Impious since 2006
Apr 5, 2007
Around the web in 60 clicks
I know you are all very, very busy so let me recap some news events for you to save you all the trouble of formulating your own opinions.
- Lovie Smith the first black coach to lose a Superbowl. Undercovered story after the overcovered first to make it to the Superbowl.
- G-Dub mocks Democrats for taking Easter vacation days before going to Crawford. Our fearless leader has taken 405 days of vacation before this one. Lying can really take it out of a man.
- More Fox Poll fun. I am telling you, if you are not watching Fox you are missing the greatest comedy since early Carlin. By the way, they claimed Britney won.
- Jenna Jameson's newest movie on hold due to botched vaginoplasty. And to think that I thought a whole lifetime might pass me by without typing the words "botched vaginoplasty."
"She underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy," said the source, who added, in perhaps an unfortunate choice of words, "she has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody. The producers are about to pull the plug on the movie," which would be a mainstream production.
- There is something in my Bush! Republican compares Bush's job approval ratings to gonorrhea. He couldn't get applause so he went with the clap.
- The Windy City Flyer breaks a record. Devin Hester, known around these parts as the Windy City Flyer will be the first player to receive a 100 rating for speed in a Madden football game. This makes him Madden-faster than Deion Sanders or Randy Moss ever were. So next it will be easy to virtually win the Superbowl.
- 'Weird Al' is still funny. I can't believe this guy is more up on popular music than I am.
Apr 3, 2007
Ball Four*
* with apologies to Jim Bouton...
BALL ONE.
Well, I have good news and bad. It concerns a correction from last week, when I erroneously stated that the Washington Nationals were still owned by Major League Baseball. While it's true that Bud "The Cowardly, Lyin'" Selig and his crew did run that franchise (into the ground) for more than four years, they no longer do: The Nationals were sold to a group headed by Ted Lerner last July.
So the good news is that ol' Bud is no longer the officially unofficial but no less ultimate runner of the show for any National League franchise-- unless, of course, you count the Brewers, wink wink. Commissioners, you see, are not supposed to (officially) be owners, wink wink. Conflict of (official) interest, don'tcha know. Of course, that didn't stop Bud from maintaining (official) ownership of the Brewers during his entire six-year tenure as the Acting (unofficial?) Commissioner of Baseball... but I guess we're not supposed to officially count that, either. In that same spirit, I propose that we don't officially count Ben Sheets' two-hit, complete-game victory over the Dodgers on Opening Day. Sound fair?
Anyway, the good news is that MLB no longer owns the Nationals. The bad news is that that's the only good news I've heard concerning the Commissioner in quite some time...
------------------------------
BALL TWO.
Speaking of the Dodgers...
Charlie Steiner, a former ESPN anchor and current play-by-play voice of the Dodgers, has a two-hour radio show called The Baseball Beat on XM. It airs every weekday at 1:00 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time. Since following the Dodgers all over the country makes Steiner's schedule pretty hectic, he is often and ably filled-in-for by a consummate Professional Broadcaster named Chuck Wilson.
The format is simple: Steiner or Wilson converse with, on a rotating basis, all the various beat writers (from all the various newspapers) who travel with and cover all the various teams, everyday. With Professional Broadcasters interviewing Professional Writers, the show is blessedly bereft of jocks, ex-jocks-turned-broadcasters and ex-jocks-turned-coaches/managers, which means that everyone on the show --you're not going to believe this-- everyone on the show is actually able to put their thoughts into words. In complete sentences, no less!
Until they go to commercial, of course. Fortunately, though, there aren't many commercials: Since the program displays a few too many glimmers of intelligence for the average quarter hour, listenership is low.
But anyway...
Last week, I heard Chuck Wilson interviewing Paul Hagan of the Philadelphia Daily News. Hagan told an amusing little anecdote from Phillies camp, and it involves a former member of the [Censored], [Unutterable], [Blasphemous] [Stool-samples]...
William Savage is a strapping, six-foot-five, two hundred ten pound right-hander who grew up in southern California and attended the University of Oklahoma on a Baseball scholarship. Drafted by Philadelphia, he spent most of last summer in the South Atlantic League-- low A-ball. When he was invited to Phillies camp this spring, he knew he didn't have much of a shot at making the major league roster. That didn't stop him, however, from setting a goal for himself: To go the entire Grapefruit League season without walking a batter.
When Savage showed up at camp, he readily told anybody who would listen --and, no doubt, more than a few who wouldn't-- about his rather modest yet worthy goal. At least one veteran right-hander was paying attention...
You might remember Jon Lieber; it hasn't been all that long. Lieber won 20 games for the C.U.B.S. back in 2001, but elbow problems cut short his season the following year. I don't know whether Tribune Ink said, "Good luck and thanks for playing," or simply sent him a form letter, but they certainly wasted no time at all in giving the man who had so recently been their ace the ol' heave-ho.
Lieber underwent ligament replacement surgery, and the subsequent rehab kept him on the shelf for more than a year. He pitched for the Yankees in 2004. Since then, he seems to have found a home with the Phillies. In the three seasons since his comeback, he has thrown 563 innings and, despite a 4.46 ERA, has a won-lost record of 40-32. If those numbers don't exactly strike you as stellar, consider this: In those same three years, Kerry Wood has thrown just 226 innings, and has a record of 12-15 (ERA 3.90). Oh, and here's another stat: Whereas Kerry Wood has --ahem!-- "earned" an average of over nine million dollars per season for the last three years, Jon Lieber has averaged about five million.
But anyway...
William Savage's goal of not walking anybody was going alright until, one day, he found himself in a 3-and-2 count. He got the ball back from his catcher, palmed it, shoved his glove under his armpit and began rubbing the baseball while he took a walk around the mound, collecting his thoughts. He may or may not have noticed his teammate Jon Lieber, watching the game from the cab of his big-[donkey] truck, which was parked just beyond the low Tru-link fence that surrounded the field.
Savage put his glove back on and popped the ball into the pocket. He climbed atop the mound, took a deep breath, got the sign from his catcher, went into his wind-up: The arms swung high, the back arched, the right foot slipped into the slot, the pivot, and then that complicated, sequential explosion of muscles needed to propel a five-ounce, leather-covered spheroid with more speed and action than the laws of physics say is possible...
At just that instant, Jon Lieber sounded what we can only surmise is a really loud-[donkey] horn.
Savage's pitch sailed all the way to the backstop.
------------------------------
BALL THREE.
How long to you suppose it will be before ESPN's Chris Berman refers to that new Boston pitcher as "'Andrew' Daisuke Matsuzaka"?
------------------------------
BALL FOUR.
Bud "No Balls" Selig must go.
BALL ONE.
Well, I have good news and bad. It concerns a correction from last week, when I erroneously stated that the Washington Nationals were still owned by Major League Baseball. While it's true that Bud "The Cowardly, Lyin'" Selig and his crew did run that franchise (into the ground) for more than four years, they no longer do: The Nationals were sold to a group headed by Ted Lerner last July.
So the good news is that ol' Bud is no longer the officially unofficial but no less ultimate runner of the show for any National League franchise-- unless, of course, you count the Brewers, wink wink. Commissioners, you see, are not supposed to (officially) be owners, wink wink. Conflict of (official) interest, don'tcha know. Of course, that didn't stop Bud from maintaining (official) ownership of the Brewers during his entire six-year tenure as the Acting (unofficial?) Commissioner of Baseball... but I guess we're not supposed to officially count that, either. In that same spirit, I propose that we don't officially count Ben Sheets' two-hit, complete-game victory over the Dodgers on Opening Day. Sound fair?
Anyway, the good news is that MLB no longer owns the Nationals. The bad news is that that's the only good news I've heard concerning the Commissioner in quite some time...
------------------------------
BALL TWO.
Speaking of the Dodgers...
Charlie Steiner, a former ESPN anchor and current play-by-play voice of the Dodgers, has a two-hour radio show called The Baseball Beat on XM. It airs every weekday at 1:00 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time. Since following the Dodgers all over the country makes Steiner's schedule pretty hectic, he is often and ably filled-in-for by a consummate Professional Broadcaster named Chuck Wilson.
The format is simple: Steiner or Wilson converse with, on a rotating basis, all the various beat writers (from all the various newspapers) who travel with and cover all the various teams, everyday. With Professional Broadcasters interviewing Professional Writers, the show is blessedly bereft of jocks, ex-jocks-turned-broadcasters and ex-jocks-turned-coaches/managers, which means that everyone on the show --you're not going to believe this-- everyone on the show is actually able to put their thoughts into words. In complete sentences, no less!
Until they go to commercial, of course. Fortunately, though, there aren't many commercials: Since the program displays a few too many glimmers of intelligence for the average quarter hour, listenership is low.
But anyway...
Last week, I heard Chuck Wilson interviewing Paul Hagan of the Philadelphia Daily News. Hagan told an amusing little anecdote from Phillies camp, and it involves a former member of the [Censored], [Unutterable], [Blasphemous] [Stool-samples]...
William Savage is a strapping, six-foot-five, two hundred ten pound right-hander who grew up in southern California and attended the University of Oklahoma on a Baseball scholarship. Drafted by Philadelphia, he spent most of last summer in the South Atlantic League-- low A-ball. When he was invited to Phillies camp this spring, he knew he didn't have much of a shot at making the major league roster. That didn't stop him, however, from setting a goal for himself: To go the entire Grapefruit League season without walking a batter.
When Savage showed up at camp, he readily told anybody who would listen --and, no doubt, more than a few who wouldn't-- about his rather modest yet worthy goal. At least one veteran right-hander was paying attention...
You might remember Jon Lieber; it hasn't been all that long. Lieber won 20 games for the C.U.B.S. back in 2001, but elbow problems cut short his season the following year. I don't know whether Tribune Ink said, "Good luck and thanks for playing," or simply sent him a form letter, but they certainly wasted no time at all in giving the man who had so recently been their ace the ol' heave-ho.
Lieber underwent ligament replacement surgery, and the subsequent rehab kept him on the shelf for more than a year. He pitched for the Yankees in 2004. Since then, he seems to have found a home with the Phillies. In the three seasons since his comeback, he has thrown 563 innings and, despite a 4.46 ERA, has a won-lost record of 40-32. If those numbers don't exactly strike you as stellar, consider this: In those same three years, Kerry Wood has thrown just 226 innings, and has a record of 12-15 (ERA 3.90). Oh, and here's another stat: Whereas Kerry Wood has --ahem!-- "earned" an average of over nine million dollars per season for the last three years, Jon Lieber has averaged about five million.
But anyway...
William Savage's goal of not walking anybody was going alright until, one day, he found himself in a 3-and-2 count. He got the ball back from his catcher, palmed it, shoved his glove under his armpit and began rubbing the baseball while he took a walk around the mound, collecting his thoughts. He may or may not have noticed his teammate Jon Lieber, watching the game from the cab of his big-[donkey] truck, which was parked just beyond the low Tru-link fence that surrounded the field.
Savage put his glove back on and popped the ball into the pocket. He climbed atop the mound, took a deep breath, got the sign from his catcher, went into his wind-up: The arms swung high, the back arched, the right foot slipped into the slot, the pivot, and then that complicated, sequential explosion of muscles needed to propel a five-ounce, leather-covered spheroid with more speed and action than the laws of physics say is possible...
At just that instant, Jon Lieber sounded what we can only surmise is a really loud-[donkey] horn.
Savage's pitch sailed all the way to the backstop.
------------------------------
BALL THREE.
How long to you suppose it will be before ESPN's Chris Berman refers to that new Boston pitcher as "'Andrew' Daisuke Matsuzaka"?
------------------------------
BALL FOUR.
Bud "No Balls" Selig must go.
Apr 2, 2007
SOLD, American - who wants the Cub$?
Cub$ sold, (pause) and now back on the market!Tribune, after months of pleading for someone with a checkbook to be bought out, settled on real estate mogul Sam Zell.
Because he owns stake in the White Sox, he will have to sell the Cub$, after the 2007 season - which began today, with a loss. Someone ought to keep track of that...
Some so-called 'analysts' have estimated that the Cubs could fetch $600 million or more. Perhaps even more if you were able to factor in a winning team if they were to consistently get into the playoffs.
Remember, the Tribune bought the team in 1981 for $20.5 million. However, this was 1981 dollars, and you couldn't even buy a couple hockey teams and a new stadium for that paltry sum.
Its strength as a sports franchise — and the lure of potentially steering them to their first championship in a century — has attracted the interest of many potential buyers. Billionaire entrepreneur Mark Cuban, actor Bill Murray and columnist George Will are among those rumored to have interest, along with numerous Chicago business figures. Uh, yeah, and I'll keep holding my breath. Turning blue...
Bottom line? This is an interesting development, if anything it prolongs the agony of having Tribune employees continue to oversee the team for a year - and yet another distraction, or an excuse for when they come in 4th place after spending $325 million dollars.
Well, not their money anyway - the poor sucker who buys the team's money.
Clever like a Fox
I have recently developed a new habit. It is a bad habit. I cannot stop watching Fox News or reading foxnews.com. I tried to stop. I can't.
When the world comes tumbling down on Fox's beloved politicians (read:Republicans) they resort to some truly hysterical tactics. For example, are you aware that 68% of all Americans are "defeatists?" Or that the "left-wing of the Democrat Party" [note: no 'ic' at the end of Democrat] is now telling generals how to do their job?
The newest results from the Fox poll are out. You can read them here. There are some great questions that we all need to start asking ourselves. For example, question #39 really makes one stop and think. It reads, "Who do you trust more to decide when troops should leave Iraq -- U.S. military commanders or Members of Congress?" Good fucking question. I suppose I would not much care which as long as it is not G-Dub. Unfortunately, that was not an option in the multiple choice.
Question #38: "Do you think a Congressional investigation into the dismissal of the eight federal prosecutors is good use of taxpayer money?" Again, good question. I am not sure. I do know that it was very poor use of our judicial system. Especially when they are being replaced with Gonzo and Rove's friends according to the Washington Post.
Anyway, just in case you wanted to join the fun in FoxLand.
When the world comes tumbling down on Fox's beloved politicians (read:Republicans) they resort to some truly hysterical tactics. For example, are you aware that 68% of all Americans are "defeatists?" Or that the "left-wing of the Democrat Party" [note: no 'ic' at the end of Democrat] is now telling generals how to do their job?
The newest results from the Fox poll are out. You can read them here. There are some great questions that we all need to start asking ourselves. For example, question #39 really makes one stop and think. It reads, "Who do you trust more to decide when troops should leave Iraq -- U.S. military commanders or Members of Congress?" Good fucking question. I suppose I would not much care which as long as it is not G-Dub. Unfortunately, that was not an option in the multiple choice.
Question #38: "Do you think a Congressional investigation into the dismissal of the eight federal prosecutors is good use of taxpayer money?" Again, good question. I am not sure. I do know that it was very poor use of our judicial system. Especially when they are being replaced with Gonzo and Rove's friends according to the Washington Post.
No other administration in contemporary times has had such a clear pattern of filling chief prosecutors' jobs with its own staff members, said experts on U.S. attorney's offices. Those experts said the emphasis in appointments traditionally has been on local roots and deference to home-state senators, whose support has been crucial to win confirmation of the nominees.Question #36: A long one. Read it yourself but I do like the choices. "1. Yes, allow a grassroots organization to run the party. 2. No, don't allow a grassroots organization to run the party. 3. Don't know." I want my party run by Dobbs damn it, not MoveOn.org. Those crazy lefties think that a war started under false pretenses somehow is more important than lying about a hummer. Not a Hummer, a hummer. Capital H Hummers you can lie about if they can find out who was in the meeting.
Anyway, just in case you wanted to join the fun in FoxLand.
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