sep 13, 2007

Blasphemous Post for the week

It's time to stop teaching Noah's Ark to our children!

Noah's Ark has been corrupted as a disguise for fundamentalist Christian sex education! And they're forcing it on to our children!

These fundamentalist Christans are poisoning our children's minds with unspeakable, horrible filth. Filth that is sex and perversion disguised as a friendly trip to the zoo. Imagine, a group forcing their views on our poor defenseless children!?

Children, naturally, question why God orders Noah to bring a male and female animal aboard the ark before the rains wipes out all of the sinful men and women left behind.

What's a parent to do? A responsible parent is forced to answer their inquisitive child with the appropriate and accurate biological description of how a mommy and daddy lion or giraffe will procreate to fill the land with animals once again.

Truly, a terrifying experience when your one year old points at the elephant toy, and shrugs her shoulders wondering why the Noah's Ark Playset has two elephants. The parent must then go into graphic description of the conception process through birth, and then over and over again , in and out, in and out, over and over to cover each of the billion or so species that Noah was ordered to take on board.

Puzzled looks, followed by crying is sure to ensue with every telling of this pornographic tale of graphic sex, violence, and a vengeful God who wipes out all the polar bears and kitty cats who were not taken aboard the Ark. It's worse than an Al Gore movie (also highly inappropriate for young children, I might add!).

To think these 'fundamentalist' values have crept into our Vacation Bible Schools and Snowball Retreats makes me fear what could possibly be next!? Perhaps the Genesis story itself? Do I have to tell my one year old that the only way that Adam and Eve could have possibly populated the Earth would have been by incest with Cain? One shudders at the idea that these so-called-'Christian' ideologies are seeping into the very basic value systems that we hold dear!

What's worse, is the far reaching effect these detached ideas could have! The Ark story is told to Jewish, Christian and ALSO Muslim children too! There are even flood stories dating back to the Epic of Gilgamesh in Babylon!

Imagine the lack of values, or taste that these fundamentalists would dare to take a story of values, rainbows, and reverence to the Lord and twist it into a sultry, steamy sex story? Why not just show them Deep Throat and let our children's minds be corrupted once and for all?

Shame on them, and shame on them for ruining a tale of praise and redemption for children.

Sep 12, 2007

Let's Play Nice

I would like to begin by apologizing to the readers of the blog about our mini-blowup yesterday. It's not my style to apologize normally; nor is it my style to try to mitigate the damage folks create when they rant. In fact, I love it. At some point yesterday, I got a very angry email (which I did not fully comprehend) from Howard claiming that we are some kind of "demonic censors who are afraid to hear the truth." I agree that once something is written here it kinda stays. You live with your mistakes. That's the fun and danger of posting to a blog. I assume that the header is what set Howard off and the new one should be much easier on his constitution (assuming he believes in Constitutions) to make a nicer header that would fill him with happy thoughts as he posts.

Another not nice item today is the New England Patriots. Unfortunately, they are in the NFL. I say this because commissioner Roger Goodell is not Bud Selig. The Patriots were caught videotaping signal calls from the sidelines. This is illegal. If you would like to steal signs in the NFL you need to do it the old fashion way, watching the other team's sidelines instead of your own for the whole game.

They are cold busted by one of their own former coaches who now is working for the NY Jets. Now it will be up to Goodell to deem an appropriate punishment. One might say that it is up to the dog to decide Michael Vick's fate. Goodell is not gentle.

It is suspected that he will take away some draft picks. I say, not good enough. This is the punishment I expect. They forfeit the game they were caught cheating with. No first day draft picks for 2008. No first round draft picks for 2009. I think that this would prevent any future cheating. Don't you?

Update: This is one funny ass board. The Patriot fans are saying that all is cool with this (as in "everybody does it"). My favorite was the poster that claims that the NFL just wants "parody in the league." Everyone else is working them into a lather. Good times.

Sep 11, 2007

Howard, you jag-off

Dear Howard,

In my attempt to reach out and get new readers - I don't understand why you would post your stupid hateful crap on this here little blog. Especially since we're trying to get new readers!

Look, I don't know who you are, or who the hell you bribed to post on this site (I know I didn't see one plug nickel of that sweet money pie!) but I don't appreciate you spoiling all the hard work that I've put into this site. I cut and pasted your hate filled post under the shrill Cindy Sheehan - where that could have just as easily been just a comment.


As we pause and reflect on the 6th anniversary of that dark day, let's also take a second of that minute of silence and remember the other fallen on another day.

On Feb 26, 1993, Iraqi intelligence carried out a false flag operation, using Muslim fundamentalists, to bomb NYC's tallest tower.
[See Laurie Mylroie, "The World Trade Center Bomb: Who is Ramzi Yousef?
And why it Matters,"

The massive explosion occurred at 12:18 in the public parking garage of the World Trade Center. Six people were killed, all Americans, with more than 1,000 injured. A truck-bomb was the cause. Six Islamic enemy conspirators were convicted of the crime in 1997 and 1998 and given prison sentences of 240 years each. According to a presiding judge, the conspirators' chief aim at the time of the attack was to de-stabilize the north tower and send it crashing into the south tower, toppling both buildings. That did not occur. The buildings held. The assessment has been that the attackers did not have enough money to buy enough explosives to topple the building.

Those behind the 1993 World Trade Center bombing were also gathering the ingredients for
a chemical weapon that could have killed thousands. (source)

Huh? Where are Baghdad's fingerprints on the WTC bombing?

"The most compelling cases involve Ramzi Yousef, a twice-convicted
terrorist serving a life sentence in a "supermax" prison in Florence,
Colorado for his role in the bombing of New York's World Trade Center
and the bombing of a Philippines Airlines plane two years later-a test
run for a plot to blow up 11 U.S. planes.

In fact, New York law enforcement officials believed Iraq was behind
the WTC bombing. It occurred two years after the Gulf War, pretty much
on the anniversary of the cease-fire. There is an indicted fugitive,
Abdul Rahman Yasin, an Iraqi who came from Baghdad and returned to
Baghdad; there are two other Iraqis on the fringe of the conspiracy, one
of whom the FBI wanted to arrest; and the bomb was very large.

Yousef entered the U.S. on an Iraqi passport in his own name, but he
fled the night of the bombing on a Pakistani passport in the name of
Abdul Basit Karim. There really was an Abdul Basit Karim. The son of a
Pakistani laborer, he was born and raised in Kuwait, and seems to have
died during the Iraqi occupation. The Kuwaiti Interior Ministry
maintained a file on Karim that was tampered with in order to create an
alternative identity for Yousef. The fingerprint card of the real Karim
was removed, and a new card was inserted bearing Yousef's fingerprints."

After his arrest, he boasted to U.S. authorities that he'd hoped to kill 250,000 in the World Trade Center bombing.

TWA 800 is also quite suspicious. It went down on Iraq's National Day, July 17.

Blasphemes will be back - after this moment of silence.

Thanks to mauricecano from Atlanta for the picture

Why Did Israeli Planes Enter Syria?

Didn't I mention this?

I think that I might have said something something Israel flying over Syria - (details, details)...
Here's the link to the story in Time.

"There seems to be a consensus here that the Israelis were testing Syrian air defense systems," Andrew Tabler, Damascus-based editor of Syria Today, told TIME.

"Many Lebanese, Syrians and Israelis are no longer asking if a war will happen, only when and how."

Yeah, you know this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better, folks. Keep driving.

It's 9/11

How to explain 9/11 to your kids.

Shrill, Cindy, Shrill

Never one to miss a chance to get attention, Cindy Sheehan gets arrested outside Petraeus hearing...

Hey Cindy, you can stop helping now, thanks.
Love, Howard Dean



You liberals do not understand.

We will be hit as long as coloreds and homosexuals are tolerated in this Christian society.

Sep 8, 2007


I was asked, recently, what my opinion was of Iraq. This seems to be a big question.

First, and in all fairness and disclosure, I should say that I 10x support the Armed Forces, and their families for the sacrifices that they have made and continue to make for this country. This country full of lazy ass bastards sitting around playing their X-Box 360’s on their big screen televisions, complaining about how their subsidized oil for their giant gas engorged SUV’s is going up again by 10 cents, on their way to Wal-Mart to buy more useless lead painted crap from China in order to prop up the entire global economy with credit they’ll never be able to pay off. Yes, I support the troops. My brother is one of them. He is a true Captain in the United States Army. He’s going back for his third tour in Iraq this weekend.

I also believe you can’t support the troops without supporting their mission. You also support the troops by hiring one of them once they return home once they’ve completed their mission. Especially if said troop has been disabled because of their service. That’s how you’re supposed to support the troops.

There it is. I support the war. Why? How?

I’ve got a couple good reasons that no one talks about…

PART ONE – Saudi Arabia.

We (the United States) are no longer at the mercy of Saudi Arabia. The Kingdom, AKA "The Land of The Two Holy Mosques" Mecca and Medina, is home to the two holiest places in Islam.

As WWII quickly became more about gasoline (see the Prize) the US government realized the strategic importance of the Kingdom – even though, at the time the US herself was the Saudi Arabia of oil. However, in an obvious push to protect American national security FDR pushed for a treaty with King Ibn Saud. On the USS Quincy the two signed a mutual agreement that – in a very simple nutshell – the US became the military of Saudi Arabia in exchange for guaranteed access to oil. Oh, and also they kind of created Israel.

Through this agreement, we bailed out Kuwait and ALSO Saudi Arabia when Iraq invaded Kuwait and Saudi Arabia in 1990. The Saudis bankrolled it. George Bush Sr. made the Saudis write a check for half of the Gulf War. The check? About 60 Billion and a tip for 5K in troops left behind on a ‘permanent’ basis. This pissed off Osama Bin Ladin and the faithful, who saw foreigners on the holiest of holy land as a great threat and insult. Perhaps they saw some of our wonderful television programs or sampled some of our boxed wine?

Then the attacks started in the Kingdom - Dharhran, Khobar Towers, and continued to Sept 11, 2001 in the US. The perpetrators of the death of 3000 civilians in New York, Pennsylvania and in the Pentagon were primarily Saudis. Although, the crack 9/11 commission found, ‘no evidence that the Saudi government as an institution or senior Saudi officials individually funded [Al Qaeda]'—while omitting the report's conclusion that 'Saudi Arabia has been a problematic ally in combating Islamic extremism.’

Let’s jump ahead. With Americans in Iraq, not Saudi Arabia, the Saudis have less ability to control and demand which sorties and operations will be held or launched from their soil. This was a constant problem when the US was trying to enforce the ‘no-fly zone’ over Iraq, in the years following the first Gulf War.

Sec. Defense Donald Rumsfeld closed the bases in Saudi Arabia following the invasion of Iraq. The story from 2003. This was a strategic shift of great political as well as military significance. Did Osama win this round? Did America? Perhaps both? Yes. Saudis would have less influence in American military operations - and would also get their best customer and worst house guest off their sand.

PART TWO - Iran (in Progress)

If the 'War on Terror' was a play, Iran would be Act Two. As with any game of Risk - you want to surround your enemy and then envelop him. It would be much easier to sue for peace when- sorry, laughing too hard. Did I really type that?

With the departure of the 'Neo-Cons', specifically Paul Wolf-o-wits, from the War Room, I think that the original steamroller plan in the Gulf closed faster than High Fidelity on Broadway. That doesn't mean we're not going to put on a show - because as they say on the 'Great White Way', "the show MUST go on."

The US is in Afghanistan - the war that is so legit that NATO got involved - a month after 9/11. The CIA perfected the military advisor role in the Afghan theater. Success by David Tenant was achieved by finding the people who hated us just less than the ruling Taliban. Just how hated were they? The Taliban made everyone throw away their televisions. When the CIA rolled into the rebel bases and asked them where the bad guys were they pointed, the CIA dialed in the coordinates with their trusty mobile GPS laser sites and we blew up the bad guys. We're still in Afghanistan, for some reason... (perhaps we'll address this one later?)

The US is in Afghanistan and also in Iraq. We have agreements with Pakistan, treaties with Saudi Arabia, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, and Turkey is a NATO member. Interesting geography, as our new base camp in Iraq puts a virtual pincher hold on Iran.

At the very least, Americans in Iraq creates "free skies." What? Let's boil this down to a sauce. Free airspace over Iraq creates an Israeli flight path to wipe out the Iranian nuclear bomb factories. Granted, there is Syria in the way (details, details) but if you have to rearm or get gas in flight, I would hazard a guess that the US Air Force isn't going to take the opprotunity to take target practice over Iraqi airspace. Especially if they are using the Boeing KC-767 Global Tanker Transport Aircraft re-fueling aircraft with the Israel metallic sticker covering up Old Glory.

Why would the Israeli's want to bomb Iran? That's our job, right? Well, when it comes down to nitty gritty, when the US would rather not get their hands dirty with that kind of a thing - the Israelis typically tend to take care of it. Mostly when they're backed up against the wall. For example, when Saddam built his first nuclear reactor for peaceful purposes, the Israelis didn't really care for that so much. Kind of like your neighbor building up a stockpile of... er... nuclear weapons. Yeah, there's really not much of an analogy there. Especially when he constantly goes out of his way to impress the rest of the neighborhood by boasting that he's going to get rid of that little Jewish problem... While pointing at you... With a rifle. So the Israelis developed a shoot first, f'em kind of foreign policy since that little 7 days war. The 7 Days war convinced Israel that even though everyone pretended to be good neighbors, they really wanted them all dead. It's a little bit like the kind of Bush foreign policy post 9/11.

So what does that have to do with Iraq, and my brother, and what not?

The Iranians are also building 'peaceful nuclear' power and also boasting about how great Hitler was and how they're going to 'wipe Israel off the map' in a retro-look-how-well-that-worked before kind of way. My guess is that the Iranian government wants to rehab a few bridges and infrastructure, but wants the Israeli taxpayers to foot the bill.

But since the Iranians aren’t complete idiots, they spaced out the ‘million’ centrifuges to create the bombs for “peaceful purposes” so that it'd take a 'couple' flights to get them all. Guess they learned from Saddam? Stay tuned to see how well that pans out.

But isn't it just a bunch of hot air coming out of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's mouth? I mean, the guy wears a 'Member's Only' jacket everywhere, right? He's not even the 'supreme leader' of Iran. So when he hosted the "World without Zionisim" and starts building nuclear weapons, we shouldn't really take this guy seriously, right? Hey, blustering to bolster their own position against the great Satan - (probably called that since we're not their main customers - of oil. Iran is, in fact, a leading oil supplier for China, with daily volume of 335,000 barrels last year.) - the Iranians differ only slightly than the blustering from North Korea. North Korean blustering is interpreted as the rantings of a lone madman who thinks he’s a James Bond villain– whereas when the Iranians do this – it’s perceived as an actual threat. And since we have such a GREAT history with the Iranians, I can't say that I disagree with the Israeli shoot-first-worry about fallout later foreign policy. Are the Iranians against the wall, surrounded, and feeling a little vulnerable? Yes. Is this why they want the bomb? No - that was a goal way before 2001.

Is this the reason we're in Iraq? You can chalk it up to a pretty damn good reason.

PART THREE - Location, Location, Location.

When you plan to fight a religious war, or at least, a war that has religious factors heavily involved, it's no longer a fight over reason. It's no longer something easy, like water rights. Or oil. Now it's about my God fighting your rusty old blasphemous idol. As long as I fight in this war, riches, ten thousand virgins, Pam Anderson, rivers of wine and pretty much any other goofball thing the leader can think of will be offered to you in the afterlife by your Just God, whom you're fighting this war for.

If you were a Palestinian suicide bomber in Israel, Saddam would write your family a check. As a Palestinian with a family and zero prospects of ever earning a living - getting 10 G's from Saddam and praise from your neighbors, blowing yourself up on a bus full of civilians almost seems like a viable career choice.

You're fighting a battle where human hand grenades and Fiat Cruise Missiles (AKA Car Bombs) are the 'smart weapons'. The fight is so desperate against their foe that suicide is the best offense! How do you fight that? I don't know - as long as it's -

Not in my backyard!

Taking the fight to those who want to fight it sure makes a lot of sense to me. Once tallied, the damage to the US economy after 9/11 - not counting our reputation, the casualties, et all.
The price tag since 9/11 is $843 billion, according to Kosiak. That's bigger than the combined gross domestic products of most of the world's Arab nations last year. Mildly ironic. (cough) Since 9/11 cost a Trillion dollars - then fighting in someone else's sandbox sure makes a lot of sense to me.

So you want to blow yourself up? Then step right up, we've got two convenient locations for you! Afghanistan and Iraq. Hell, you can DRIVE there. I know, you'd rather get into the States to blow yourself up? Yeah, I know, killing infidel civilians will get you on the news. But hold on, you have to cross one of two oceans - and have you been to an airport lately? Delays, long lines, lost luggage, angry ticket clerks - customer service is just gone, man. What a pain in the ass! Remember when flying was fun? Sigh. Why not just slip over the boarder to Iraq and get killed by the US military? Yeah, or, or - you could go through Pakistan and fight the jihad in Afghanistan? Real old school style. Which can I sign you up for? Great.

PART FOUR - The Sacrifice of War

The largest problem I have with the War on Terror and the campaign in Iraq is that most Americans have not felt one iota of pain and/or suffering due to the ongoing battle. Someone visiting America in the last 6 years wouldn't even know that America was fighting a war. Unless a person actually knows someone fighting the fight, no one (typically) even discusses the war.

The only people who seem to even pretend to care are the Democrats - and that's a whole other discussion.

How about real, actual suffering for the cause? Let's bring back old-fashioned gas rationing and food coupons. I want Victory gardens. Meat, sugar, butter, coffee, gasoline, tires, shoes and clothing were rationed in WWII - why not in WWIV? (Come on, everyone knows WWIII was the cold war!) Blackout the coasts! Bring back the draft - er, lets call it, I know! - Enforced Service Commitment

If people had a stake in the war, or even forced to think for a second that our treasury is being spent to keep their cars running for those little trips to the mall and the grocery stores to buy petroleum based products - perhaps, perhaps, maybe just a few of them would think a little harder and actually stop the absurd practice of useless mass consumption. Could you imagine a US that the new iPod announcements don't make headlines - Perhaps living a sustainable lifestyle within their means? Yeah, which would, in turn, collapse the entire world economy. Hence the war.

The leader of the US is an oil man. The second in command is an oil man. They are a direct reflection of their people. Oil people. The war is about oil - and extremist religion - and nuclear bombs - and oil. And I might add that I'm not the only one who sees it this way - Dan Neil, Pulitzer Prize-winning automotive critic and syndicated columnist for the Los Angeles Times, writing for Time Magazine just listed the Ford Model T as the source of the war in Iraq and Global Warming. Wow.

But what is it that Americans afraid more of, Iraq or Global Warming? Yes, global warming strikes more fear than Islamic extremism or wars for cheep sweet crude. Without cheep oil, there is no more worries about China, or the WTO or pretty much the global marketplace we've grown accustomed to. The discussions end very quickly. And we're not ready for those discussions. So we've disguised them as Global Warming issues. Really? Maybe not - but it might be the best swindle or double switch since JFK retired to Cuba.

BOTTOM LINE: If you drive a car, you support the war too.
You just aren't aware of it.

Bin Ladin

In a shocking move before the anniversary of the attacks of September 11, 2001 - Muppet Bin Ladin came out of retirement to make a shocking announcement. On a ten minute rant that pre-empted the widely popular "Elmo's World" the terrorist mastermind Muppet Bin Ladin said that Cookies are Bad for You - which was an obvious dig at the capitalist system, and a personal attack against the Cookie Monster.

The Muppet Bin Ladin then invited the preschoolers watching to embrace Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood, and the Land of Make Believe as their new savior rather than the Children's Television Workshop.

President Ernie issued a statement to children that "a reminder of the dangerous Street, in which we live".

Muppet Bin Ladin also made a reference to the impotence of Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats - which means that he reads this blog. All Praise King Friday.

Sep 6, 2007

Protest Protests

The liberals that are ruining this country seem to do very little. If they disagree with a policy they hrumph and moan and cry and occasionally taking to the streets in protests. The liberal faction of this country seems to think that people in the government care that they clog up traffic. They don't. Today's protests seem to only anger other civilians that are trying to get home from work in a timely fashion and seem not to bring any positive attention to the issues at hand. Then again, you seem to pick some pretty weak issues like peace and fairness.

Take Uber-lib Henry Thoreau. This man believed that voting was a privilege afforded to all Americans and he protested by doing nothing. Well, he hung out around a pond and proclaimed that all Americans should be equal. The first hippie. The result: he was placed in jail and wrote a book. "Civil Disobedience" was a catchy title but a bore of a book to influence anyone.

Now, Vietnamese monks knew how to protest. They would set themselves on fire. That is exciting. The only problem is no one remembers which lefty plan they lit themselves up over. I like this method because the protester has only one protest in them.

The Chinese had the Tiananmen Square protest. It was OK but would have been great if the tank had rolled over that Chinese student turning him from Asian to Oriental. I do not remember why this incident occurred but I do know that ever since it has been very cheap to produce needed goods.

If you think that a protest could ever do any good, feel free to block traffic. If you want to make a point that we will all forget, set yourself on fire.

Sep 4, 2007


Okay, is it JUST me, or are these two images a little too close in similarity?

Sep 2, 2007

Wolverines Mounted; Irish Stung

Oh, how I would love to sling a few zingers at the mighty Michigan Maze and Blew regarding their opening week (or, in this case, opening weak) football loss to Appalachian State. Yes, Appalachian State-- two-time defending champions of Division I-AA, which is NCAA code for "not a Big School." This lowly-regarded institute of higher learning is located in Boone, North Carolina, and if you don't know where that is... well, consult your atlas. Even I am at a stymied loss to describe just how far off the beaten path Boone, NC is. The school's official web site describes its location as being, "nestled at the base of Howard Knob."

Tsk, tsk, Howard. Given the political climate right now, do you really think it's wise to have anyone nestling near your knob?

Still, Application State does enroll more than 13,000 undergrads, which makes it far bigger than the school I got thrown out of and is one minor reason why I can't cackle like an over-the-top Halloween witch and say that the Michigan Wussy-rines were beaten off the line by "Cupcake State" or "Southeast Toothless Tech." Alas...

The main reason I can't make fun of the Michigan football team is that the team I root for, the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, got their we're-not-ready-for-some-football [donkeys] royally stomped by the ramblin' wreck of Georgia Tech.

Why do I mention this? Well, partly just to take my lumps-- much like I will have to sack up and eat crow when the Baseball season crosses the finish line (dammit!), but there's another reason...

Late in the first half of Saturday's game, with the Irish well on their way to getting their shalelees shellacked, the latest specimen of dishwater-blonde eye-candy with a phallic symbol in her hand* accosted former Notre Dame quarterback Joe Theisman (THIGHS-man). Theisman, of course, strumpet that he is, felt no compunction whatsoever about shooting his mouth off --right there in front of "Touchdown Jesus" and everybody!-- and proving why he has been... um, shall we say, "relieved" ...of his duties as an analyst on ESPN's coverage of Monday Night Football. He blamed the unfolding debacle on Notre Dame's starting quarterback, Demetrius Jones.


Hey, Joe... Are you really that worried that if you don't criticize a quarterback every chance you get, people will think you're being too soft on them? Why not put the blame where it belongs: On the offensive line. True, Demetrius Jones didn't look good, but neither would you if you were wearing navy blue and you had three or four guys in white jerseys hanging off your shoulder pads an eye-blink after every snap. Blocking is part of football, too, Joe.

* P.S.... Since our site is called "Blasphemes," I should probably just tell anyone whose back is up over my "latest specimen of dishwater-blonde eye-candy with a phallic symbol in her hand" comment to bugger off. But I won't. An angry young woman named Maggie Estep once said, "I don't have anything against men... just stupid men." Likewise, I don't have anything against female sideline reporters... just vacuous ones.

P.P.S.... Bud "The Strumpet" Selig must go.