Blasphemes's Bluffer's Guide to the Super Bowl

Blasphemes's Bluffer's Guide to the Super Bowl

It seems that there are quite a few un-interested parties in this year's Super Bowl. There are some people who just watch for the commercials. There are some people who are just damn morons and are either pretending to care, or are just outright posers. Anyhow, I have decided to try to help the morons out by giving them a cheat sheet for the event. Whatever you do, don't complain about the host's choice of beer - and for the love of Science - don't let them see this crib sheet!

PRE GAME:

1. "Dwight Freeney is the key. If he can't play, or plays but can't push off the edge, the Colts are going to have to get better interior pressure on Brees." Then laugh, because the Colts are going to completely dominate this game.

2. "I heard CBS was going to run a pro-abortion commercial, too. They were going to introduce us to the cast of 'Jersey Shore.' But it tested so well that it encouraged genocide."

3. "If Reggie Bush is goin' to the House, he's going to have to be much more elusive in the Red Zone." [Do not respond when someone says "Who is that?"]

4. "You do realize that the Saints defense is rated 25th in the NFL. Shhhheeeiiitttt."

DURING THE FIRST HALF:

5. "We might be witnessing the greatest aerial assault since the Germans entered Holland."

6. "Look on the bright side, it's only 11 days til pitchers and catchers report."

7. "Hey, did you see Lost? Yeah, me too."

HALFTIME:

8. "The Who? I guess Elton John and Billy Joel were too busy?"

9. "Remember when MTV would run Beavis and Butthead during the half time? Yeah. That was cool. Huh huh."

SECOND HALF:

10. "Peyton Manning is just f*ckin' with them now."

11. "Maybe Caldwell should rest his starters for the offseason?"

12. "Only 11 days 'til pitchers and catchers report!"