- "I say if somebody robs you, shoot 'em. I'd like all thieves killed. And all rapists. And carjackers. No more graffiti. No more snatch-pursing."
- "And I visited Saddam Hussein's master war room. It was a glorious moment. It looked like something out of Star Wars. I saw his gold toilet. I shit in his bidet."
- Speaking about Iraq: ""Our failure has been not to Nagasaki them."
- After and during shooting a Styrofoam bear with a bow and arrow: "Straight through the heart... dead bear. Both lungs... dead bear. Dead bear... dead bear... dead bear."
- "I saw the riding crop. A lot. I felt it, I think, just once. But corporal punishment is real good. It teaches dogs not to shit on the couch."
- "Neither did I poke my erect penis through a map of West Virginia - did you read that?"
- "I never did crystal meth. And I never pooped my pants."
- "I supposedly shit in a bowl of whipped cream. God, I wish I had."
- "They sent this young Limey prick who pretended to be my friend. He tried to fuck with me on all these politically incorrect levels. I gutted him. I danced on his skull."
- On what deer think: "They're only interested in three things: the best place to eat, having sex and how quickly they can run away. Much like the French."
- "Politics, man. I don't have to placate some Arab numb-nut because he holds all our fuel."
- "You want to know how to get peace, love and understanding? Who doesn't know this? The Ku-Klux-Klan? The Black Panthers? Child rapists? How do you get peace, love and understanding? First of all you have to find all the bad people. Then, you kill them."
Impious since 2006
Jun 1, 2006
Run Ted, Run
One of the many items that I read daily pointed me to this interview with Ted Nugent. Picture Spinal Tap but for real. This is the single funniest interview that I have ever read. He was interviewed because he is running for Governor of Michigan. Here are some key quotes from the future governor:
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Never happen.
Many people think Michigan's lower peninsula looks like the palm of a right hand. Nine out of ten of these people is a chronic masterbator. It actually looks like the BACK of a left hand. (I will now pause, briefly, while you compare the two.) Notice, too, that if you flip the left hand palmward and rotate it clockwise ninety degrees, it is a rough approximation of Michigan's upper peninsula. Coincidentally enough, nine out of ten of these people is also a chronic masturbator, but they tend to use the wrong hand. Science has yet to determine if this is a manifestation of their being weird... or the cause of it. But I digress.
My point is this: The Great Lakes State, as a whole, is politically left-handed. That's a disadvantage for the conservative Nugent, especially since most of the state's conservatives will find it difficult to take him seriously, simply because he is the "Motor City Madman."
On the other, uh, hand, Nugent may benefit somewhat from the Ventura/ Schwerz... uh... Schwartz... screw it. Nugent may benefit somewhat from the Ventura/ Arnold syndrome: Voters who are disenfranchised with ALL the candidates may very well vote for him, rationalizing "Well, I never thought he would actually WIN!"
Interesting that this should come up. I heard on the radio just the other day that somebody --I disremember who-- had conducted a poll/study and compiled a list of the fifty greatest 'conservative' rock songs. The top five...
[1] Won't Get Fooled Again -The Who
[2] Taxman -The Beatles
[3] Sympathy for the Devil -The Rolling Stones
[4] Sweet Home Alabama -Lynyrd Skynyrd (or however they spell it.)
[5] Wouldn't It Be Nice -The Beach Boys
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