Eamus Earnius

Baseball season is among us again. By far the sport that creates the most entertaining arguments and the greatest sporting experience. I think the reason that Barry Bonds has created such a stir is that there is a taint involving his (potential) records that will now be argued, for good reason, with a "Yea, but he was on steroids." It will be hard to compare him and Ruth. The Babe used hot dogs, hookers and beer. Bonds used testosterone decanoate, human growth hormone, Clear, and the Cream. Ruth should not have been able to get out of bed, let alone hit a baseball. I digress, however.

In order to enlighten the few that are unaware of what the sign over the right field bleachers means ("Eamus Catuli 036198") I will explain and then give my number one Cubs gripe. It is good to clear the slate and get things off of your chest before the start of the new baseball season.

The sign (pictured above) has two sections to it. The words "Eamus Catuli" and the series of cryptic numbers; this year they are 036198. "Eamus Catuli" is a latin phrase that means "Let's go Cubs." A latin professor that I read on-line but can't find a link to claims that "Catuli "means "Panther Cub" and that the sign should read "Eamus Ursuli" or "Let's go Bear Cubs." I kind of hope that this is true because it would be goddamned hysterical in a true Cubs fashion. But none-the-less, it is accepted in Chicago's North Side that "Eamus Catuli" is "Let's go Cubs."

Now the numbers are depressing. In fact the most depressing thing a batter can do in let's say for example a game six of a NLCS is look at that sign. "036198" should be broken down into three groups of numbers. The first two "03" are the number of years since they won the division. The "61" is the number of years since they have won the Conference. The (God help us) "98" is the number of years since they won the World Series. I feel all the numbers should be one less. It has not yet been three full years since they won the division. If we won the World Series last year the sign would read "010101" and I would like it to read "000000." It would be more of a feeling of accomplishment for me.

Now to my angry Cub rant. Why is the first statue placed outside of Wrigley field for Harry Caray? God Damn! I enjoyed Harry as much if not more than anyone. His not being able to pronounce names. Forgetting a game was going on while he rambled about how he once saw Don Baylor (then an Oriole) get caught stealing twice in an inning, which although true could probably have waited until after the home run call. I liked his sitting in the bleachers amongst the bums. I liked him. I did. But no statue.

First of all, he was also an announcer for the Cardinals (25 yrs.), the A's (1 yr.), the White fucking Sox (11 yrs.) and a measly 16 years with the Cubs. Secondly he said shit like, "How does a guy born in Mexico lose a pop-up in the sun?" Endearing, yes. Deserving of the first statue outside Wrigley, no.

"OK, F", I hear you say, "who should have gotten the first statue outside Wrigley?"

Well, my faithful reader, how about #14? Our favorite shortstop. A man that loved the game so damn much he wanted to play two. How about a Gold Glover, a two time MVP (once while on the worst team in the league), a perennial All-Star. How about a guy whose fucking nickname is "Mr. Cub?" I would much rather walk by a statue of Ernie Banks to recall what Wrigley and the Cubs mean to me. Not a happy-go-lucky drunk. A hard playing, ball crushing, Hall of Famer is more representative to me of what the Cubs should be.

One final thing. Why are they renaming the bleachers? The Bud Light Bleachers? For real? Oh, Jesus. See what a Harry Caray statue does to a historic park?

Coming soon a three-toed dog.