St. Patrick Myths Exposed

Ah, St. Patrick’s Day will soon be here with all its colorful traditions, which makes this a good time for Blasphemes to look at the legends surrounding the man himself. Most everyone knows some part of St. Patrick’s story, from his expulsion of Ireland’s snakes to his favorite color.

Hold on there, bucko, upon a mere scratching of inspection, and some of those old commonly held beliefs that you've had since grade school CCD about St. Patrick amazingly don’t stand up to scrutiny! It is doubtful whether young Maewyn Succat from Bannavem of Taburnia would have even wanted to be toasted the world over on his own special day. A day full of debauchery and sin in his name - or even that someone would ever post some stupid crap about his life.

Here are some myths:

1. He was Irish: It is not known exactly where St. Patrick was born; his own writings note his birthplace as “Bannavem of Taburnia,” but this village could be in Scotland, Wales, England, or even the north coast of France.

2. His name was Patrick: Patrick was the name he took on when he began his work for the church; some sources claim his birth name was Maewyn Succat. If we can't even get that right, what are the chances that....

3. He was Catholic: There even a dispute about whether St. Patrick can be considered a Catholic, for Christ's sake! Protestant scholars note that Patrick wrote about his own beliefs and practices in a way not consistent with the Roman Catholic doctrine of his time. Kind of a Martin Luther in Ireland? Hang on there. There is evidence that "Patrick" was ordained into the Roman church before he began his missionary work. No word if the destination of Ireland was a form of banishment or simple "reassignment."

4. He was the first Christian missionary to Ireland: Nope, the third.

5. He expelled all the snakes from Ireland: Since there were no snakes in Ireland in the first place - sure, why not. And then he put them on a plane.

6. He used the shamrock to teach people about the Trinity: Again, there is no evidence to support this story; it is most likely apocryphal. And since you can't eat the things, they at least serve as a 5th century PowerPoint Presentation.

7. He is associated with the color green: The original color associated with St. Patrick was blue, and furthermore, for many hundreds of years green was considered an unlucky color in Ireland. This happens throughout history. For example the original color of Oscar the Grouch was orange.