J from Chi ________Fred Schneider________________Cap'n
1. Philadelphia-They have the lumber and a decent pitching staff.
Fred’s Take: Talk about Philadelphia Freedom! I’ve got a bun for those Philly cheese steaks.
2. NY Mets-Yes they added Johan Santana, but he only pitches every 5 days. I see lots of injury-prone and/or old cats on this team. Delgado, Pee Hands Alou, Beltran. Pedro is one year older, same goes for Billy Wagner.
Fred’s Take: Ugh..New York City…last time I was there I woke up in assless chaps and my wallet was missing.
3. Atlanta-Not sure bringing back Tom Glavine will do the trick and Smoltz is already hurting.
Fred’s Take: I have to root for the team from my home state…silly!
4. Washington-New park, better results? I’m thinking they take a step forward if they get any help from the pitching staff.
Fred’s Take: Is that foot tapping I hear in our nation’s capital? Is that you Larry Craig??
5. Florida-Craptastic!
Fred’s Take: Miami…the weather is hot and the shirtless boys are hotter! Grrrrr!
Cap'n: Mets, Atlanta, Phillies, Washington, Florida.
NL Central
1. Chicago Cubs-Great pitching depth in case Wood gets hurt or Marquis struggles. Need to get off to a fast start
Fred’s Take: I heard they’re cursed by a big old smelly goat! I’ll lead the parade through Boystown if they finally win the Big One!
2. Milwaukee-Solid lineup and defense should improve moving Braun to left. Pitching is a concern.
Fred’ Take: I heard they have a sausage race…I’m rooting for the Spicy Italian!!
3. Cincinnati-Pinto: Why Cincinnati?.....Bluto(burp) Why not?
Fred’s Take: Adam Dunn’s hung like a donkey?!?...oh wait..his nickname is The Donkey
4. St. Louis-Pujols’ elbow could fall off any minute now or he could tough it out again. Either way the rest of the lineup is weak as is their pitching until Carpenter comes back.
Fred’s Take: I’m drowning in a sea of mullets and white trash…..Be Nice!
5. Houston-Not sure what to make of this team yet..could finish 5th or could finish 2nd. Will score runs in bunches, but do they have pitching issues. 2nd through 5th place is a mystery, I should have pulled names out of a hat.
Fred’s Take: Kaz Matsui has a roid problem, but it doesn’t involve a syringe. Yikes!!
6. Pittsburgh-All aboard the turd train!...nothing to see here.
Fred’s Take: Pirates!! Ahoy sailor!
Cap'n: Cubs, Milwaukee, St. Louis, Reds, Houston, Pitts.
NL West
1. LA Dodgers-I’ll drink that Dodger blue kool-aid. Solid pitching and a good mix of veterans and youngsters.
Fred’s Take: Is there room on that bandwagon Alyssa Milano….I’ll bring my jukebox money!!!
2. Arizona-Should be solid once again. Webb and Haren great 1-2 punch.
Fred’s Take: I’ve got a snake….in my pantsssss!!!
3. Colorado-Hard to believe they made it to the World Series last year, but sometimes the best teams don’t always make it.
Fred’s Take: Does John Elway still play for them?
4. San Diego-Are they going to score any runs with this offense? Mark Prior already scheduled his next surgery.
Fred’s Take: Sea World is a hoot!
5. San Francisco-Terrible….F
Fred’s Take: Hellllllooooo Frissssco!
Capn: Dodgers, Colorado, AZ, San Diego, San Fran
AL East
1. Boston-What’s not to like? Oh yeah…their fans.
Fred’s Take: Kevin Youkilis is the Greek God of Walks….What else are the Greeks famous for?
2. NY Yankees-13 straight years of playoffs end this year. Oh, so sad.
Fred’s Take: See NY Mets comments silly!
3. Toronto-Don’t know much aboot them and don’t really care. Rolen hurt again, what a shocker.
Fred’s Take: Canadians wear too many layers
4. Tampa-Wanted badly to put them in 3rd, but couldn’t do it. IF they would ever sign Barry Bonds, they could finish at .500
Fred’s Take: Never been there
5. Baltimore-They will suck as long as Peter Angelos keeps meddling with his team
Fred’s Take: Crab cakes….fabulous!!
Cap'n: BosSox, Toronto, Yanks, Tampa, Baltimore.
AL Central
1. Detroit-They’ll score more than Bret Michaels on his birthday. Bullpen help will arrive later in the season with the return of Rodney and Zumaya
Fred’s Take: 8 Mile scared the bejebus out of me!
2. Cleveland-Almost knocked off the Red Sox last year, should get another shot.
Fred’s Take: Any team with Wesley Snipes and Charlie Sheen is fine by me.
3. Chicago White Sox-Pitching?? Bueller???
Fred’s Take: Jager, meth and mullets….Oh my!!!
4. Minnesota-Rebuilding while new park is being built. Still not a bad team.
Fred’s Take: I once dated a set of twins. Hottt!
5. Kansas City-Lots of young talent, still a few pieces missing from sniffing the playoffs.
Fred’s Take: Alex Gordon is so hot right now!
Cap'n - Detroit, Cleveland, MN, BlackSox, KS
AL West
1. Anaheim(Not in LA) Angels-Scary lineup, but pitching scares me. Should find a way to win again
Fred’s Take: Did I mention we have a new album out, first one in 10 years.
2. Seattle-Pitching should be solid, not enough hitting to go around.
Fred’s Take: How many silly teams are there in this league?
3. Texas-Could surprise…like that Josh Hamilton story.
Fred’s Take: Beers, steers and queers…my kinda party!
4. Oakland- Rebuilding on the cheap, they will be back sooner than later
Fred’s Take: Those boys in Oakland are a bit rough! Play nice!!
Cap'n: Really, who cares? Fine, I'll just agree with J.
NL Playoff TeamsJ's Picks:
1. Chicago
2. LA
3. Philly
4. Milwaukee
Chicago beats Philly and LA beats Milwaukee
Chicago advances to the World Series for the first time since 1945
Still J's Picks:
AL Playoff Teams
1. Detroit
2. Boston
3. Anaheim
4. Cleveland
Detroit beats Anaheim and Cleveland beats Boston
Detroit plays Chicago in the World Series.
Detroit takes home the World Series title. Cubs Woo Lose Woo!
Cap'n - Sure, I almost agree with all that, J.
It sounds well thought out.
Except that I don't think the Cubs will really advance that far.
I want to say, Dodgers in the Series?
Detroit still wins.
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