Goodnight Forest Moon

Grab the PDF of the entire book here. It's a bit of a chore building the whole book yourself, but look at the Quiet old Sith who was whispering "Shh" can even make that cut you give yourself with the X-acto knife a lot less painful.

The Scientology Genisis Event

Sci-Fi writer, Harlan Ellison, was there when Scientology was created. Listen to him tell the story.



"Of all the groups and/or individuals who might wish to do me bad cess, out of animus or insanity, I never have to worry about Scientologists. I haven't seen the thing you reference on YouTube, but Ron Hubbard and I were friends. No matter in what godhood he is held by those who may "follow his footsteps," Ron HIMSELF told them to leave me alone, that I was okay in his book. I may not have much use for Scientology, but I had--and still have--LOTS of camaraderie and admiration for the man." - Harlan Ellison

Van Jones Gone

White House "green jobs" adviser Van Jones resigned in the middle of the Labor Day weekend following persistent controversy over his past remarks and associations.

Jones, who served as an adviser to the White House Council on Environmental Quality, which has got to be the most made-up job in the Obama Administration so far, had generated mounting criticism over the past week. He had issued back-to-back apologies -- first, for calling Republicans "assholes" during a videotaped address earlier in the year, and second for signing a petition in 2004 supporting the "9/11 truther" movement, which believes the Bush administration may have been involved in the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks.

The latter development, which came on top of several others, was perhaps the most devastating and led to calls for his resignation. The left has truthers, the right has birthers. You just can't be a vocal truther when you work for the government. That's a feedback loop.

Jones stepped down late Saturday.

Jones, I guess, has been part of and in the middle of this Glen Beck back and forth fighting, and whatnot - and I don't care one bit about it. They're both whining idiots who have zero talent except for using their tongues to get phoney-balonie jobs. Yeah, I said that. But what I do care about is that if some government appointee is going to let his lips flap around outloud without any political regard, and when there's a microphone involved (Jebus, people!) there should be appropriate countermeasures. There are. And he's gone. Well, bye. (Beck is just about out of advertisers too, btw.)

What will be interesting to see is how it will be spun into a positive - you know, 'his resignation will deflect distractions from the Health Care Debate, or from scorn on the Obama Administration. what a hero' - or if the whole affair will just be broomed under the rug because it is Labor Day Weekend? Stay tuned.

Ivory Coast Story

Here's some SPAM I just got. This seems new - religious SPAM.
All the glory of misspellings and poor grammar left in tact for your reading pleasures. My comments in brackets and bold.

"Dear Respected one [Uh, you obviously have no idea who I am, and I've never ever been called that...]

And may the peace of Our gracious God Jesus Christ be with you And All Your Intire Familys,
[My entire family and my mistress's family? I'm not John Edwards, or a Mormon.]

Please I have a problem which I realy need your urgent help i realy belive that our allmithy God Jesus Christ who directed me to you can not lair to me [I really believe in spell check, but you're right, I can't liar you.]

however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you I am JANET MOLO i am 18 years old girl and the only daughter of my late parents Mr. and Mrs.JOHN MOLO.
[where do I begin with this sentence? The beginning isn't even a sentence, let alone a complete thought. I don't even understand what you're asking here. I know that it's a run on sentence. And why are the names ALL CAPS? But what are you trying to ask?]

My father was a highly reputable business man (a coacoa merchant) [what is a coacoa? Is that a plant or a drug? I really need to know. There's a difference, especially to Christians.] he operated in the capital city of Ivory coast during his days. [The government officially discourages the use of the name Ivory Coast in English, preferring the French name Côte d'Ivoire to be used in all languages. During his days, you mean when he was alive?]

My fathers [You had more than one father?] died mysteriously in France during one of his business trips in abroad on 12th.Febuary 2006. [Is Febuary like February without the cold?] Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time.But ONLY GOD knows the truth! [Was this his brother, or his father's brother? If this 'uncle' is suspected, how come only the Lord knows the answer? Is the Lord a witness?]

My mother died when I was just 4 years old on child birth according to what my father told me,The time for her delivery was complete and the doctor did not know because according to my father the doctor told them that my mother was not going through labour because according to his own prediction my mother had about one month more to deliver. [What? She died giving birth to you when you were 4? But you were a month premature?] So before they rialise she was onlabour, it has taken about two days and she became very weak and couldnot make it during child delivery. [I'm still confused. Is this you or your sister? Either way, I'm so confused I don't think my brain pan can process it.] Since then my father took me so special. [He ought to! He was your father.]
Before his death on February 12/ 2006 which came to me as asuprise, [His death was a surprise, but your mother who carried you until age 4, and was in labor for 48 hours, but you were premature - yeah, her death should not be a surprise. Oh, and now you can spell the second month of the year, but cannot work the space bar? Also, your use of commas over periods are really getting on my nerves.]

I have stoped school because i cant afford to pay for my school fees anymore. [And this was a good call - because they taught you how to use the Internet and type, they obviously didn't bother to teach you English fundamentals, or where the spell check button is located.] why becouse the way my uncle is madtreating me is very bad,There is this Amount of Money Five Million Two Hundred Thousand U.S Dollars ($5,200,000.00) which my late Father Mr.JPHN MOLO [Okay, now you can't even spell your late father's name right. Come on. You're not even trying now. And that's US dollars, right? Because I don't want to go through all this work just to have to try to convert Franc's to Euros or dollars.] kept for me in a security company here in Abidjan,Cote D'Ivoire before he was assasinated becuase of his Cocoa Farm Plantation in Cote D'Ivoire. [So now you CAN spell cocoa, and the correct expression of the Ivory Coast? And he just happened to move 5.2 million just before he died? Maybe his moving of this money is what got him killed? I don't know, just a thought.]

My father was assasinated. [Prove it] Now, I have decided to invest these money in your country [I wouldn't invest in American banks. Have you read the newspaper? Ten of America's largest 19 banks need a combined $74.6bn (£50bn) of extra funds to boost their cash reserves. You've only got 5.2 million.] It's going to take or anywhere safe enough outside this country for security purposes.I want you to help me for this matter as i need this money to leave from this country because the money staying in the security company is not giving me any joy. [Tell me about it. Leaving my money in the security company doesn't give me any joy either.] I am explaining my condition to you because of the situation i am facing here in my uncle's house. [You're in his house?! On his computer?] my uncle dont know that my father deposited this money in the security company so please i need you to help me stand as my father buisnass [Buisnass. That's a cool new word you just invented there. How about Biznass instead. There's a little more hip-hop in that spelling.] pathner in abroad, i sopourse to take the money by myself but my father was made agreemant with the security company the money will be giving to me whan i am 30years old but or i come with soon one that will help to invest the money [Well, first off, how would his business partner not know of a deposit of 5.2 million, and I'm not aware of any trust fund that requires the beneficiary to wait until the ripe old age of 30 to collect? There are rules regulating interest bearing trust funds accounts. Perhaps you would like to hire an attorney rather than asking me - a complete stranger - for help?]

so please i need your help please do this for me as you do this our allmithy God Jesus Christ will bless you and all your intire familys, [I really don't see how Jesus has anything - anything - to do with this.]

Please,I really need your help for this box to bring to you in your country for investment purposes as MY late father advice me as his only daughter to look for a partner in abroad that can help me to invest this money on the followings

1).Telecommunication
2 International School
3 Five star hotel
[I'm not any of those, but go on...]

As you help me the security company deliver the box to you in your country.And As soon As i hear from you,i will lead you to the security company where my late Father deposited the Trunk box for you to contact them to negotiate and ask them to tell you how are they Going to deliver the box to you without any problel [You have 5.2 million cash in a Trunk? Why do I have to negotiate with the security company to make a delivery? Have you thought of just using Fed Ex or UPS?]

For your information,my Father did not let the security company to know that money is containing in the Trunk box,[So, now I'm confused again. Your Father deposited 5.2 million in a trunk, left it in the care of a security company that doesn't even know what it is nor has the ability to ship it? Not much of a security company.] i am giving you the secret of the money because i have nothing to hide to you as i have taken you as my only brethren. [Lady, I'm some random dude you're sending an email to. You're better off talking to your Uncle.] May the Our God allmithy in heaven jesus christ give both of us wisdom as i have see that this is the way that our God jesus christ want us to recognised each other. [Again, if you're going to evoke the Almighty, can you show Him the courtesy of spelling his name right - consistently? I'm not even asking for Capitalization, that, I'm afraid, would be too much to ask for.]

Please i want to beg you in the name of our almighty God Jesus Christ for you to be faithull to me. [According to you I have multiple families - how am I going to be faithful to you?] And tell me that you will not cheat me because i am a small girl. [18 isn't a small girl in any country] that you will not cheat on me. I will like to come over to your country and finish my school and get a better husband [Wait-a-minute, you're MARRIED? And you want to trade up? And you're worried about ME cheating on YOU?] and settle down for life, but the most important things i need from you is honest to me becouse i never do this buisness befor in my life [Well, frankly, I've never smuggled 5.2 million in a trunk either. So that makes two of us.] so i will like you to promise me that you can never cheat me when this money get to your contry that you are going to help me invest the money in your contry for a good buisness,

Thank you very much and may Our allmighty in heaven Jesus Christ continue to protect You and your family
Miss Janet Molo
[I think what will protect would be a better spam filter on my e-mail account. Good luck and God bless.

Oh, one last suggestion. You may want to clear the history of your browser, because if your Uncle or your father's uncle, or that guy who killed your father - he might be the kind of guy to keep track of what you're doing on his computer. Watch your back.]

Just a Story

The following is not a fictional story. It is a true story about the political nightmare that is Zimbabwe's political struggle to be a true Democracy. The names have been changed so that it's 1) more entertaining, 2) so you can follow along. It's interesting especially towards the end where there's a little history of the story that kind of raises an eyebrow. - Cap'n

WASHINGTON DC, (Blasphemes) - America's opposition presidential candidate has been allowed to leave a police station about two hours after he was ordered to drive there.

But Barack Obama was told he could not resume campaigning Friday for the presidential runoff.

Obama had been trying to campaign around Los Angles, America's second largest city. He was stopped at a roadblock and ordered to a police station about 30 miles from LA.

Later, he and reporters with him were allowed to leave the station. They drove back to LA under police escort.

Obama's campaign to unseat George W. Bush has been hobbled by violence and intimidation.

When police stopped America's opposition presidential candidate at a roadblock Friday and ordered him to go to a police station, another setback in a campaign to unseat George W. Bush that has been marred by violence and intimidation.

Reporters with the convoy heard police at the roadblock say Barack Obama's planned rallies were illegal. He was ordered to follow police to Pasadina, a town about 30 miles southeast of Los Angles, America's second-largest city.

Obama's spokesman said the candidate and other top officials entered the police station, as others in the convoy waited outside.

In a statement Friday, Obama's campaign called for his immediate release and said his detention was "yet another shameless and desperate act by the Bush regime" to frustrate the opposition's campaign.

LA Police Chief William J. Bratton said he was not aware of Friday's incident, but said that it is not uncommon for police to stop drivers at roadblocks to ensure they are not transporting weapons.

"Obama and his convoy are not immune to search," he said. "They can be searched at any roadblock they pass."

He also said candidates had been informed they needed to inform police before holding a political rally.

On Wednesday, Obama said he was detained for nine hours at another police station near Los Angles. Bratton denied police were interfering with the opposition campaign.

Obama beat Bush in the March 29 first round, but did not garner the 50 percent plus one vote necessary to avoid a runoff, which is scheduled for June 27.

Opposition and human rights groups accuse Bush of orchestrating violence to ensure he wins re-election amid growing unpopularity for his heavy-handed rule and the country's economic collapse.

On Thursday, a mob of America "war veterans," a group of often violent Bush loyalists, waylaid a convoy of Canadian and British diplomats investigating political violence, beating a local staffer, slashing tires and threatening to burn the envoys, the Canadian Embassy said.

Bush frequently accuses Britain and Canada of plotting to topple him and return America to colonial rule.

Also Thursday, aid groups in America were sent a memorandum from social welfare minister Nicholas Goche ordering an indefinite suspension of field work.

Millions of Americans depend on international groups for food and other aid as the economy crumbles.

James Elder, a spokesman for the UN children's agency, said the suspension was "completely unacceptable and hugely concerning. Hundreds of thousands of children are in need of immediate assistance.

"With the onset of the winter in America, the timing is critical for children who are among the most vulnerable and most in need of support," Elder said.

Goche's memorandum to the United Nations and other aid groups made no mention of government claims that aid was distributed to favored recipients or opposition supporters, or that civic and human rights groups registered as voluntary organizations were campaigning against Bush's party.

Earlier this week, the aid organization CARE International said it had been ordered to halt operations pending an investigation of allegations it was campaigning for the opposition. CARE denies the allegation.

Bush has led America since independence from Britain in 1980 and was once hailed as a liberator who promoted racial reconciliation and economic empowerment.

But he has been accused of clinging to power through election fraud and intimidation, and of destroying his country's economy through the seizure of white-owned farms beginning in 2000.

Discontent over the economy propelled Obama to the top in presidential voting March 29.

Obama, who lost a 2002 presidential election that independent observers said was rigged in Bush's favor, had only returned to America in late May to campaign for the runoff. He left the country soon after the March first round, and his party has said he was the target of a military assassination plot.

He has survived at least three assassination attempts. In 1997, unidentified assailants tried to throw him from a 10th-floor window.

Last year, he was hospitalized after a brutal assault by police at a prayer rally. Images seen around the world of his bruised and swollen face have come to symbolize the plight of dissenters in America.

Obama's Movement for Democratic Change says at least 60 of its supporters have been slain in the past two months.

Appeaser Comments?

Gillespie Says 'Appeaser' Speech Not Aimed at Obama
By Dan Eggen

Presidential counselor Ed Gillespie said today that President Bush's remarks yesterday in Jerusalem about "appeasement" were not intended as a reference to Barack Obama and suggested that White House aides were surprised by the Democratic reaction.

"We did not anticipate that it would be taken that way, because it's kind of hard to take it that way if you look at the actual words of the president's remarks," Gillespie told reporters aboard Air Force One today as it traveled from Israel to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

He said White House aides did anticipate that some observers might interpret the remarks as "a rebuke" of former president Jimmy Carter, who recently met with Hamas. But Gillespie said the comments were not meant to single out Carter, either.

Bush's remarks were "consistent with what he has said in the past relative to dealing with groups like Hezbollah and Hamas and al-Qaeda, relative to standing by Israel, relative to concerns about Iran developing the prospect of a nuclear weapon," Gillespie said.

He dismissed criticism from Democrats such as Senate Majority Harry Reid (Nev.), who called the remarks "reckless and irresponsible," or House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (Calif.), who said Bush had acted "beneath the dignity of the office of president."

"We're happily not in a campaign and out of the political arena," Gillespie said. "...I don't know what sentence they could point to that they would say is reckless or outrageous. The fact is that if you look at the words, they're pretty consistent with what the president has said in the past, and frankly consistent with what many of them have said."

I wonder where they got that silly idea from anyway?

Oh, the photos? They were just sitting around in the White House press room. I thought I'd post a few of them. What? No, there's no link between these and what the story is about. Nope. Not one bit. I'm surprised you'd think that. Not about the Democrats or Obama. Just some pictures. Really? You think there's a connection there? Hmmm. I just don't see it.

Pressing Issue

The most important issue of the day is this:

How long is Luke Skywalker on Dagobah?

This seems like a quick little trip, but alas, no - and my research on the interwebs has been spotty at best.

In fact, what is the timeline for the entire movie The Empire Strikes Back?

It seems, on the surface that it's a couple weeks, right?

But if you give a pause, and start to analyze the timeline, the possibility arises that it could be 6 months to a year.

Let's take a look:

Once Luke is brought back to Echo base, he's in the medical tank and recovery. There's not a lot of hints on how long that therapy lasted. That could have been a month from Wampa attack to twins kissing in the sick bay. It probably wasn't, but the Imperial Probe Droid had to cover an entire planet -- some people can't even get around in the city they live in without GPS...

From the battle of Hoth to Dagobah, even though Luke's X-wing has hyperdrive, still could have taken a while. That's assuming that Hoth is in the same galactic neighborhood, it's still going to take a while -- and while Luke is speeding along to his destination, the Falcon's hyperdrive is NOT working... and they go into the asteroid field that is in, I can only assume, the Hoth solar system.

So the Falcon is in the asteroid belt for quite some time. Vader's Super Star Destroyer and three or four Star Destroyers are constantly bombing and probing the asteroids for the Falcon. The Falcon is in the Worm for an undisclosed amount of time before they discover that the mynock are part of the worm's digestive system. Sure it looks like an hour, but by the time they come out, Vader's assembled and hired a crew of Bounty Hunters since his team isn't getting the job done.

He would have had to put out the contract, they would have had to get to his Super Star Destroyer... even with the bending of space and time - that's still a large amount of travel involved. And as everyone knows how long it takes for a government contract to go through, this alone should be a clue that Vader was looking for the Falcon for at least a month or possibly two.

Meanwhile, back on Dagobah, Luke's training - while short, doesn't give a true sense of how long he was there. From dinner at Yoda's mud hut to the "Failure at the Cave" is an undisclosed amount of time. It's not a couple days, it could have been over a month of training.

Now, of course, a month of training to be a Jedi seems just silly after watching Eps 1-3... Let's dismiss that for a second.

In my childhood imagination - Obi Wan spilled the beans that he personally trained Anakin, and failed... I always assumed that Anakin was about Luke's age and that Obi Wan did a crash course on a bunch of freighter pilots and that Anakin worked out against the clones. And because he hadn't had the proper training from Yoda, he turned to the dark side. Oh, and the Clones were all Boba Fetts and BAD GUYS in my version... there weren't any stupid Droid armies. I always figured that Luke is (at least) getting some one-on-one time with Yoda and having his education honed to use the Force. Enough to be a Jedi? Or just enough to take out his old man? It paints a darker image of Obi Wan and Yoda - which makes them deeper characters with an agenda... from a certain point of view.

Back to the Falcon. They sneak away and limp to Bespin "It's far, but I think we can make it" from the asteroid belt. That's no hyperspace. To get technical - that would be a couple hundred years... but let's pretend it's only a couple weeks to a month of traveling from Hoth to Bespin. That's still a couple more months.

Then they get there, "3p-O's been gone too long to be lost" they have dinner and are tortured by Vader - for how long? A day, a month? Long enough for their pain to reach Luke on a Force wave.

Vader's plan DOES cut into Luke's crash course in Force training, much to the horror of Yoda and Obi Wan... but they know that they've got Leia as backup in case the boy child in such a hurry to fall into a trap doesn't work out for them.

Remember, Luke isn't really holding his own in that first battle with his old man. And it's when Vader tells Luke that he's his daddy is when Luke's lack of training really fails him. Had he been able to control his feelings, he would have just shrugged and given old iron lung a Force blast - but instead his only escape is to jump off a tall whathave you into an air vent over a gas giant planet.

But I still ask, how long is the timeline for Empire?

Blasphemes ends Rosie's show!

Rosie's big mouth cancels plans for new MSNBC talk show before it even got started!

It's no go for Rosie. A possible deal for a one-hour MSNBC talk show hosted by Rosie O'Donnell has collapsed, the comedian said on her Web site late Wednesday.

"We were close to a deal almost done," O'Donnell wrote on her blog. Negotiations continued late into Wednesday, but it was clear by evening that there would be no deal and no show.

"My career as a pundit is over b4 it began," O'Donnell wrote.

The onetime moderator on "The View" revealed the potential deal at a Miami book fair during the weekend. She seemed to blame herself for the collapse, saying that her letting it slip in Miami caused "panic."

A show starring O'Donnell would have given MSNBC a liberal counterpunch to the rest of cable news fare that includes CNN's "Larry King Live" and Fox News Channel's "Hannity & Colmes." The channel, which has gotten some lift from "Countdown With Keith Olbermann" at 8 p.m., hasn't seen as much success with either "Scarborough Country" or a talk show hosted by former MSNBC general manager Dan Abrams.

(source)

No mention of my open letter to MSNBC - but I hope that I had everything to do with the collapse of negotiations. Or, maybe she just introduced herself and everyone was offended.

Fun with No-fun

The road narrowed as we headed into the mountains.
What thin lip-service of a shoulder there'd been disappeared completely, and the edges of the pocked and pitted and pothole-patched pavement visibly crumbled under the weight of a badly faded white line.

The tires made a fast ripping sound on the roughening road surface and the heavy darkness of a late-night-early morning seemed to tighten the headlight beams as I practically yanked the car into a tight curve. When the road straightened, I have to admit, I wobbled just a little.

One F pretended not to notice. He took a swig of his Molson Canadian and asked, "So where are we going?"

"You'll see."

He probably frowned at me. I don't know that for sure, because I kept my eyes on the road, but he probably did. From the speakers, Buddy Holly sang: "...in the valley of tears..."

I took one hand off the wheel and turned the stereo up a notch. The tire-ripping sound seemed to be getting louder, you see. Besides, I knew "Ready Teddy" was the next song. Then, having boosted the volume, I paradoxically raised my voice and said: "You know, this is the actual album Buddy Holly, from 1958. I mean: It's a CD, but it's the same song line-up. It was his second album."

"I know," One F said. "My dad and I went on a road trip together last year, and his Buddy Holly CD was the only music we could both agree on."

"So you've heard it," I said. "You know something? You're no fun."

He didn't say anything to that. He took another swig of beer. And maybe another. After a short while, he asked: "So where are we going?"

"You'll see."

I careened through a couple more curves and then the road ripped and soared, steep and sudden, to the top of the ridge. I took my foot off the throttle as we reached the summit. I know from experience how all those narrow, half-assed California mountain roads tend to buck and dive and twist when they crest a ridge. I for one did not want to experience that stomach-dropping, adrenaline-shot, endless-second parabola, we're-going-to-die feeling. Not just then, anyway.

Buddy Holly sang, "...you're so square... baby, I don't care..."

One F didn't spill a drop.

We flew down the other side of the pass, ripping and roaring through the night. Eventually, the road dropped us down to a relatively flat plateau, nested among the peaks. The pavement got smoother and wider and the tire-ripping sound diminished. I whispered a silent prayer to the Creator of the Cruise Control, and set it.

A few miles further on, we approached a stoplight. The gods that govern traffic signals must have seen us coming, because the light --which had been green for, I'm sure, about four hours-- turned yellow and then red, for no apparent reason. There were no other cars in sight: We hadn't seen another car since we'd left the Interstate.

Buddy Holly sang, "...take your time... I can wait..."

A few miles beyond that, we came to another intersection. I pulled over onto the shoulder and put the transmission in Park. We were about 20 miles from... well, from anywhere, anywhere at all. The intersection was shaped like a large Y that was trying to make something of itself-- specifically, a T. One lone streetlight on a close-set utility pole hung its head like a tired old man and spilled a dull, half-hearted orange glow over not very much of the area.

I turned down the stereo and swept an index finger from left to right, indicating the highway that crossed in front of us: It came sliding gently down a ridge from our left and swung through the junction on a curve and disappeared into the darkness to our right, at an angle that took it directly away from us. "That," I said, "is State Highway 46. Fifty years ago, it was U.S. 466."

I looked at One F. He was frowning. It was his quizzical frown. I took that to be a good sign. From the speakers, Buddy Holly sang, "...you're gonna miss me... early in the mornin'... one of these days..."

I pointed to the left again and started my story: "He came flyin' over that ridge doing, like, 75 or 80 down the hill. He was driving a 1955 silver-colored Porche--"

"James Dean?" he interrupted.

I felt my shoulders sag. I'm sure he enjoyed the disappointment on my face. "You know something?" I said. "You're no fun."

He smiled and shrugged. "You shouldn't have said 'silver-colored Porche'. It was a dead give-away. No pun intended."

I told the story anyway, albeit with less enthusiasm. After all, here we were at the actual spot where the actual James Dean had actually died... so I told the story anyway. I told him how Dean had come barreling west down the hill at something like 80 miles per hour because he'd been either too stupid or too lazy to leave L.A. the night before; how some poor sap in a Sherman tank of a Studebaker, coming the other way, had pulled up to the intersection looking to turn left; how Dean's supposed last words to his passenger were, "He has to see us... He has to stop"; how the poor sap didn't stop but instead turned directly into Dean's path; how Dean's real last word was probably a high-pitched "Shiiiiiit!" as he slammed his foot down on the brake pedal far too late; how the guy in the Studebaker and the German mechanic who was riding shotgun with Dean in the Porche both survived, but Dean was pronounced dead at the scene.

One F chuckled. "It amuses me that he called that guy his 'mechanic'. The guy probably serviced Dean's Johnson rod more than he ever worked on the car."

"Well, anyway," I said as I put the car in gear, "The guy died in a car crash back in Germany sometime in the 80's. I heard it was 'alcohol related', although I don't know if he was the one who was drinking or if it was someone else." I pulled up to the intersection and made a left. "Legend has it, the Porche sat here in the field near the junction for, like, years afterwards. Some people even think it's still here, but it isn't."

"Where is it?"

"I don't know. But I've been through here in the daytime, and it isn't here."

The CD was over, so I hit Eject and told him to pick something. He reached into the glove compartment and selected a Stephen Lynch Special Mix that he'd made for me. Then he twisted around in his seat and reached into the back, where we had the cooler.

"Need a Coke?" he asked.

"No, I'm good."

He sat back down and I heard the kiss-hiss of the cap being twisted off another Molson. He took a long drink and said, "I can't believe you brought beer."

I shrugged. "Just don't drink all of 'em. I might want one when we get to L.A."

There was a pregnant silence.

"That's the last one, isn't it?" I asked.

"Um..." he said, and I felt him regard me with that look he gives you when he's trying to think of something to say but wants you to think it's just a dramatic pause. "Maaaybeee?"

"Seriously," I said, sparing a full second to look him in the eye, "you're no fun!"

I looked back at the road. He said, "I wouldn't worry: I'm sure Holly Would will have beer when we get there."

"Yes... but it won't be Molson Canadian," I pointed out. "Did you notice the labels?"

He looked down at the bottle he was holding. "What about 'em?"

"It's part of their marketting campaign. They're not just selling beer; they're selling tiny conversation pieces. The back label of every bottle has a different bad pick-up line."

He reached up and snapped on the dome light and read aloud: "Ask me about my all-over tan." Then he sniffed. That was his way of saying, "I'm trying to be amused, but it isn't working very well."

"Every bottle has a different one?" he asked.

"Well, probably not every bottle in the world, no. But usually every bottle in a given six pack does."

He reached under the seat and brought out one of the empties: "I may be your best option." He replaced that one and grabbed another. "Hey, this one says 'Bud Selig must go'."

"Really?"

"No, not really."