World of Dorkcraft: The Movie

Unfortunately, that Max Payne movie made some money over the weekend - maybe because people didn't know that it was based on a video game? The game itself is pretty old. It was out around Grand Theft Auto III was released for the Playstation II.

Because of Marky Mark's success in beating the Beverly Hill's Chiwawa - suddenly the suits in Hollywood are looking at other video games to turn into movies. Roh, roh. Yep, now they're looking at World of Warcraft.

And on top of that poop sundae - they've got Sam Raimi to direct the thing.

Look, I love Sam Raimi - or rather I love the OLD Sam Raimi. The guy who did the Evil Dead series. Those are awesome in their SamRaiminess. Mostly because he didn't have Spiderman money.

But there are some obvious flaws in making a movie based on MMORPG WoW...

1) Your fan base is predestined to stay in the basement on a quest, a raid or a, well, not going outside... that's for sure.

2) If you thought Lord of the Rings the fan base were nit-picking hawks that took great pains to point out every single inconsistency with the Tolkien material, well, you ain't seen nothin' yet. If there's a character or a pixel out of place - OMG Can u believe that the Dungeon of Morfin was... whatever, (it was wrong or cut, or the wrong color). These are the folks who refuse to "accept the movies because Tom Bombadil should have been included." Hey, if you're a super nerd and don't like Peter Jackson's LOTR's, then you really need to stand out side and look at that nuclear fireball in the sky instead of simulating it with your overclocked specialized video card, okay?

3) For whom are you making this film? Players or Non Players? The people who play it won't see it because they're too busy playing it. But let's pretend they do go, there's only a million or so people installed. 1 million times ten bucks for the ticket = that's only 10 million dollars (check my math... yeah, looks right). This is not the money making machine that was Lord of the Rings. WoW is a video game knock off of Dungeons and Dragons - which was a nerdy pencil spreadsheet and dice game knock off of Lord of the Rings to begin with. This thing is diluted to the point that Asteroids the Video Game movie makes more financial sense than WoW. I would have said Super Mario Brothers... but they already did that...

4) Video game movies SUCK ASS! I don't care if you've got James Cameron directing it... video games do not translate onto the screen well. Video games are not passive. Movies and television are. And movies into video games almost always SUCK ASS too, it's part of the equation. ET anyone? The stories of video games are almost always over the top, unrealistic or super cliched - but that's the medium! And how would Raimi show the action? Live action on greenscreen - like Spiderman? Or just film himself fighting some battles straight out of the computer? Sounds exciting doesn't it? Why not just go over to someone's house who has the game and just watch that instead? It'll be about the same experience.

5) And if you're not making it for the folks who play, there's 290 million people who don't - is this just a very expensive marketing gimmick? Oh....

World of Dorkcraft

Think that one buddy of yours plays a bit too much World of Warcraft?

Compared to "Prepared," he doesn't.

In a case of game addiction gone officially off into "what's a boobie?, Why is there a fireball in the sky?", gaming blog Joystiq reports on what is surely the biggest Warcraft fan of them all. Known only under the moniker "Prepared," the gamer plays a stunning 36 World of Warcraft accounts on 11 different computers...simultaneously.

Stemming from a desire to manage raids -- large-scale gameplay sessions that typically require the teamwork of multiple players -- all by himself, the die-hard gamer seems undaunted by both the financial and lifestyle commitments... Jebus! Look at the pictures of his mommy's basement. Hope his mom isn't expecting to get any grandkids - like - ever.

SEE PICS OF HIS SETUP WATCH WRATH OF THE LICH KING TRAILER

"It costs me exactly $5711 in subscription costs per year with 36 accounts on the 6 month pay schedule," he writes. "Not bad considering I'm looking at it like it's a hobby and there are more expensive hobbies out there than World of Warcraft."

And despite the downturn in the economy, Prepared can't wait to get his hands on the upcoming Warcraft expansion, Wrath of the Lich King.

"I plan to be at the store when it opens and will purchase 36 copies of it. With tax, it should be about $1500 for all of them."

Jebus... You know, drinking beer is a hobby. So is, like, talking to girls. I can imagine the beer I could buy with 5700. Hell, I could even buy my couch... I doubt that 5700 covers his electrical bills. Let's say that's another 100 bucks a month? Maybe more? God, think of all the hookers and blow you could buy with 6 grand, plus the other 1500 for the 36 expansion sets?

Boggles the mind.

Drunk Vader's Jedi Assault

A man who dressed up as Darth Vader, wearing a garbage bag for a cape, and assaulted the founders of a group calling itself the Jedi church was given a suspended sentence Tuesday.

Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, attacked Jedi church founder Barney Jones — aka Master Jonba Hehol — with a metal crutch, hitting him on the head, prosecutors told Holyhead Magistrates' Court.

He also whacked Jones' 18-year-old cousin, Michael Jones — known as Master Mormi Hehol — bruising his thigh in the March 25 incident, prosecutors said.

The two cousins and Barney Jones' brother, Daniel, set up the Church of Jediism, Anglesey order, last year. Jedi is the faith followed by some of the central characters in the "Star Wars" films.

The group, which claims about 30 members, says on its Web site that it uses "insight and knowledge" from the films as "a guide to living a better and more worthwhile life."

"We all love the films and what they stand for. Obviously some people are going to laugh about it," the Wales on Sunday newspaper quoted Barney Jones as saying last month. "But a lot of people do take it seriously."

Unfortunately for Hughes, his March attack was recorded on a video camera that the cousins had set up to film themselves in a light saber battle.

"Darth Vader! Jedis!" Hughes shouted as he approached.

Hughes claimed he couldn't remember the incident, having drunk the better part of a 2 1/2-gallon box of wine beforehand.

"He knows his behavior was wrong and didn't want it to happen but he has no recollection of it," said Hughes' lawyer, Frances Jones.

District Judge Andrew Shaw sentenced Hughes to two months in jail but suspended the sentence for one year. He also ordered Hughes to pay $195 to each of his victims and $117 in court costs.

In the 2001 United Kingdom census, 390,000 — 0.7 percent of the population — listed Jedi as their religion.

--BUT WAIT, there's more!--

After Darth Vader kicked a Jedi Master's ass with the Dark Side of the Crutch, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant against the Lord of the Sith. After dictating it, he added: "I hope the force will soon be with him" (really—God save the Judge, Queen, and English humor.) Vader arrived later, pleading guilty to assault. During the trial, however, the court found that the events weren't exactly as we were initially told: the Jedis were actually even more moronic than previously imagined.

To start with, dork n mero uno—hairdresser Barney Jones—wasn't being interviewed for a documentary on the first Jedi Church of England. He was filming himself, "fighting" with "lightsabers" in the garden, probably while being watched by Yoda, Mace Windu, Obi Wan, and the rest of their imaginary pals, who actually were the only ones with actual girlfriends in the backyard at the time.

Vader, whose real name is not Anakin Skywalker but Arwel Wynne Hughes, pleaded guilty, saying in his defense that he had a "chronic alcohol problem" and he didn't remember anything at all. According to the two Joneses, however, Hughes jumped in the gardent shouting "DARTH VADER," wielding a metal crutch, wearing a helmet, a black bin bag, a cape, and with a lot of wine in his stomach. Laughing—presumably hysterically, like anyone would do after consuming "the best part of a 10-litre box of wine"—he proceeded to bang Barney Jones on the head, before smacking the thigh of family nerd cousin, Michael Jones.

Again, with almost 2 1/2 gallon box of wine in his body, Vader didn't remember a single thing, but his defense attorney said alcohol was "ruining his life." On the other side, the prosecution added that the two cousins "believe very strongly in the church and their religion."

We can only hope the judge will set Vader free and put those two in jail.

ThunderCats Ho!

An act of advertising terrorist?

A prank?

Hilarious use of a projector on a hallowed government institution?

ThunderCats Season 2 hits store shelves.

I think the only person who gives a rip about this terrible kitty themed He-Man rip-0ff using Cats is Seth McFarland who makes Family Guy.

Did they even air the damned cartoon in England?


Dork-a-riffic

Missed a Saving Throw

Gary Gygax, who co-created the fantasy game Dungeons & Dragons and helped start the role-playing phenomenon, died Tuesday morning at his home in Lake Geneva. He was 69.

Gygax and Dave Arneson developed Dungeons & Dragons in 1974 using medieval characters and mythical creatures. The game known for its oddly shaped dice became a hit, particularly among teenage boys, and eventually was turned into video games, books and movies.

Born Ernest Gary Gygax, he grew up in Chicago and moved to Lake Geneva at the age of 8. Gygax's father, a Swiss immigrant who played violin in the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, read fantasy books to his only son and hooked him on the genre, Gail Gygax said.

Gygax dropped out of high school but took anthropology classes at the University of Chicago for a while, she said. He was working as an insurance underwriter in the 1960s, when he began playing war-themed board games.

But Gygax wanted to create a game that involved more fantasy. To free up time to work on that, he left the insurance business and became a shoe repairman, she said.

Gygax also was a prolific writer and wrote dozens of fantasy books, including the Greyhawk series of adventure novels.