Stimulus Deal

The White House and the Senate finished their deal early Wednesday morning over a $2-trillion package to place band-aids on an economy about to hit a major depression. The deal ends days of negotiations that produced one of the most expensive and far-reaching measures in the history of Congress.

"Ladies and gentleman, we are done," White House legislative affairs director Eric Ueland said right before 1 a.m. after leaving Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell's office. The battle over riders and pork has been going around the clock since last Friday. "We have a deal."

McConnell came to the floor to tell everyone, "At last, we have a deal. After days of intense discussions, the Senate has reached a bipartisan agreement on a historic relief package for this pandemic."

Obama's First Month

Well, look at that. It's almost been a month whole month without George. Looks like it's time...

Blasphemes Presents:
Obama's First Month:
A Recap

Rod Blagojevich's corrupt attempts to pawn Obama's Senate seat [so far] hasn't directly involved Obama. But they did remind everyone that Obama and his chief of staff, ex-ballerina and ex-Arby's employee Rahm Emanuel, are Chicago Machine politicians.

Bill Richardson withdrew from consideration for the job of Commerce Secretary after a financial scandal in New Mexico erupted. One would have though this might have come up somewhere between the start of his own campaign for President and Obama's vetting process?

Then, speechwriter Jon Favreau groped a cardboard cutout of Hillary Clinton, [tell me that wasn't money] raising questions about taking photographs of important people at house parties (Michael Phelps? Hey, dumb ass - I'm looking right at you... what'r you stoned!?)

Then it turned out he was dating Ali Campoverdi, a Maxim model turned White House assistant. Maybe she liked his technique?

And speaking of Hillary... she's our new Secretary of State! That's proof she really DID have enough votes to give Obama that DNC Convention battle in Denver. It was probably a better idea to send her out of town for four years than to make her Veep. I'm sure The Clinton Foundation's accountant will be happy.

The Attorney General Eric Holder turned out to be the one who gave the nod for Bill Clinton's pardon to financier Marc Rich. And Holder's law firm represents seventeen Gitmo Terrorists... which is now closed. No, it's just a coincidence.

Then we found out that Obama's choice to run the IRS is a tax cheat. Tim Geithner didn't pay his taxes. They appointed him Treasury Secretary anyway. Well, who better to catch the cheats than a cheat himself, right?

On the bright side, they let Obama's Geithner to get in, but he was only allowed one tax cheat out of three. His choice for would-have-been "performance czar" Nancy Killefer withdrew her name over a $946.69 tax lien for employment taxes she didn't pay for her household help. No one asked if "the Help" had a green card.

Then it was revealed that poor old Tom Daschle, who was up for Secretary of Health and Human Services had hadn't paid nearly $140,000 for a car and driver a lobbyist had lent him after he left office.

The reason Daschle and Killefer really had to go? They both had tax problems; meaning they didn't have a problem not paying them. More importantly, they briefly pulled the carefully constructed Change curtain open... just for a second... and it accidentally reminded us, the unwashed public, exactly how the elite Washington insiders actually run the Circus. No one wants to see the mirrors and wires of hypocrisy.

Oh, and back to the White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. Rahm's Capitol Hill basement apartment (rented to him by Connecticut Rep. Rosa DeLauro and pollster Stanley Greenberg) turned out to be an illegal rental unit. Honestly, Rahm? You're from Chicago - if you're going to break the law - it's supposed to pay off way better than that! Also, keep an eye on Rahm to be heavily mentioned and or invited to participate in the Rod Blagojevich criminal trial.

Obama closed down Gitmo - even though there's no plan on what to do with these people. But as long as their Constitutional rights aren't violated, we'll all feel better about it, right? What do you mean they don't have Constitutional rights? They're American citizens, aren't they?!

Obama put caps in White House salaries, and yelled at CEO's who gave themselves bonuses for asking - and then getting - no-strings-attached handouts. Then he made a rule that said "no lobbyists," but hired 17 of them, including Wil Lynn.

Oh, and the other big news was that Obama bought everyone a pony. Well, a pony as long as you're a Congressional Democrat. Yes, Obama's stimulus barrel passed, or as I like to call it the 2010 Congressional Incumbent Strategy Package. Bonus, he got it done without the help of any of those pesky corrupt Republicans. How are we going to pay for it? How exactly does this create jobs independent of government spending? And doesn't that America First clause violate about 130 trade treaties? Hey, don't ask questions or they'll send you to Gitm- well, you won't get your $40 coupon to switch to digital television this week- next week- June 15th. July 18th... gate 19, gate 20.

And to think, there was a time when late-night comedians fretted that there wasn't anything funny about the Obama Administration? It's not even been a FULL month!

No Earmarks on that Pork Barrel!

President Barack Obama's ban on earmarks in the $825 billion economic stimulus bill [AKA a giant barrel of pork] hasn't stopped interest groups, lobbyists and lawmakers who won't be able to funnel money to pet projects - they're just working around it, and being more secretive about it.

Some of those bacon-y projects? A Metrolink station that needs building in Placentia, Calif.; a stretch of beach in Sandy Hook, N.J., that could really use some more sand; a water park in Miami, a bridge to nowhere to no-wheres-ville... you know, pork.

Typically, thousands of useless tax-funneled projects would have been staple gunned upfront to get'er passed.... but now they have to try to get in on the back end of the process as "ready to go" jobs eligible for the stimulus plan.

The result, as The Associated Press learned in interviews with more than a dozen lawmakers, lobbyists and state and local officials, is a shadowy lobbying effort that may make it difficult to discern how hundreds of billions in federal money will be parceled out.

"'No earmarks' isn't a game-ender," said Peter Buffa, former mayor of Costa Mesa, Calif. "It just means there's a different way of going about making sure the funding is there."

So, to boil this ham down - they're just changing the name 'earmark' to 'job appropriations.' As long as that Miami water park employs someone, then it'll get Congressional money. Sorry, your money.