Baseball in Jeopardy

MLB Commissioner Rob (I'm not Bud Selig) Manfred warned Baseball Player's Association union leader Tony Clark that if the league and players don't do a better job of following Covid-19 rules, Manfred could shut down the shortened season.

As of Friday, the league and the MLB Players Association had announced that 29 players and team staff have tested positive for Covid-19 over the week.

If baseball falls, I guess I won't have to worry about my NFL draft as much.

A No Hitter for Clemens?

Judge Declares Mistrial in Roger Clemens Perjury Case

The federal judge presiding over Roger Clemens’s perjury trial declared a mistrial because the prosecution revealed information Thursday that he had previously deemed inadmissible.

The United States District Court Judge Reggie Walton abruptly stopped the trial and scolded the prosecution for playing a videotape of the 2008 Congressional hearings on performance-enhancing drug use in baseball. The part of the tape that worried him included comments made by Rep. Elijah E. Cummings, a MDDemocrat, about the credibility of Andy Pettitte, Clemens’s former best friend and teammate, who is expected to be one of the star witnesses for the government.

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I wonder how much money the taxpayers would save if they lopped off all the terrible show trials? Looks like there are way too many overpaid lawyers and government workers sucking off the taxpayers -- with zero results.

Great job, Eric Holder.

Presidential Sports

VIDEO: Foul ball lands near President Bush:

Former President George W. Bush just missed getting hit by a shoe, a baseball and A.J. Pierzynski.

A pop foul at last night’s match up between the Rangers and the White Sox landed near the Rangers dugout, which was a few inches below former President's seats were. White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski made a valiant effort to catch the popup, only to find himself almost in W’s lap.

“I told him just ’cause he was the president doesn’t mean I wouldn’t jump on top of him,” Pierzynski said later.

Meanwhile, Barack Obama and British Prime Minister David Cameron play ping pong against a pair of students from Globe Academy.

Their ping-pong game looks a lot like their war in Libya.

Take That Lou Gehrig

Greatest Speech of the Day: Tim “Wild Thang” Lepard, who manages a team of dog-riding goat-herding monkeys, offers words of encouragement to the crowd at a Peoria Chiefs minor league baseball game as only a man who manages a team of dog-riding goat-herding monkeys can offer.

PS - Speaking of Baseball... looks like the Dodgers are totally screwed.

When oh when will Bud Selig go?

Silencing Joe Buck And Tim McCarver

Silencing Joe Buck And Tim McCarver: Some Simple Tech Solutions To Our Crappy World Series Announcers...

Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, Fox's World Series broadcast team, will begin inflicting themselves on a national television audience tonight.

Thankfully, technology offers recourse that doesn't involve throwing something heavy at the TV: just synch up the broadcast with radio commentary. [via Deadspin]

Halladay Pitches Post-Season No-Hitter

Halladay Pitches Post-Season No-Hitter

Phillies pitcher Roy Halladay pitched the first postseason no-hitter since Don Larsen's perfect game in the 1956 World Series. His performance propelled the Phillies to victory over the Cincinnati Reds, 4-0, in the first game of their playoff series.

As If I Needed A Reason To Hate Astros Fans

McDouchie Douche runs and squeels away from his girlfriend - and she takes a foul ball in the arm.

Sideways ball cap wearing douche!

Not only leaves his woman to get smacked - isn't capable of CATCHING a foul ball!

The Voice of Yankee Stadium

Bob Sheppard, Legendary Yankees Ballpark Announcer, Dies at 99

Bob Sheppard, whose elegant intonation as the public-address announcer at Yankee Stadium for more than half a century personified the image of Yankee grandeur, died Sunday at his home in Baldwin, N.Y, according to The Associated Press. He was 99.

From the last days of DiMaggio through the primes of Mantle, Berra, Jackson and Jeter, Sheppard's precise, resonant, even Olympian elocution -- he was sometimes called the Voice of
God -- greeted Yankee fans with the words "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to Yankee Stadium."

In an era of blaring stadium music, of public-address announcers styling themselves as entertainers and cheerleaders, Sheppard, a man with a passion for poetry and Shakespeare, shunned hyperbole.

Perfect. Part thre- not so fast

As Armando Galarraga squeezed the ball in his mitt, stepped on first base with his right foot and was ready to celebrate the first perfect game in Detroit Tigers' history.

What happened next will be the talk of baseball for the rest of this season and likely a lot longer.

Umpire Jim Joyce emphatically called Cleveland's Jason Donald safe and a chorus of groans and boos echoed in Comerica Park.

Then Joyce emphatically said he was wrong.

"It was the biggest call of my career, and I kicked the (stuff) out of it," Joyce said, looking and sounding distraught as he paced in the umpires' locker room. "I just cost that kid a perfect game."

"I thought he beat the throw. I was convinced he beat the throw, until I saw the replay," he said after the Tigers' 3-0 win.

It's rare for an umpire to acknowledge a mistake and, in a sport that still relies on the human eye more than any other sport, it's certain to prompt a push for Major League Baseball to use increased replays.

My suggestion? Vision tests to be required from this day forward for all Union MLB officiating crews.

Perfect, take 2

Phillies' Roy Halladay Throws Perfect Game

The Philadelphia Phillies' Roy Halladay threw the 20th perfect game in major league history in a 1-0 win over the Florida Marlins on Saturday night.

It was the second perfect game in the majors this month. Dallas Braden achieved the feat for Oakland against Tampa Bay on May 9. It is the first time in the modern era in which two perfect games were thrown in the same season.

Tase Me, Bro!

An unnamed 17-year-old Phillies fan, moments before being Tasered to the ground after running onto Citizens Bank Park during last night’s Phillies-Cardinals matchup. Here's what you didn't see on TV...


Now if that were a White Sox game, the guy would have been on crystal meth and beating up the first base coach.

Lee Elia Tirade

27 Years Ago: Lee Elia threw the Best Sports Tirade Ever

(Extreme language warning! NSFW)

This famous tirade by Chicago Cubs manager Lee Elia occurred following a 4-3 loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers in 1983, 27 years ago today.

It was recorded by reporter Les Grobstein.
They started 5-91, and won their last 66 games, so they really did hit that groove like he said.

United Counties of Baseball

Happy Opening Day

Oh what the hell...?

Pirates manager John Russell plans to begin the season with his pitcher hitting eighth, a move that will shift Andrew McCutchen from leadoff to second in the batting order.

When the Pirates start the season April 5 against Los Angeles, Russell plans to hit shortstop Ronny Cedeno ninth, followed by second baseman and lead-off hitter Akinori Iwamura and McCutchen.

McCutchen will occasionally lead off, the spot where he batted .286 after being recalled from the minors in June. Iwamura has experience as a leadoff hitter, batting .275 with a .350 on-base percentage for AL champion Tampa Bay in 2008.

The Pirates had a 13-20 record in 2008 and a 2-4 mark last season when Russell batted his pitcher eighth.

And is it any wonder why the Pirates have been in the gutter for almost 20 years straight?
Second thought, maybe it's time to just call the Pirates AAA and let some other farm team get a shot to play in a nice stadium?

No surprises around here

Still the greatest.

Waaa - Told you so!

Please let the door...

...smack you into the gravel pit on your way out.
The Cubs have finally found a taker for Milton Bradley in the Seattle Mariners.
In return, the Cubs will get pitcher Carlos Silva; sanity.

Sunday Comics

Here's the review of the rest of week, and also some crap I didn't get to - like the crazy jobs data that came down the pipe. Also the NY Yankee$ won the World $erie$. Great work Joe G.

First off there were some elections... that didn't matter. Right. No really - I mean things are turning to the right.

Jobs Data: 10.2% unemployment. But the Stimulus is working.... Uh, right?
The Maroon dots are 'actual' unemployment data reported, and the blue lines were created by the Obama economic team. Also, prior to Mr. Obama becoming President, it was always added that there are countless people who aren't counted because they've given up hope and have stopped looking for work. So, take that into account, if you want.

And helped save or create 650,000 jobs...

How do you track a 'saved job' anyway? What kind of magical spreadsheet is that on?

And my favorite one from the Week that Was...

Saturday Morning Cartoons

ProStars


The most famous athletes in each of the three major sports: Michael Jordan (Basketball) and Bo Jackson (Football, Baseball) and some white guy named Wayne who plays something called hockey join together to fight crime. It's unclear if the the show creators even knew who the three athletes were, or if they'd ever watched sports before.

The 'Gretzky' character spends most of his time talking about how hungry he is. He is mostly used as the outfit' comic relief, because when it comes to using sports to fight crime, the guy who glides around with blades on his feet, deftly wielding a sword-like stick is only good for a few chuckles. Meanwhile, Bo Jackson' character was the Incredible Hulk with a fade, an angry grunting behemoth who rumbled around like a bulldozer, ignoring the fact that Jackson was one of the fastest, most graceful athletes in professional sports. More than one, I might add.

But the biggest failure is the show's inexplicable treatment of the biggest star of the three: Michael Jordan. The obvious move would have been to turn him into a cross between Stretch Armstrong and a Gummy Bear, capable of using his leaping ability and lanky finesse to f*ck up some super villains. Instead, Jordan' character fights crime using hi-tech gizmos some random Yiddish-speaking lady gives him. It didn't even matter that he was Michael Jordan! Kurt Rambis could have been awesome with all the weapons and gadgets that Jewish lady was always giving MJ. Instead of focusing on his other-worldly athleticism, the show made the greatest athlete in the world into a cross between The Hebrew Hammer and Data from Goonies.

The coolest moments in the intro are the highlights of Jackson and Jordan from the real world. While cartoon Bo uses a tree to kill some guy driving a tractor, it' nothing compared to his real world gravity-defying wall run. And Jordan flying through the air dunking on Lakers is way cooler than his cartoon highlight, in which he needs rocket-shoes to save a child from a burning building. Rocket shoes? Really? That's like giving Superman a flying car... oh, they did that too... well, If Carl Lewis was one of the ProStars they probably would have given him a Segway.

Anyway, here's ProStars-The Slugger Returns part 1

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Monday Morning Quarterback

Bears came back and defeated a team they were supposed to wipe off the bottom of their foot. I felt really good about the win, until I realized that Seattle was missing half their regular starters.

Washington bailed out Detroit, again.

Favre out Favred Favre - thanks to a little help from his friends

Colts and Cardinals on Sunday Night. Looks like Kurt is back to his old crappy self again.

Steelers are looking a little rusty.

Saints and Jets are 3-0. Wha?

And the long drawn out failure that is the 2009 Cubs season is finally over, while the Yankee's $201.4 million gamble has (finally) netted them an AL East Division title.

Labor of Love

Leave It to Beaver: 1958

So my good friend Dave over at Shorpy was watching an episode from the second season (1958-59) of "Leave It to Beaver" when he got to the part where Ward reads a note from Beaver's principal, Mrs. Rayburn. He freeze-framed the note. It reads:

Mr. Ward Cleaver
485 Mapleton Drive
Mayfield, State
My Dear Mr. Cleaver:

This paragraph has absolutely nothing to do with anything.
It is here merely to fill up space. Still, it is words,
rather than repeated letters, since the latter might not
give the proper appearance, namely, that of an actual note.

For that matter, all of this is nonsense, and the only
part of this that is to be read is the last paragraph,
which part is the inspired creation of the producers of
this very fine series.

Another paragraph of stuff. Now is the time for all good
men to come to the aid of their party. The quick brown
fox jumps over the lazy dog. My typing is lousy, but the
typewriter isn’t so hot either. After all, why should I
take the blame for these mechanical imperfections, with
which all of us must contend. Lew Burdette just hit a
home run and Milwaukee leads seven to one in the series.
This is the last line of the filler material of the note.
No, my mistake, that was only the next to last. This is last.

I hope you can find a suitable explanation for Theodore’s
unusual conduct.

Yours truly,
Cornelia Rayburn

Dave writes: The Lew Burdette reference would put the date at October 2, 1958 — Game 2 of the World Series between the Braves and the Yankees, and a month before this episode ("Her Idol") aired. I see where this has been referenced elsewhere on the Web but as far as I can tell no one has transcribed the entire letter. Until now!

Great work, Dave. Might want to spend more time at the soup kitchen or helping disadvantaged kids learn to read? Just a thought. Not only do you have the free time to watch the SECOND season of Leave it to Beaver, on blu-ray, but by golly, you also had time to transcribe this prop.

And Lew's three run homer came in the first inning of game 2.