Oh Crap - They've Already F'ed' wit it.

What Does G.I. Joe Stand For?
(CutandPasted from this place here)

GI Joe stands for - stealing one more childhood memory to make a quick buck? No, the letters don't quite add up, not even in a jumble -

But don't worry, they're going to jumble and screw around with with those childhood memories - pretty much in the same way Optimus Prime with lips freaked you out.

The studio's live-action feature film version of G.I. Joe will no longer revolve around a top-secret U.S. special forces team but rather an international operation... UNISEF? They're going to be handing bags of rice to the local tribal overlord, while starving kids look on? That sounds exciting.
Wasn't that already a movie? Operation Dumbo Drop?

In a follow-up to their confirmation that Stephen Sommers (the Mummy!?!) will direct G.I. Joe, Variety offers this new description of the team: "G.I. Joe is now a Brussels-based outfit that stands for Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity, an international co-ed force of operatives who use hi-tech equipment to battle Cobra, an evil organization headed by a double-crossing Scottish arms dealer. The property is closer in tone to X-Men and James Bond than a war film." Good, because I haven't ever heard of those two properties and would hate to have this messed up with something I've seen before.

Can we assume that the "double-crossing Scottish arms dealer" is Destro? And does that mean there will be no Cobra Commander in it? It just better be Sean Connery instead of Mike Myers, that's all I have to say on that. It can be a voice over for crying out loud.

So why the changes? Hasbro and Paramount execs recently spoke about the challenges of marketing a film about the U.S. military at a time when the current U.S. administration and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are at a low-point in global polls. When a studio makes a film as expensive as G.I. Joe will likely be, they want to know that as many people as possible around the world will want to see it. In other words, G.I. Joe -- specifically the tag line, "A Real American Hero" -- is a tough sell.

HA! I've Poisoned All the Joe's Milk! Ohahaha Ha!

And are these chaps out of their goddamned minds?! This isn't Snakes on a Plane, or some Lindsy Lohan movie, you morons! Check the Transformer's receipts again - no the ones that show the river of black gold. And the overseas reports. Now realize that the DVD hasn't even been put out yet.

GI Joe will revolve around the characters we all grew up with fighting Cobra, Destro, the Baroness and Storm Shadow. When do they expect to have this new script ready? Six to eight weeks. Pre-production is expected to start by October-November and production to start early '08." Oh come on! Just pull one of the half hour episodes. Better yet re-make one of the 5 parters where they have to go around the world and use every single new vehicle that came out for Christmas. You know, 3 parts of a machine that blew up in the first ten minutes of episode one. Then it fell in 3 parts in 3 different climates - all new characters designed (conveniently) for that exact climate where that portion of the weather dominator landed... Yeah, use that one.

"Our vision (for The Mummy) was clear the time the first trailer played during the Super Bowl, and by the time this one plays a Super Bowl, you'll see the coolest characters and visuals you can imagine, and beyond-state-of-the-art equipment," Sommers informed Variety. "I wouldn't have jumped into this just because of the Hasbro-Transformers tie. Remember, Pirates of the Caribbean was a big hit, but Haunted Mansion not so much." And that's pretty much because of Eddy Murphy and a badly CGI'd house has got nothing compared to pirates. Besides, Johnny Depp had NOTHING to do with those receipts. Not one ticket sold because of Johnny Depp...

Producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura added, "My experience with beloved properties is that characters, attitude and tone are even more important than plot. ... Paramount showed a great deal of confidence in Stephen's take, and our ability as producers to get this up and running for a February start. His passion for the characters and the world convinced the studio this was something they couldn't resist." So they're not even going to bother with the scriptwriting process then?

Hmmm. Well, hopefully Duke will be in a coma again and will miss this trainwreck.

And yes casting agents, that's Ditta Von Tease as the Baroness.