Bail of Fail

Well, the bail out was a lot of fun while it lasted... it seems that some of the "gun clingers" have written in to their Congressmen and read them the riot act.

The piece of crap legislation that was proposed, had it passed, would have undoubtedly been a single pin-point in the upcoming election. Not unlike voting for or against the Patriot Act, or the War, or something similar. If you were for it, there would have been 'consequences'. Hope you're not trying to buy a house or a car right now.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether we broke a few rules, or took a few liberties with our constituents wallets - we did. But you can't hold a whole country for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals on Wall Street and in this room. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole mortgage lending system? And if the whole mortgage lending system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of Wall Street and financial institutions in general? I put it to you, Barney Frank - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

Tina Palin

In case you missed it...

When the latest installment of Saturday Night Live parodied Friday’s presidential debate, the NBC comedy program gave attention to Barack Obama’s connections to convicted criminal Tony Rezko, corrupt Chicago politics, and Obama’s recent attempts at "playing the race card," which notably are all matters that the mainstream news media have given little attention to.One line involved McCain’s character, played by Darrell Hammond, referring to Obama, played by Fred Armisen, as making an earmark request titled "Tony Rezko Hush Money." Obama’s character also bragged that his tax cut plan would benefit Chicago politicians and city employees "because my plan would not tax income from bribes, kickbacks, shakedowns, embezzlement of government funds, or extortion."






The sketch mocks Palin's recent interview with CBS News' Katie Couric (played on SNL by Amy Poehler), touching on Palin's trip to New York and her comments about Russia and the financial bailout.

Look: SNL almost relevant! Kind of funny!

What'd you do with 300K?

Got this from a reader:

I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I'm in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.

Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.

So let's assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.

That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.

A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.

Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads

Put away money for college - it'll be there

Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car - create jobs

Invest in the market - capital drives growth

Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves

Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we're going to do an $85 billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG - liquidate it.

Sell off its parts.

Let American General go back to being American General.

Sell off the real estate.

Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't.

Sure it's a crazy idea that can 'never work.'

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion

We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC

And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,
Birk
T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!

Debate Prep

Debates are on. It's ON...

There's also some really good baseball going on.

Jinx, SI Owes the Cubs a Coke

The Cubs are on the cover of the latest Sports Illustrated.

Well, that's that then, ain't it?

There’s been a lot said about the SI Cover Jinx - it’s the kiss of death - athletes and teams who appear on it will inevitably fail. You might believe in it, you might not. Yeah, it's a lot like the Madden cover. But there’s definitely one team whose fortunes seem to crash after showing up on the cover...

Oh, you already guessed.

Since 1966, the Cubs have been featured on the cover of Sports Illustrated nearly twenty times. And if the Cubs have something at stake when they show up on the cover … bad things seem to happen.

Especially if that appearance happens late in the season or during the playoffs.

(Here's the whole backstory with pictures and fun)

Buffett & Cars

Warren Buffett says we are "facing a financial Pearl Harbor". Great. As if we didn't have enough to worry about, now the Germans have to get involved (link)

Also, Goldman Sachs gets all it can eat from Buffett... (link)

It's been a busy week for Jimmy's older, richer, brother.

And the bailing continues, as it looks like GM, Ford and Chrysler will get $25,000,000,000 from U.S. taxpayers to continue producing crappy cars no one will buy. Bonus: Already plan to seek another $25 billion next year. (link to that)

The loan deal dwarfs the $1.2-billion bailout of Chrysler Corp. in 1979, and reflects the economic crisis threatening the survival of Detroit automakers and the companies that rely on them. Automakers had made the loans their priority over the past several weeks, sending all three chief executives to blitz Congress.... or it looks like the Federal government is 'giving' money to Michigan in a critical election year.

At least Lee paid it back - early - with interest. I don't see that happening this time.

So now we have Federalized brokerage houses, corporate insurance, and automobiles?
But NOT health insurance, hospitals and the pharmaceutical industries? I mean, if you're going to go and buy up and Nationalize American companies, pick one that would help regular folks - the People. The folks who paid into the system. I mean, if you're going to go socialist do it right. Typical of our current system and the boobs running the place.

Here's what you can buy for less than $700 billion, according to the New York Times.

1. For $100 Billion you can Universal Health Care for all people in the U.S. without it.
2. For $35 Billion you can get universal preschool. Half-days for 3-year-olds and full days for 4-year-olds.
3. For $10 Billion you can carry out all the security recommendations issued by the 9/11 commission.

Or, think of all the other wars we could start! We could bomb and invade Iran, take out Pakistan, and also start another front in North Korea -- oh, wait, we're already DOING THAT TOO...

And Now the Investigations Start

Fannie, Freddie, Lehman and AIG are under investigation by FBI for fraud

What, just now?

BUT - unfortunately, fraud and absolute incompetence are two different things. One you go to the PMITA prison, the other, you just go higher up the pay grade scale. Hell, you can even be president!

The story, linked above, is a signal, a 'Flare' if you will. It's a signal to run to Office Max to create bird cage 'shredding'.

The question now is, how deep and how long will this crisis hit? Is this a September 11th 2.0? No, because with that, everyone could see the eventual light at the end of the tunnel. Someday the buildings will be rebuilt... or at least people would eventually spend their way out of the bad times.

But, this is different. This is a DUI for unchecked Debt. And it's not just Wall Street. It's Americans in general. How many people, maybe you, are living paycheck to paycheck - and are overextended with stuff you can't possibly ever afford. It's not just deadbeats like myself, but doctors and lawyers who are over extended with huge McMansions, two Lexus-i SUV's in the driveway and credit card debt run out to the max. Nice stuff, but all bought with the 'promise' of paying it back... someday. Guess what? It's someday.

Wall Street is a mirror of Main Street.

The grander implications will be the free availability of credit and the ability to run unchecked debt will put the breaks on the borrow, spend and borrow more lifestyle of corporations, individuals, and eventually the government. Responsibility and only having that which you can afford - now, today, cash in pocket - will be the new prevailing practice.

• Examples will be a return to 30% down on a 30 year fixed mortgage... like the old days.
• College gets harder to get into - because the loan application will be harder than the SAT's.
• Box stores will no longer be able to grow exponentially overnight into cornfields... all based on credit, and future earnings. Bennigan's anyone?
  
• The government will have to rearrange the deck chairs of entitlement....
• ... or we'll have a tax structure that is 75% of your income. Just like Europe.
• It'll be a lot harder to get that house, shop at those stores - but you'll have some 'free' health insurance.

Unless the bailout happens. Then we're just throwing a single sandbag into the overflowed river.

Biding Biden's Ticket Time?

Given the gloriously silly things that come out of Joe Biden's mouth - I wonder, as do some other people, if Joe is long for the Obama ticket?

Yes, it is strange that Joe would be off the ticket before Palin - however, the wonderful vomit that he calls words keep falling from his mouth.

Let me see a forinstance? Okay. Here's one:

"When the stock market crashed, Franklin Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the princes of greed," Biden told Couric. "He said, 'Look, here's what happened.'"

As Reason's Jesse Walker footnotes it: "And if you owned an experimental TV set in 1929, you would have seen him. And you would have said to yourself, 'Who is that guy? What happened to President Hoover?'"

Here's another one:

Some great rope line video from Joe Biden's recent Ohio swing, where he was asked by an anti-pollution campaigner about clean coal -- a controversial approach in Democratic circles for which Obama has voiced support, particularly during the Kentucky primary.

Biden's apparent answer: He supports clean coal for China, but not for the United States.

"No coal plants here in America," he said. "Build them, if they're going to build them, over there. Make them clean."

"We’re not supporting clean coal," he said of himself and Obama. They do, on paper, support clean coal.

The answer seems to play into John McCain's case that Obama has been saying "no" to new sources of energy.

In the primary, Biden opposed Obama's push for clean coal, which is seen as a way of maintaining or expanding America's coal-burning power plants -- many of which are in rust belt swing states.

"I don't think there's much of a role for clean coal in energy independence, but I do think there's a significant role for clean coal in the bigger picture of climate change," he told Grist last year. "Clean-coal technology is not the route to go in the United States, because we have other, cleaner alternatives," he said, but added that America should push for a "fundamental change in technology" to clean up China's plants.

Okay, that's less sexy when you can't see the video, so here's that:


And then there's that one time where he criticized his own campaign's attack add...
oops (here's that review)

I mean, sure they're just little gaffs - and kind of silly. But that's three in a week. I mean, if he's going to split - they better do it soon, because they'll have to repetition in all 50 states with the new ticket, and make new bumper stickers too.
What's that going to cost ya?

And if you're anticipating an early round Biden TKO in VP debate you should know the format will be questions and talking-point answers, with little direct sparring between the two VeePs... bummer yes, but I was really looking for Biden to, well, be Biden.

Question: End of American Capitalism?

I asked this a few days ago, and now I'm asking again.
Are we witnessing the end of American capitalism?

First we're going to bailout banks and brokerages firms. Next it will be our failing auto industry. Then it seems likely that the next president will nationalize health care. The next president will be a retro-president. 70's. But is it going to be Ford or Carter? Either way, a janitor after the party.

For almost thirty years, the conservative revolution led by President Reagan ushered in a new era of capitalism that created wealth and a standard of living never seen before. Now, as a failed president Bush and an even bigger failure of Nancy Pelosi's Congress signs the bailout, it looks like that prosperity is crashing to an end. Failures + Fail = Epic Fail. How can we loose?

What's going to replace it? FDR-style socialism that makes people more dependent on the government. Big taxes, big unemployment. Ah, the 30's without Prohibition. What fun!

Do you believe this is the case, what's the real cause, who's to blame, and what can be done before America becomes France?

Internet Pr0n

With so much available at the click of a mouse, it can be tough to keep one's eyes from straying to that powerfully seductive cyber mistress. For those in relationships, these dalliances can lead to difficult, extremely awkward confrontations, as this animated tale so aptly depicts...

Newt's Demands

Before D.C. Gets Our Money, It Owes Us Some Answers [by Newt Gingrich]

Watching Washington rush to throw taxpayer money at Wall Street has been sobering and a little frightening.

We are being told Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson has a plan which will shift $700 billion in obligations from private companies to the taxpayer.

We are being warned that this $700 billion bailout is the only answer to a crisis.

We are being reassured that we can trust Secretary Paulson "because he knows what he is doing".

Congress had better ask a lot of questions before it shifts this much burden to the taxpayer and shifts this much power to a Washington bureaucracy.

Imagine that the political balance of power in Washington were different.

If this were a Democratic administration the Republicans in the House and Senate would be demanding answers and would be organizing for a “no” vote.

If a Democratic administration were proposing this plan, Republicans would realize that having Connecticut Democratic senator Chris Dodd (the largest recipient of political funds from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac) as chairman of the Banking Committee guarantees that the Obama-Reid-Pelosi-Paulson plan that will emerge will be much worse as legislation than it started out as the Paulson proposal.

If this were a Democratic proposal, Republicans would remember that the Democrats wrote a grotesque housing bailout bill this summer that paid off their left-wing allies with taxpayer money, which despite its price tag of $300 billion has apparently failed as of last week, and could expect even more damage in this bill.

But because this gigantic power shift to Washington and this avalanche of taxpayer money is being proposed by a Republican administration, the normal conservative voices have been silent or confused.

It’s time to end the silence and clear up the confusion.

Congress has an obligation to protect the taxpayer.

Congress has an obligation to limit the executive branch to the rule of law.

Congress has an obligation to perform oversight.

Congress was designed by the Founding Fathers to move slowly, precisely to avoid the sudden panic of a one-week solution that becomes a 20-year mess.

There are four major questions that have to be answered before Congress adopts a new $700 billion burden for the American taxpayer. On each of these questions, I believe Congress’s answer will be “no” if it slows down long enough to examine the facts.

Question One: Is the current financial crisis the only crisis affecting the economy?

Answer: There are actually multiple crises hurting the economy.

There is an immediate crisis of liquidity on Wall Street.

There is a longer time crisis of a bad energy policy transferring $700 billion a year to foreign countries (so foreign sovereign capital funds are now using our energy payments to buy our companies).

There is a longer term crisis of Sarbanes-Oxley (the last "crisis"-inspired congressional disaster) crippling entrepreneurial start ups, driving public companies private, driving smart business people off public boards, and driving offerings from New York to London.

There is a long term crisis of a high corporate tax rate driving business out of the United States.

No solution to the immediate liquidity crisis should further cripple the American economy for the long run. Instead, the liquidity solution should be designed to strengthen the economy for competition in the world market.


Question Two: Is a big bureaucracy solution the only answer?

Answer: There is a non-bureaucratic solution that would stop the liquidity crisis almost overnight and do it using private capital rather than taxpayer money.

Four reform steps will have capital flowing with no government bureaucracy and no taxpayer burden.

First, suspend the mark-to-market rule which is insanely driving companies to unnecessary bankruptcy. If short selling can be suspended on 799 stocks (an arbitrary number and a warning of the rule by bureaucrats which is coming under the Paulson plan), the mark-to-market rule can be suspended for six months and then replaced with a more accurate three year rolling average mark-to-market.

Second, repeal Sarbanes-Oxley. It failed with Freddy Mac. It failed with Fannie Mae. It failed with Bear Stearns. It failed with Lehman Brothers. It failed with AIG. It is crippling our entrepreneurial economy. I spent three days this week in Silicon Valley. Everyone agreed Sarbanes-Oxley was crippling the economy. One firm told me they would bring more than 20 companies public in the next year if the law was repealed. Its Sarbanes-Oxley’s $3 million per startup annual accounting fee that is keeping these companies private.

Third, match our competitors in China and Singapore by going to a zero capital gains tax. Private capital will flood into Wall Street with zero capital gains and it will come at no cost to the taxpayer. Even if you believe in a static analytical model in which lower capital gains taxes mean lower revenues for the Treasury, a zero capital gains tax costs much less than the Paulson plan. And if you believe in a historic model (as I do), a zero capital gains tax would lead to a dramatic increase in federal revenue through a larger, more competitive and more prosperous economy.

Fourth, immediately pass an “all of the above” energy plan designed to bring home $500 billion of the $700 billion a year we are sending overseas. With that much energy income the American economy would boom and government revenues would grow.


Question Three: Will the Paulson plan be implemented with transparency and oversight?

Answer: Implementation of the Paulson plan is going to be a mess. It is going to be a great opportunity for lobbyists and lawyers to make a lot of money. Who are the financial magicians Paulson is going to hire? Are they from Wall Street? If they’re from Wall Street, aren't they the very people we are saving? And doesn’t that mean that we’re using the taxpayers’ money to hire people to save their friends with even more taxpayer money? Won't this inevitably lead to crony capitalism? Who is going to do oversight? How much transparency is there going to be? We still haven't seen the report which led to bailing out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. It is "secret". Is our $700 billion going to be spent in "secret" too? In practical terms, will a bill be written in public so people can analyze it? Or will it be written in a closed room by the very people who have been collecting money from the institutions they are now going to use our money to bail out?

Question Four: In two months we will have an election and then there will be a new administration. Is this plan something we want to trust to a post-Paulson Treasury?

Answer: We don’t know who will inherit this plan.

The balance of power on election day will shift to either McCain or Obama. Who will they pick for Treasury Secretary? What will their allies want done? We are about to give the next administration a level of detailed control over big companies on a scale even FDR did not exercise during the Great Depression. Is this really wise?

For these reasons I hope Congress will slow down and have an open debate.

And in the course of that debate, I hope someone will introduce an economic recovery act that makes America a better place to grow jobs. I hope the details will be made public before the vote.

For more details on my action plan for getting the American economy back on track and building long-term economic prosperity, you can read this message recorded yesterday to American Solutions members.

This is a very important week for the integrity of the Congress.

This is a very important week for the future of America.

If Washington wants our money, then it owes us some answers.

Cap'n: Whoa, I can't believe how well Newt Gingrich (of all people) pretty well nails this one.
Sure I'm trolling for comments - but what don't you agree with?

Vienna Hot Dogs not exactly 100% Beef

Hey Chicago, did you know those beloved Vienna "100% All Beef" hot dogs are actually encased in sheep and pigs, according to a recently settled class action suit? Well you do now! Under a settlement, all class members—anyone in the U.S. who bought a Vienna hot dog at a hot dog stand in the past five years—are entitled to $3 per consumed hog dog. Learn how to submit your claim, inside... There's a lot of hoops so I'm giving them to you.

Send the following in an email to lance@caclawyers.com:

1. Your full name, Your address, your phone number;
2. The number of years you have lived there;
3. Your telephone number and contact information;
4. Name of the location(s) where you ate the product - store bought products are NOT at issue, only hot dog stands;
5. Address of the location(s);
6. Date or "approximate" date, month or year of eating at the location(s);
7. What exactly was eaten, was it a 1) jumbo hot-dog, 2) a polish sausage or 3) a foot long hot dog;
8. Receipts if possible, (if not, that is ok too);
9. A sample of the product along with the wholesale box lid or box itself, (if not, that is ok too); and
10. Reason why don’t you eat pork, or sheep (religious reason, moral, health, allergic, migraines).

Vienna has also agreed to warn consumers through their website and promotional materials that their hot dogs may contain sheep or pork.

You know, this isn't as much about yummy pork or yummy lamb intestines as it is about lying about 100% Beef.

Cubs Clinch something...

Link (pops new window)

Great Cubs tribute song by Eddie Vedder.

Don't get too excited, buckos. Yes, I drank the Cubbies Blue Kool-Aid this year...
Need three games of Win to take home field in the playoffs -- which will be absolutely critical since the Cubs will be playing spectacular teams that have actually WON games in the playoffs.

It's nice to show up, but you also have to win those, gang.

Vader Love

Caption Contest?

How about, write a story. A love story?

For some reason I have "California Love" by Tupac stuck in my head whenever I look at this...
"Darth Vader love..."

What I'm Watching

Sons of Anarchy
What initially got me interested in this show was simply that Ron Perlman is in it. Biker gang soap opera. On the surface, the show just looks like the Sopranos on bikes... ah, but scratch a little deeper and you realize it's Hamlet on Harleys! Ah, better! Literary! On hogs.

Also staring is Katey Sagal as the ruthless mom Gemma. She's fantastic in this. Simply, she's playing anti-Peg Bundy. Against type. Also against type, (I guess?) is Drea de Matteo, who you'll remember portrayed Adriana on the Sopranos. In Sons, she is a crank whore, who just forced the main hero's (Jax) son to be born premature in a half assed junkie suicide attempt. Great comic stuff.

The show is about the "club" and how it was formed by Jax's dead hippie dad. Now the "club" is an organized criminal front for a gun-running business. Jax is the number two guy in the club. Everything is going great, except that someone just blew up their warehouse, is muscling in on their turf with the 1-9ers, and he has a premie son in the NICU. Oh, and Jax found his dead dad's memoirs in a box. It's like a blog, but on paper. In it, Jax's dead dad maps out how the biker club went south. No doubt, the story will evolve with Jax taking on Ron Perlman to take the club back to the good-ole hippie days, and how there might be some resistance to that idea.

The violence on this show is off the charts. The third episode involved the club's vigilante castration of a child rapist. There are corpses, and axes to the head... super ultra violence. There's not one character that really warrants the tag 'likability' but who cares? That's not why I'm tuning in. It's a fun ride. Better than another Sturgis documentary.

 Mad Men
I can't tell you how much I dig this program. It's akin to watching an Ayn Rand Fountainhead play. But with hotter chicks. It's a discussion of business and American society of the past, as much as it is a reflection of today. Let me give you an example. In a scene recently - Don Draper and family were out on a picnic lunch, off the road. They were enjoying their new 1962 Cadillac. When they're done, he throws his beer can into the woods, and the wife picks up the blanket, and dumps all the garbage right there on the ground. Well, there's no garbage can. No facilities for the park. It's way before Woodsy Owl said "Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute." It's even pre-hippie earth day stuff. The camera lingered on the scene as they pulled away. 2008 audiences are stunned at the behavior of only 40 years ago. And that's just how they treat their garbage.

Wait until you get into the sexism in the workplace. A recent episode completely deconstructed and crapped on three of the main female characters. Warning though, the people on this show drink and smoke in every single scene. Even in bed.

The Shield
I've watched this since a camera guy I know tuned me in to it. The last season of this. I already put a pile of hours into it. Want to see how they end it.

Heroes 

Season two was a turd. I only started watching this because I suddenly realized that 24 had turned into a show about people with superpowers... Jack is Superman without the cape (the dude never sh*ts!) and the President came back to life. I figured if I'm going to watch a show about superheroes, I might as well watch the show that's actually about superheroes.

Too much time travel is causing issues. It's hard to keep track of ten people, and three that 'absorb' the other characters, and two of them can jump through time and space. That's not only silly, it's hard to absorb all those timelines.

They're going to have to be extra good this season after last season laid an egg- yeah, there was a writer's strike and all - and they foolishly wrapped it all up too quickly rather than playing it out. So I'll give them a chance. One. 

Terminator

Yeah, I'm still watching it. I still stand on the idea that there are some flaws with this show. The big one is - how many do-overs or undo-s does SkyNet have? Simple game theory says that he who uses the time machine last wins. 

And did I mention there's some time travel? Anyone who thinks that Lost is hard to figure out, try following along with the Terminator timeline. It jumps, lines are erased, then come back. People and events in the future, possible futures, haven't happened yet because the third movie hasn't happened yet - plus there's another movie with Batman playing John Connor that is still being made -- Your brain hurt yet? I haven't even started discussing the events yet. That's just the framework of the continuity. And I thought Star Trek nerds had it rough.

Oh, and Shirley Manson of the band Garbage is on the show now... as a T-Melty model. Liquid Metal... never mind that the melty technology was wiped out because T2 ended that timeline of SkyNet win, so that means that THAT timeline was able to send another undo back in time to save that timeline, which is now in conflict with the third movie, and the new movies... ugh. Explosions, good!

Fringe

I've got this TiVoed - I have read that the second episode had a 87% spike over the pilot. Might have to fire it up at some point. Looks like X-files monster episodes... and if it's all Big Foot and UFO's - I'm out. That's D student science. But I'll give it a shot.

Especially since i9o is comparing Fringe to a Live Action Venture Brothers! Now, you all know I think the Venture Brothers is the best show that's on television - but it's on pause while the masters write and color some more... 

Others worth mentioning

I'll be watching Lost and Battlestar once they start up in January.

Hours and hours of Football and then there's some kind of Series... that involves the World... sometime in October that might catch my attention... I've already diverted some travel plans for that show.

What're you watching? Anything I should pick up? Should I dump something?

Bailing

Alright, I've held my wagging tongue too long on the Fail Street situation.
What kind of bullsh*tter would I be if I didn't bitch about it at least a little?
(you'll notice the rarely photographed side of the Wall Street Bull)

This has been the week of bailing. Bailing out water from Galveston and Houston, bailing water out of the basements of Chicago, bailing out AIG, the Lehman bankruptcy, a sale of Merrill Lynch to bloated BoA, plummeting oil prices and Fed lending facilities. Whew.

The goofy part? The economy is not the problem; lousy lending standards and the excessive use of leverage are the problem. "Waves" of punitive destruction are knocking down one investment bank after another, while "gales" of creative destruction continue to move the economy forward. In fact, real gross domestic product (GDP) has grown 2.2 percent in the past year and accelerated to a 3.3 percent growth rate in the second quarter!

The unbelievable part of the story is that this stupid financial 'hurricane' isn't going to sink the entire economy. Huh?

But first how did it get this bad?

It all starts in the housing market...
This is not that hard to figure out. Consider all the sh*tty loans that were being put out there. Some oily idiot gave a mortgage to Barney. Barney's name has been changed, and you all know who Barney is. Barney's your fat idiot unemployed old fraternity brother who mooches every beer and smoke - wait, that's me! - Okay. Bad example.

Simply put, Barney is the guy who shouldn't qualify to RENT a place, as he would not have passed the credit check process. But suddenly some greedy, oily someofabitch in a used Cadillac made a loan to Barney. Clearly that allows Barney to spend more than he had earned, or would ever earn.

Everyone involved, from the guy who closed Barney's house, to the guy who sold it - then attached a bond-like security to the mortgage (that everyone knew or should have known would eventually default), then selling those bundled piles of useless paper to foreigners, then AIG insuring the whole thing so that no one ever had any risk - because there's Uncle Sam opening up his purse to save all these dumbasses -- wait... they're not dumbasses at all. Evil greedy pricks, yes, but because there was never any risk, and since the tax payers are bailing them out -- they're coming out clean! Evil or taking advantage of an unregulated loophole? Yes to both.

Would some or more oversight or regulation gone over to Barney's house to see that he's a drunken unemployed idiot? No. But there would have been more checkpoints and a tiny bit more red tape to go through... maybe? Actually, it's a little less likely. But there probably could have been a little more accountability if there was actual risk by the oily greedy pricks if it was THEIR money tangled up in all this.

The hurricane is a great parallel to what's going on in Texas, and also Wall Street. They've already rebuilt Galveston TX a couple times. Just wait for Uncle Sam, and a decade or two later when Hurricane XXX (yes, in ten years there will be naming rights for hurricanes) wipes them off the island again, Uncle Sam will be there to bail them out again and help them rebuild. There's already been the Savings and Loan bail out as a textbook on how to do it correctly. They teach this crap in business school. The good ones, anyway.

They found a spot to make unchecked millions, with no risk. Oh, the tax payers will bail them out, for sure. Too big to fail? Absolutely, especially after that huge campaign contribution. Well, it doesn't hurt, does it?

And because of the US Government bailing out the over-greedy little yuppie pricks on Wall Street, we've pulled back the curtain to show the world that we're not that great Ayn Rand and Milton Friedman capitalist society that we pretended we were... in fact, we're a socialist nation - but only for the top 1%. The rest of us are the rubes who keep letting them drink our milkshakes.

You know what the best, best part is? It was the government that encouraged all this in the first place! So after all that, now the government is going to regulate it? The government is going to get more involved?

I'll have to get into that later. I gotta go. Have to keep bailing more water.

AIG Spots

Treasure Secretary Henry M. Paulson Jr. and the Fed chairman, Ben S. Bernanke, convened a meeting with House and Senate leaders on Capitol Hill last night to discuss giving AIG an unprecedented $85 billion bailout.

What does that mean? It means AIG's commercials just got really, really funny!

Each spot features precocious little urchins discussing topics like "risk management" (ha!) and their parent's perceived personal finance failures until eventually the name of AIG is invoked as a salve to soothe their worried minds. Each commercial ends with AIG's tagline "The strength to be there." We saw these running as recently as Sunday, two days before you and I, the taxpayers, bailed the company out with 85 billion of our dollars.



You know what's extra funny? The children of the kids in these spots will still be bailing out this, the Summer of Dumbass '08.

Ozzie's Mouth Open Again

From the Letters Department:

"Hey Cap thought you oughta see this one...

Idiot Ozzie running his mouth again. He, like all Sox fans, needs to worry about his own team. The Cubs are not rivals with the Sox, they aren't in the same league last time I checked. Worry about the Twins moron.

Ozzie plays disrespect card

With his team knee-deep in a pennant chase in which the margin of error is reaching nil, Ozzie Guillen used the New York stage to pull out the disrespect card, throw it on the table and play it loud and clear for all of Chicago to hear -- all the way to the North Side. In the wake of Carlos Zambrano's no-hitter and the Cubs once again all that is seemingly relevant in the Windy City, Guillen was asked about the pennant races taking place on both sides of town. ''We're in the pennant race? Not really,'' Guillen said sarcastically. ''There are a couple people [that believe it], but the Cubs are in the pennant race, and we're not. ''Maybe people feel different, but I feel that way. It was harder for us and we had a tougher season than they had from the beginning. They dominate the league, the division. That's why Chicago people feel sure about the Cubs going and we're not.''

Signed J from Chi"

Agreed J, as to why Ozzie seems to be obsessed with the Cubs? Jealous? Or secret man crush?

S&M The Vote!

First there was "Rock the Vote."
Then "Vote or Die."
Now it's "Seduce the Vote?"
No, actually it's "Declare Yourself"

Jessica Alba stars in one of the raunchy, mutilation, kinda-topless, bondage ad campaign designed to get young people to vote Nov. 4.

The illiterate star of such gems as "Good Luck Chuck, The Love Guru, and the Fantastic Four movies was shot with heavy eye makeup and black bondage tape across her mouth and chest. (hey, look, I don't know if she's actually illiterate - but her filmography suggests that she doesn't actually read the scripts.)

The pictures include the tag "Only You Can Silence Yourself," and Alba, 27, claims they "really resonate" with the issue of voter registration.

"If you don't register and vote and make a difference, and hopefully change the bad things that are happening in our country, you are essentially just binding and muzzling yourself," she explained. "We sign up for MySpace pages and Facebook pages, and download music off the internet. The least people can do is register to vote online, actually making a difference in their world, not just making their lives a little bit cooler."

Sure, and I like looking at Jessica Alba. But what I don't see is how evoking the Saw movie imagery, and insane torture gets young people to the polls? Maybe you can figure that out for me? Her picture is the most tame, by the way. Most have mutilated fish hooks or surgical procedures on mouths - you know, silencing them... Which even that's kind of stupid. I vote with my hands. Shouldn't you have bondage tape on your hands... and even then, what about voting with your feet? Don't most people "move to Canada" when their ticket loses?

Here's the link. I guess you can register to vote there? The campaign isn't clear on that point. If you dig the S&M images, I wouldn't suggest that you use any of these images as your wallpaper at work.

The Best Way to Kill a Maggot

Interesting situation. In the two days of deluge (it's been raining a tad.)
After two days, I finally went out to the trash can yesterday.

I lifted the lid, and probably, oh, 10,000 maggots on the lid. That's about as far as I got before being mildly nauseated. I got some bleach, and hoped that a little pouring of Clorox would solve the problem.

Today, went back. Assumed it would be 10,000 corpses of potential flies.

Bummer. Not so much.
The can smelled pretty clean though.

So up to the work station to Google "The Best Way to Kill a Maggot"
Lots of suggestions to chemical bomb the sh*t out of the area.
No thanks. It's not that I'd like to green up my garbage can - I just don't want to spend the 4 bucks to kill a bunch of garbage can maggots. I'd probably spend another 4 on the gas to the damn hardware store. Plus lose another half day in the black hole that is the hardware store. I also figure it could be a couple days until the garbage man would simply dump those suckers into the back of the truck... so I can't just wait it out. I'm already dealing with a mouse situation... (see earlier post) I'd rather not fight a two front war.

Now the best advice would be to eliminate the food.
Sure. If it's in your house or a drain. But this is a garbage can. I already compost. I recycle just about everything. I'm wondering if a neighbor stuck a soiled diaper or an ex wife in there. Who knows? I'm not going to root around to find out the 'why' other than it's a bleeding garbage can with garbage in it. One would assume there's some biological situation that they'd rather not investigate in the bottom of their trash receptacle. However, it's a little unnerving that they're all under the lid. Can't have the wife seeing that.

But if I'm not going to spend money on a can of poison to kill these pre-flies, and the bleach didn't seem to dent the problem... I was hoping the birds would dine on that shmorgasborg of maggots... but maybe even the birds view that dining experience the same way I look at a 24 hour Chinese Buffet off the strip?

There's no exoskeleton ... ahah! Boiling water!

So I boiled up some water in the tea kettle... more than once... and poured that on those little proto-flies. At the very least, now they're at the bottom of the can, in the rain/bleach water. Any of them in the tied off bags - hey, live and let live. I can't see you, and hopefully you'll keep eating whatever drew you to that spot in the first place. Just don't come into my yard, or I'll have to smack you.

Update to the War on Mice - haven't bothered with the mouse situation since I'm waiting to see if they all drowned or migrated into the house. No signs inside - meaning the glue traps haven't captured anything - and there are no signs of scat anywhere down there. How do I know that? I was scouting for water seepage all weekend.

Astros F*ed by Z & Bud & Ike

Carlos Zambrano just pitched a no-no on the Astros. (Full story)

Carlos Zambrano pitched the first no-hitter for the Chicago Cubs in 36 years, returning from a sore rotator cuff to shut down the Houston Astros 5-0 Sunday night in a game relocated because of Hurricane Ike."I guess I'm back!" Zambrano hollered.

Sigh. Deep breath.

My condolences for the fans and people of Houston and Galveston TX. You've been blown three times this week, and not once in a good way. First, there's that damn Ike. Then Bud "gotta' go now" Selig's gracious last second decision to host the Astros and Cubs at his daughter's Milwaukee's Brewer's Miller Park. And now you've been blanked by Z in the first of those two games.

Now I'm not an Astros fan. Some of you know that I am on record as famously NOT being an Astros fan. As a non-Astros fan, my position on this matter may confuse some of you. However, I think this gives me a unique perspective to understand their frustration with the situation.

Old news: Due to Ike, The Chicago Cubs and Houston Astros ended their Hurricane Ike hiatus and played night game Sunday and a day game tomorrow on Monday at Miller Park in Milwaukee. The two teams will play the third game, if needed, on Sept. 29 in Houston, after the regular season is over. Please. We're all adults. There won't be a third game because you've given the first two to the Cubs.

Is it a conspiracy against the Astros? Perhaps just an opportunity for the Brewers to advance over Philly? Just a coincidence that Milwaukee has a retractable roof, which would guarantee the two games while the home team was on the road? And that Bud has left the lights on for them?

Sure, the choice to take the games to Milwaukee could be attributed to the roof - that could allow games to happen no mater what... the story looks pretty, but don't kick the tires. Bud was a used car salesman, after all.

Look at how long everyone in charge shuffled their feet. The decision to play at a "neutral" site only was decided late Friday night. This storm didn't form overnight. This issue was talked about for a week. Better leadership would have solved this problem earlier, and they could have even played the entire series out. They could have sold the chairs to charity - there is precedent for this exact situation. But, you see, better leadership is not something the MLB has.

In fact, it seems that at the literal 11th hour, the final decision was made to not play the games in Houston - much to the dismay of the Astros - which will have to refund 3 sold out games. There's an insurance policy for that. But there isn't for lost hot dog and beer revenue. I'm not crying for the Astros on that one. As such, that revenue loss and protesting to switch venues probably prevented a better decision in favor of the Astros in the first place.

However, once the late decision was made, it was Milwaukee. Wrigley Field North.

Cubby blue and Brew crew finally united against one singular entity of shared hatred: a hot Astros team in the middle of September. My contention is that the late "solution" to the Ike issue has only helped two teams: the Cubs and Brewers. It helps to keep the Astros from narrowing the Brewers' deficit in the NL Central race, and it does the same in the Wild Card.

The only way Bud could have helped more would been to allow the Cubs to bat last.

As for Z? He never seemed to labor for any of his 110 pitches and only walked one.

Tina Palin

Tina Fey is "likely" to play Gov. Sarah Palin on "Saturday Night Live," said a person close to
NBC's sketch comedy show.

Ah... Duhhh???

Fey is "likely" to return to her former show Saturday to play the Alaskan governor and Sen. John McCain's running mate, a person close to the show told The Associated Press on Friday night. The person requested anonymity because the decision has not been announced officially.

Also, Obama is supposed to show up.

Uh, remember when going on these shows was political suicide?

Sigh.

If you're home tonight, be on the lookout for the ONE political gag... and then 85 minutes of drudgery.

Friday Caption Contest

What are these guys saying?

Blasphemous Post for Sept 12

Rep. Steve Cohen, Democratic congressman from Tennessee, brings the idiotic
"Jesus was a community organizer, Pilate was a governor" meme to the House floor.
Double Blasphemes Bonus: He's Jewish


Dear Steve,


Maybe if you had seen Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade you'd know that, dumbass.

9.11

I've gone all day and I thought I could get away without posting something about 9.11.

Can't ever forget.

The smell of burning concrete, asbestos, and human remains - it was kind of like concrete, a burnt up frozen pizza and a wad of burning hair. Dust was everywhere. Death, stink, despair.
It's been seven years, and that one day has changed our world. Rumors of friends dead in the towers, others missing - later to find out they were just late to work. It has changed a lot of things. From big to small. American politics, the world map, and casual trips to the airport, and cameras in cell phones.

What still is so striking is that every single movie from 1969 to 2001 still strikes a chord in my heart. I also would suggest Paul Greengrass's Flight 93 if you want to 'get into' that emotion that happened on that day.

Of Mice and Cap'n

The problem wasn't that I saw a mouse.
It's that my wife saw a mouse.

It's that time of the year.
It is getting cooler.
The trees are hinting to turn.
Perhaps a little bit early since there aren't any sunspots? (link to that)

But the wife saw a mouse.
That's bad.
Luckily it was near the garage.
That's good.
I quickly dispatched the broom to take care of that little sh*t.

I triumphantly came back into the home.
"That mouse will never bother you again."
"What did you do?"
Did I tell her that I smacked that sucker in the noggin and left him in the alley as a warning to the other mice that death is coming? That I left him to be picked apart by hungry birds or flattened by a passing car?
"That mouse will never bother you again," and I left the room.

A few days passed. Didn't think about it.
I always knew I had a mouse 'situation.'
The neighbor feeds the birds.
This is next to my garage.
If I were a mouse? Hell, I'd hang out in my garage too. Easy meal just outside.
Sneak out, eat my fill, run back inside. Get fat. Raise some kids, you know?
And once, I left some grass seed out in that garage.
Not long afterward I found out that grass seed in the garage was akin to opening a Denney's next to a 4am bar.
Very bad idea.

But then I saw one near the house.
In the back, by the back door.
Was I pissed.

Actually, I saw it run into a section of rain gutter that I had left under the house. I grabbed it, then I remembered how sharp it was.
...And realizing after I had picked it up, that he's going to shoot out of there
...and maybe he had a whole family in there?
Yuck.
I hadn't thought this out at all.
In retrospect, I should have flung that little fugger like a canon.
But I wasn't thinking, and he escaped when it evened out.

My first thought was, "That little, ungrateful sh*t! He's got the land of milk and honey - (alright it's just birdseed and old toast) - in my garage! Now they want MORE?"
This is WAR.

They're on the offensive. They're getting literally too close to home now. Action. Decisive, over the top over-reaction action must be made. An insane gesture must be witnessed. Not just a statement to the mice - but to my neighbors as well!
(Somehow there's an analogy to 9/11 - War on Terror in this, but I'll leave that to better, more intelligent folks who want to read into that. I'm not smart enough to pull that one out.)

A trip to the big box store... Home Cheap-o or Nards, which ever one my blind rage got me to first. The difference is which Asian country they buy their stuff from. Cheap-o is China, and Nards is Korea. They even make their American Flags over there. Oh, I guess one is Orange, the other is Green?

I got stuck in the hardware store for, well, the wife called to tell me I had been gone half the day. I looked into my cart and saw 82 projects, and not one single mouse trap.

Damn it.

I finally found the 'pest' control area. There's an isle of these devices. It seems the patent office is still busy with the 'better mouse trap'... and Nards/Home Cheap-o has a shipping route to their warehouse door. There were three other dudes investgating the WMD's as well. I'm guessing this mouse infestation isn't an isolated event then?

An Asian fellow was asking me about the electronic devices.
"Do this work?"
Rather than retorting back with some dumb ass snappy remark about me not wearing a jumpsuit - I realized he's in the same infestation as me.
We're Allies in this mess.
Best not piss him off too much.
I told him you'd only have high pitched electric bills, with mice in your house. Look, you'd have to prove to me that this worked. With mice in a cage, and turning it on, and them freaking out. And even then I'd be skeptical. What if they were just trained to do that?

He then said he had skunks.
Hell... I guess my war wasn't that bad after all. Good luck with that, man.

One gentleman seemed convinced that the 'live' route was the way to go. Must be a PETA non-penis American. I'm kind of against the 'live mouse' idea. I'm not collecting these disease and mite infested rodents for a science lab. I'm not going to keep it as a pet. And what if I do catch one? What am I going to do? Take a live mouse on a trip - a nice ride in my car - out to the country and let him free? Go frolic in nature, Mickey... and look out for the Hawks.
Hell no! I'm going to smack the living sh*t out of him! Besides, think of the gas money in that adventure! At that moment I realized I'm not a humanitarian, and never will be. One of the dudes pointed me over to look at the catch and kill options and the other, deadlier bait traps.
(FYI - I will not be renewing my WWF membership this year.)

Now, I'm a little conflicted with the food option. I feed them, and they die. Awesome. Where do they die? At least with a trap - they're right there. I am going to have to clean up, but at least I know where their corpses are. If they ARE in my house, and I bait them with the poison - and they go back into the house or the rafters or something -- jebus that's going to smell up the joint. But I don't really want to bait them next to the house, because if they AREN'T in the house, maybe now they'll think there's food there, and what a groovy place to hang out.

God I'm over thinking this.

Three hours later I shake hands with the fellows, and walk out with a bucket of the poison bricks, a little 'live' catcher that I'll put some peanut butter in, and some glue traps for 'in' the house.

I also bought some of that awesome 'fill-a-crack' can foam stuff. I'm going to put that all over the garage. The 60's are over, you hippie mouse assh*les!!

Yeah, that's the other thing. I've decided that all my mice are hippies. They're stinky, unwashed masses that multiply when you give them a hand out. They only want more. Oh, they'll return the favor with disease and excrement all over your house, and blame you for not solving all their problems... Goddamn Hippies!!!

Look, if you're a dirty hippie, I'm really sorry that you're a dirty hippie. Your revolution is over. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lebowski?

I thought all this out while cleaning the hell out of the entire area around the back of the house.
Now it's all baited and - look at that - most of the bricks have been eaten. That's probably not good. There's probably 10 mice for every one that I've seen, right?

Sh*t. Mouse Sh*t.

Obama: 'My Muslim Faith'

Look, there's no way Obama has made a "shocking Freudian slip and revealed a secret devotion to Islam" or some jerk-off reaction that's already being played all over the intertubes.
Instead, it has been posted to show how sloppy Obama’s getting. I think he's been seriously rattled by the polls showing his bounce is gone (already), and he's making dumb mistakes as a result.

Luckily an “impartial” interviewer George 'Snuffy' Stephanopoulos is right there to correct his mistake for him.

You know, just for fun, here’s the longer version of this clip, showing the conversation before and after the section shown above: No, Obama didn’t “admit” to being a Muslim on ABC, damn it.

Obma Wut

Obama relying on Americans' intelligence to see through rivals' lies.. "I mean, you can't just make stuff up, the American people aren't stupid." (linkage)

McCain BarackRoll'd

Here's some advice - don't use a blue screen background for your candidate or this will happen to you too.

HFCS, Nervous?

The Corn Refiners Association is sick and tired of people expressing uncertainty about the dubious heath benefits of high fructose corn syrup, so they're running some commercials featuring aggressively annoying people getting schooled on the "facts" about our most omnipresent sweetener. All we managed to glean from the commercials is that not consuming high fructose corn syrup makes you rude. In the first one, one mom walks up to another (who is pouring some sort of pink liquid from a jug) and says, "Wow, you don't care what the kids eat, huh?" What a jerk.
From Consumerist.com

In an answer to the video - ahem - it 'may' cause juvenile obesity and type two adult onset diabetes in children - and, in a report I saw the other day, non alcohol related fatty liver damage to children is way up (link0). By the way, the nosy mom who doesn't know the answer - that's insulting to moms and women in general.

Are there more pressing culprits in America's obesity epidemic than HFCS? Absolutely. Lazy asses, smoking, drinking, little exercise, high fat and calorie intakes and a lack of healthy messages to children."

Rodger Clemens (no relation) a nutritional biochemist and spokesman for the Institute of Food Technologists, says, "No single food or food component is responsible for the growing obesity problem. The issue is really calories in addition to minor genetic disposition." Clemens thinks the availability of high fructose corn syrup will diminish within the next decade because of increased use of corn as a biofuel and emerging food technology that will identify alternative sources for inexpensive sweeteners.

Sure. He's a scientist. Scientists don't lend their voices to absolutes. It's tough to say there's just one single bullet in this obesity situation. But check his bank account.

And HFCS may fall out of use because people will finally figure out that it ISN'T natural, and that the body doesn't process the fructose and glucose the same as sugar, and therefore you blow out your pancreas quicker than just eating sugar cane. There's your diabetes.

Even though the ad says, "Moderation." Yeah, good luck with that, kids. Why? HFCS is in EVERYTHING.

Bonus HFCS also limits Leptin secretion in the digestive system. Leptin is a hormone that signals the brain when you are full.

Therefore, if your brain never gets the message that you are full, you are likely to over-eat and ingest more calories that lead to weight gain. And that's all it takes. Just 200 more calories over your suggested intake - and blam-o, you're a fatty.

I'll give an example. Say you want a 'healthy' lunch instead of McKFC. PBandJ (Peanut Butter and Jelly) on wheat bread. If you don't read your labels - it's in the Peanut Butter, it's in the Jelly, and it's in the whole wheat bread! Let's add a soda pop to that, since you've convinced you're eating 'healthy' today -- that's 17 Tablespoons of High Fructose Corn Syrup in ONE can.

Obesity? No kidding. Liver damage in kids? You betcha. Growing health crisis. Already happening.

Here's some more reading for you.
[www.ajcn.org] [www.newswise.com] , [junkfoodscience.blogspot.com]
I've also done a couple other posts on this. I highly recommend you check them out through the Google search for "Children of the High Fructose Corn Syrup"

Iran, Iran so far awaaaayyyy

Iran's Bushehr nuclear plant is nearing completion and the start-up of its reactor will soon become "irreversible," the Russian state-owned company that is building the power station said on Tuesday. (full story)

You know, they said "irreversible" and the first thought I had was the Titanic was "unsinkable."

Israeli planes are in flight and "un-recallable"