Halloweened

Happy Halloween, dear Blasphemes reader.
As a special treat, (ugh) lets look at some terrible costumes that I've seen around the interwebs.
Some of these are bad, some are well - ugh.

Let's start with Al Jolson C3-PO. First, why would you want to be C3-PO? There are plenty of other characters in the Star Wars Universe - and why would you want to be C3-PO? Was this the important second just before he was blasted off the stage of the Cloud City Apollo?

Get it? White Trash can? White Trash! Ahahaa.... you're not laughing. Neither am I. At worst it's racist. At best, it's just damn lazy.

YouTube/Facebook/iPhone guy. Nice to be so hip it hurts. Too bad only took you ten minutes with a magic marker to come up with that. At least he didn't violate the number one rule of costumes - which is to leave one hand free for drinking. And I like that he only rated himself a 1 and half star... which is what I'd like to rate his costume.
Oh, I'm such a hipster! Another Internet only gag. You get this, or you don't. Can't imagine that even if you did recognize that character, you'd acknowledge it in front of others. Or your friends... or hell, even total strangers... The costume violates the free hand for a beer rule, and also the thou shall not use garbage bags to make your costume rule.
Uh, so what the hell, dude? We know you're a computer nerd. Everyday. Halloween means you get the night off... and now you've blown it. Way to think outside the damn box. And I only say that, because lookin' at you I assume that you're the kind of guy who says that about three times a day.
Missing? I wish you were, dude. Don't come to my party, Mr. Mouth-breather.

If you've never seen the 'Tron guy' - well, you're just not reading the interwebs to the best of your ability. To see how this ensemble got it's genesis... (click here) I Effin dare you!

Hamburgler. Not bad! But if you're going to bother with getting dressed up and all that, at least don't drink out of a gooddamn BurgerKing cup, okay?

Again with the Star Wars. 18,498 characters and still counting. If you are going to go to the trouble to go out of your way to not getting laid again this Halloween.... why not pick a costume that only you and Ralph McQuarrie get?

This dude is the concept drawing of Lando Calrissian. Yep. Goin' back to mom's alone again.

And since we're on the subject of not getting laid - and Star Wars - here's the Death Star. No arms = not drinking. Too big to get through most doors, which violates rule number 3 - make sure you can get through a door. Bonus he probably ain't going to fit in the bathroom either.

There's being a fan of the Transformers... when you were in 4th grade... and there's this guy. He probably can't get through the door either. And I'd bet that this picture was taken last year... so that makes him extra hipster.

Well, either this guy (and I'm just guessing) is either the bad guy eyeball from the Lord of the Rings, or he's his mother's vagina - But I can assure you, either way that's the only vagina he's ever seen.

The dude in the center really shouldn't have worn that to the office. And the dude next to him is what? Maybe a gay Thing from Addam's Family? What the hell costume is a rainbow boa and a furry coat? Like, you know, rule number 4, if I have to ask, your costume sucks...

What the hell is this? Are we just making crap up now?

Actually, a Christopher Walken cut out face is kind of cool....

But a cut out of Larry Craig - that's even better! Topical too!

Dude, when you were building or purchasing this, were you thinkin' you were going to get laid in this thing? Really? Who are you trying to impress then? Luckily for you, dear reader, I didn't show you some of the, er, used variation of this costume. By the sheer volume of what I found out there- there's a lot of dudes who must really think this is funny, or will get them laid.

Remember these from when you were a kid? The costumes were so bad (and flammable) that they had to put the name and picture of what you were supposed to be on the vinyl bag-thing that came with the plastic mask? This one is Mr. Kotter of Welcome Back Kotter. There's more at RetroCrush. ...and they're all terrible. Can you remember how bad your Halloween was the year you wore this? Why not Vinnie or even Arnold Horsheck? Nope. You chose Mr. Kotter at the store.

Dumbass.

Never seen a dude with Camel toe before... wait, yes I have! Tron guy! Rule 5 - no male camel toe, okay? Really. Stay home and watch It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.

Udderly retarded.

Never underestimate the stupidity of Groupthink: Case in point

Dude! I can't believe you're a Smurf too! Uh, guys? Just stay home this year, okay? Thanks.

I do wonder if they carpooled though?
This one scares me more than Jason or Freddy or anything Steven King has ever written.

Uh, what? Evil Cow Clown Jedi? You two must be really smart, because it must be so ironic my two brain cells just can't grasp it. Or perhaps you're just such major assh*les you're making fun of Star Wars and Clowns, and Cows all at once? Maybe that's it, Tinkerbell? Jokes is on me, at least you suckered somebody else to go along with you.

And these two. Can you imagine being in the costume shop with these two perky assh*les? "Oh hon! Wouldn't this just be a Hoot at the Johnsons?" "Uh hon, there isn't supposed to be a hot dog with this costume..." "Oh, sorry honey..."

This one shows up so much it must be a fake. That or your mom's been going out without you knowing about it. And this one is just - well, if you're comin' to the party I know about, you won't be wearing that costume very long. Why not just leave that roll of TP in the cab, sparky? Hey - is that the Death Star running over here?

If you have some of your own pictures you'd like to share - mail 'em to Howard.

Have a safe one gang!