Showing posts with label douche bag. Show all posts
Showing posts with label douche bag. Show all posts

Jun 12, 2010

Posh iPad Douche Kitchen

"This is not a gimmick. I really reckon this is going to set a precedent."

According to Melbourne hipster restaurateur Chris Lucas, the menu is going to iPad land.

Lucas, who operates the prestigious Pearl restaurant, in inner-city Richmond, is set to convert his restaurant to an all iPad operation with specially written interactive software that he claims will make it the first restaurant in Australia to employ Apple's red-hot tablet for both menus and wine lists.... and at $500.00 (US) that bread is going to cost you $20.00.

The platform, he says, will enable diners to "drill down" for information, depending on their level of interest.

"The thirst for knowledge from consumers these days is massive," says Lucas. "It doesn't matter whether it's ingredients, origins of produce or wine, and particularly Old World wine, this platform can provide as little, or as much, information as each customer wants. Okay, I can see the staff wine sommelier having ONE device... but each menu? Come on?

A North Sydney restaurant - Global Mundo Tapas - took the honour (crazy way of spelling honor) of being the first in Australia to use the tablet for menu browsing and direct ordering to the kitchen.

However, the Pearl model, which will provide a series of "drill-down tiers" from, for example, a wine with its price to tasting notes from the sommelier, to suggested food matches, recipes and on to vineyard and wine producer websites, is not about making waiters redundant, Lucas says.

"We don't want the consumer placing the order. There is still a very important role for service staff in a smart restaurant, but the graphics and functionality make this thing a very important resource. I think a lot of traditional restaurant situations can be very intimidating. This is a way to liberate the consumer." Uh, why not? You're buying $500.00 shinny televisions otherwise? At least trim the waitstaff. Remember when Roy Kroc figured that one out?

Lucas already has four iPads with a further 11 on the way, with the software launching on the dining room floor next month after five months and nearly $40,000 in development costs. Did I say $20.00 bread basket? Add a zero.

And, for diners who find the iPad menu and wine list a bridge too far, yes, there will be hard copies available. Which makes this entire exercise a waste of time -- but he gets free press from me... and that's worth it, how? Because I'm making fun of him and his douche bag iPads that don't even do anything more than 'drill down' the ingredient list? 40K for that? I'll bet with 40K he COULD have opened a second location... or improved the food. But you get a smeary shinny iPad at the nice restaurant.

I'll bet if I follow this up in a couple months, this guy is out of business.

Oct 5, 2009

Wacky Neighbor

...following "Just a Couple of Douches," come on over to "Wacky Neighbor's House!" He's got four nunchucks, for just in case! This fall on ABC!

Just a Couple of Douches

A 80's style theme song to a bad sitcom started playing in my head. See if you feel it too.

"Just me and you, hangin' in the ladie's room - just a couple of Douche Bags! - pretending that we are coo-all... da da, da dum de dum... Just me and you!"

The show was ruined by the middle of the second season when they introduced the African dwarf and alien Muppet. It just wasn't as douché anymore.

Sep 16, 2009

2 More Times

Okay, the Kayne memes are getting nuts... but THESE TWO are perfect for Blasphemes.

Jun 4, 2009

Ferrari For Hire


This Chicago-based refugee from an 80s hair band will rent you his services as a chauffeur in his gold-embellished Ferrari F360 for $300 an hour. Or even his Cadillac Eldorado at $250 an hour. I dub thee — Ferrari Guy. Or Uncle Riko?


We don't even really know how to properly address this. The super-classy gold treatment inside and out means we have to mock it, the over-the-hill proprietor with no shirt, fake jamming on his guitar should be mocked, the eye-popping pricing on a ride should be mocked, the assertion a 2002 Cadillac Eldorado is even remotely as cool as a Ferrari should be mocked... and yet, it's somehow wrapped the needle of ridiculous all the way around the dial and ended up as awesome.

If you live in Chicago and have a disposable couple hundred bucks, by all means, hire this guy and then take pictures and tell us what it's like. If your story doesn't include doing blow off a forty year old hooker's chest we won't believe it. [Ferrari Guy For Hire]