Halloween 2019

Elder Goth Pumpkin Spice Latte

Saudi Halloween

Squash the Rebellion

That's No Moon!"Do not be too proud of your vegetative terror. The ability to destroy a pumpkin is insignificant when compared with the power of the force."

She's a Witch! Can We Burn Her?

Wasting NO time at all Mrs. O'Donnell of the Tea Party got hit with some remarks she made to Bill Maher Bill Maher, [clip] about a decade ago by Fox News.

So in High School she watched 'the Craft' and bought a Parker Brother's Ouija board... who didn't? Woah! What's with all the pitchforks and torches? Hold on! What about nice political discourse?

Question is - was this from Karl Rove or from Obama's people - or both?

This kind of attack screams out that the oligarchy is very, very afraid of losing some control. Nail her to the stump for her policies or her stance on masturbation - which is cheating on your wife, according to the candidate -- or on her complete inexperience -- not this shiat. And here's why - if you attack a candidate on what they did in High School, let me tell all of you - no one will be electable. And then it slides all the way to Pre-K when your candidate had 'cooties', or at least that's what a source who remains anonymous said she heard on the playground that day.

Really - this is where we are in American Politics? It's over folks. Pack your stuff. Time to flee.

Taking a Walk

Leia and R2 take a walk on the wild side

It's so cute, but it reminds me of those black and white, over stylized pictures of children dressed as adults, trying way way too hard to look adorable... you know for grandma's 89th birthday card? You know the one? The boy has a fedora on, and the girl is holding a flower - and there's one color, like red or yellow... I'm sure it's a Hallmark creation... and doing a google search for 'cute kids in adult clothes in the forest' is sure to put me on a pederast watch list. Instead... we'll just look at this staged picture that's getting traction on the internet today and admire how cute it is. It'd make a nice card for geeks getting married, wouldn't it?

Blasphemes Last Minute Halloween Post

(Hmmm... I should be Frankenstein's monster. Dr. Frankenstein, while feared and revered him... ah screw it, it's pretty damn funny for those of you who believe Jesus is the most famous Zombie story in the history of mankind.)

Happy Autumn Equinox

Happy Autumn Equinox (Sept 20, this year), Harvest Moon, a good harvest, Halloween, 節氣, 春分, 秋分の日 Shūbun no hi, and Mabon.

A Special Halloween Treat

Happy Halloween From Michael McDonald

Michael McDonald is back to trick it to the treats!

20 Costumes Asking for a Beatdown

Here are 20 examples of costumes --good for inspiring a healthy mixture of douche-chills and rage. If you're wearing one of these, consider yourself warned: those guys aren't getting up from the bar to come over and shake your hand. They're coming over to kick your ass.

# 20 Spongebob Adult Man's Costume

Aside from the "Would you like to buy some Bibles?" look on the model's face, it's the white leotards that seal the wearer's fate. Or possibly the little red dick-tie.

#19. ATM Man

If you want to look like a Muslim Darth Vader, this costume is for you. Despite the claims in the picture, don't be surprised if women dressed like money do not approach you to withdraw cash from your wiener.

#18. Breathalyzer

The early model Terminators were easily identifiable, since Skynet's files on what penises really look like were badly damaged in the initial attack.

#17. Cain The Vampire Tyrant

Oh sh*t! It's Cain! Cain the Vampire Tyrant! And he's been playing the Nintendo with his power Glove!

#16. Lock and Key

This dude finally gets a modeling gig that has nothing to do with his biceps or his dreadlocks, so he improvises. The woman is sad because she knows the inevitable attempt to "unlock" here will cause her entrails to go flying out of her lower back, a gruesome and undignified death via impalement on a wacky costume.

#15. Fork and Spoon

This lacks the sexual connotations of the lock and key outfit above, but we can't figure out if that makes the costume more sad or less. At least aliens won't be able to read their thoughts.

#14. Hung

Oh, we get it. "Hung" as in hung like a horse. Like, you have a big schlong. And you convey this by... attaching a stuffed horse's head to your groin? With a hangman's noose? This costume's designer has many a dead hooker in his basement.

#13. Napoleon Dynamite

We can think of two people off the top of our heads who haven't seen this movie: the guy who designed this costume and the guy wearing it.

#12. I've Got a Heart On

We know. We can see it. And the children can see it. Warning: This costume is illegal in 48 states.

#11. Wiseman

Just because he is wearing a hat and carrying frankincense does not mean this is not a Geisha Girl costume.

#10. Super Jew

Whether the kid is Jewish or not, we're pretty sure this costume qualifies as some kind of hate crime.

#9. Baby and Mommy

If you think it looks bad now, every time he walks, it looks like an 8 year old in diapers humping a babushka wearing basketball shoes. Creepy.

#8. The Munchkin

Okay, that's fugging terrifying. Is that a wig or not? Forget it, we don't want to look at it any more. We're going to wake up some night and see this bastard staring down at us, orange cheeks and all.

#7. God's Gift to Women

"From: God, To: Women?" Well, they are going to be disappointed when they open it up and see that it's just the rest of this guy.

#6. Bacon and Eggs

The good news for him is that next year when they get divorced, he can just buy a sombrero and he's got a Mexican stereotype costume. She's stuck going as an amoeba.

#5. Taz

If you take off the Taz mask, you've got a pretty terrifying childbirth costume here. Complete with dentata!

#4. One Night Stand

Yes, he's dressed as a one-night stand. GET IT? These "abstract idea costumes" actually wind up being some of the most disturbing. Such as...

#3. The Sh*t Hit the Fan

If you don't have this jackass to explain the joke, this looks more like maggots crawling out of a drain. Which actually makes one of the most awesome and disturbing Halloween costumes we've ever seen. Congratulations on the accidental horror, guys.

#2. Goth Milk

There is no place on earth where this costume won't get you a vicious beating. You wouldn't even make it out of Quaker country in this thing. Goths, puns, suggested genital piercings on a child... it's like they distilled everything a good man finds offensive and expressed it in shitty costume form.

#1. Slave Leia

My goodness what a lame costume. You really should just take it off right now....

this article was cutn'pasted from Cracked. Trick over Treat, suckas.

Best Treats

Remember that one year? That one awesome year?

We all know that most Halloween candy is made up of small versions of traditional candy bars—the 2 1/2-inch ones—or the minis, which are just an inch. This is called a "fun size" by the candy companies. An adequate taste, but nothing more. But that one time, when you were out walking on Halloween night, you saw a few kids run past you to a house up ahead. Then a few more. And then you ran, because you knew—you knew—that there is great sh*t being given out at that house. Some old upper-middle-class couple with no kids and no real concept of Halloween... They were handing out full-sized candy bars.

This was like winning the Halloween lottery. You grabed one, and ran off to a few more houses, then ran back. You tried to figure out a way to make your costume look different—maybe you switched masks with your buddy. The couple looked confused, but didn't ask why Dracula was wearing a Batman mask, because they weren't sure if it was a new show they haven't heard of, and you grabbed another whole candy bar. Ten minutes later, and you were back, waiting in line with countless other kids who figured out the gold rush was here. The couple told you that this is the last one, and you mumbled agreement as you grabbed it.

It is indeed was the last one, because these people ran out of all of their candy in 30 minutes. They never repeated their mistake ever again. and you probably disturbed them greatly, by revealing that greed is endemic to humanity, even at its most innocent.

But you had three whole candy bars!