Movie Review

The biggest most gargantuan movie of the summer has been released and is making fist wads of cash for Steven Spielbergo and also assumed filmmaker Michael Bay.

When the 'script' landed on the radar, I can only imagine how giddy they were.

Let's look at the timeline, if ever so quickly for this property. Hasbro, off the success of bringing back GI Joe to profitability by copying the size of KENNER's Star Wars franchise - and the Star Wars toys were profitable mostly because of the size of the figure allowed a better price point for consumers, and used less petrol to manufacture. Especially in the gas crisis of the 70's. Cheep price point, lots of different product, size and price allowed KENNER to make every creature shown, no matter how obscure = collectible. Profit profit.

Hasbro, flush with cash from GI Joe, looked overseas to Japan and saw multiple lines of Robot/Truck/Puzzle toys. They bought everything they saw. Slapped a couple stickers on. Gave them a back story, a comic book, and a cartoon (thanks to the deregulation of children's television ala the Reagan administration) and BLAM! The Transformers were born.

Jump thirty years later -

"So how am I going to sell all this Crack?"

The Transformer movie isn't so much a movie as it is a 2.5 hour long commercial - about a commercial. But they didn't stop at the toy/merchandising/bed sheets either. The first 1/3 of the 'film' is a recruitment pitch for the United States Armed Forces. You know, to fight the giant robots and terrorists. If we DON'T see these 'action figures' in their own GI Joe live action movie in two years, the rights holders are idiots. Maybe it'll be next year?

The other 2/3's of the movie is a long spot for GMC. The logo was oh so tastefully suggested - who am I kidding? It was so blatant, I was waiting for the salesman to come out from behind the curtain at the credit roll.

What's this going to cost me?

The risk, by Dreamworks - of putting a robot-car movie in the summer of 2007 is first, that the norms of the gen pop will take their kids to see the robot-car movie. Should be a no brainer, but to the actuaries of Hollywood; there are no 'stars', it's not a sequel (okay there was a movie in 1985, and it was Orson Well's final role... but that's getting ticky-tacky) the subject matter comes from a thirty year old cartoon/commercial, Michael Bay 'directing'. That's Risk. Risk two, that slobbering 30-year old 500 lb fanboys will embrace the movie. Bay and Spielberg are not 32, so they did not grow up with the morality play-animation/substitute family after school - nor the toys - so their skepticism for this to be a blockbuster must have been echoed by even older adults with checkbooks.

Solution - All risk is insulated by the US Military and GMC. Oh, and let's not forget Hasbro!

PS - be on the look out for other product placement such as Pepsi, HP, Nokia, Ding Dongs, Star Trek, eBAY, and My Little Pony.

PPS - One other note: Hasbro bought Kenner in the mid 90's. Methinks the formula worked, no?