Oct 3, 2009

Saturday Morning Cartoons

ProStars


The most famous athletes in each of the three major sports: Michael Jordan (Basketball) and Bo Jackson (Football, Baseball) and some white guy named Wayne who plays something called hockey join together to fight crime. It's unclear if the the show creators even knew who the three athletes were, or if they'd ever watched sports before.

The 'Gretzky' character spends most of his time talking about how hungry he is. He is mostly used as the outfit' comic relief, because when it comes to using sports to fight crime, the guy who glides around with blades on his feet, deftly wielding a sword-like stick is only good for a few chuckles. Meanwhile, Bo Jackson' character was the Incredible Hulk with a fade, an angry grunting behemoth who rumbled around like a bulldozer, ignoring the fact that Jackson was one of the fastest, most graceful athletes in professional sports. More than one, I might add.

But the biggest failure is the show's inexplicable treatment of the biggest star of the three: Michael Jordan. The obvious move would have been to turn him into a cross between Stretch Armstrong and a Gummy Bear, capable of using his leaping ability and lanky finesse to f*ck up some super villains. Instead, Jordan' character fights crime using hi-tech gizmos some random Yiddish-speaking lady gives him. It didn't even matter that he was Michael Jordan! Kurt Rambis could have been awesome with all the weapons and gadgets that Jewish lady was always giving MJ. Instead of focusing on his other-worldly athleticism, the show made the greatest athlete in the world into a cross between The Hebrew Hammer and Data from Goonies.

The coolest moments in the intro are the highlights of Jackson and Jordan from the real world. While cartoon Bo uses a tree to kill some guy driving a tractor, it' nothing compared to his real world gravity-defying wall run. And Jordan flying through the air dunking on Lakers is way cooler than his cartoon highlight, in which he needs rocket-shoes to save a child from a burning building. Rocket shoes? Really? That's like giving Superman a flying car... oh, they did that too... well, If Carl Lewis was one of the ProStars they probably would have given him a Segway.

Anyway, here's ProStars-The Slugger Returns part 1

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