My Suggestions for Teabaggers

Okay guys, I understand your outrage. The economy is bust, you're frustrated, no one's getting any sleep, ...all while your government is overreaching and trying to take more of your money and give it to their cousins and cronies. But, like any group, you've got a couple folks in your ranks that are making the rest of you look like fringe weirdos. Not you, but the guy standing next to you. Yeah, that guy.

So here's some ideas I have that I'd like to share with you to help you on your way.

1. Change your name. It's early in the movement. You can get away with a brand shift now. But the name you've chosen or have been given means something that I don't think you realize what it means. That's why there are a lot of media types making fun of you - to your face - and you don't really 'get' the joke. Think Boston Tea Party or Revolution 2.0 or just the Tea Party rather than 'teabaggers.' Really. Ask a teenager or google it. You really have to change the name.

2. Learn your history. Figure out that Reagan and Bush ran huge massive Federal deficits too. And not that Bush, the other Bush. Also...

3. Learn your quotes. I'm guilty of this too - but you can't cherry pick Jefferson and Hamilton quotes - and put them on the same banner. Jefferson and Hamilton hated each other. And Jefferson was much more of a Democrat than a Republican - while Hamilton seems very Libertarian would have loved the Fed. So, if you follow step two you'll be more conscious of what exactly you're having your daughter march with.

4. Medicare and Medicaid are government socialized medicine. If you read a sign that says 'keep your hands off of my Medicare' - send the person home to read a book. You don't need this person in your group, they only slow down your movement and attract wolves.

5. Kick out the Klan. If there really are any racists in your group, ditch 'em. No one wants to listen to that crap - and if they really don't like the President because they can't get past his skin color, then they're in the wrong group. You're against the President's policies and his actions as the representative of you and your country... those who can only look at color already has a group. They wear white sheets and pointy hats. Send them back. Don't let anyone use the race card.

6. Leave the weapon at home. We're all big supporters of the 2nd Amendment (well, a couple of us anyway) at Blasphemes. Search our archives and you might find a couple gun related stories. I understand that you want to remind your employees that you are the boss, not them and that is a very nice reminder. But brining weapons to protests scares folks who don't get it, puts the police and Secret Service at edge, and makes for good cable news talking points - at your expense.

7. How about a dress code? You should all dress nicely, in your Sunday best. Or better, suits and ties for the men. You're the management of the politician pond scum that you elected, so show 'em who's boss. A well dressed crowd would scare the piss out of a politician - and it did at some of the Town Halls. So much that the pundits thought that you were all plants by the insurance industry. The LL Bean's. Keep going with that. Have a dress code... but avoid uniforms. Especially black or brown shirts. You really don't want to give the wrong impression. If you don't get the reference, please repeat step 2.

8. Protests and street marching? Really? Back to the '60's, huh? Is that the best you can do? You know what I see? Hippies with signs. Fine, if you're going to go all Mahatma Gandi then get creative with it. Consider sit ins at the DMV. Ah, but who would notice? How about sit ins at your Representative or Senator's office? That'd be interesting. Tell them that you want to talk to your employee. Not there? How about his house? You paid for it. Think of other interesting, and new ways to get your point across. May I suggest something along the lines of "What would John Galt do?" Again, if someone in the group is scratching their heads - point them to the library (yikes, public institution, er) - how about Borders?

9. Political Take-Over. The Republican party is weak and disorganized. If you can accomplish 1-6 and maybe 7, you'll be a political force. You can effectively create a hostile takeover of the Republicans and replace that old deck with new platforms. Hang a banner that says "Under New Management." Why grow grassroots when you can take over a tree? Sure it's rotten to the core, but there's an infrastructure for local elections and fundraising that can be used. And find a leader who isn't Sarah Palin. Or Glen Beck. And for the love of god - please leave out 'the love of god' when you rebuild the thing. If you really believe in the Constitution, you'll remember the separation of church and state is clearly stated in there.

10. Don't get drunk with power. It took the Democrats about 3 months before they were even worse than the Republicans they replaced with spending and arrogance and hypocrisy. IF you are able to keep your ideals and actually work toward implementing your Tea Party tenants... you'll be the only group in history to follow through with their promises. Even the Democrats, with all their posturing, are so busy bumping into each other they can't get anything done.

Good luck. Don't forget to vote.