New Cartoon 11-27-2016

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"Donald Trump refused to say that he'd respect the results of this election. That's a direct threat to our democracy! " ~ Hillary Clinton 10/24/16

Hillary Clinton’s Team to Join Wisconsin Recount Pushed by Jill Stein

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/26/us/politics/clinton-camp-will-join-push-for-wisconsin-ballot-recount.html?_r=0

Jesus Chair

"Come to me all ye who are heavy laden, old, or obese and I will give you rest while the happy, young, and healthy members of your party continue shopping for great wooden conversation pieces." -Jesus... or some one who looked a lot like him.

Thanks

The Wire? Fine...

“The Attorney-General’s kind remarks are noted and appreciated. I’ve spoken to Ed Burns and we are prepared to go to work on season six of The Wire if the Department of Justice is equally ready to reconsider and address its continuing prosecution of our misguided, destructive and dehumanising drug prohibition.”

~The Wire creator David Simon, in an e-mail to the Times of London responding to Attorney General Eric Holder demand for an additional season of the acclaimed HBO series.

[digitalspy

Quote of the Day

"I chant, 'drill baby drill,' because it will help make the country energy independent," she said.

Sarah Palin fired up an enthusiastic Texas crowd late Saturday by criticizing President Barack Obama's handling of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, saying he's falling short on leadership.

The former Alaska governor told about 5,000 people at the Oil Palace in Tyler that the president should have been more aggressive in going after BP executives after the spill. The British company was leasing a rig that exploded April 20, causing the largest offshore oil spill in U.S. history.

"You asked for the job, Mr. President, so buck up," Palin said to voracious applause.

Palin said Obama and the federal government have been too slow in helping victims of the oil spill. She also said there have been too many regulations in allowing residents to begin cleaning up oil along the shoreline and from the water.

"After two months of incompetence from the federal government, they are taking it in their own hands," Palin said.

She also said the U.S. must become independent of foreign oil by using its own resources. But that it must be done responsibly and under government oversight.

The feedback loop is strong in this one. The government is incompetent but must oversee energy independence - by drilling more oil? Or, just foreign oil? Foreign oil from Canada and Mexico?

Doin' a Heckofa Job, BP

In the long time honored tradition of putting one's foot into their mouth, especially when there's a live microphone around, BP is quickly catching up with Vice President Biden in the gaff and stupidity ranking.

BP CEO Tony Hayward, whose company just hired a former spokeswoman for Vice President Dick Cheney to help handle the media, since the company's Deepwater Horizon oil rig blew up on April 20. The blast killed 11 people and sent thick, rust-colored oil billowing into the Gulf of Mexico, destroying natural habitats and devastating the coastal economy.

BP initially estimated that between 1,000 and 5,000 barrels of oil were gushing into the gulf each day. The current consensus pegs the figure at between 12,000 and 19,000 barrels. At 44 days in, it is already the biggest spill in U.S. history, and with plan Double Q and the specter of the Obama Administration calling the shots... it hasn't been a good couple months for them.

And their CEO isn't exactly helping. Here's some of Hayward's bizarre statements that I've cut'n'pasted that he's stated since the accident:

On April 29, The New York Times reported that Hayward, apparently exasperated, turned to fellow executives in his London office and asked, “What the hell did we do to deserve this?" Perhaps, perhaps his company's 760 safety violations over the last three years? ExxonMobil, in contrast, has had just one.

On May 14, Hayward attempted to persuade The Guardian that "the Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume." A drop in the bucket. Guess no one told him the East Coast gets a lot of shrimp from the area? Nothing pisses off people than inflated shrimp cocktail prices!

Only a few days later, he told Sky News that "the environmental impact of this disaster is likely to be very, very modest." That might surprise the many scientists who see the spill as a true environmental calamity, the full extent of which remains unclear.

On May 30, Hayward was less bullish and decided to play the sympathy card. He told the Today show that "there’s no one who wants this over more than I do. I would like my life back." In all fairness, he did apologize for that one.

On May 31, he told the world that ecosystem-threatening underwater oil plumes—consisting of droplets of partially dissolved oil suspended in water that many scientists have observed—do not exist. He said simply, "There aren't any plumes."

On June 1, Hayward responded to claims that cleanup workers were being sickened by the fumes from the oil they were exposed to by suggesting another possible, non-oil-spill cause. When nine workers fell ill, according to Yahoo News, he told CNN that "food poisoning is clearly a big issue." Must be all that tainted shrimp from the Gulf?

But Hayward is not alone in his manful struggle to spin the news in the face of daunting factual evidence. His colleague Bob Dudley, managing director of BP, told NBC's Meet the Press on May 30 that "I think Tony's doing a fantastic job." Why on the planet Earth and good peer reviewed science would anyone ever paraphrase President George W. Bush's poorly managed Gulf Coast disaster, FEMA Director Michael Brown, "Doin' a heckuva job, Brownie"???

Worst oil disaster since 1989 Exxon Valdez. Worst PR disaster since... uh, I'm starting to wonder how high up this is going to go. We're way past Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch. I think we're approaching Tiger Wood levels now.

Meantime, here are 62 other uses of BP and photoshop.

Quote of the Day

"Tonight, we answered the call of history... I want to thank every member of Congress who stood up tonight with courage and conviction to make health care reform a reality. I know this wasn't an easy vote for a lot of people. But it was the right vote... We did not fear our future -- we shaped it."

-- President Barack Obama

That's great and all, and I feel really happy for you, but I have to ask: what are you shaping it to be?

Quotes by Twain

The following are a few Samuel Langhorne Clemens quotes that I feel are appropriate for Blasphemes readers.

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?"

"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also."

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."
— Mark Twain

Quote of the Week

"Some of the get-out-of-jail-free crowd thinks that the reason Polanski should go free is because he's a gifted artist. Maybe you're right. Instead of an Oscar we should let the Best Director f*ck your kids."

-- Screenwriter Michael Seitzman, in his column at the Huffington Post

Yeah, I've been thinking about that too. The free pass for not only admitting guilt in the rape, but also fleeing justice for 40 years. I have a very talented plumber. Maybe he should get away with drugging and raping [repeatedly] a 13 year old girl.

Who Said It?

Quiz time - Who said it?

"I think the wounds that were inflicted on this division were deep, and it will take some time for them to fully heal."

Was it :

a) Attorney General Eric Holder, on the Civil Rights Division of the Justice Department.

b) Green Bay Packers General Manager Ted Thompson, on Bret Favre joining the Vikings.

c) John Mozeliak General Manager of Major League Baseball's St. Louis Cardinals, on the Cubs falling apart.

(Music Cue: I'm a little teapot)

Pencils down. Write your answers in the comment section.

Who Said It?

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free."

Who Said It?

A) Thomas Jefferson
B) Thomas Paine
C) Mel, the cook from Alice
D) Ronald Reagan

Tyranny defined

Quotes for the Day

"I was a Republican until they lost their minds." --Charles Barkley

"I hate conservatives, but I really f*cking hate liberals." --Matt Stone, South Park Co-Creator

"Political correctness, a term first used by Joseph Stalin, has trivialized, sanitized and homogenized America, transforming us into a nation of chain establishments and chain people." -- Kinky Friedman