2008 Summer Duds

2008 Tentpole pictures - which are summer movies that Hollywood studios spend millions on in the hope that their one major movie will support the rest of the year's little independent films, and other crap - are full of termites and have the potential to close the circus.

Point 582 in the ongoing discussion that Hancock is a disaster....

It doesn't take a PhD in movie reviews to figure that out -- maybe you've seen the trailer? Or perhaps a couple of them? What the hell, right? It doesn't make any sense. There's a reason for that... Half way through their marketing campaign, they flipped the focus. Now no one knows what the hell it's about - and if you can't get the marketing figured out - it might mean your picture is muddled, and then you know you're doomed.

I just read the first review of Hancock - and one and a half stars is pretty freaking bad. You usually get a star for successfully getting the picture to stick to the film emulsion, and for finding the set. Lighting (all the talented best boys and gaffers) usually earns another half star just for lighting the set.

And that's the trainwreck that Hancock seems to be.

Other Absolute Bombs, so far:
Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Kid Free Lawn - Dude, sure it made 300 million, but it coined the phrase "Nuked the Fridge."
Love Guru - Jesus, Mike, if you needed a paycheck so bad, just record another Shrek movie. Let me give you the numbers. It has brought in $25,222,377 AND COST $62.
Speed Racer - An ode to a technosong. From 1991. $42,888,276 - Budget of $120 (not counting that Marketing budget of 150...see previous post)
The Happening - At the 60 million dollar break even... Next weekend.

Tentpole Successes:
Kung Fu Panda - Selling a lot of McDonald's Happy Meals. Everyone seems to dig it.
Wall-E - I am legend + Robot ET by Pixar, a qualified homerun.
Iron Man - Robert Downey Jr. 300 in for 150 budget. Everyone liked it, everyone made money.
Fornication with Fashionable Old Hand-Bags in an Urban Environment- er, Sex and the City. 140, 65 to make the thing. That's a hit.
The Strangers - 51,519,705 - cost only $9. That's a sleeper hit!

Not Yet in the Black:
Incredible Hulk - $115,859,210 In - Budget of $150
Get Smart - Would you believe, $77,477,031 - Budget of $80. They'll hit break even point on Wed.
Wanted - $50,927,085 - Budget of $75. They'll hit break even next weekend.

Still to come -
Batman 2 - Heath
Hellboy 2 - Creeps
X-Files 2 - ???
Pineapple Express - Weee3333eeeee333ddddd

Doesn't matter anyway - I'm not going to be able to see any of this crap anyhow...
as I'm a shut in.