What. Is. Happening.

Al Sharpton is an ass. And he has a blog. We are kindred spirits. Two asses with blogs. But his latest entry makes me want to give him the name 'Blasphemes' for his fine work. But I won't. I am an ass.

The topic is Michael Vick. Three paragraphs. Of pure Sharpton gold. Enjoy this because I am pretty sure that they will send him away soon. As I like to do, let's dissect!

Sharpton starts out with a bang telling us that the media does not pay attention when Vick throws (he used present tense) a "a sweet, heaven-kissed touchdown pass to Algie Crumpler." Right off the bat, I am hooked. There are two things about this first sentence. 1) Most do not care because the Falcons are not very good. 2) Those that do care live in Atlanta, are the opposing teams fans or 3) They are among the tens of millions that play fantasy football and have Vick or Alge on their team.

Next sentence:

Only when he scrambles like a scared slave running to freedom or when he participates in traditional urban gaming activities does anyone raise a stink.

I remember during the Falcons/Bears game thinking, "Someone should raise a stink about this scrambling like a slave multi-millionaire." My wife just stared blankly at me. Michael Vick was a one of a kind scrambling quarterback. A unique talent in the NFL. He became the highest paid player of all time in the NFL because HE COULD FUCKING RUN FAST. When Mr. Sharpton can show me an example of a scared slave making over $22 million a year plus endorsements.

Secondly, a question. Is dog fighting a traditional urban gaming activity? Really? Whose tradition? Next graph:

Am I excusing Mr. Vick’s actions and recasting his horrific cruelty as an issue of race, poverty and crime endemic to marginalized black populations, thrust upon us by the dominant white discourse? Some questions are best left unanswered … but yes, there’s a strong likelihood I am doing that.

Woooo boy. What Al is saying is that I, the white man, do not like Vick because he is poor, black, and a criminal. At least he admits that he is a racist at the end. I don't think poverty had anything to do with this. Michael Vick is rich. Very rich. Richer than all of us reading this will ever be combined. There are many black artist and athelete that I, a white man, love to death. Race in the NFL has nothing to do with this either. If Al's third condition were not met (him being a criminal) he would be idolized by millions. He sold the thrid most jerseys last season.

And the coupe de grace:

Consider this: If the police caught Brett Favre running a dolphin-fighting ring out of his pool, where dolphins with spears attached to their foreheads fought each other, would they bust him? Of course not. They would get his autograph, commend him on his tightly-spiraled forward passes, then bet on one of his dolphins.

Dolphin fighting? No one would care? Well, we can't all cover ourselves in shit to make money, can we?

"If the Jews want to get it on, tell them to pin their yarmulkes back and come over to my house." - Al Sharpton 1991


Update: All right, so it wasn't real. Here is the article.