Another Original Cartoon November 16, 2016

4th Amendment Underwear

4th AMENDMENT UNDERCLOTHES

Now there's a way to protest those intrusive TSA X-ray scanners without saying a word. 4th Amendment Metallic ink-printed undershirts and underwear.

Assert your rights without saying a word. [click to order yours].




It should also add, "This message brought to you by the First Amendment. See Rear."

Optional: Have 1st amendment printed on back.

Maybe the 2nd as well? Oh, wait, that's what they're looking for in the first place.

Voting Time

What's fun about today is that it sets up the gridlock for 2 years, and the next 2 years of the endless campaign. Today is about nothing more than November 2, 2012. We're setting the narrative which is nothing more than a prelude to that election night.

And everyone hates prequels.

Well, here's some inspiration, "

"Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting."

~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

And here's a more realistic take on the issue,

“I don't vote. Two reasons. First of all it's meaningless; this country was bought and sold a long time ago. The sh*t they shovel around every 4 years *pfff* doesn't mean a f*cking thing.

Secondly, I believe if you vote, you have no right to complain. People like to twist that around – they say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain', but where's the logic in that? If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain.

I, on the other hand, who did not vote, who in fact did not even leave the house on election day, am in no way responsible for what these people have done and have every right to complain about the mess you created that I had nothing to do with.”

~George Carlin

I have an idea...

Dude, that's a terrible, terrible idea.

Free Ad

Damn I love me someecards! BTW. I hate Law and Order, but that one show employed all the actors and actresses of New York for the last 20 years. If only there was some spin off show they could do?

Three Ewok 'That's No Moon' Shirt

If you can geek out harder than this - I'd like to see it.
How about the hot women? I'm guessing they're thinking not so much.

Free Ad

I love the someecard company. They get free ad space on Blasphemes because they are just awesome. Keep up the good work, yous guys, and I'll just keep on posting them for you!

"Don't take it personally if your savior's return is less anticipated than that of Tiger Woods."

The iMaxiPad

The iPad--is probably the worst named product since HeadOn. On my best day, I cannot get past the obvious feminine hygiene product image.

"Did Apple really check whether women would like the idea of a maxi-pad?" writes blogger Ann Althouse, who suggests that Steve Jobs' marketing gurus should've consulted women a bit more. "Anyway, for our light days, we have iPhones. For our heavy days, we have the iPad? The iMaxiPad? Come on, guys!

Seattle Post-Intelligencer writer Mónica Guzmán also wonders what Apple was thinking: "Whether we make this part of the conversation surrounding Apple's highly anticipated tablet device or ignore it for the sake of decency, the word 'pad' has a meaning that is about as far removed from computing as a Band-Aid is from a television set.

"But how many times do you say 'Hand me that pad' and not, you know, blush a little?" Guzmán asks rhetorically.

Interestingly, the "iPad" jokes began before today's product launch. "Am I the only one who thinks the iPad sounds like a new feminine hygiene tech product?" asked one reader last week on Neowin.net, a tech news site.

iTampon on Twitter

A mere two hours after Jobs wrapped up his iPad demo, the term "iTampon" was trending higher than "Apple's iPad," on Twitter. The jokes were flowing. Pun intended.

User "britpixie" tweeted: "gotta love that iTampon is trending higher than iPad on twitter right now. Something tells me, they picked the wrong name?"

"MaestroMasadeJr" added: "iPad will forever be known as the iTampon ...oh dear I wonder which unfortunate ad agency advised Apple on the 'iPad' name..."

Will the name "iPad" ruin the tablet's success? It's too soon to tell. Once the jokes die down, consumers will focus on the tablet's capabilities [and limitations] and that price tag.

What's interesting to me is that Apple, usually a master of marketing, seems to have stumbled so incredibly terribly down the stairs with the product name.

What's My Problem With iPad?

Oh, and Mr. Jobs, you spelled aren't wrong. The grammer natzis are going to come and break your windows or something.

Coke Sugar High

In what's surely an attempt to spite high fructose corn syrup haters everywhere, Coke has redesigned their plastic bottle to contain what was once sugar cane. They call it a "PlantBottle." (It's not this thing.)

70% petroleum, 30% sugar cane leftovers (converted to a plastic after several chemical processes), the plantbottle is debuting in regions of high profile first, like Denmark for the convenient United Nations Climate Change Summit.

Through a commissioned study, Coke found their PlantBottles to have a 12%-to-19% smaller carbon footprint than their plastic classic. To put that metric into perspective: Coke used to be polluting the Earth with millions of bottles yearly that would expend our limited resources while filling our our oceans with endless filth. But wait! With their new bottle, Coke is doing pretty much the same thing while being super pretentious pricks about it at the same time!

[WSJ via Grub Street Chicago]

Sale at Macys, only in Utah

Beloved Burger Barons Ketchup in Hooker and Blow Scandal

The new video for Rad Omen's "Rad Anthem," a catchy slice of repetitive Daft Punkery.

The concept? Several much-loved fast-food icons go out for a night on the town that turns out to be very much like the Prodigy's video for "Smack My Bitch Up." Booze, drugs, strippers, a transvestite Wendy, and other special treats abound (Los Angeles filmmaker Nicholaus Goossen is no stranger to the subject matter, being pals with Shwayze, Dirt Nasty, Beardo, and that whole crew of party people).

​

RAD OMEN - "Rad Anthem" from Nicholaus Goossen.

Is This Racist?

How do you survive a crowd of "awkward" black people?

According to KFC's latest [Australian] advertisement a bucket of fried chicken will do the trick.

Is this racist? You tell me.

Now, apparently, a flustered white guy gets out of an "awkward situation"--which in this case appears to mean being stuck in a crowd of happy, cheering fans who is supporting a team that the white fan isn't supporting, defuses the tension of buying tickets for the wrong seats by ordering in fried chicken for himself and the neighbors around him. At least, that's how I'd defuse this race card time bomb for KFC.

KFC American offices are going to have to throw KFC Aus. under the bus for this one.

Target practice, anyone?

Folks, I can't tell you how awesome cool this image or just this idea is. If you've never fired a gun, or are just thinking about it - if you had this in front of your site, you'd never leave the firing range.

Darth Vader, T-800 Terminator, Zombie

Freddy Kruger, Space Invader, Megatron

Godzilla, Agent Smith, Goomba

Simpsons Presents: You Make It Up

'Simpsons' contest lets fans create new character

Fox is launching a contest where for the first time ever fans can design a new "Simpsons" character that will appear on the show.

Between now and Oct. 24, fans can submit their character’s traits -- including name/nickname, age, appearance, occupation and catchphrases -- to the thesimpsons.com. (No, you don't have to draw the character, the experts will do that, just describe it).

The winning entry, selected by "Simpsons" producers, will be animated into a January episode of the show. The contest is part of Fox's “Best. 20 Years. Ever.” celebration for the series, which is on its record-setting 21st season as the longest-running scripted primetime series.

Poochie.

Gandhi Pen

This week marked the 140th anniversary of the birth of Indian independence pioneer Mahatma Gandhi. And to commemorate a man who chose a life of poverty and shunned material goods, Montblanc has created a limited-edition pen with an 18K gold nib and a price of just $25,000.

The pen, in an edition of 241 (a reference to Gandhi's 241-mile tax-protest walk in 1930), also includes a 26-foot golden thread, meant to symbolize Gandhi's ascetic lifestyle, which included weaving his own simple clothing from cotton thread.

Followers of Gandhi's legacy expressed surprise over the pen. "Mahatma Gandhi advocated a simple lifestyle," said Dijo Kappen of the Center for Consumer Education in Kerala:

"He was, of course, a nationalist and, in the nature of the independence movement, the only thing he promoted was Indian-made goods. It is a mockery of the great man and an insult to the nation... to use him as a poster boy."

Kappen's group has filed a lawsuit against Montblanc to stop the pen from being sold.

Montblanc produced the pen with the endorsement of Gandhi's great-grandson, Tushar Gandhi, whose foundation has received $145,000 from the company. For each additional pen sold, the company will add aother $200 to $1,000.

Tushar Gandhi, while admitting that his great-grandfather "wouldn't have used the pen," defended it as Montblanc's "acknowledgment of the greatness of Gandhi." The pen, he said is about taking Gandhi's message of nonviolence and tolerance forward, "and what better way than with a writing instrument? In a world traumatized by violence, a pen reaffirms faith in dialogue." We kind of like that sentiment, though we think we'd probably be able to embrace the concept just as easily with a $2 Pilot VBall as with a $25,000 Montblanc.

Anger at Montblanc's Gandhi pen [BBC NEWS, via The Consumerist]

Montblanc - Yep, you guessed it - You're

BLASPHEMES HYPOCRITE OF THE WEEK!

My Prayers Have Been Answered!

Prayer Works: Now Serving Dippin Dots.

Praise God!

Bitchin' Camaro

This training film makes me wonder how GM ever sold any cars, ever?

Sorry I'm late...

"so what're we protesting today, gu- ah, damn it."

Meeting to Protect BPA

Maybe you've read some of my articles on High Fructose Corn Syrup? In the past I've tried to bring health issues, and the hypocrisy of those issues to these electronic pages.

One issue that I haven't spent much time on is the bisphenol-A (BPA). BPA is found in all kinds of cool plastic products, such as baby bottles and drinking things, like water bottles. As studies continue to link bisphenol-A (BPA) with all sorts of health problems, states and cities are banning the chemical from baby bottles and sippy cups and Congress is considering a ban in all food containers. One of the few times that I agree with Nanny State politics - however, the Free Market is taking care of taking this chemical compound out of plastic products all by itself.

But for those who manufacture the stuff - they're a little pissed. So, last week the industry groups who make BPA products held a private meeting to devise strategy to protect the use of BPA. And someone secretly sent the notes of that meeting to the Washington Post. And here's this study [www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov] that says that average levels of BPA in humans are at or above the levels which were shown to cause harm to animals. And seeing as how BPA leaches from containers into food - yum. Between that and the Teflon - What? Oh, heating up that pork chop in that plastic container is what got me? Damn! I could have been smoking this whole time!

The groups in attendance of the secret meeting proposed a $500,000 PR campaign to "get the BPA perspective in the media mix." Only half a million? All that's going to get them is a three colored pamphlet and a few fake VNR's on your local newscasts. I can imagine that they're attempt to scare consumers with misleading warnings like "Do you want to have access to baby food anymore?" or parading a young pregnant woman around to talk about the great things that BPA can do for her and her baby...

The Post quotes from the notes, but the blog Effect Measure has what it claims to be the entire summary, available here.

Some of the assumed adverse health effects that are being linked to BPA exposure include increased instances of prostate and breast cancer, diabetes, and numerous reproductive system defects. A Harvard study last month found clear evidence that containers made with BPA, like hard plastic sports bottles, leach BPA into people's bodies. Oops. Hard science. That's tough to shake.

Congress will soon consider the Ban Poisonous Additives Act, sponsored by Representative Ed Markey (D-Mass.) and Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Cal.), which would ban the chemical in all food containers, including baby bottles, reusable sport bottles, and canned goods. And as I mentioned Free Market Retailers like Target and Babies R Us have already pulled BPA products from their shelves and replaced them with similarly priced BPA-free alternatives, and at least three canned food producers use BPA-free linings in their cans, demonstrating that alternatives already exist at similar prices. (Target and BRU either don't want to lose market share to glass bottles, or don't want to be part of the obvious class action lawsuit that will likely be on the horizon?)

For more - Strategy Being Devised to Protect Use of BPA

Now if you're interested in solutions for this one - babies - try breastfeeding: most natural and cheap option out there.

Water bottles - they invented something called a drinking fountain. Failing that, my old Boy Scout canteen still works. Has a metallic taste, but I guess I'd rather take a little aluminium over BPH?