Verbal Diarrhea

Politicians are scum. We can all agree on that. Recently there has been something with a little extra stank floating along the D.C. sewers. Bobbing and weaving, zipping around leaving a wake filled with [shit] particles that will be consumed and eventually be regurgitated back to us in entertaining and mind-blowing blabber of the elected official. It could be the poor policy poo or the terrible turd of wartime but whatever it is needs to be emptied into our already overly-polluted oceans.

I have been in awe the past few weeks listening to this special breed of politicos glossing over the sacrifice in both life and money of Americans with callous and surreal explanations. The type of shit that would have flunked my sorry ass out of the Debate 101. I have a few examples here I would like to share with you. Feel free to share your faves in the comments section. The pickings are plentiful this time of year.

Example #1: Fran Townsend (Homeland Security Advisor) to Ed Henry (CNN W.H. Corr.)

"HENRY: You know, going back to September 2001, the president said, dead or alive, we're going to get him. Still don't have him. I know you are saying there's successes on the war on terror, and there have been. That's a failure.

TOWNSEND: Well, I'm not sure -- it's a success that hasn't occurred yet. I don't know that I view that as a failure."

Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! This is the kind of argument that gets children beaten. Honest to Betsy, I had to go to the original transcript (link above) to ensure that this is truly what came out the mouth of our HOMELAND SECURITY ADVISOR.

I have some follow up toast for Little Miss Looney Tunes to spread some of the old neo-con raspberry jam on. How many have fucking died chasing Ozzy through the dry deserts of Afghanistan to have their lives irreversibly changed forever? Besides Pat Tillman. Do you even keep track of that shit? Let me guess. No. That would not be a homeland security question. You were busy taking breast milk away from mothers to stop terrorism and shampoo bottles from models to stop, I don't know, the twinge of anger I get when I see a full head of hair. Pleasure me with one more question: What color is the fucking alphabet in your world? I know the answer will be equally as inane as the question but at least I won't care.

Example #2: Joe Lieberman (Senator from Connecticut)

"Even those opposed to the surge, he said, “ought to at least let us try it.”

“The worst that could happen,” he continued, is that this policy could become another partisan flashpoint in Washington.

Holy Joe, you are a more dishonest than most snake oil salesmen. I single handedly blame you more than anyone else for each and every death that has occurred in Iraq. Allow me to explain Mr. What's-the-worst-that-can-happen Asshole. You lost the election for Gore. You were only nominated VP because you bad mouthed a President who got a hummer in office then defended a President who has killed thousands in a meaningless war which has made more terrorists and the US more hated and less safe. You voted and defended this war repeatedly. And now that it is going badly and over 3000 have died you want to send more men and women into battle "to at least try it."? You half-wit. The worst that can happen is more death of United States citizens. How does that sit in your tin yarmulke you little war-monger. And you got reelected? What has happened to my beloved home state of CT? Killre has given up on the Cubs? Well, guess what, I give up on the state of Connecticut. Harder to spell but equally as moronic.

"But One F," Joe would argue, "don't you see? This is just a political flashpoint."

Joe, you snail-stain, not everything is about you. Families are being torn apart because of your "let's give it a try" attitude. You, sir, have no decency.

Example #3: President George W. Bush (43rd President of the United States)

"I will not withdraw [from Iraq] even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me."

Well first of all I am glad that he not taking advice from his drunken, hooligan daughters. Either that or his drunken, hooligan daughters are no longer supporting him. It's good to seem him toss the side the opinions and cares of every single adviser, military personnel, diplomat, congressperson, friend, former president, and expert and be happy to know that he has the love of his murderous wife and a dog. I have some advice which you can ignore, Mr. President. The dog would love you if you vomited on the carpet. In fact, if I know my dogs, he would probably like you more for having fed him. Maybe someone in your corner would support you if you did the right thing. Try it. Not much fun but you do sleep better at night.

Alright. That's it rave over.