Oh, how I would love to sling a few zingers at the mighty Michigan Maze and Blew regarding their opening week (or, in this case, opening weak) football loss to Appalachian State. Yes, Appalachian State-- two-time defending champions of Division I-AA, which is NCAA code for "not a Big School." This lowly-regarded institute of higher learning is located in Boone, North Carolina, and if you don't know where that is... well, consult your atlas. Even I am at a stymied loss to describe just how far off the beaten path Boone, NC is. The school's official web site describes its location as being, "nestled at the base of Howard Knob."
Tsk, tsk, Howard. Given the political climate right now, do you really think it's wise to have anyone nestling near your knob?
Still, Application State does enroll more than 13,000 undergrads, which makes it far bigger than the school I got thrown out of and is one minor reason why I can't cackle like an over-the-top Halloween witch and say that the Michigan Wussy-rines were beaten off the line by "Cupcake State" or "Southeast Toothless Tech." Alas...
The main reason I can't make fun of the Michigan football team is that the team I root for, the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, got their we're-not-ready-for-some-football [donkeys] royally stomped by the ramblin' wreck of Georgia Tech.
Why do I mention this? Well, partly just to take my lumps-- much like I will have to sack up and eat crow when the Baseball season crosses the finish line (dammit!), but there's another reason...
Late in the first half of Saturday's game, with the Irish well on their way to getting their shalelees shellacked, the latest specimen of dishwater-blonde eye-candy with a phallic symbol in her hand* accosted former Notre Dame quarterback Joe Theisman (THIGHS-man). Theisman, of course, strumpet that he is, felt no compunction whatsoever about shooting his mouth off --right there in front of "Touchdown Jesus" and everybody!-- and proving why he has been... um, shall we say, "relieved" ...of his duties as an analyst on ESPN's coverage of Monday Night Football. He blamed the unfolding debacle on Notre Dame's starting quarterback, Demetrius Jones.
Ahem.
Hey, Joe... Are you really that worried that if you don't criticize a quarterback every chance you get, people will think you're being too soft on them? Why not put the blame where it belongs: On the offensive line. True, Demetrius Jones didn't look good, but neither would you if you were wearing navy blue and you had three or four guys in white jerseys hanging off your shoulder pads an eye-blink after every snap. Blocking is part of football, too, Joe.
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* P.S.... Since our site is called "Blasphemes," I should probably just tell anyone whose back is up over my "latest specimen of dishwater-blonde eye-candy with a phallic symbol in her hand" comment to bugger off. But I won't. An angry young woman named Maggie Estep once said, "I don't have anything against men... just stupid men." Likewise, I don't have anything against female sideline reporters... just vacuous ones.
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P.P.S.... Bud "The Strumpet" Selig must go.
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