One Nation, Indivisible - Except Alabama

Robert Bentley, the new Republican governor of Alabama, delivered an oddly exclusionary message on Martin Luther King Jr. Day, the Birmingham News (via Political Wire) reports:

''I was elected as a Republican candidate. But once I became governor ... I became the governor of all the people. I intend to live up to that. I am color blind."

...

''But if you have been adopted in God's family like I have, and like you have if you're a Christian and if you're saved, and the Holy Spirit lives within you just like the Holy Spirit lives within me, then you know what that makes? It makes you and me brothers. And it makes you and me brother and sister."

Bentley added, ''Now I will have to say that, if we don't have the same daddy, we're not brothers and sisters. So anybody here today who has not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior, I'm telling you, you're not my brother and you're not my sister, and I want to be your brother."

His press secretary later told the News, "He is the governor of all the people, Christians, non-Christians alike."

This is hardly the first time a Southern governor has gotten in trouble for making statements that offend non-Christians. At a 1992 Republican governors conference, Mississippi Gov. Kirk Fordice famously said:

"The United States of America is a Christian nation, which does not mean in any way to infer any kind of religious intolerance or any kind of particular dogma that that is being forced on anyone," Fordice said. "It is just a simple fact of life in the United States of America. ... And the less we emphasize the Christian religion, the further we fall into the abyss of poor character and chaos in the United States of America."

At that point, South Carolina's Carroll Campbell stepped up to the lectern and hastily extended that point to include America's Judeo-Christian heritage. The Washington Post reported what happened next:

Campbell then stood back, put his arm on Fordic's shoulder and said quietly: "I just wanted to add the Judeo part." Fordice, appearing to glare at Campbell, said: "If I wanted to do that, I would have done it."

Justin Elliott is a Salon reporter. Reach him by email at jelliott@salon.com and follow him on Twitter @ElliottJustin More: Justin Elliott

You Morons

Yep, you're all idiots for lovin' the Facebook - telling everyone what you like, and where you are, how you're doin', what your kids look like...

At least he admits you're all Dumb Fux#, it's not like he's hiding what he's doing with all that personal data. He's making billions - and everyone just goes on postin' away on there.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Paris Blows

Good, maybe now we won't have to hear about this waste of skin and bones ever again. Right? Right? I mean, cocaine isn't a little DUI that gets you thrown in jail for ten minutes... The prosecutors should throw the book at her to make an example out of her. Right? I mean, that's what they do in the movies and stuff?

What? Too Soon?

The World Wildlife Fund is joining a growing chorus of voices expressing outrage over an ad bearing its symbol that shows dozens of planes bearing down on lower Manhattan with a tag line that reads, "The Tsunami Killed 100 Times More People Than 9/11."

The ad was leaked in the week prior to the anniversary of the attacks of Sept 11, with copy that states, "The planet is brutally powerful. Respect it. Preserve it."

The WWF says it never approved the ad, issuing a press release to assure critics that it rejected the ad proposal, which was done by Brazilian design firm DDB Brasil.

“WWF strongly condemns this offensive and tasteless ad and did not authorize its production or publication," said a statement issued by the World Wildlife Fund on Tuesday.

"The concept was summarily rejected by WWF and should never have seen the light of day. It is an unauthorized use of our logo and we are aggressively pursuing action to have it removed from Web sites where it is being currently featured," the statement said.

The ad had been pitched to the Brazilian branch of the WWF by the advertising agency and was rejected, spokesman for the group Steve Ertel told The New York Times

D&D Hammertime

Loser of D&D game returns with +1 Hammer of Aggravated Assaulting, now needs to roll save vs. sentencing to the PMITA prison.

A hammer? A fuggin hammer?

And how does one 'lose' at Dungeons and Dragons? Oh, it's over a girl? Let's cutn'paste, shall we?

When Logan Bryson suddenly awakened in the early morning of May 30, he thought he was having a bad dream until he realized someone was beating him with a hammer.

"I didn't realize I was being attacked until I fell to the floor with my arms up to defend myself," said Bryson, who took the stand Monday in 5th District Court in Cedar City during the preliminary hearing for Zachery Frank King, charged with beating Bryson and Daniel Shokrian at Shokrian's home in this southern Utah city.

King is charged with two counts of attempted aggravated murder and a count of aggravated burglary, all first-degree felonies. At the conclusion of the hearing, Judge G. Michael Westfall bound King over for trial.

King, who agreed to be arraigned after the preliminary hearing, pleaded not guilty to the charges before being returned to the Iron County Jail.

Testimony Monday suggested a motive for the attacks may have grown from the trio playing the fantasy role-playing game "Dungeons and Dragons" and jealousy over a girl who King and Bryson knew.

Bryson, 23, suffered a concussion and bruises in the attack; Shokrian, 20, lost some vision and his ability to read and write, which he is trying to recover through therapy.

Bryson and King knew each other at school and had spent time the previous day playing "Dungeons and Dragons" with Shokrian, who was acting cocky during the game, according to

Detective Nathan Williams. Shokrian was directing the game as Dungeon Master, and King didn't like what he was doing with King's character, Williams said.

Detective Michael Bleak testified that during an interview at the police station, King told him he went home after playing the game at Shokrian's house, took an over-the-counter sleeping pill and went to bed. He awakened angry, found a hammer in a tool shed and drove to Shokrian's house, entering through an open window.

Bleak said King told him he went to Shokrian's bedroom and said, "I hate you," and started hitting Shokrian with the hammer. King then went to the room where Logan was sleeping and attacked him.

Bleak said that King had an issue with Bryson for dating a girl after both said they would not date her.

My guess is that she agreed to not date either of them, without even being asked.

Manny

Damn it, Manny. Why do you continue to prove me right?

He's a dirty cheat and a liar.

Steroid suspension likely to cost him Hall of Fame as well as $8 million

But you know who I'm really crying for? The Dodgers. They were 54-54 before trading for Ramirez at the July 31 deadline. They have gone 55-36 since then, including a first-round sweep of the Cubs in the playoffs. In case you didn't remember that, Chicago readers.

Ramirez won't be back until July 3. It won't be enough time for the San Francisco Giants and the Arizona Diamondbacks to make a run up the National League West standings. Unless the Dodgers really feel bad and start really sucking until the All Star Break. Even if the Giants or someone else is capable of making a run at the Dodger's spot, having Ramirez in the second half of the season should be enough to allow the Dodgers to win the weak West again.

The lasting damage here will be to Ramirez's reputation, not the 2009 Dodgers.

You know, I can't even think that Manny even has a rep to tarnish at this point?
What'r your thoughts?

WR tackles, kills, pedestrian with Bentley

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth has hit and killed a pedestrian with his Bentley. Top that, Pacman Jones!

Miami police say it's too early to tell if Stallworth was violating traffic laws.

The 28-year-old former New England Patriot signed a seven-year, $35 million contract with the Browns as a free agent before last season but hardly played because he was hurt.

Picture Time!

This photo from Newsweek shows Sarah Palin on the campaign trail. She's wearing the latest in fashion, a scarf with the word “Vote”.... notice anything, irregular about her scarf?

(scroll down for the answer)

I wonder, if it's part of the clothing that the McCain campaign paid $150,000? I guess I'd be a little upset about it too if a campaign donation was used to have the VeeP wearing a damn Democratic Party donkey on it!!!

Oops.

Crack assassins? Nope. Meth heads.

Dumbass Meth Head tries to make a name of himself.

The Authorities are investigating whether a man arrested with rifles, ammunition and drugs in his truck - who made statements threatening Barack Obama. The authorities emphasized he never posed a "credible threat" to the candidate or the Democratic National Convention.

This is an Arapahoe County Sheriff's office booking photo of Tharin Robert Gartrell. Gartrell was arrested early Sunday, Aug., 24, 2008. FBI spokeswoman Kathy Wright says Gartrell is under investigation on drug and weapons charges. Wright says the FBI is investigating reports in some Denver media that Gartrell may have made threats against Barack Obama, who will be in Denver this week to accept the Democratic nomination for president. (original Source - AP)

I wonder if said authorities were laughing their asses off at this guy, and his two buddies?

All the action started around 1:30 a.m. Sunday when police stopped a truck that was swerving erratically. The driver, 28-year-old Tharin Gartrell, had a suspended driver's license, and the truck was rented in the name of another person.

In the truck, officers found two rifles, including one with a scope; a bulletproof vest; boxes of ammunition; walkie-talkies; and suspected narcotics.

Aurora police, on edge because of heightened security surrounding the Democratic convention in Denver, alerted federal authorities.

My guess, this is where Dumbass made some remark about Obama...

Three hours later, (I'm guessing after the Secret Service threw a phone book at this guy, maybe nuts in the desk drawer?), federal agents arrested Nathan Johnson, 32, at a hotel in Denver. He was being held on drug charges.

A half-hour after that, 33-year-old Shawn Robert Adolf jumped from a sixth-story hotel window when authorities tried to arrest him at a hotel in suburban Glendale, police said.

Adolf was hospitalized and was being held on $1 million bond for several outstanding warrants involving drug charges.

The police didn't say exactly what tied the men together... but they said more arrests were possible. One of the rifles was stolen, and authorities had traced it to Kansas.

Crack assassins? Nope. Meth heads.

McCain Starts Up

McCain is finally starting to campaign (see that link? It's underlined and goes to where I first found this information), and he's casting Obama as untested, unprepared to lead the country and too aloof to connect with voters. His audience? Pissed off working-class and old white Democrat women who voted HillDog.

He doesn't even have to say anything - how come? He just has to show stock footage of the Democrats themselves.



Meanwhile, on page 22 of the buried news -

President Bush has pulled a Jesse Jackson on Obama's ONE major campaign platform - (that's Cut His Nuts Off, in case you're just tuning in)

He's ending the Iraq War!!!
(link to full story on NPR)
Welllll... just because there's a deal for troop with drawl doesn't mean it's 100% the "War Is Over" BUT it effectively ends the Obama talking point and campaign promise to pull the troops out of Iraq.

See, the draft agreement with Iraq would link troop reductions to achievement of certain security milestones, although the details have not been made public. So there you go - and the Iraqi's can simply "ask" for us to stick around. But it gets the troops out by 2011.

Now I have to ask, what's different from John McCain and Obama? (I mean other than height?)

Abortion? You ask? I didn't bring it up... but Nancy Peloisi just did - on Meet the Press. She said that she has studied the Roman Catholic's stance on abortion. Oh? Really?
She said that the Church was against abortion after the Pill.

Uh, Nancy? The Church writings specifically naming abortion as murder appear as early as 70 AD in the Didache, the first written catechism of the Christian church (Didache 2:1–2 [A.D. 70]). How'd you study that, exactly? Wikipedia, and just scrolled down to the bottom? Citation needed.

And abortion, as an issue? That's so old, so boring, so cliched... so not a winning strategy in purple swing states.

President McCain... the McCain Administration...
Hey, you know what? That IS getting easier to type.

Glass Houses

John McCain's response to Joe Biden's 7 kitchen tables remark:

"I am grateful for the fact that I have a wonderful life," McCain said. "I spent some years without a kitchen table, without a chair, and I know what it's like to be blessed by the opportunities of this great nation." (*link)

I told you not to use the house thing as an issue.

They won't shut me up

Dozens of protesters gather on the west side of the Colorado State Capitol for "no war, no occupation"

Cindy Sheehan, in Denver for the DNC, urges protesters to "fight for peace." (link-0 Pinko)

You're doing great work, Cindy.

Repeat after me... the McCain Administration. President McCain... The McCain Administration today released it's pardon list for the previous Bush Administration today...

See the more you say it, the less strange it'll sound when it happens.

Oh, and that Exciting Biden Bump we were expecting...
yeah - they're tied at 45 today.

(Gallup Poll - check my Sources and STFU)

And don't tell me that polling doesn't matter -- because NOW it does.
(Although I prefer polling data from registered voters who INTEND on voting. Just a little statistical tick I have...)

Teleprompter Dumbass

Dear Channel 5 Crew:
Teleprompter Operator: Space after periods. Gives a chance for your talent to take a breath.

News Reader (who is probably making 10x what the operator makes): Learn to read a Teleprompter!

Obama Targeted

I know, we'll put Barak Obama on the cover of our magazine in a rifle's crosshairs, with the title "White Fright"... what could possibly go wrong?

Here's the story (linkage)

457-55-5462

Richard Todd Davis, CEO of LifeLock Inc., was so confident in his company's ability to protect his identity that he publicly revealed his Social Security number: 457-55-5462.

But according to a new class-action lawsuit filed last week, LifeLock's identity theft protection services were so inept that Davis' personal information was stolen... repeatedly.

"While LifeLock has only publicly acknowledged that Davis' identity was compromised on one occasion, there are more than 20 driver's licenses that have been fraudulently obtained [using his personal information]," the suit states.

"Furthermore, a simple background check performed using Davis' Social Security number reveals that his entire personal profile has been compromised to the extent that the birth date associated with his Social Security number is Nov. 2, 1940, which would [inaccurately] make Davis 67 years old."

The lawsuit maintains that LifeLock, which claims on its Web site to be "the industry leader in the rapidly growing field of Identity Theft Protection," made false and misleading claims in its multimillion-dollar ad campaign about the level of protection it provides.

"Through its advertisements, LifeLock misrepresents and assures consumers that it can protect against all types of fraud including, without limitation, computer hacking, password theft and other noncredit-related theft," the suit reads.

But LifeLock doesn't protect against many forms of identity theft, according to the lawsuit.

The company does place and renew fraud alerts on its subscribers' credit profiles. But it does nothing to combat breaches involving personal bank, employment or medical information, as well as theft pertaining to government documents and benefits, the suit alleges.

"LifeLock knows, yet fails to disclose, that the services it provides do not offer the breadth of protection that it promotes through its massive advertising campaign," the suit states.

Kevin Gerhold was attracted by LifeLock's $1 million guarantee against any damages resulting from breaches that occur under the company's watch.

But even that is misleading, according to Charleston attorney David Grubb.

"In actuality, once you get beyond the numerous legal limitations and disclaimers, the policy really only guarantees that LifeLock will investigate how to fix its failure," Grubb said in a news release. "The subscriber receives no monetary recompense and no guarantee that their reputation and credit status will be restored."

According to the suit, the company has almost 1 million subscribers who pay roughly $110 a year for LifeLock's protection. (that's $110,000,000 a year for doing just about nothing folks)

"This is a service that you pay for and it kind of lays dormant," said David Paris, an attorney with the New Jersey firm Marks & Klein who is heading the case against LifeLock. "So no one knows that they're not getting what they paid for, because they don't know what to look for."

Paris said that consumers can activate for free the same safeguards that LifeLock does, but the company fails to mention that in its marketing campaign.

The suit alleges that LifeLock's services can actually harm its clients because the constant placement of fraud alerts can prevent them from getting a home loan or refinancing their existing loans.

In addition, the company fails to reveal that it obtains its credit reports by requesting on its clients' behalf their free annual credit report. That means consumers can't ask for their own free report for at least 12 months, according to the suit.

The suit also traces what it calls the "nefarious origin" of the company, including the background of Robert J. Maynard Jr., who co-founded the company with Davis in 2005.

"Upon information and belief, Maynard developed the idea for LifeLock while sitting in a jail cell after having been arrested for failure to repay a $16,000 casino marker taken out at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas," the suit states. So we welched on a bet?

Maynard was sanctioned by the Federal Trade Commission because of misleading infomercials for National Credit Foundation, a separate credit-improvement company, according to the suit.

The suit also maintains that Maynard stole his father's identity by using his information to get an American Express card, which he used to rack up more than $100,000 of debt.

Paris said he plans to file another suit in a fourth state soon, and he is still gathering information about LifeLock's practices.

"In Wisconsin, a woman's debit card was stolen, and that thief used that card to sign up for LifeLock," he said. "If you can't provide the basic information to verify someone for subscription purposes, how can you be relied upon to protect people's identities?"

Speaking of stolen thanks for the cutn'paste (link)

Foie Gras is Back, Baby!

Chicago City Council acknowledges its prior stupidity, repeals foie gras ban. Residents can now eat all the goose liver they want in smoke-free restaurants.

"THE SILLIEST LAW EVER WRITTEN" - Mayor Daley

By a vote of 37-6, the foie gras ban that Daley claims made Chicago an international laughingstock was repealed, thanks to a legislative end-run that set a new standard for violating protocol and rolling over the opposition. (here's more details about the Robert's Rules of Order and the committee side action that rammed the foie gras ban in the first place... it's funny if you're a big Robert's Rules of Order stickler.)

When Moore tried to debate the merits, Daley ruled that the measure was not debatable. He ordered the clerk to call the roll and to continue, even as Moore shouted for the right to be heard.

"If it can happen to me, tomorrow it could happen to you," Moore warned his colleagues.

"Thank you, Ald. Joe ‘Foie Gras’ Moore," Daley said.

Another funny note... Julie Janovsky, a spokesperson for the animal protection group Farm Sanctuary, argued that the foie gras ban had "massive public support" and that the City Council’s repeal "effectively endorsed animal cruelty."

"Chicagoans were proud to live in a city that took a stand for humanity. To reverse a compassionate and admirable decision under pressure from political bullies and special interests shows a cowardly brand of cynicism unlike any we have seen in our efforts to give voice to the most vulnerable beings in society -- animals raised for food," Janovsky said.

Dear Julie, What town do you live in again? Please read how Daley shot this thing down, probably not illegally - but he didn't exactly follow the Robert's Rules of Order correctly. Now Joe Moore is being laughed at for being shut down so humiliatingly.

1. Question one - why not shut Moore down when this crap got started?
2. Question two - any chance I can eat the AFLAC duck's liver - I'm sick of that fuggin' Duck!

Both

Operation Student FAIL

From AP ALLISON HOFFMAN - San Diego State University has suspended six fraternities after a sweeping drug investigation that landed members of three fraternities in jail on suspicion of openly dealing drugs on campus.

The probe — prompted by the cocaine overdose death last year of a freshman sorority member — led to the arrests of 96 people, 75 of them San Diego State students. A second drug death occurred during the investigation.

Twenty-nine people were arrested early Tuesday in raids at nine locations including the Theta Chi fraternity, where agents found cocaine, Ecstasy and three guns. Eighteen of those arrested were wanted on warrants for selling to undercover agents.

Theta Chi and five other fraternities have been suspended pending a hearing on evidence gathered during the investigation, dubbed Operation Sudden Fall.

Authorities said some fraternity members openly dealt drugs, and that one sent a mass text message advertising special prices on cocaine. Two kilograms of cocaine were seized in all, along with 350 Ecstasy pills, marijuana, psychedelic mushrooms, hash oil, methamphetamine, illicit prescription drugs, several guns and at least $60,000 in cash, authorities said.

Profits may have been used to finance fraternity operations, according to an affidavit.

A member of Theta Chi sent out a mass text message to his "faithful customers" stating that he and his "associates" would be unable to sell cocaine while they were in Las Vegas for a fraternity formal, according to the Drug Enforcement Administration. The text promoted a cocaine "sale" and listed the reduced prices on bulk quantities.

"Attn faithful customers both myself and my associates will be in Vegas this coming weekend," the 19-year-old student wrote in the text message. "So stock up, we will be back Sunday night."

Those arrested included a student who was about to receive a criminal justice degree and another who was to receive a master's degree in homeland security.

The Greek system at San Diego State has about 3,000 students, but Fraternity Row plays an outsized role in campus life. It sits a block from Cox Arena, home to many college sporting events.

Dale Taylor, national executive director of Theta Chi, said he was "obviously shocked and saddened" by the allegations. Theta Chi prohibited the San Diego chapter from group activities such as parties or sports activities and will investigate additional disciplinary measures, up to expulsion of members or the entire chapter.

The San Diego chapter, founded 61 years ago, was the first national fraternity on campus and has 65 members.

The chapter declined comment. It occupies two low-slung homes a block off Fraternity Row, with large red and white Greek symbols propped on the roof.

Theta Chi has 131 chapters in the U.S. and Canada and more than 161,000 initiates. It was founded in 1856.

Besides Theta Chi, the other suspended fraternities are Lambda Chi Alpha, Phi Kappa Psi, Phi Kappa Theta, Sigma Alpha Epsilon and Sigma Alpha Mu.

University police launched their investigation into drug sales on campus after Shirley Poliakoff, 19, died from a cocaine overdose in May 2007. Investigators discovered many students in fraternities were aware of organized drug dealing within their houses.

As the investigation continued, another student, from Mesa College, died of a cocaine overdose at an SDSU fraternity house on Feb. 26, the DEA said.

Some drugs bought and sold by students were traced to gangs linked to Mexican cartels, according to the DEA. Agents collected about $100,000 worth of drugs that were being advertised in "resale quantities" between members of the fraternity and other students.

More like Operation Student Fail. Maybe they can make it up as an MBA elective for the credit hours on how they ran a tight shipping and incentive program from the house?

Ozzy Blue

"We won it a couple years ago, and we're horse[bleep]. The Cubs haven't won in [100] years, and they're the [bleeping] best. [Bleep] it, we're good. [Bleep] everybody. We're horse[bleep], and we're going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win."

Thanks Ozzy. You're really classing up the place.

"We are the [bleep] of Chicago. We're the Chicago [bleep]. We have the worst owner [Jerry Reinsdorf]. The guy's got seven [bleeping] rings, and he's the [bleeping] horse[bleep] owner."

Guillen brought up Lee Elia - the former Cubs manager who blew his gasket over ungrateful, unforgiving and unemployed Cubs fans in a tirade marked its 25th anniversary. Scroll down, you can hear it here on Blasphemes.

"How about the Cubs celebrating that Lee Elia bull[bleep]? How many times do I curse people out? I will make a lot of money with my [stuff]. I have to keep going because in the future Ozzie will need money, and I can say, 'Here, give me money, here's the 10-year anniversary of my time I called [Jay] Mariotti stuff and the time I went on the radio and cursed out Mike North."

All I have to say is ... awesome.

It's probably all just a big joke - that isn't obvious. Or funny. Just like those two meth heads who ran on the field and beat up first base coach Tom Gamboa from the Kansas City Royals...

...funny, but only to meth head Sox fans.

Hillary's Nuclear Option

The Huffington Post has concluded what OneF and I have been saying since Michigan and Florida moved their primaries and have created a crisis within the Democratic Party. The folks at the Post have finally read Blasphemes and realized that Hillary will force the seating of her delegates that were withheld from MI and FL at the convention. This will give her the delegate edge and put a chokehold on the SuperDelegates who have publicly pledged to vote along with the primary voters. (She's got 'em painted into a corner with that one.)

The guess is that these 55 or so delegates from the banned states would put her over the edge in the Convention battle - and I mean over the edge in the Defcon ready to launch sense. She wins the nomination - but tears the party into nuclear halves by doing so.

They have two caveats to this scenario:

1) Hilldog has to win Indiana and lose North Carolina by only very small margin... or win it. That happens Tuesday.

2) She has to prove she's a better general election candidate than Obama.

Pretty big caveats for her to overcome. However, you must realize by now that this won't be solved by the rank-and-file, it can only be decided by the superior SuperDelegates who have been tricked into a paper bag - and no matter what happens, half of the party regulars will be so outraged their guy or gal didn't get the nomination, they're already planning the riots in Denver.

I know I'm repeating myself - but in a year where the Republicans have practically left the keys to the House, the Senate and the White House in the locks - the Democrats have played like the Marx Brothers and the Three Stooges bumping into each other trying to reach the door.

Between Mucaca and Larry "Wide Stance" Craig, Jack Abramoff, the Plame Affair, Scooter Libby, and ringmaster Karl Rove - you'd think someone in a rainbow wig holding a John 3:16 could win a seat in the next election....

But clowns are all the Democrats have. Nancy Pelosi and her errand boys are completely useless against George Bush and still have lower approval ratings than - George Bush! They continue to roll over on every single issue except for a trade agreement with Columbia. That's about all they've done. Oh, except staple mounds and mounds of earmarks to bills that can't ever hope to make it past Bush's veto. Oooh. And despite all the secret government, darkness, torture and things we won't know about for decades in the Dick Cheney playbook - Pelosi hasn't even reviewed the last six years of the Bush Administration's policies - even though that's exactly why her constituents voted her and her party to the Congress.

Then there's the Hillary/Obama Un-Civil war tearing the party in half - and over what? Their compelling but opposite policy differences? The speedy withdraw of troops from Iraq? The best energy policy? Health Care plans? Cabinet appointees or VP choices? Nope. Nothing of importance - simply race and gender issues. Wait, aren't the Democrats supposed to be the enlightened ones?

Meanwhile, President McCain is being fitted for his Inauguration Ball tuxedo as we speak.