McMetaphor

New Mascot!

Spotted in Seattle

Children of the High Fructose Corn Syrup

KFC Hates Diabetic Kids

Congratulations Blaspheme's Hypocrite of the Week: KFC. How can you offer 29 scoops of HFCS to battle Juvenile diabetes? That's like handing out matches while promoting fire prevention.

Seems that the blogger on Huff Pro, Joe Waters agrees with me completely. And that's before I read his article.

Taco Bell; Not Meat - Rented Food

An Alabama law firm claims in a lawsuit that Taco Bell is using false advertising when it refers to using “seasoned ground beef” or “seasoned beef” in its products.

The meat mixture sold by Taco Bell restaurants contains binders and extenders and does not meet the minimum requirements set by the U.S. Department of Agriculture to be labeled as “beef,” according to the legal complaint.

Attorney Dee Miles said attorneys had Taco Bell’s “meat mixture” tested and found it contained less that 35 percent beef.

They're not looking for money - which surprised me... “We are asking that they stop saying that they are selling beef,” Miles said.

Taco Bell spokesman Rob Poetsch said the company denies that its advertising is misleading.

“Taco Bell prides itself on serving high quality Mexican inspired food with great value. We’re happy that the millions of customers we serve every week agree,” Poetsch said. He said the company would “vigorously defend the suit.”

He forgot to mention that the word 'food' in this context is also highly subjective. Much like Ex-Lax is considered 'chocolate.' But that's all in the colon of the beholder, isn't it?

The lawsuit says that Taco Bell’s “seasoned beef” contains other ingredients, including water, wheat oats, soy lecithin, maltodrextrin, anti-dusting agent and modified corn starch.

San Fran Happy Meal Ban

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-january-3-2011/san-francisco-s-happy-meal-ban

"Wait, are you being serious right now?"

Ronald Responds to Non-Decomposing Food Items

McDonald's has replied to the incorruptible Happy Meal experiment. The tl;dr: Our burgers get mold too—under the right humidity conditions! The long answer:

(click to make bigger)

It's hard to believe that a burger sitting on a living room in New York for six months can get mummified, to which McDonald's has implied. Even with the A/C unit on, the humidity in NYC is extremely high, especially during the summer months. And note, the roaches didn't eat it either.

To be fair, the correct scientific test would have been to place other foodstuffs on a plate next to the burger. However, I if the other foodstuffs decompose faster than the McFood - wouldn't that be worse for the Mighty Ronald and his McDonaldland friends?

[via Gizmodo]

Dr. Food

Doctor, I think you're doing it wrong...

Introducing Food With 'Real' Ingredients

Hey gang, Wendy's is happy to be introducing a line of salads such as Apple Pecan Chicken and BLT Cobb as the fast-food chain changes its sales pitch to focus on "real" ingredients to appeal to foodies.

The line of four salads is available nationwide starting Friday. The salads retail for $5.99, about $1 more than the previous Garden Sensations line. The chain introduced those in 2002 and has long been considered an innovator in salads. It was the first fast-food chain to market with a salad bar in the 1980s. Followed almost a month later with the Sneeze Guard.

The salad line is part of Wendy's effort to target people who care about ingredients and what they eat. I'm one of those people. The company teamed up with salad dressing maker Marzetti's to create new flavors such as avocado ranch and pomegranate vinaigrette. It's using multiple types of greens beyond iceberg lettuce, such as spinach, red and green chard, and red and green romaine. Wendy's signature chili is an ingredient in the Baja salad, which features Hass avocados and pico de gallo. Innovation in fast food is to put chili that isn't selling in July on a salad, and charging a buck more for it. They'll win an award for that.

They're getting into the Breakfast Space as well and plan on featuring "real" ingredients, too, such as applewood smoked bacon and fresh eggs. No word on what, exactly, is on that breakfast menu, but CEO Roland Smith said earlier this year the company expects breakfast items to be grilled egg sandwiches, oatmeal bars, roasted potatoes and fresh fruit.

He said the company will take its time getting into the growing breakfast segment because it wants to approach the business correctly.

"Our belief is even though it's tougher and takes longer, it's worth it," he said. "We want a breakfast where people go, 'Wow, here are real cracked eggs.'"

Wow, real cracked eggs? What the hell? How do you make FAKE eggs? How could it be cheaper to make fake eggs in the first place?

And that leads me to the bigger question, rolling out 'real' food - what the hell have they been serving over there up until now? I guess this falls into the "everyone likes sausage, but no one wants to know how it's made." But if that were true, then why would they court the 'foodie' crowd who gives a rip about what kind of garbage they're eating?

Or worse, shouldn't we be outraged that when a restaurant puts out a press release that they'll be serving "real" food it becomes a newsworthy event?

Me? I'm going to the diner to eat a stack of hashbrowns and five eggs piled on a hamburger patty on top of a stack of pancakes.

Good Morning America

Congratulations, you're now going to pay for this guy's diabetes, quadrupal bypass surgery, and all the other fun diseases swimming around and being hosted by this fatbody.

Otherwise, here's a title of this guy's movie: A Fridge Too Far.

No McDecomposition

Have you ever wondered what a McDonald's Happy Meal looks like after it's sat on a shelf (not in a freezer) for a year? This seems like one of those things I would learn accidentally, but writer Nonna Joann Bruso decided to find out on purpose.

The results? Not as disgusting as you might think, which itself is sort of disgusting.

She wrote:

“It smelled delicious for a few days. I’d get a whiff of those yummy French fries every time I walked into my office. After a week or so, you could hardly smell it. My husband worried that when the food began to decompose, there would be a terrible odor in our home. He also worried the food would attract ants and mice. He questioned my sanity.

NOPE, no worries at all. My Happy Meal is one year old today and it looks pretty good. It NEVER smelled bad. The food did NOT decompose. It did NOT get moldy, at all.”

The pitiful, slightly pained expression on the Littlest Pet Shop dog included with the meal says it all.

Happy Birthday to My Happy Meal [Baby Bites] (Thanks, Michelle!) Via Consumerist.

Not Sitting Well

Okay, "Free Breakfast" at the hotel. Good deal, that ought to be worth about $20.00 off the tab by way of subtraction by way of repeated borrows or some kind of fancy conversion method. Right? Way too early to be thinking too hard.

Okay we've got a waffle maker over there - hmmmm... lot of work to get that going. Syrup looks a bit off. Hard boiled eggs? Not on a dare. Oatmeal and sugary muffins. Don't see a toaster anywhere... Hellllloooo what's this?

A Jimmy Dean Bacon Egg and Cheese Biscuit? Well, I love McDonald's Bacon Egg and Cheese biscuit! How much difference can there be, really? Wow, the packaging makes it look so big! This is going to be... oh, crap why did I look at the ingredients!? I don't want to know how many calories - ahgh! 21% Saturated fat?! Jebus Chrimmiss! Wait, maybe that means there's a LOT of bacon in there? I mean, it's Jimmy Dean. They're going to hoggify this little waffer of a biscuit so that you go out and buy more of their meat, right? Hell, they probably gave these away for free to the hotel so that you'll be so excited with how awesome and delicious with a pile of bacon on it, you'll be a customer for life for all Jimmy Dean breakfast products. How could a nice guy named Jimmy Dean mean no less than to help a feller out?

Okay, where's the instructions? Bake for 20 minutes -- nope.

Microwave.

Reservations.

Microwave bacon, egg and cheese -- and a biscuit. How 'good' or 'wholesome' can this thing I'm holding possibly be? There's a road trip that needs to be considered, along with the count of how many rest stops I'm potentially going to have to inspect on that route now. Okay, there were about 5 on the way down, one at Interstate 70 -

I think I can pull this off, even in a worse case scenario. The worst case is that Jimmy Dean is going to try to kill me.

Okay, here we go. Only one minute? That doesn't seem like a lot of time for a yummy breakfas-
*DING*
Done already! Peel off the package... Oh. My. Goo -

How come the cheese has smeared everywhere but on the sammich?

Well, it doesn't look like much, or like any food product that I've put in my mouth since caring about things like saturated fat and high fructose corn syrup... but, but, it's my old pal Jimmy Dean! There's bacon in there - somewhere. Right?

First bite. Shudder. Wha- what was that? That was a biscuit? There oughta be a law against calling that a biscuit. Okay I'm giving up on the counterfeit biscuit. There's still bacon to be had. I think.

Ugh. This is - why am I - oh, there's the bacon! And it's limp. But, uh - wow. I ate that. I can't believe I ate as much of that as I did... I really ought to throw the rest of that away - but I hate to waste it...

And it's over. Need to wash that down with hotel coffee. Oh, and orange juice! Maybe the vitamin C will counteract the terrible terrible price I've paid by eating this monstrosity described as comestible.

You know? I better have a second glass of that orange drink.

My co-worker lazily comes in. I see him eyeing the remaining Jimmy Dean thing in the cooler. I ought to wave him off. No point in us both fighting for the same defiled toilet seat while on the trip home.

"Oh yeah, I had one of those last time. Not pretty."

What?! I just ate one! What happened?!

"Oh, you'll see."

No, I don't want to see - should I seek medical attention now? Will I make it home, or am I a dead man walking?

*phew* that's just not sitting well.

You know, for all that fat and salt you'd think it would have been at least tasty. Jimmy Dean, you're dead to me. Now, excuse me while I find a men's room.

Double Down

Electricity. Moving Assembly Line. The Nuclear Bomb. The Interstate Highway System. The Moonshot. These are merely elements that have all been leading up to this...

It's either the pinnacle of the United States of America's cultural and military dominance - or the signal that it is all about to end.

Foodgeekery has reported that KFC has rolled out a 'sandwich' that is:

2 Original Recipe Filets
Bacon
Pepper Jack Cheese
Swiss Cheese
Colonel’s Sauce

There is no bun.

Price? $4.99 outside the combo.

What does this marvel taste like? Foodgeekery interviewed some lucky bastard named Jess. Here's a transcript of that first look and taste:

"That’s it? That is the sandwich? That’s not worth five dollars. [tastes it]

Oh… oh my God. That is the best thing ever. I don’t know what “Colonel’s Sauce” is, but it is like a party in my mouth. This is completely worth the five dollars. Unfortunately I’m going to end up weighing 700 lbs after this, but it is simply amazing."

Gads!

If a Blasphemes reader finds this before I do, please report back to confirm the rumors and also the taste of this... this... most disgusting and also amazing thing I've ever seen.

(Just don't tell the hipsters that it's just a fast food cordon bleu, okay?)

Food Inc. Doc.

Fast Food Nation, the best-selling book by Eric Schlosser, exposed the seamy side of the all-American meal. A documentary follow-up of sorts, Food Inc., goes further back in the food chain to show how animals are raised in squalor, slaughtered en masse, bathed in ammonia and served to us with a "Farm fresh" label. Let's just say brands like Tyson, Perdue and Smithfield don't fare so well in this independent film, opening in New York and Los Angeles on June 12 from Magnolia Pictures.

The companies' advertising can try to keep spinning the pastoral fantasy, but anyone who sees this film won't be swallowing that notion anymore. (None of the marketers, who control the majority of food production in the U.S., would appear in the doc.) Monsanto, the chemical company responsible for Agent Orange, might take it on the chin the hardest, as filmmaker Robert Kenner follows the plight of some small farmers who dared to stand up to the DDT-maker-turned-agribusiness. Guess how that turned out?

Yes, yes. Meat is murder... However, the other side of this coin is whether anyone bothered to ask "Why?" Why has food become mechanized? "Evil?" What are the end results? Are people eating and not starving? Are we past subsistence farming - and how much more? Are fewer people needed to toil the land to feed the rest of us so that we can all concentrate on stepping up the grand Maslow's Pyramid? It may have become more about marketplace and greed, but the original goal was to modernize the business of agriculture.

And, correct me if you can find other evidence, wasn't the entire Industrial Revolution was based upon making our lives toiling in the agrarian industry just a little easier?

Perhaps there's a middle ground of discovering how your food is made and shrink wrapped, and what alternatives we might have - and also a frank discussion of costs. Would beef be a couple hundred dollars a pound if it was all free range grass feed in the great state of Oklahoma and walked to the Chicago slaughter houses like in 'the good-ole days?' How many people in the inner cities would die of starvation because a hand full of people didn't like the industrial process that chops the heads off of live chickens and then turns them into nuggets? Must we all grow vegetables on top of our garages and edible flowers in our front yards while we recycle our urine into dandelion wine? Isn't that the same kind of intolerance that you'd expect from that guy listening to Rush Limbaugh holding up the line at the KFC drive thru window? I'm all for a change - but let's be realistic about it.

What's the end game, and what is the compromise? You tell me?

Is "Better" Junk Food Really Better?

Eat This, Not That? Why eat any of it?

There's been a lot of talk about Oprah's free chicken coupon mess. I guess she offered a free pass to KFC for adding grilled chicken to its fast food menu, and there wasn't enough chicken.

That's funny. But how about 'grilling' (see I can write for the AP) Oprah over the food instead of the coupon. The 'food' is a KFC's healthier grilled chicken - but it includes two carb-and-salt heavy side dishes and a carbon water full of High Fructose Corn Syrup. Yes, the chicken is healthier since the skin is off - and grilled is better than fried.

But don't the chickens come from factory farms? She even went to court to defend herself for defaming the raising and treatment of cattle [Texas Cattlemen v. Lyman and Oprah] Now she's okay with it? Maybe she was attacked by a chicken at an early age, or on the set of the Color Purple? Maybe she just hasn't read the Pew Commission on Industrial Farm Animal Production's report on environmental impact and the lousy working condition in poultry processing factories? Well, let's just dismiss that with a large check.

The bigger issue is why would someone who has such a famous relationship with her fat cells sending folks to KFC?

Oh sure, it's 'healthy' but realistically - it's only the illusion of healthy. Dr. Marion Nestle, author of Food Politics says,

Dr. Nestle: A having a healthy option creates a "health aura"--the illusion that anything eaten in the vicinity of something healthful is automatically healthful too.

Researchers demonstrate the power of the health aura to give people license to make less nutritious choices. Brian Wansink and his colleagues at Cornell have shown that putting a low-fat label on a food product is all you have to do to get people to eat more calories from it than they would otherwise. And researchers have just shown that customers will order more French fries from a menu that lists a salad than they will from one that doesn't.

Those are examples of the health aura in action. If grilled chicken works for KFC as salads did for McDonald's, it will bring in new customers, at least temporarily. But health aura research predicts that having a healthier option at KFC will encourage most customers to order more of everything else."

Bottom line - if the fast food industry really wanted to help their customer's health it would
(1) make it easier and cheaper for customers to order smaller portions,
(2) make healthy kids meals the default,
(3) add vegetables (other than potatoes) to all of their meals,
(4) provide fruit desserts, [hopefully without syrups and frosting]
(5) reduce the sugars and salt in everything they make.

Really. Who am I kidding? They'll just introduce a grilled chicken - and call it a day.

Religious Chic

Holy Chick-fil-A!

The success of the Chick-fil-A restaurant chain can be attributed to some basic principles. They are ones found in the Bible, said Darryl Lesure, senior purchasing supervisor and speaker for the Atlanta-based chicken eatery.

“That’s really the foundation of our business,” Lesure said. “(Cathy) sees no conflict to biblical principles as it relates to running a business. Our view as a church is life is life. It’s not segments. Values are values,” he said. “Belief and behavior go together.”

That’s the way Chick-fil-A operates, not as a Christian business but as one that is based on those biblical principles, Lesure said.

Cathy bases his life on the verse Proverbs 22:1: “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches.”

In other words, it’s better to have integrity than a lot of money, Lesure said.

“Money fades, but your reputation lasts forever,” he said.

Cathy first opened the Dwarf Grill, which was later renamed the Dwarf House, in 1946. Then, in 1967, he opened the first Chick-fil-A. Today, the restaurant is the second-largest quick-service chicken restaurant chain in the United States, based on annual sales, according to the company’s Web site. I suppose that Dwarf is the approved non-offensive word that was used in the Bible? I'm just trying to keep stories straight here.

Chick-fil-A workers employ such principles as the Golden Rule, Lesure said. They show others respect, dignity and hospitality, he said.

Stewardship and servant leadership also are important attributes, he said.

“We’re not out there preaching to people, but we do it through our influences,” Lesure said.

And where in the Bible is it okay to kill people with your food?
790 Calories
33g of fat
17g of sat fat (85% of your daily recommended intake)
Oh, you're speaking to employee/customer relations, not so much the golden rule overall. Okay, just trying to keep it clear.

“We are in this to make money. We are a business,” Lesure said. “But we’re also in it to give back.” To "give back?" does that mean you stole something?

Giving Back Sidebar

You know gang, I'm getting really sick of the use of the words "Give Back." Now, if you're Kenneth Lay's wife, or family - the use of Give Back would be perfectly acceptable and good news to the people they stole from.

But for charities asking regular, law abiding 8th Amendment practicing folks to "Give Back" I'll toss them a finger.

Giving back is rapidly becoming my "Under the Bus" hated phrase of the year.

But back to the issue at hand...

What of other businesses that follow the golden rule? Have you gotten spectacular secular service from these companies? Here's the list I can come up with.

Amway
Hobby Lobby
Interstate Batteries
In and Out Burger
(most) Mexican Restaurants
Las Palapas
McCoys
Southern Maid Donuts
Book stores that are not Borders or Barnes & Noble - ones with statues of praying children, books you've never seen, and that play music you've never heard over the speakers.

Please give me more - For some reason, no one seems to put that information right out in the open for people like me...

There is a larger issue - does a company that follows Biblical Principles tithe their 10% of gross or principle? Do they always close on Sunday? The Sabbath is sundown Friday... (semantics)
What are the hiring practices and labor relations for non-Judaic Christian folks at these enterprises? And if you're not, why would you work there?