They Punted, again.

Republicans and Democrats 'amazingly' pulled a last-minute deal out of their gigantic theatrical hat to prevent a government shutdown. A stopgap bill will keep the government open until next Thursday, at which point congress will vote on a budget agreement to cover the rest of fiscal 2011. Yes. They punted. Again. Remember, this homework assignment was due from the LAST CONGRESS, and has been kicked around, and is still being kicked around in this awful game of political football.

According to a joint statement released by House Speaker John Boehner and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, the agreement “will cut $78.5 billion [Please note, this is only 2% of the federal budget] below the president’s 2011 budget proposal.” Furthermore, Planned Parenthood funding will remain in tact, but is expected to be voted on separately as part of the deal, along with health care reform repeal.

President Obama spoke before the Washington Monument, calling the cuts “painful,” but also praising them as historic. Well? Which one is it? Is it a turd in the hall or cake?

With the “dry run” over, all eyes now turn to the main event: Raising the debt ceiling. That'll be much more fun, and a lot less talked about.

The big loser here? The main stream media - what with their countdown clocks and the dripping with anticipation of a government shutdown. I have 18 pages of links to "The terrible effects on ____ if the government shuts down!" They must have the worst blue balls right now.

The winner? Mr. Speaker - he's won against the President, and Reid, and played to his Tea Party fringe base. What a hero.

Text Message Scams

Heads up Blasphemers -- here's a little video I found about Text Message Scams

Check your bill with a fine tooth comb.

Just wish I was smart enough or evil enough to come up with this one on my own.

New Chariman

So, amazingly, this just happened...

Pat Quinn named chairman of Midwestern Governors Association

"I am honored to become Chairman of the Midwestern Governors Association. The association has a long history of governors who are committed to working together to improve our entire region, and I look forward to continuing that legacy," said Governor Quinn. "Now, more than ever, we need to band together to create sustained economic growth and success throughout the Midwest."

Governor Quinn assumed office on Monday, January 10, 2011 and will serve as chair through February of 2012.

The other governors must have awarded him this honor because he's going to increase their revenues so much from the stampede to get the hell out of Illinois - or Quinn is just so damn good at lying that they decided to make him their leader. Maybe he promised he was only going to raise their dues 'a little bit.'

"Sometimes I think you WANT to fail" ~ Restaurant employee #1, from my favorite Simpsons episode, New Kid on the Block (1992)

Sweet, sweet Jebus.

A Tale of Two Assassins

Two terrible stories...

A US congresswoman is in critical condition after a gunman shot her in the head and killed six people in an Arizona shooting spree.

Democratic Representative Gabrielle Giffords was shot at close range at a public meeting in a Tucson supermarket.

The 40-year-old is under sedation, but the doctor treating her said he was "very optimistic about her recovery".

A 22-year-old man has been arrested and police are hunting for a second man in connection with the shooting.

The suspect in custody, who was wrestled to the ground at the scene of the shooting, has been named locally as Arizona resident Jared Loughner, who is described as having a troubled past.

Various former classmates have described him as "obviously disturbed" and a loner who had posted a number of anti-government videos and messages on social networking websites.

Continue reading the main story
Shortly before the attack he had posted: "Goodbye friends. Dear friends, don' be mad at me."

The suspect, age 22, lives with his parents in Tucson. He's been described by former class-mates as "disruptive" drug-user and a loner. Reportedly posted series of rambling messages on social networking websites. Online messages show deep distrust of government and religion, calling US laws "treasonous" and calling for creation of a new currency. He attempted to enlist in US Army but was rejected.

Some have already pointed out that Giffords was on Sarah Palin’s gun-sighted “hit list”, but, though the gunman is reportedly in custody, their motives are not known at this time.

Giffords’s husband, Astronaut Mark Kelly, says his wife is still alive.

Sarah Palin via Facebook:

My sincere condolences are offered to the family of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and the other victims of today’s tragic shooting in Arizona.

On behalf of Todd and my family, we all pray for the victims and their families, and for peace and justice.

Of note, her controversial crosshairs map [see top of this story] was scrubbed from SarahPAC sites.

Also, a note worth mentioning, 9-year-old shooting victim Christina Taylor Greene, who was born on September 11, 2001. Expect her to be used by gun-control advocates and new legislation that is inevitable after this event.

Meanwhile, half a planet away, the governor of Pakistan's most dominant province was shot and killed Tuesday allegedly by a bodyguard who authorities said was angry about his opposition to blasphemy laws carrying the death sentence for insulting the Muslim faith.

Punjab Gov. Salman Taseer, regarded as a moderate voice in a country increasingly beset by zealotry, was a close ally of U.S.-backed President Asif Ali Zardari. He is the highest-profile Pakistani political figure to be assassinated since former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto three years ago, and his death underscores the growing danger in this country to those who dare challenge the demands of Islamist extremists.

Taseer was riddled by gunshots while walking to his car after an afternoon meal at Kohsar Market, a shopping center in Islamabad popular with Westerners and wealthy Pakistanis. He was shot in the back, said Shaukat Kayani, a doctor at Poly Clinic Hospital.

Initial reports indicated the suspected gunman, a police commando guarding Taseer, unloaded up to 26 rounds from a Kalashnikov automatic rifle. The gunman could have fired that number of rounds in a matter of seconds.

Other guards then forced the police commando to the ground, according to police and hospital officials.

"It was one shot first and then a burst,'' said R.A. Khan, a witness who was drinking coffee at the time. "I rushed and saw policemen over another police commando, who was lying on the road with his face down.''

An intelligence official interrogating the suspect said the commando had been planning the assassination since learning three days ago that he would be deployed with the governor. Police were trying to determine how he was assigned to Taseer's security detail Tuesday and whether he'd had any help.

Taseer's admirers called the governor a profile in courage in a fight for the soul of Pakistan, which in recent years has increasingly swung away from South Asia's Sufi-influenced moderation to the more fundamentalist approaches to Islam found in some areas of the Middle East.

"Taseer showed himself to be a rare politician, willing to risk his life in espousing an unambiguous position against discrimination and abuse,'' said Ali Dayan Hasan, senior South Asia researcher for Human Rights Watch.

"He was the most courageous voice after Benazir Bhutto on the rights of women and religious minorities,'' said Farahnaz Ispahani, a fellow leading member of the Pakistan People's Party, who wept as she spoke. "God, we will miss him.''

The U.S. ambassador to Pakistan, Cameron Munter, called Taseer "a champion of tolerance.''

The death also is a blow to Zardari, Bhutto's widower whose ruling party is struggling to retain power after the defection of a key ally. The country's leading opposition party on Tuesday gave the government a three-day deadline to accept a list of demands to avoid collapse.

The renewed political turmoil bodes ill for military action against Muslim extremists that the U.S. believes is key to success in neighboring Afghanistan, analysts say. Pakistan's powerful army could use the lack of political consensus to avoid operations that clash with its perceived strategic interests.

Taseer, a 66-year-old businessman and media tycoon, took on the ceremonial role of Punjab governor in 2008.

Punjab is Pakistan's most populous province and is home to many of the country's wealthiest citizens. A number of militant movements thrive there, though not to the extent of the Taliban in the northwest.

Taseer publicly vented his opposition — even using Twitter — to Pakistan's harsh blasphemy laws that effectively order death for anyone convicted of insulting Islam. Although courts typically overturn convictions and no executions have been carried out, rights activists say the laws are used to settle rivalries and persecute religious minorities.

People accused of blasphemy are often killed by extremists or spend significant amounts of time behind bars. In some cases, the charges border on the ridiculous: A man was recently held because he threw away a business card of someone whose first name is Muhammad.

The laws came under renewed international scrutiny late last year when a 45-year-old Christian woman, Asia Bibi, was sentenced to death for allegedly insulting Islam's Prophet Muhammad.

Taseer called for granting Bibi a pardon, a stance that earned him death threats from Islamists.

"I was under huge pressure sure 2 cow down b4 rightest pressure on blasphemy. Refused. Even if I'm the last man standing,'' Taseer tweeted on Dec. 31.

The guards assigned to his security detail Tuesday were provided by the Punjab province government, which is headed by the rival Pakistan Muslim League-N party, according to Interior Minister Rehman Malik. The guards were apparently one of two squads protecting Taseer, who has a permanent group at all times but gets an additional, rotating squad depending on the district he is visiting.

Officials identified the suspect as Mumtaz Qadri, a 26-year-old from Rawalpindi. They said Qadri became a police constable in 2003 and transferred to an elite squad after commando training in 2008.

Jehangir Khan, a witness who saw the suspect after he was detained by the police, told The Associated Press that the man was boasting about the act, saying, "Hey, you all, come and see, I have killed a blasphemer. You come and join me. Chant Allahu Akbar [God is great]!''

The intelligence official said the commando said he was proud to have killed a blasphemer. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to media on the record.

Photos of Qadri show a bearded young man whose forehead bore bruises typical for Muslims who routinely rest their heads on the ground to pray.

His family members — including five brothers — were immediately detained for questioning, said police official Bisharat Chaudhry.

A childhood friend, Haseeb Ahmad, told AP that Qadri's family was religious and that he was an active member of an Islamic association called the Shahab-e-Islam Pakistan or the Star of Islam in Pakistan, a street level group that organized a recent conference on the issue of blasphemy.

"Mumtaz recited verses in the praise of Prophet Muhammad,'' Ahmad said. "He also wept while discussing the blasphemy issue.''

People's Party member Samiullah Khan said that he was surprised when he saw the attacker's appearance: "Look at his face, his beard. We are surprised how a man with such a religious appearance managed to be part of the squad meant for such a sensitive job.''

Pakistani political analyst Rasul Bakhsh Rais said the assassination signals the radical mindset that has crept into Pakistan's security forces. Punjab in particular is a major base and recruiting ground for Pakistan's military and security establishment.

Islamists also have significant political power, and their political parties have brought tremendous pressure on the ruling People's Party, a largely secular grouping. Facing protests by Islamists, for instance, the People's Party recently insisted it would not touch the blasphemy laws.

"This fear and the insecure environment will make political leaders in the mainstream parties extremely cautious to offend the religious sensibilities of the radical fringe, and that is not a good sign for democratic progress and liberal politics in Pakistan,'' Rais said.

People's Party supporters wept and beat their heads at the hospital where Taseer's body was taken. Outside his residence in the eastern city of Lahore, hundreds of supporters chanted slogans on his behalf, while in the central city of Multan dozens burned tires and demanded the attackers be punished.

"This is a war,'' Taseer said in a recent sessions with reporters broadcast Tuesday by Pakistan's Geo TV. "Whether we receive threats or not, it does not make any difference to us. I am a Muslim. ... God willing, life or death for a Muslim, we are not afraid of that. Whatever threats they give to us.''

Haseeb Ahmad currently has 500 lawyers working pro-bono for him in his defense. He is a hero to his neighbors and supporters.

This is your world

I could do without the "from below" shot.

I wonder if they have a La-z-boy version?

Cousins and Cronies Lose a Pig

Hevesi to Plead Guilty to Felony in Case on State Pensions

No surprise here, but Former State comptroller Alan G. Hevesi was in custody on Thursday morning and was expected to plead guilty to a felony count stemming from a state pension scandal, several people with direct knowledge of the case said. He was awaiting arraignment in Manhattan.

Mr. Hevesi has been a subject of a lengthy investigation focusing on allegations that his friends, family and associates sold access to the state's $125 billion pension fund, one of the world's largest, to reward allies, pay back political favors and reap millions of dollars for themselves. That is, the cousins and cronies... that I'm always wailing about.

Mr. Hevesi's plea would make him the highest-ranking state official convicted in the case. In 2006, he pleaded guilty to a separate felony after admitting that he had used state workers to chauffeur his ailing wife, but he avoided jail time in that case after he agreed to resign.

Don't be surprised if he pleads down and turns State Evidence on everyone above him who was doing the exact same thing.

On the bonus side, at least they caught this sonofabitch. The downside, is that there are thousand more waiting to pull up to the trough.

Would-Be Terrorist's Bully Pulpet

"Brace yourselves, because the war with Muslims has just begun," 31-year-old Faisal Shahzad told a federal judge. "Consider me the first droplet of the blood that will follow."

"We are only Muslims trying to defend our religion, people, homes and land, but if you call us terrorists, then we are proud terrorists and we will keep on terrorizing you until you leave our lands and people at peace."

U.S. District Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum said,"You appear to be someone who was capable of education and I do hope you will spend some of the time in prison thinking carefully about whether the Quran wants you to kill lots of people."

Shahzad responded that the "Quran gives us the right to defend. And that's all I'm doing."

The judge cut him off at one point to ask if he had sworn allegiance to the U.S. when he became a citizen last year.

"I did swear, but I did not mean it," Shahzad said.

In his address to the court, he said Osama bin Laden "will be known as no less than Saladin of the 21st-century crusade" — a reference to the Muslim hero of the Crusades. He also said: "If I'm given 1,000 lives, I will sacrifice them all."

Shahzad smirked when the judge imposed the life sentence. Asked if he had any final words, he said, "I'm happy with the deal that God has given me."

Healthcare Update: Health Law Risks Turning Away Sick

The Obama administration has not ruled out turning sick people away from an insurance program created by the new healthcare law to provide coverage for the uninsured. Wait, what? Let me get some popcorn.

Critics of the $5 billion high-risk pool program insist it will run out of money before Jan. 1, 2014. That’s when the program sunsets and health plans can no longer discriminate against people with pre-existing conditions.

Administration officials insist they can make changes to the program to ensure it lasts until 2014, and that it may not have to turn away sick people.

Officials said the administration could also consider reducing benefits under the program, or redistributing funds between state pools. But they acknowledged turning some people away was also a possibility. Now this is getting good.

“There’s a certain amount of money authorized in the statute, and we will do our best to make sure that that amount of money insures as many people as possible and does as much good as possible,” said Jay Angoff, director of the Office of Consumer Information and Insurance Oversight at the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). “I think it’s premature to say [what happens] when it’s gone.”

The administration has not discussed asking Congress for more money down the line if the $5 billion runs out before Jan. 1, 2014. Uninsured sick people could start applying for participation in the high-risk insurance pools on Thursday. Hell, three people could burn through that, depending on how they get billed.

Healthcare experts of all stripes warned during the healthcare debate that $5 billion would likely not last until 2014. Millions of Americans cannot find affordable healthcare because of their pre-existing conditions, and that amount would only cover a couple hundred thousand people, according to a recent study by the chief Medicare actuary. Isn't that what I just said?

Republicans continued to hammer that point on Thursday, asking HHS officials to brief them about the program. I'm surprised they're not screaming this point on the roof tops yet. Eh, give them a couple more weeks.

But remember, it's mandatory. So even if they can't cover you, you're still required to buy it.

Tell you what, just walk it off or have an aspirin. And don't call the doctor in the morning. There might be enough left in the bucket for a hearse to stop by and remove your remains.

Dear Wrong Number

Dear Mr. Wrong Number.

You called me 9 times today. Pretty much, in a row. This is after multiple calls from you all week. Now today, of the nine calls, on two voicemails you left an incoherent message. No, not in a foreign language - I'm usually quite astute to understand the dialect of a particular country. My Korean and Vietnamese's isn't great, but I can usually tell you that a person is speaking. I can tell the differences in the flowing rhythm of Arabic or French over the guttural Dutch or German. No, whatever you're mumbling doesn't make a lick of sense. Pretty sure it wasn't any language that I've ever heard before.

And I have issue with the 9 calls in a row to listen to my voicemail message. Is it really that good? Are you learning the English language through my voicemail message? As flattered as I am, there are better and more effective, and much cheaper ways to learn English than calling my voicemail. I would try Rosetta Stone or Sesame Street over my voicemail.

See, ever since you started calling my number at 3AM, and since I couldn't figure out how to block your number, I decided it would be easier just to add you as a contact. Then, I named your contact as 'WRONG', so I wouldn't be tricked into thinking you were a friend, a relative, an old college roommate, the IRS, or a collection agency tracking me down for the damage that I caused. No I would talk to those people. You're going on the big board of contacts as 'WRONG'. Then, with my new-fangled phone, I found the setting where I checkmarked the option for you to go straight to voicemail.

There are still a few things I can't work out, though.

Seven of the nine times, today, you stayed through the entire message, so that a little bit of breathing could be picked up from your reciever into the voicemail and it registered it as a 'message' -- which then identified you as a caller who has left me a message. In two of the messages, as I mentioned, there was a bit of a garbled message, and the second one was a bit truncated. Couldn't make any of it out. Not sure I wanted to. This was kind of excruciating to have to delete seven voicemail messages from you. I'm sure these were all costing my minutes, real and phone minutes.

Another thing I can't work out is why, after nine attempts today, and forty nine attempts the last couple days, maybe even weeks, you either haven't realized that I'm not the party you're looking for, or perhaps you're incapable of dialing a telephone? It's not hard. And frankly, if you can't perform this simplest of tasks, I fear what other modern conveniences you're currently trying to master. It boggles the mind what kind of damage you could do to my fellow human beings. I have this terrible feeling that you're currently behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, and that vehicle transports other people. Perhaps it is yellow? Some checkers on it? I fear the worst.

My friend, you can't dial a phone. You can't reason. You can't speak English, or any other language known to humanity. You haven't deduced that I don't want to talk to you, or return your messages. Not during business hours, or at 3 AM. Or 3:02, 3:05, 3:15, 4:10, 5:13...

Please, pretty please. Enough.

Or I might have to talk to you.

A Priest vs Jehovah's Witness - Who ya got?

The Jehovah's Witness has accused Father John Parnell, a priest at the St. Augustine Mexican Catholic Church in Fort Worth, of assaulting him after he knocked on Parnell's door. However, Parnell said it was he who was attacked. These "Men of Peace."

"So, the man comes in and tells my daughter right off, he says, 'You are going to be burned into the eternal fires of Gehenna if you don't listen to what I say,'" Parnell said. Hey, Father? How come you have a daughter?

The priest said that was the match that lit the fuse. He said he is tired of Jehovah's Witnesses coming into the St. Augustine church, which is not affiliated with the Fort Worth Diocese.

He said Jehovah's Witnesses came into the church on Easter Sunday during Mass.

"They walked right in and started handing out literature while people are sitting on the pews," Parnell said.

When Jehovah's Witnesses recently came to his door, Parnell said he attempted to escort them out after one of the men allegedly knocked his Bible to the floor.

"He said, 'This place is teaching lies and I am here to bring you the truth,'" he said.

Parnell said the men then dragged him down the street and beat him.

However, according to a police report, Parnell is the suspect in the altercation.

"The next thing you know, there was a haymaker that came out of left field there and went down the side of his face," said Harry Dwinell, a witness, of allegedly seeing the priest hit the Jehovah's Witness.

Dwinell, who called police, said he saw the whole incident from the first punch.

Parnell was taken to the hospital in an ambulance and gave an officer his side of the story. He claims to have witnesses of his own.

Seeing as how Jehovah's Witnesses don't believe in Hellfire, this story sounds like a prank -- and that's probably why the priest is being charged.

Police Fill Budget Hole, er, Saftey Record

Virginia State Police Help With Budget Crunch, er Safety Record... yeah, Safety that's the Ticket!

A regularly scheduled Virginia ticketing blitz has generated 120,977 traffic citations since 2006.

A story that comes to us from our friends at TheNewspaper.com, should come as absolutely no surprise to the regular readers of Blasphemes. Yes, there's a budget shortfall in Virginia. Yes, the State Police are leaned on - nay, ordered - to fill the State coffers with ticky-tack moving violations in an attempt to further bleed their citizenry. Should Virginia drivers be more careful? Yes, especially knowing that their State Police are nothing more than a profit center for their State Capital. Bonus, there's Federal money mingled in with this story. The federally funded ticketing blitz in the state of Virginia landed a total of 6996 traffic tickets last weekend. The blitz, dubbed "Operation Air, Land and Speed" coincided with frantic efforts by state officials to close a$2.2 billion budget deficit. Supervisors ordered state troopers to saturate Interstates 81 and 95 to issue as many tickets as humanly possible over the space of two days. [All emphasis added by Cap'n]

"The safety of Virginia's highways begins the minute a vehicle is put in 'drive,'" Virginia State Police Superintendent W. Steven Flaherty said in a statement. "Those split second decisions to choose not to drive drunk, to choose to wear a seat belt and to choose not to speed or drive aggressively really do make a difference in preventing and/or surviving a crash." Funny, he didn't mention crazy deficit spending by the Statehouse?

Officers had no trouble delivering the requested number of speeding tickets with a total of 3536 ordinary speeding citations written. In addition, another 717 "reckless driving" tickets were filed, although these most often are simple speeding tickets that happen to carry a fine of up to $2500. Driving as little as 10 to 15 MPH over the limit can qualify for this enhanced punishment. On the other end of the scale, some 310 tickets were handed to drivers who either forgot to wear their seatbelts or made a choice not to do so.

Activists with the National Motorists Association pointed out that enforcement efforts may have concentrated on areas where speed limits are expected to rise to 70 MPH following Governor Bob McDonnell's signature on legislation raising the state's maximum speed limit (view law). This would mean a significant number of tickets were issued for conduct that will be perfectly legal in a matter of months. The group also indicated that state police tactics may run afoul of state law.

"All officers making arrests incident to the enforcement of this title shall be paid fixed salaries for their services and shall have no interest in, nor be permitted by law to accept the benefit of, any fine or fee resulting from the arrest or conviction of an offender against any provision of this title," Virginia Code Section 46.2-102 states.

Under the federal grant application process, state officials explained that they would pay officers overtime -- at least one-and-a-half times their normal salary -- to participate. This special reward for ticketing operation participants appears to violate the spirit of state law.

Since 2006, a total of twenty-three ticketing blitzes have taken place, generating 120,977 traffic tickets.

Thus helping to close the wound of overspending.

Note to our readers, if you plan on going anywhere near Virginia, wear your seat belt - and please slow down - they're counting on you to pay their bills.

Dirty Delay Tactics

Bankruptcy move delays abuse case

A Catholic diocese based in the state of Delaware has filed for US bankruptcy protection on the eve of a civil trial involving high-profile sex abuse. (more)

The move automatically delays the case, the seventh of its kind in the US since a scandal in Boston seven years ago.

The bishop of the diocese said the move offered the best chance for victims of sexual abuse to be treated fairly.

But an attorney for the victims said the action was a desperate attempt to hide the truth from the public.

The case, due to be heard on Monday, would have been the first to go to trial under a state law creating a two-year window allowing claims to be brought even if the statute of limitations had expired.

Yes, bankrupt. Morally, that is.

Bonuses, Mismanagement, Nepotisim in Government Run Health Care

The NY Times ran a story this morning about how the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) handed out $24 million in bonuses to thousands of employees in the technology office in '07 and '08 - despite complaining about large budget deficits!

From the article, "The report, by the department’s Office of Inspector General, concluded that the managers “were not fiscally responsible in administering awards” and that one senior manager in particular, Jennifer S. Duncan, “acted as if she was given a blank checkbook to write unlimited monetary awards.” [my emphasis]

The report was one of two sharply critical reviews of the department’s Office of Information and Technology that were issued this week by the inspector general. The reports document evidence of widespread nepotism, abuse of authority and improper hiring under a former assistant secretary, Robert Howard."

Now, folks, that's a little bit of Chicago in your government run health care right there. Can you imagine how it's going to be on a national scale?

Minister Builds Dream House Despite Layoffs

It must be rough. Inspiration Networks' CEO David Cerullo is building his $4 million dream home overlooking Lake Keowee. It is settled in a gated lakefront community in western South Carolina.

It's funny that at the same time his ministry has cut jobs, ended 401K for remaining employees and reset the thermostats to save money in their new HQ.

Inspiration Networks took $26 million in incentives from South Carolina to move from Charlotte to Indian Land, S.C., in Lancaster County. The network's revenues are expected to approach $100 million, largely donations from people who are told God favors those who donate.

Cerullo has said 80 cents of each donated dollar is spent to spread the Gospel.

"If they've got these kinds of assets, does the state really need to offer ... tax breaks?" asked Don Weaver, president of the S.C. Association of Taxpayers. IRS rules bar nonprofits from paying "unreasonable compensation" to officials.

Maybe it is time to end tax breaks for any religious group, and ending the non-tax status of religious organizations?

And, it seems that David Cerullo's father, Morris Cerullo, was indicted for tax evasion in California in 2005 - although the charges were dismissed by a Bush-appointed judge on grounds of prosecutorial error - and was sued in 2000 by two former employees who alleged that the elder Cerullo used donations for personal profit.

On that earlier occasion, one of the plaintiff's lawyers explained that "[Morris] Cerullo purports to have first met God at the age of eight. Since then, his life has apparently been one unbelievable experience after another. He says he was led out of a Jewish orphanage by two angelic beings; transported to heaven for a face-to-face meeting with God; has the ability to predict the future; can heal the sick; and has told audiences when they look at him they ‘are looking at God.'"

2 Peter 2:1-3:

1 But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will also be false teachers among you, who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing swift destruction upon themselves.

2 And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of the truth will be maligned;

3 and in their greed they will exploit you with false words; their judgment from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep.

Comfort Wipe

Really? Is this where we are, as a society? This is what it has come down to? If you thought the Snuggy was bad... this is worse.

It's over. Is that a fiddle being played in the background?

BTW, what was the the biggest revolution in toilet paper since the 1880's?

Beer Tax

Beer.

If you like beer in Illinois, get ready. They're going to RAISE your BEER TAX.

Key legislative "leaders" contemplated hiking the state's tax on beer by 2.6 cents per six pack for the first time in a decade to help underwrite a proposed multibillion-dollar statewide construction program. [Because nothing makes more sense to fund a road with more beer taxes, right?]

Senate President John Cullerton (D-Chicago) confirmed talk of a beer tax, which would be part of a trio of liquor tax increases under consideration. Taxes of 13 cents per bottle of wine and 80 cents per bottle of hard liquor have been on the table.

"The beer people feel left out so we're considering adding them," Cullerton quipped.

If I weren't angry enough before, and then I read Cullerton's cute little slight.

(more) Luckily, there's already a mascot.

Contaminated Colonoscopies Exposes Vets

CNN is reporting a possible contamination at VA - thats our Veterans - facilities!

Contaminated colonoscopy gear may have exposed THOUSANDS of Florida veterans to hepatitis, and HIV!

Florida lawmakers are seeking inquiry, and are raising concerns about other facilities.

The VA sent letters to people who may have had colonoscopies May 2004 to this month. Five YEARS, this has been going on!

Officials say tubing was rinsed but not disinfected, but say the risk of infection minimal.

This is how we treat our veterans?

You hosed it off a little?

"President Obama has listened to the concerns expressed by veterans' leaders and veterans' service organizations," Nancy Pelosi said. "We will leave no veteran behind."

But apparently we'll leave hepatitis and HIV IN our veterans behinds?

This is unacceptable!

I have always looked at how a society treats its soldiers and veterans as a reflection of that society. Too much emphasis or none at all tells a story. God help those men and women who are getting such unspeakable treatment.

Also, I will be tossing this story around to share with you my thoughts on Socialized Medicine -- the practice of medicine run by the state. THIS is exactly how I expect "care" to be administered once the profit is taken away - you get goddamn idiots who reuse the colonoscopy gear on people who served our country.

(okay, I took the Nancy Pelosi quote out of context, that was in reference to the Obama Administration trying to charge insurance companies for Veteran care - trying to pass the buck... but it just worked too damned well there)

Pay to Poo

As airlines consider new ways to make money from a captive audience, watch your sphincters, toilets are next?

That new idea was floated by Irish airline Ryanair.

Michael O'Leary suggested that future passengers on his no-frills airline might be obliged to insert a British pound coin before they gain access to in-flight relief.

And nobody is sure if he was serious or joking, not even his own staff.

After all, O'Leary pioneered charging airline customers to check bags, to use a check-in desk and to use a credit or debit card to make an online booking.

His own chief spokesman said O'Leary often speaks tongue in cheek -- but the spokesman also defended the idea of charging for a toilet as part of a logical trend.

Expect to have exact, Foreign coins, or prepare to show them your real feelings by buying a 50 cent barf bag.

Your Damn Ass

Here’s something for you to ponder the next time you’re in the bathroom: Your love for soft toilet paper is ecologically hard on forests! You goddamned monster!

… fluffiness comes at a price: millions of trees harvested in North America and in Latin American countries, including some percentage of trees from rare old-growth forests in Canada. Although toilet tissue can be made at similar cost from recycled material, it is the fiber taken from standing trees that help give it that plush feel, and most large manufacturers rely on them.

Customers “demand soft and comfortable,” said James Malone, a spokesman for Georgia Pacific, the maker of Quilted Northern. “Recycled fiber cannot do it.” [...]

Though most of the pulp comes from tree farms, but not all:

Although brands differ, 25 percent to 50 percent of the pulp used to make toilet paper in this country comes from tree farms in South America and the United States. The rest, environmental groups say, comes mostly from old, second-growth forests that serve as important absorbers of carbon dioxide, the main heat-trapping gas linked to global warming. In addition, some of the pulp comes from the last virgin North American forests, which are an irreplaceable habitat for a variety of endangered species, environmental groups say.

(Link)

Jerry Falwell, Rest in Hell

Jerry Falwell is one of the most evil, hate-filled, and offensive human beings ever to walk on God's green earth. Today he is dead.

Amen.

Jerry Falwell had been in the religion business for 51 years. He has taken hundreds of millions of dollars over the course of that time. Mainly by lies, deceits, and blackmail. In his career he has attained three faux doctorates, bankrupted the PTL, created a propagandist piece on an United States president, sued Penthouse, and Hustler for defamation, slandered blacks, jews, gays, and Tinky Winky from the Teletubbies.

Here are some highlights of his career.

• In the 1980's he was a fierce supporter of apartheid. He asked Americans to purchase Krugerrands, the South African currency to help support Botha, elected president by the White South African minority.
  
• Calls Desmond Tutu a "phony." Probably because Tutu knew of love and compassion. To quote Mr. Tutu, "Jesus did not say, 'If I be lifted up I will draw some'." See, he is a phony. Jesus only loved the white man.
• Falwell claims that the Anti-Christ "must be, of necessity, a Jewish male." Probably Ben Stiller.
• "AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals." And the unborn children of drug addicts.
• "God Almighty does not hear the prayer of a Jew." f he did he might avoid this whole Anti-Christ thing.
• In his video "The Clinton Chronicles," he claims that Bill Clinton is a drug addict who arranged for the murders of his political foes. At first denying that he had anything to do with the video it is later discovered that Falwell funded the project. He also made the reporter sit behind a screen claiming that he was afraid for his life. This was Jerry adding "drama."
• "Reverend Sun Myung Moon is like the plague: he exploits boys and girls, and he should be exported." Few years later Falwell's university accepts $3.5 million from Sun Myung Moon.
  
• And the greatest Falwellism of all time! Tinky Winky is gay!!!

Send Nixon my regards, Jerry.

Update: Got emailed this quote which explains the dead AIDS babies. - "AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."

Update II: My best piece? 3 emails and it has been up for 20 minutes. Whoa! For the record, it is not wrong to criticize the dead moments after they die. Some day all of our times of mocking will come. Best while we are dead. This guy touches on some of this and has a good history of Falwell.