Apr 22, 2012

The Week in Review: Sunday Comics

We made it this far. First and foremost, let me congratulate White Sox right-hander Phil Humber pitched the third perfect game in franchise history, 21st in MLB history, mowing down the Mariners. Question, was it his skill, or lack of skill with the Mariners. He'll get another chance when he faces the Cubbies later this year.

Three Secret Service agents have been ousted, and more firings and  lawsuits are expected. Bad week. Up to 12 men charged with protecting President Obama on a trip to Colombia were found drunkenly cavorting with prostitutes from a tacky brothel. They were caught when they were going to dig and dash on the bill. It hurts Obama in a closely fought election - maybe. But I'll say one thing, at least there was ONE government agency conscious of the bills.

Another day, another Corps photo op with a corpse. The U.S. military is facing yet another damaging controversy in Afghanistan, after (apparently quite old) photos surfaced of American soldiers gleefully posing with dismembered bodies of insurgent bombers. The photos are particularly harmful to U.S.-Afghan relations, surfacing so soon after similar scandals in which American soldiers burned religious books with secret codes in them. Well, any excuse to get pissed is a good day. Wonder why no one's is talking about the bombers who were caught red handed and admitted that they were trained by Islamabad?

Why don't we just have a standing order that standing on a dead body isn't something to put on your Facebook page?

The French are heading to the polling booth today - to see if there's a clear winner in the "let's ignore reality for a couple more years" contest. It's a clear indication of what we're about to get in the States. It's a Dog-eat-dog election... haven't you heard that one?

Let me ask you something, is it worse to a eat dog or strap one to the roof of your car? Hey, where is Bo, anyhow?

Meanwhile presumptions of who Romney will pick - either a woman or Latino to help cozy up to crucial voting blocs is starting up already. Will he pick a No. 2 who hails from a critical swing state? Ohio, looking your way. Pennsylvania - Ricky Rickster - maybe, if folks thought he could have carried it. Jeb Bush? John Huntsman? Rand Paul? Ryan? And why do leading VP contenders insist they don't want the job? Because they could have beat him in the primaries - that's why. He's going to pick someone who doesn't make him look worse than his pick. How about Elaine from Seinfeld -- no, that's on HBO and why would she give up a good gig like that? Hey, how about Ted Nugent?

Pay your taxes? On time? Funny, Congress can't pass a budget, or on time - yet we all have guns to our heads to get to the post office on time? Funny, isn't it?

They retired the Shuttles to museums. I only hope that the Deadwood in Space proposal is real. That's pretty much all we got - mining space for gold.

Oh, minor issue, Pelosi wants to modify the 1st Amendment. 

More importantly, for some reason, Dick Clark - beloved Television presenter left us shut-ins to Rock the Eve stag this year. Joke's on us - we're not even supposed to be around after the 21st of December -- if the lazy Myan calendar workers are to be treated seriously.

Did you see Tupac's resurrection? Get ready for a Beatles reunion, Nirvana, Fleetwood Mac, Elvis, the Rat Pack and Led Zeppelin to fill stadiums in the next decade. The Michael Jackson tour will feature little Michael all the way to the zombie drugged up one. They'll put Tito and the boys out on stage so they can still get their cut. Expect all these acts, and when it gets stale, they'll duet with each other the following decade. The Dead and Phish on stage together will be a full time exhibit at the MGM Grand in Vegas. It never closes. Every single casino will have their own installation. Circ de Soleil - your 2 minute warning on your 15 minutes has been signaled.

Oh, happy earth day - since you're reading this online - the coal burning furnace required to show this to you has killed two birds and five trees, removed a mountain top in Kentucky and poisoned their groundwater for over 500 years. Make sure you recycle your plastic bag from Target to make up for it. Kay?  Like the Race for the Cure - Earth Day is another reason to get you into the stores to buy something -- don't you forget it.

Hope to see you here next week.

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