TSA Takes Your Stuff

It's not enough to lose your dignity and your 4th Amendment rights, but now you're going to lose your stuff on that trip to see grandma?

30-year-old Nelson Santiago-Serrano, a former Transportation Security Administration worker at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport, has been charged with two counts of grand theft. The Broward Sheriff’s Office accuse Santiago of stealing more than $50,000 worth of electronics from passenger luggage over the past six months.

How was he caught? Apparently a Continental Airlines employee caught him in the act of extracting an Apple iPad from a passenger’s luggage and stuffing it down his pants. Somehow the former TSA agent thought that nobody would notice that he had a 9.5-inch tablet stuck in his trousers? This guy is above the law, though, right?

Broward detectives say that Santiago would immediately take a photo of his stolen electronics and put them up for sale online, even before his shift ended. The devices include computers, GPS devices, cameras and, of course, trouser-sized iPads.

This isn’t the first time a TSA agent has been caught stealing from passenger luggage.

But it's more than that, say some conspiracy theorists...
It defies public-trust expectations, but there's a theory that rogue officers at the Transportation Security Administration who think nothing of stealing your stuff.

The TSA also estimates that for every TSA employee who touches a bag, some six to 10 airline or airport employees and contractors also have — mostly out of view of the passenger.

In our ongoing attempt to quit bitching and offer solutions - Here are a few steps you can take to keep your things out of thieves’ hands:

As much as possible, keep a watchful eye on your belongings. “You are responsible for your property as it proceeds through the screening process,” according to the TSA.

Do not pack jewelry, cash, laptops, public fountains, electronics or any fragile items in your baggage. Leave anything that you can’t live without at home.

Skip the trays that the airport provides for jewelry, watches and wallets, and belts — using them invites theft. Take off those items before you get to the security line and put them in the pocket of a carry-on.

If you have a lost or missing item from a security checkpoint, check the airport’s lost and found first. The TSA has a list of all the phone numbers at every airport.

If you think your property was stolen, or damaged, during the screening process you can file a claim online.

Also lock your bags and check your inventory throughout your trip. More importantly, be on the lookout for TSA agents that have Spongebob Squarepants if you suddenly can’t find your iPad or Xoom.

Or better yet - how about we stand up and tell our government we'll take our chances with the Terrorists? Shut down the security theater!

Failure to Screen the Screener

Airport passenger screener charged in distributing child pornography

A passenger screener at Philadelphia International Airport is facing charges that he distributed more than 100 images of child pornography via Facebook, records show.

Federal agents also allege that Transportation Safety Administration Officer Thomas Gordon Jr. of Philadelphia, who routinely searched airline passengers, uploaded explicit pictures of young girls to an Internet site on which he also posted a photograph of himself in his TSA uniform.

Homeland Security agents arrested the TSA officer March 24, and he is being held without bail.

Now, it doesn't seem that he took pictures from the Radiation King and posted that -- but his job was to feel people up and violate their 4th Amendment rights.

May I make a suggestion that the TSA screen their screeners before they screen me?

Dear TSA:

Mosque Attack Thwarted

American Terrorist Tries to Blow Up one of the USA's biggest mosques with 700 Muslims in it

About 700 people were attending a funeral inside the Islamic Center of America in Dearborn, the largest mosque in metro Detroit, when Dearborn police arrived to arrest a man in a car in the parking lot.

He had driven to Michigan from California and reportedly was overheard in a bar making threatening comments about Muslims or Arabs. His car was loaded with large, illegal fireworks, police said. Now, Roger Stockham, 63, is jailed on charges that include making a false report or threat of terrorism.

"He's very dangerous," said Dearborn Police Chief Ron Haddad.

Yes, a car full of M80's. I'm not an expert - but it sounds more like he was going to put on a fireworks display and cause some mayhem - not exactly bring down the building kind of event BUT - let's remember that this is an American intent on blowing up other Americans.

We all need to take a minute to give credit where credit is due, to summarize the modern law-enforcement techniques and agencies that made it possible to catch him:

• Illegal wiretaps
• Naked X-Ray machines
• Waterboarding, "stress positions," and other types of torture
• TSA crotch-grabbing of minors
  
• Color-coded terror alerts
• Internet spying/surveillance/data harvesting
• Racial/ethnic/religious profiling
• Any and all the actions and involvement from the FBI, the DHS, or the TSA and Mega-Plex Homeland Security

Oh, wait. That's the list of things that HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH catching him! This was a crusty old man talking at a bar!

That said, you haven't seen this information, but I wonder that if this was the other way around - a Muslim with a car full of fireworks outside of a mega-church - would the coverage been different? Would that be buried even further?

Oh, Those Opulent O’s.

We’ve come to the end of a decade - yes, I start counting my decades by the ones and not the zeroes, which means that 1980 was the last year of the 70’s. I know it looks stupid on paper, but it is the proper way. My reference point would be the classic Onion Headline - “The Millennium Begins in 2001, Terrorists Note.”

In the grand tradition of rehashing old news and making sub-standard lists of events, arbitrary lists of the ‘best’ movies or music, reality television ‘stars’, or worst of all - consumer products - allow me the exercise of looking back with the rose colored glasses of time. I’d like to try to present the previous ten years as it might show up in a history book.

The Opulent O's

Previous eras of the American experience have been labeled, whether accurately or not, by the generations that followed. The eras of the Gilded Age, the Roaring Twenties, or the Fabulous Fifties give an over reaching illusion of wealth and comfort afforded by all the citizenry. Careful study shows that there were major exceptions ranked by class status and race in each of these three examples, and the names themselves discount recessionary times, and any turmoil that existed. However, the tradition of remembrance for a grouping of ten years with a fantastical moniker has become an unfortunate reality of historical narrative when examining the history of America. The era that we are focusing on now is no exception -- the era which begins at the turn of the 21st Century to the new year of 2011 CE. This time has become known as the Opulent O’s.

To first explain the name of the era, the people of the time did not refer to the year in which they lived as the aughts, or oughts as proper English would dictate, or even the example of the generation that lived through the turn of the previous century, the 1900’s. The pronunciation of the year in which they lived predominantly was spoken as, “two thousand and...” followed by the number designate. Hence, why a few historians have refereed to the era as the ‘And’s’. The consensus by reputable sources and careful research has been to designate this time as the ‘Oh’s.’ The evidence in the historical record suggests that the people of the time would sometimes drop the ‘two thousand’ in speech and would simply state, “Oh six,” when giving a descriptor of a year; as an example.

The word Opulent has become to describe the era. The Latin derived definition in English are defined as 1. Having or indicating wealth, and also 2. Abundant or plentiful. Ignoring race or regional exceptions -- the word perfectly defines the era.

The primary fuel of the time was cheap and easily obtained petroleum drilled from the ground. The peak of use of gasoline and plastic derived from oil occurred in this era. The abundance of cheap oil and fuel allowed for cheap food sources. The importance of oil in the life cycle of plant to waste product must be studied to understand the mindset of the time. The availability and sheer amounts of cheap fuel created a cradle-to-grave manufacturing cycle from consumer goods to 4 ton single passenger vehicle with low fuel to kilometer use ratios -- which defines the zeitgeist. The most important aspect, in hindsight, to the lifestyle of the times was the amount of fuel used to create inexpensive food. The petroleum was used in the creation of fertilizer, and copious amounts were used in the entire process of seed to market, and market to aftermarket production.

Simplified, the oil or oil products would be used by the farmer from every aspect of his production -- from the multiple passes on a tractor (soil toiling, planting, chemical pesticide application, cultivation and a final till of the soil), to transport to industrial food processing off site (sometimes thousands of miles) from the farmland. Next, from the secondary processor which would create a chemical byproduct of the original agricultural product (Maize and soybeans being the most popular of the bases found in most supermarkets [see also ADM Corporation] would then transport and package the new product and ship by truck to market. Retail supermarkets [Safeway, Albertsons], “fast food” restaurants [McDonald’s, Chili’s] or superstore retail outlets [Costco, Wal-Mart] would then cater to the final end user, who more often than not, used a single passenger vehicle to transport the product home. Once the product was consumed, the end user simply disposed of the plastic packaging to preserve the food product, and the outer container -- typically another plastic or cardboard package which only served to encourage purchase. Once discarded the packaging materials were then transported by another gas powered truck or transport to take the used goods to be covered in a landfill. The concept of cradle to cradle manufacturing may have germinated in this era, but due to the nature and scale of the single-use economic cycle, it was counter productive or even suicidal for any industry to adopt a plan to reuse or recycle their resources or waste products.

Since fuel and food were inexpensive, the lifestyle of the typical American of the Opulent O’s were filled with store bought conveniences and electronic trinkets designed for obsolescence which encouraged constant replacement. Leveraged credit based upon elevated housing prices allowed consumers buying power. It was not uncommon for an American to have bought a home past their means, and taken credit based on that home’s perceived market value, called a home equity loan. These funds were then used to purchase more consumer goods -- and often with a credit card [MasterCard, Visa]. The economy was primarily based on the spending habits of the consumer. Even after the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, President George W. Bush urged Americans to go to the malls, and purchase houses and cars to get the economy engine moving again. The government created an environment of low interest rates and extremely easy credit in order to facilitate the consumer’s appetite.

Two major military engagements were initiated in response to the sensational terrorist attacks in America, under the banner of a “War on Terrorism.” The engagements in Afghanistan were aided by the Allied Western NATO nations, and the second invasion of Iraq resulted in the replacement of the government there, and a permanent American presence. History has shown, both of these costly involvements were to secure the oil fields, and an attempt to stabilize the region [see also Iran v America 1970-2020] -- thus insuring the flow of inexpensive oil to American business interests. Specifically those partners in Europe and China. Like the citizenry, these foreign entanglements were funded largely by credit. The U.S. had gone from a creditor nation to a debtor nation in 1988, but accelerated during the Bush and Obama Administrations.

Despite the trillions of dollars expended, the price of oil rose as industrial engines of India and China grew their GDP by 20% per year. Oil Prices rose in late 2006 because of simple supply and demand, plus speculation in the commodity markets. Soon, inflation of consumer products, fuel prices, and food began to outpace the threshold of business and consumer expendable incomes. Quickly, the slowdown of consumer spending toppled the preposterous derivative financial products of the time, wiped out the housing speculation and subsequent consumer credit bubble, and exposed widespread institutional Ponzi schemes, not dissimilar to the domino effect experienced at the end of the Roaring 1920’s.

Amazingly, the Six Corporate media companies either were misinformed or incapable of reporting the trends that were creating the problems that led to disaster, and instead reported only soft news (entertainment and sporting events which fed to their other advertising sponsored media concerns), or blatantly perpetuated partisan arguments to fill a 24 hour news cycle with surprisingly low or useless content to their audiences. The news of the day, even as late as 2010, was that of recovery and consumer confidence -- despite under reported or manipulated unemployment figures and a withering manufacturing base. Despite the ineffectual news climate, the government and other influential sources were inserting the word “unsustainable” into the collective vocabulary. At the end of the decade, even to the most optimistic, it seemed that the party was coming to a close. The start of a ‘new normal’ was discussed and contemplated.

Notable Starts: Enhanced government security, social media on networked devices, portable networked computing in communication devices, alternative energy, commercial exploration of space, TEA Party [Taxed Enough Already Party]

Influential Americans: George W. Bush (43rd President), Barack H. Obama (44th President), Larry Page and Sergey Brin, Warren Buffet, Alan Greenspan, Oprah Winfrey, Mark Zuckerburg, Steve Jobs, Sarah Palin.

Human Achievements: Completion of the Human Genome Project, Large Hadron Collider (Switzerland), 2nd Hubble Space Telescope repair by Human Astronauts, extra solar system planetoids discovered, water found on Mars and the Moon.

Notable Disasters: Terrorist Attacks on September 11th, 2001, Hurricane Katrina hits New Orleans and Mississippi, Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill, Global Warming/Climate Change.

Threat Neutralized

Thank Jebus they're finally cracking down on the terrible terrible threat of snow globes. We can all sleep safer tonight knowing that a snowglobe will not be used to hijack and crash an airplane over our fair cities.

Threat Neutralized

Now Turn Your Head and Cough

Sunday Comics: Week in Review

Somehow we made it through Thanksgiving. It wasn't easy. There were TSA agents greeting weary travelers... when they bothered to turn the scanners on. It's fairly easy to claim victory over opt-outers when you don't bother to follow your own rules.

We covered this a lot, but, well, it might be one of our last stands for the 4th Amendment.
There have been reports of a tad bit of a double standard going on. Apparently women in Burkas are exempt from screening. And mom always has good advice when it comes to your underwear.
Meantime, 9 years later, a conviction for something that happened before 9-11. And even as justice was finally being doled out - the media missed a couple points about the perp.
And here's a gem of a cartoon explaining why, today, there isn't peace in the Middle East. One of ten thousand reasons...
The Irish are now officially broke.
And speaking of broke, now we have a new poverty index - the Potter Index.
Between that and slaughtered turkeys and 20% off television sets that people camped out in freezing temperatures and slaughtered their neighbors for... not a terrible week. Hope to have the electricity to see you next week.

4th Amendment Underwear

4th AMENDMENT UNDERCLOTHES

Now there's a way to protest those intrusive TSA X-ray scanners without saying a word. 4th Amendment Metallic ink-printed undershirts and underwear.

Assert your rights without saying a word. [click to order yours].




It should also add, "This message brought to you by the First Amendment. See Rear."

Optional: Have 1st amendment printed on back.

Maybe the 2nd as well? Oh, wait, that's what they're looking for in the first place.

So Here's The Deal...

It seems that anyone who is against having their three year old daughter or self to be either 1) photographed naked or 2) given an aggressive pat down by government agents - is to be considered a threat to the Patriot Act. And, anyone speaking out on the issue is a "moron." I actually read on the Facebook this morning...

"Prudes & paranoids exacerbate the stress of travel by getting in the way of angry people trying to see their families."

The response below was a pile of 'likes' and "ha ha... stupid people are stupid."

It seems it's all just a non issue anyway as the TSA has declared that 'Opt-Out Day' is a Bust. According to the TSA's "Blogger Bob," basically nobody is choosing to opt out of the advance screening at airports across the country despite "National Opt-Out Day". Some airports report zero opt-outs. So much for the uprising. [Blog.TSA.gov]

So it seems Americans are shouting,
"Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death -- unless I have a plane to catch..."
~ Random American in line 2010.

Well, let me tell you why I'm jumping on this particular bandwagon. Yes, I know it's just playing into the hands of the fear mongers who want their buddies to get a government contract. I pointed that out earlier today... It's just that we're running dangerously low on "last" straws. If you look in-between some of those needles, you can probably count the straws that are left on one hand. The straw is what's left of the 'freedom' that the United States is not allowed to take away from you without due process.

We've already given up a lot of liberties with the Patriot Act. With the stroke of a pen, the Big Brother paranoid delusion got much more tangent and better funded. That's the day or two after the Towers Fell.

Prior to that, to anyone paying any attention, the government had already decided to trample their citizen's liberties and rights when they went to Ruby Ridge and attacked the Koresh Compound at Waco. Further liberties where whittled away after Timothy McVey and his unknown supporters responded to the government attacks on it's citizens with violence of their own. All that accomplished was an excuse for Mr. Clinton to sign both the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act [1994] and the Anti-Terrorism and Effective Death Penalty Act of 1996. There's also that nasty little "Three Strikes" provision sandwiched in there somewhere. The forth amendment was handcuffed to the radiator while the ATF looked for evidence - without a warrant, just good faith - found none, and the 4th had no recourse to complain. Haven't heard much about the 4th standing up for itself much lately after that.

Warrant-less wiretaps and cameras on every intersection came next. A nifty side benefit, those cameras can actually pay for themselves if you make a right turn on red. Seriously, next time you're at a stoplight in a major city look carefully at the hardware on the line. I was casually told by a fireman that most of Chicago intersections are streaming a video feed.

Then we had the shoe and Christmas panty bomber attempts - both of these fine human beings boarded internationally. Both were thwarted by their fellow passengers - our true last line of defense. Justification for the "porno-scanners" even though security screening missed them and also the original 9/11 attackers? You bet.

Never mind the no-board list. That's a computer terminal hooked up to make it look like we're safer. Oh and those Air Marshals? All 4,000 Air Marshalls make 4 arrests per year. Not 4 per Air Marshall, 4 total. That's roughly $200,000,000 per arrest. Good job, men. Oh, and guys, please don't leave loaded weapons or full clips on the planes.

In the meantime - since America has Bi-Polar Disorder - Ahmed Khalfan Ghailani was acquitted Wednesday of all but one count of conspiracy-related charges in a landmark civilian trial involving the first Guantanamo detainee to be tried in civilian court. One count. Well, because if the prosecution had used certain evidence against him - it would have violated his Fifth Amendment rights.

So, a non-citizen, who was convicted of conspiring to kill 248 people - and the bomb he conspired to set off that 'accidentally' killed 248 people - was given Constitutional rights, and murdered 248 people... er, no, conspired to -- While a three year old natural born citizen of the United States is flagged to either be photographed or molested because a computer flagged him as a threat to national security on a domestic flight to see his grandma?

A non-citizen terrorist was given Constitutional rights,
while citizens are losing theirs.

The bad guys have made their point, their attack, and they are winning. They are killing the West with 1000 cuts -- and even boasted exactly that point the other day in a press release! With a mere $4,200 dollars in three BOTCHED attacks, they are bankrupting the West while we run the Constitution in the shredder so that they'll love us.

"To bring down America we do not need to strike big, with the security phobia that is sweeping America, it is more feasible to stage smaller attacks that involve less players and less time to launch." Of the cargo attacks, the AP reports that the target was economic: "We knew that cargo planes are staffed by only a pilot and a co-pilot, so our objective was not to cause maximum casualties but to cause maximum losses to the American economy."

We're hemorrhaging our freedom. Our lifeblood. The Al Qaeda even called their new strategy "OPERATION HEMORRHAGE!"

But, hold on a tick - they're taking the credit for the Mortgage Crisis now? That's a little bold. It's not like they've got a Weather Dominator or - wait, maybe they'll take credit for Katrina too. Frankly, why are we afraid of these morons?

The bigger enemy is ourselves - and what we're allowing our government to take away from us, with nary a peep of discontent or displeasure.

If we don't pick a final straw and stand on it with all our might, we should just throw in the towel called Bill of Rights and just pay our taxes and die like we're supposed to.

TSA Outrage - Follow The Money

TSA Scanner Outrage

Follow the money. Who's making it, now?

Michael Chertoff, while he was the Head of Homeland Security under Bush, advocated and pushed for installation and implementation of the full-body scanners.
Once he was out of "public service", Chertoff's consulting company (Read: Lobbying Company) landed as a client, Rapiscan, the company that makes the scanners. There are multiple links to info about Chertoff and the scanner company. [Read more]

Don't act surprised when you see these things pop up at court houses, jails, and then museums and sporting events. Think I'm kidding? I wish!

The next step in tightened security could be on U.S. public transportation, trains and boats. Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says terrorists will continue to look for U.S. vulnerabilities, making tighter security standards necessary.

“[Terrorists] are going to continue to probe the system and try to find a way through,” Napolitano said in an interview that aired Monday night on "Charlie Rose."[Read]

TSA Scanner Outrage - Who's beating the war drum to piss people off and make a big deal about it? Incoming House Transportation chief Rep. John Mica (R-Fla. [Full Story and his letter to Airports] Why? He wants private companies to be running the functions of the TSA. Why would he want that? Most likely, if you followed the money trail - I'm going to go on a wild guess and suggest that maybe he knows someone who - just maybe - would get the contract if some high powered new Transportation Chief could make the case that private security firm goons are only slightly less scary than government goons. Why else would he tell folks not to stage their protests on the day before Turkey Day?

My solution: Fly naked.

The Case Against the TSA

I was writing my own version of this - when I came across a much more in depth and thought out (his grammar was much more better than mine)

Here's the quick recap of the article:

1. The Fourth Amendment

2. Sexual Assault and Homeland Terrorism

3. Health Concerns of the Scanner technology. The Old Radiation King was never really tested...

4. Costs of the Scanners, the TSA agent training to use the scanners, and the TSA Agents Union.

5. Corruption. Who owns the company and the lobby agency trying to get these things everywhere?

6. Flying is safe (well, safer than driving) And the author points out you are eight times more likely to be killed by the police than by a terrorist.

7. Security Theater

8. The Procedures Make Us Less Safe.

Enough is enough.

A worthy read. [The full article: The Case Against the TSA]

Jedi Thwarts TSA

The following story was sent to me from a reader... and after reading the story of the mother who had her child taken from her for 10 minutes, I thought this one to share. It comes from Matt from the blog Noblasters

He pulls a Jedi Mind Trick on the TSA on his way OUT of the Airport... By using Vulcan Logic. Please read, and also check out Matt's blog.

You Don’t Need to See His Identification

On November 21, 2010, I was allowed to enter the U.S. through an airport security checkpoint without being x-rayed or touched by a TSA officer. This post explains how.

Edit: Minor edits for clarity. I have uploaded the audio and it is available here.

This past Sunday, I was returning from a trip to Europe. I flew from Paris to Cincinnati, landing in Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport.

As I got off my flight, I did all of the things that are normally requested from U.S. citizens returning from abroad. I filled out the customs declarations, confirmed that I hadn’t set foot on any farmland, and answered questions about the chocolates that I had purchased in Switzerland. While I don’t believe that these questions are necessary, I don’t mind answering them if it means some added security. They aren’t particularly intrusive. My passport was stamped, and I moved through customs a happy citizen returning home.

But wait – here was a second line to wait in.

This new line led to a TSA security checkpoint. You see, it is official TSA policy that people (both citizens and non-citizens alike) from international flights are screened as they enter the airport, despite the fact that they have already flown. Even before the new controversial security measures were put in place, I found this practice annoying. But now, as I looked past the 25 people waiting to get into their own country, I saw it: the dreaded Backscatter imaging machine.

Now, I’ve read a fair amount about the controversy surrounding the new TSA policies. I certainly don’t enjoy being treated like a terrorist in my own country, but I’m also not a die-hard constitutional rights advocate. However, for some reason, I was irked. Maybe it was the video of the 3-year old getting molested, maybe it was the sexual assault victim having to cry her way through getting groped, maybe it was the father watching teenage TSA officers joke about his attractive daughter. Whatever it was, this issue didn’t sit right with me. We shouldn’t be required to do this simply to get into our own country.

So, since I had nobody waiting for me at home and no connecting flight to catch, I had some free time. I decided to test my rights.

After putting all my stuff through the x-ray, I was asked to go through the Backscatter. I politely said that I didn’t want to. The technician quipped to his colleague, “We’ve got an opt-out.” They laughed. He turned back and started to explain.

After he finished, I said, “I understand what the pat-down entails, but I wanted to let you know that I do not give you permission to touch my genitals or the surrounding area. If you do, I will consider it assault.”

He called his manager over, who again informed me of the policy. Throughout this event, this happened quite a few times. After raising my concerns regarding the policy to an officer, they often simply quoted back the policy. For the sake of brevity, I will simply say “Policy restatement.”

I said, “I am aware that it is policy, but I disagree with the policy, and I think that it is unconstitutional. As a U.S. citizen, I have the right to move freely within my country as long as I can demonstrate proof of citizenship and have demonstrated no reasonable cause to be detained.”

Policy restatement. “You have two options – the Backscatter or the pat down. It is your choice, but those are the only ways you can go through security.”

I asked if I could speak to his manager.

“I’m the supervisor here.”

“Do you have a manager?”

“Yes, but he’s very far away at the moment. And he’ll say the same thing I am.” Policy restatement.

At this point, I took out my iPhone, activated the voice recorder, and asked The Supervisor, “Per my constitutional rights, I am not allowed to be detained without reasonable cause for arrest. Now, am I free to go?”

He answered, “If you leave, we will call the APD.”

I asked, “Who is the APD?”

“The Airport Police Department.”

I said, “Actually, that’s probably a good idea. Let’s call them and your manager.”

The Supervisor turned and walked away without saying anything. I stood and waited, chatting to The Technician about how they aren’t allowed to wear radiation badges, even though they work with radiation equipment. He said, “I think I’m a couple steps ahead of you regarding looking out for my own health.”

I stood and waited for 20 minutes. Two cops showed up. Big ones. I admit, I did not want to be handcuffed by these guys.

One cop was older than the other, but they were still clearly partners. Neither of them took the lead on answering my questions, and neither of them told the other what to do. They came over to me and asked me to explain the issue. I first showed them the iPhone. After I explained my position, they restated the policy to me.

I said, “Yes sir. I understand the policy, but I still disagree and I still don’t think that I can be made to do these searches in order to go home. Now am I free to go?”

They didn’t answer.

I repeated the question. “Since you are actual police officers and not simply TSA, I am sure you have had much more training on my rights as a U.S. citizen, so you understand what is at stake here. So, am I free to go? Or am I being detained?”

Young Cop answers, “You aren’t being detained, but you can’t go through there.”

“Isn’t that what detaining is? Preventing me from leaving?”

“You can leave if you want, but it has to be that direction.” He points back towards customs. Young Cop asks, “Why are you doing this?”

I explain that I’m worried that the Backscatter has unproven health risks. And that for all he knows, I might be a sexual assault victim and don’t feel like being touched. I say that the policy is needlessly invasive and it doesn’t provide any added security.

He asks, “But didn’t you go through this when you left on your flight?”

“Yes,” I say, grinning, “But I didn’t want to miss my flight then.”

The cops leave, and I stand around and wait some more. It should be noted that throughout this time, no fewer than 10 TSA officers and technicians are standing around, watching me. I was literally the only one still waiting to go through security.

The cops, The TSA Supervisor, and another guy were standing behind the checkpoint deliberating about something. I explained this to my iPhone and The Supervisor shouted, “Does that thing have video?”

“No sir. Just audio.” I was telling the truth – I’m still on an iPhone 3G.

After a while, Young Cop comes and asks me for my papers. My passport, my boarding pass, my driver’s license, and even a business card. I give him everything except the business card. He told me that he was just gathering information for the police report, which is standard procedure. I complied – I knew that this was indeed standard.

He left, and a Delta Airlines manager comes over and starts talking to me. He is clearly acting as a mediator. He asks what I would consent to, if given my options. I explain that I want the least intrusive possible solution that is required. I say, “I will not do anything that is not explicitly stated on recording as mandatory.” He leaves.

Let me pause and clarify the actors’ moods here, because they will soon start to change:

• The Supervisor: Very standoffish. Sticking to policy, no exceptions.
• The TSA Officials: Mainly amused. Not very concerned otherwise.
• The Cops: Impartial observers and consultants. Possibly a bit frustrated that I’m creating the troubles, but being very professional and respectful regardless.
• The Delta Supervisor: Trying to help me see the light. He doesn’t mind the work - he’s here all day anyway, so he’d rather spend it ensuring that his customer is happy.

After another wait, Old Cop returns, and asks me what I want. I tell him, “I want to go home without going through the Backscatter and without having my genitals touched. Those are my only two conditions. I will strip naked here if that is what it takes, but I don’t want to be touched.”

He offers as an alternative, “What if we were to escort you out with us? It would involve a pat-down, but it would be us doing it instead.”

“Would you touch my balls?”

“I don’t want to touch your – genital region, but my hand might brush against it.”

I clarify, “Well, like I said, I’ll do whatever you say is mandatory. If you tell me that you have to touch my balls—“

“—I said no such thing. You’re putting words in my mouth.”

“OK. I apologize. If you say that a pat-down is mandatory, and that as a condition of that pat-down, I may have my genitals brushed against by your hand, even though you don’t want to, I will do that. But only if you say it is mandatory.”

“I’m not going to say that.”

“OK. So am I free to go?”

“You are free to go in that direction.” He points back towards customs. Then he walks away to commune with the others.

My iPhone is running out of battery, so I take out my laptop, sit in a corner, and plug it in. I have some work to do anyway, so I pull up Excel and start chugging away for about 20 minutes.

This is where the turning point happens.

The cops come back and start talking with me. Again, they are asking why I’m doing it, don’t I have a connection to make, etc. They are acting more curious at this point – no longer trying to find a contradiction in my logic.

I eventually ask what would happen if I got up and left, and just walked through security. They shrugged. “We wouldn’t do anything on our own. We are only acting on behalf of the TSA. They are in charge of this area.”

“So if he told you to arrest me, you would? And if he didn’t, you wouldn’t?”

“That’s right,” Young Cop says.

“OK well then I think it is best if we all talk together as a group now. Can you call them over?”

The Supervisor returns, along with the Delta Manager. The Supervisor is quite visibly frustrated.

I explain, “The police have explained to me that it is your call on whether or not I am being detained. If I walked through that metal detector right now, you would have to ask them to arrest me in order for them to do anything.”

He starts to defer responsibility to the officers. They emphasize that no – they have no issue with me and they are only acting on his behalf. It is his jurisdiction. It is policy. They won’t detain me unless he tells them to.

So I emphasize the iPhone again, and ask,” So, if I were to get up, walk through the metal detector, and not have it go off, would you still have them arrest me?”

The Supervisor answers, “I can’t answer that question. That is no longer an option because you were selected for the Backscatter.”

“Well you can answer the question because it is a yes or no question. If I got up and left, would you have them arrest me?”

“I can’t answer that question.”

The moods have changed. The cops are now frustrated with him because he’s pawning off his decision-making responsibility to them. He’s stopping what is clearly a logical solution to the problem. Meanwhile, the Supervisor is just growing more and more furious with me.

In another deferment of responsibility (which he probably thought was an intimidation factor), “Well then I guess I’m just going to have to call the FSD.”

Unphased, I ask, “What’s the FSD?”

“The Federal Security Director.” And he walks away.

I can see him talking on the phone to the FSD – a man apparently named Paul – and I can only catch parts of the conversation:

• “No, he’s been perfectly polite…”
• “We tried that…”
• “All he said was … Constitutional rights”

He walks over to Old Cop and hands him the phone. I can hear similar sound bites. They hang up, deliberate some more, and then wait some more.

Meanwhile, I’m typing away on my computer. Answering emails, working on my Excel model – things that I would have done at home regardless.

The Supervisor walks over and stands uncomfortably close to me. After typing for a bit more, I look up. His voice shakes, “I don’t know if I ever introduced myself.” He pulls out his badge. “My name is XXX XXX. Here is my badge. Now, I’ve shown you my credentials.”

Ah – he’s gotten the Miranda talk. I hide my smile.

“Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to escort you out of the terminal to the public area. You are to stay with me at all times. Do you understand?”

“Will I be touched?”

“I can’t guarantee that, but I am going to escort you out.”

“OK. I will do this. But I will restate that I still do not give you permission to touch my genitals or the surrounding area. If you do, I will still consider it assault.”

“I understand.”

And then came the most ridiculous scene of which I’ve ever been a part. I gather my things – jacket, scarf, hat, briefcase, chocolates. We walk over to the staff entrance and he scans his badge to let me through. We walk down the long hallway that led back to the baggage claim area. We skip the escalators and moving walkways. As we walk, there are TSA officials stationed at apparent checkpoints along the route. As we pass them, they form part of the circle that is around me. By the end of the walk, I count 13 TSA officials and 2 uniformed police officers forming a circle around me. We reach the baggage claim area, and everyone stops at the orange line. The Supervisor grunts, “Have a nice day,” and leaves.

In order to enter the USA, I was never touched, I was never “Backscatted,” and I was never metal detected. In the end, it took 2.5 hours, but I proved that it is possible. I’m looking forward to my next flight on Wednesday.

You can email Matt here.

Nothing to Fear, Citizen.

Government agent gets to second base by skipping first... and the movie and meal.

TSA Gone Wild

Trying to figure out exactly when this whole TSA security thing took your 4th Amendment rights away? Here's a handy graphic chart for you to follow. Click the image to see the full graphic.

Source: Criminal Justice Degree

Me, not only am I not planning on flying - which seems to be what the government wants: It's a massive conspiracy to make Americans get back on the Amtrak rails - I'm refusing to go through security, and will be hunkered down in the bunker.

I also think that profiling needs to make a strong, racist, comeback... Instead, for some reason, Napolitano my actually exempt Muslim women from ANY security screening. And children ought to get a handheld wand... not get molested. And using a private contractor instead of a government agency is like choosing to eat at Taco Bell instead of Burger King to get a 'balanced' diet.

Instead TSA now threatens $11,000 in fines against anyone refusing to submit to humiliation at the airport.

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." ~Ben Franklin.

Here's the bottom line - it's called Security Theater. The real and actual last line of defense is the passengers themselves. The game changed on 9-11, and the passengers of United 93 recognized their hijacking wasn't a run of the mill use the hostages as collateral. The passengers were just collateral damage. They knew they were going to die in a fireball - and fought back. They should be remembered as patriots.

The shoe bomber and the panty bomber were both thwarted, not by the security screeners, but by the passengers on their flights.

Let's ditch the scanners and the theater. We either fly naked, or take our chances with freedom.

Bad Touch

The Week In Review - Sunday Comics

Finish line. We made it through another week. I got my computer back from the shop, and I was still able to maintain Blasphemes somehow. Mr. Obama was accused of not communicating with his base...
Mr. Goodwrench got his walking papers this week.
Nancy really does have a screw loose... and the Democrats who are agreeing to keep her as their leader must be insane. Even Representative Heath Shuler said that his fellow Democrats should learn from his failed N.F.L. career and replace their quarterback, Nancy Pelosi. Question there is, is Nancy the Offensive Coordinator, or the QB? Either way, it would have been a better move to marginalize her.
But look on the bright side of QE2... everything is half off! I'm sure that's why the Chinese are getting more than a bit pissed off for extending the credit of their best customer. Unfortunately, that customer is Norm Peterson.
TSA is getting out of hand... no, they're getting a little too handy - in the grab hands... er - okay, I'll admit I'm missing the funny headline here, but there's really nothing funny about what's been going on at the airports lately. There's a story of a TSA agent practically molesting a child at the airport the other day.
And if you thought that the only winners last Tuesday were the Republicans, you may want to check on what Hillary's up to. There's now open talk of a primary battle.
Oh, and Mr. Bush came back in the news for a week. His feud with Kanye is finally over... And he wrote a book. I think it really should be placed in the fiction category.
Well, that's this week, let's see if we can make it to the next? See you there.

New Security Measures

For Airline Passengers, Pat-Downs, Searches and Restroom Monitors.

The next step will just be complete nudity.

The T.S.A. issued an update on its Web site Sunday that said passengers would be subject to greater security, but its information was not as detailed as the memorandums sent by the agency to airlines this weekend. The airlines said the new T.S.A. measures required an additional round of searches, including body pat-downs at airport gates overseas.

International travelers were also told that they could not leave their seats for the last hour of a flight, during which time they also could not use a pillow or blanket. They were also limited to one piece of carry-on baggage, including a purse or briefcase, and that piece had to be stowed in an overhead compartment for the last hour of a flight.

Airlines were ordered to turn off in-flight entertainment systems with maps showing a plane’s location, and pilots and flight crews were told not to make comments about cities or landmarks below the flight path.

All I can say is, thanks Al Qaeda - you've taken an already abysmal practice which is airline travel, and have found a way to make it even more despicable. Frankly, if there were any politicians looking to find a way to keep funding and troops in Afghanistan - all they would have to say is, "Hey, anybody here been on a plane lately? Let's go kill those sons-abitches!" That politician would have instant votes.