Atheist Chaplains

A growing number of young people - (well, the small room that was interviewed for the NPR story) now identify themselves as non-believers, and some colleges have responded by adding so-called "atheist chaplains" to their staff. Harvard now has an atheist chaplain, who helps students celebrate the holidays without violating their core (non)-beliefs.

Here's the NPR Story

Ah, Atheist Chaplains? Yeah, you're doing it wrong.

Now, if you've been reading Blasphemes, you know I'm not exactly a big fan of organized religion. But I've personally been very easy on the atheists out there. For the most part, they keep to themselves and do on to others as they wish that others would do onto them - kind of like that one guy, oh, what was his name? You know? He had long hair. I think his name was Jim and he lived behind the supermarket?

But around this time of the year, when all the preparations for the Christ-mas, the Kwanzaas and the Hanukkah celebrations the Atheists look around and are either jealous of all the fun everyone pretends to be having - or just want to yell out loud that everyone is an idiot except them.

If it's jealousy - hey, guess what, it's just a game face you're looking at. Do you really think all those people at the mall, buying sweaters with reindeer and pink slippers really want to hang out with the people they're giving that stuff to? Look at the Chia Pet - probably one of the worst things a human being could give to another person - I mean, as far as I know you can't even eat the thing - it's a thoughtless and useless gift, right? But still it continues to be a great seller this time of the year. Why? It says to me, "I don't know you, I don't want to, but I'm obligated by my birth into this stupid family to purchase you a gift. Here's a Chia Pet I picked up at Walgreen's on the way over here."

And if the atheist looks around at the mall or the holiday party and just thinks that everyone is an idiot for buying into this 'holiday crap', and then feels obligated to tell everyone that they are an idiot because of this belief system - whoa, cowboy. Let's pull back on those reins just a tad. That's one of the reason you're an atheist, right? Because everyone is always pushing their beliefs on you, remember? The Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Scientologists, Methodists, Satanists, Jihadists, Fundies, Trekers and Random Extremists - that's just off the top of my head, all want your dollars and beliefs to mirror theirs -- or we'll kill you and you'll burn in hell for eternity you son-of-a-bitch, which ever comes first. When Atheists start pushing their belief system (that there is no belief system, and all religion is dumb) it begins to smack AS it's own religion. Atheist Chaplains, remember? And frankly, if you're meeting with other atheists, and have a fold up chair and a table - you are now organized. Let's back off the gas a tad - why not try Agnostic - where you accept there MIGHT be a higher power, but you're too lazy to give a rip.

I know you're feeling really pissed that people look like they're having fun. All the little kids are crying and peeing on Santa's lap. You're going to have to go to that damned 'holiday party' and someone is going to send you a Christmas card with their kids on it. Any one of those things piss you off more than the 10 Commandments in the courthouse. I know.

Let me offer you one quick thought: once you accept that XmasKwanzaasChanukahFestivus festivals all happen to reside at the Winter Solstice - and pretty much all of humanity has always celebrated these moments in the sun's movement - you'll be a lot happier.

Maybe the sun beginning its return to almighty life giving strength exactly 6 months from now, and celebration that the sun's weakness 'doesn't get any worse' and in fact, gets better after the 21st of December -- maybe THAT can be your 'happy holiday'...

If that doesn't do it for you, take comfort in the thought that it'll be another FULL year before you have to deal with this crap again!