Very Important Post

"Serving size: 1 Cookie (16g)."

Obviously, you don't know me very well. Long before somebody named "Butcher" started calling me "Killre," someone else named "Mom" was calling me "The Cookie Monster."

"Servings Per Container: About 30."

About thirty? About!? Let me take a wild guess, Pre-ciso: You worked for NASA before the budget cuts, right?

"Ingredients: Enriched flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), partially hydrogenated vegetable oil (soybean, cottonseed and/or palm kernel oil), sugar, semisweet chocolate..."

Mmm... this is where it gets good.

"... semisweet chocolate (sugar, chocolate, cocoa butter, dextrose, soy lecithin, natural and artificial flavor, salt)..."

Imagine that! Semisweet chocolate is made primarily from sugar and chocolate! Oooo, this is exciting stuff!

"Dextrose," by the by, is just a fancy word for "more sugar." Kinda makes you wonder how "semi" the sweetness is, doesn't it?

"Natural and artificial flavor," well, that could be anything. I mean, it'd be pretty tough to fall outside the spectrum of "natural and artificial," don't you think?
Oh, and it should be pluralized.

And "cocoa butter" is, of course, a skin lotion. I don't know what it's doing in my food, but I'm sure it's government approved...

"...high fructose corn syrup..."

Ultra-sugary sugar, mixed with extra-sugary sugar, Sugar.



Anybody else have that Archies song running through their head right now?



"...modified corn starch, dates, contains two percent or less of molasses, salt, cocoa, natural and artificial flavors, baking soda, cocoa (processed with alkali), eggs, emulsifiers (polysorbate 60, sorbitan monostearate, soy lecithin), annatto extract for color, whey."

...But no Kurds.

I think the riboflavin is probably my favorite. I don't really know what it is; I just think it's a cool word. Say it with me: WRY-beau-flay-vin. It's German for "the flaying of the wry beau."

This post was brought to you by Keebler --the same people who brought you Dennis Kucinich-- and is presented here in case you, like, forgot to read your cereal box this morning or something.

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P.S.... Actually, ribose (the word really is derived from German) is a particular type of bio-sugar found in nucleic acid. Flavin is derived from Latin... it means "yellow." Riboflavin is a 'B' vitamin.

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P.P.S.... Bud "Got Steroids?" Selig must go.