Happy New Year Roll Out....

Granted, Black Death is the high bar we're looking at - so I'm not going to promise 1353 levels of greatness.... but I'll be there's going to be some big surprises!

At the Apple Store

Come on now, people. He died of cancer - he didn't cure it! Yes, he brought computers into people's homes and made them look very pretty and usable. He's also the co-creator of Atari Breakout... but come on now!

The other fun thing I like pointing out is that the same people whom have been bitching and moaning about the top 1% all day spent their entire evening crying about one that died. Hypocrite of the Week - top contender.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Bonus Saturday Morning Cartoon...

Please don’t be offended if you have an iphone, just a cute video that’s been making the rounds – apple is a marketing genius. Be warned, it contains rough language.

Jobs: Phones Suck

Scott Adams [Dilbert] bows at Steve Jobs’ crisis management skills.

I’m sure you’re all following the iPhone 4 story. If you hold the phone a certain way, it drops calls.

In a press conference on the subject, Steve Jobs said, “We’re not perfect. Phones are not perfect. We all know that. But we want to make our users happy.”

Jobs got a lot of heat about his response. Where was the apology? Where was the part where he acknowledged that the buck stops with him, and that Apple made a big mistake that never should have happened? That’s public relations 101, right?

I’m a student of how language influences people. Apple’s response to the iPhone 4 problem didn’t follow the public relations playbook because Jobs decided to rewrite the playbook. (I pause now to insert the necessary phrase Magnificent Bastard.) If you want to know what genius looks like, study Jobs’ words: “We’re not perfect. Phones are not perfect. We all know that. But we want to make our users happy.”

Jobs changed the entire argument with nineteen words. He was brief. He spoke indisputable truth. And later in his press conference, he offered clear fixes.

Did it work? Check out the media response. There’s lots of talk about whether other smartphones are perfect or not. There’s lots of talk about whether Jobs’ response was the right one. But the central question that was in everyone’s head before the press conference – “Is the iPhone 4 a dud” – has, well, evaporated. Part of the change in attitude is because the fixes Apple offered are adequate. But those fixes easily could have become part of the joke if handled in an apologetic “please kick me” way.

If Jobs had not changed the context from the iPhone 4 in particular to all smartphones in general, I could make you a hilarious comic strip about a product so poorly made that it won’t work if it comes in contact with a human hand. But as soon as the context is changed to “all smartphones have problems,” the humor opportunity is gone. Nothing kills humor like a general and boring truth.

The fact that the iPhone 4 is, in fact, a dud has been, at least temporarily, obscured by this brilliant jujitsu. But, it turns out, most of iPhone’s competitors still work if you hold them using your hands.

Steve Jobs iPhone. Explained by the Taiwanese

Reality distortion field remains strong with Steve Jobs after antennagate

The iPhone 4 saga, as explained by that Taiwanese news program with the excellent animators and seemingly endless supply of LSD
Apple founder Steve Jobs have been busy defending the iPhone 4, which has been mired in problems since before its launch. The latest scandal to crop up, dubbed 'antennagate', is so-named because the phone's antenna gets poor reception if the phone is held the wrong way. Watch Jobs try and convince the world it's not a big deal in this animation.

The Week In Review - Sunday Comics

See you next week folks

Not Perfect

Think Different. About Apple

Great Customer Service

Giorgio Galante sent CEO Randall Stephenson of AT&T two emails in two weeks. The first one was a request to bump up his iPhone eligibility date and a request for a tethering option. A second one outlined his displeasure with AT&T's new data rates and his ultimate decision to switch to Sprint and the EVO 4G.

He got a phone call from AT&T's Executive Response Team and a warning that further emails will result in a cease and desist letter. That prompted someone called "Brent" to call Giorgio back and thank him for the feedback, but also politely warn him that further emails would be met with legal action.

Huh?

AT&T just lost itself a customer. Why did they release the lawyer hounds rather than just filtering Randall's email? Boggles the mind.

I also wonder why Steve Jobs hasn't sent over his goon squad to bash this guy's brain pan in for changing the 'unlimited' data plan on their network. I can't imagine this will help iPad sales.

Doesn't he look like a swarmy Bond villain?

Go Easy on the 'Kid'

iPad Stand

Dude, you're so doing it wrong.

New iPad is Out

"First! Eat it suckas!"
The saddest picture of the week.

Yes, the shinny new iPad (without 3G) is out today...

Me, I'm unimpressed so far. It makes no calls. It's not going to save print, but it IS going to be the hottest fetish device that 'must be seen' on the plane and commuter train. Sure they'll sell a boat load of them and make tons of money. Doesn't mean I want one. I guess it's the non-conformist in me speaking.

It's kind of like this... if all the cool kids get one, and then I get one, I'm just part of the herd. I see it as another semi-useful product being packaged as the 'It' Shinny Product of the month. And if everyone's got one, how cool can it possibly be? And you certainly don't want to be the last one to pick one up. You're the also-ran. I imagine the last guy to get his Member's Only Jacket.

And I'm not mocking Apple. I've bought more than my fair share of Apple products over my consumer life cycle. I was even buying Mac crap in the 90's... when people would ask me if I was brain damaged... (I never did get a straight answer on that question). So it's not that I'm not a Mac Fanboi, far from it. I've simply looked at the product, the specs and I just don't think it's useful enough at that price point. It's a fairly closed system, the lack of a keyboard or stylus kind of pisses me off - so I'm going to 'suffer' with my Motorola Droid.

My Droid has a calorie counter, stopwatch, music player and internet browser. Sure, I probably don't want to read War and Peace on the screen -- but I probably wouldn't on an iPad either. That's me.

Well, actually it might be you too. Here's a handy flow chart.

The iMaxiPad

The iPad--is probably the worst named product since HeadOn. On my best day, I cannot get past the obvious feminine hygiene product image.

"Did Apple really check whether women would like the idea of a maxi-pad?" writes blogger Ann Althouse, who suggests that Steve Jobs' marketing gurus should've consulted women a bit more. "Anyway, for our light days, we have iPhones. For our heavy days, we have the iPad? The iMaxiPad? Come on, guys!

Seattle Post-Intelligencer writer Mónica Guzmán also wonders what Apple was thinking: "Whether we make this part of the conversation surrounding Apple's highly anticipated tablet device or ignore it for the sake of decency, the word 'pad' has a meaning that is about as far removed from computing as a Band-Aid is from a television set.

"But how many times do you say 'Hand me that pad' and not, you know, blush a little?" Guzmán asks rhetorically.

Interestingly, the "iPad" jokes began before today's product launch. "Am I the only one who thinks the iPad sounds like a new feminine hygiene tech product?" asked one reader last week on Neowin.net, a tech news site.

iTampon on Twitter

A mere two hours after Jobs wrapped up his iPad demo, the term "iTampon" was trending higher than "Apple's iPad," on Twitter. The jokes were flowing. Pun intended.

User "britpixie" tweeted: "gotta love that iTampon is trending higher than iPad on twitter right now. Something tells me, they picked the wrong name?"

"MaestroMasadeJr" added: "iPad will forever be known as the iTampon ...oh dear I wonder which unfortunate ad agency advised Apple on the 'iPad' name..."

Will the name "iPad" ruin the tablet's success? It's too soon to tell. Once the jokes die down, consumers will focus on the tablet's capabilities [and limitations] and that price tag.

What's interesting to me is that Apple, usually a master of marketing, seems to have stumbled so incredibly terribly down the stairs with the product name.

What's My Problem With iPad?

Oh, and Mr. Jobs, you spelled aren't wrong. The grammer natzis are going to come and break your windows or something.

And Lo, Steve Jobs Presented the Tablets

Exodus 24:12 And the LORD said unto Steve Jobs, Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tables of chrome and plated aluminum and a multi-touchscreen, and a good battery, and a crippled OS X which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.

Exodus 24:15 And Steve Jobs went up into the mount, and a cloud covered the mount press conference stage.

Exodus 24:16 And the glory of the LORD abode upon mount San Jose, California, and the cloud covered it six days: and the seventh day he called unto Steve Jobs out of the midst of the cloud.

Exodus 24:17 And the sight of the glory of the LORD was like devouring fire on the top of the mount in the eyes of the children of the United States.

Exodus 24:18 And Steve Jobs went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Jobs was in the mount forty days and forty nights.

Exodus 31:18 And he gave unto Steve Jobs, when he had made an end of communing with him upon mount San Jose, two tables of testimony, tables of modern shininess, written with the finger of God.