Electric Light Roadster

commentary by killre

I don't need no diamond ring;
I don't need no Cadillac car.
Just wanna drink my Ripple wine
down in the Lightnin' bar.  --Arlo Guthrie

Know the Truth!  Mad Dog 20/20 --anonymous


Okay, kiddies, put on your earmuffs.

Cadillac is compensating for having a small penis.

Like many people, I laughed my spelled-out ass off the first time I saw the recently debuted TV commercial for the Cadillac ELR.  I laughed mainly at the ad's sheer brazenness, even as I noted its flaws both in letter and in spirit.  I went so far as to call my wife into the room and replay it for her.  "Get a load of this," I said, or words to that effect.

Then I dismissed it.  An effective advertisement, but in the end just a car commercial.

Bill Maher, however, of HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, took exception to the ad, even using the words, "really, really hate."  On Friday night's show, Maher spent seven minutes discussing the ad with his panel.  It should be noted, though, that one of those minutes was devoted to running the ad --because the best way to stick it to someone you have an issue with is to give them free advertising-- and another minute was spent spoofing it.

I'll not go into their discussion here, but there was one aspect of the ad I feel Maher and his panel never really touched upon...

The 60-second spot features an actor named Neal McDonough.  He looks like the guy Central Casting would send in response to a call for a youngish Nazi officer: blonde hair, piercing eyes, severe countenance.  He spends most of the ad strutting through a very nice house, championing the supposedly exclusive American ideals of can-do spirit and hard-work ethic... and poo-pooing the perceived European lack of same.

One passage that is, no doubt, oft-quoted:
"Were we crazy when we pointed to the moon?  That's right: We went up there.  And you know what we got?  Bored.  So we left.  Got a car up there and left the keys in it.  You know why?  'Cuz we're the only ones going back, that's why."

Then, forty-seven seconds into the spot, something happens that I missed the first time.  Leaping like a superman into a nice charcoal suit, McDonough struts out to the driveway and... unplugs the car from its power source.

O... M... G... the damned thing is a hybrid.  A lightbulb went on over my head-- one of the old-fashioned, iridescent ones.  In the light of that bulb, the whole ad suddenly made sense: Cadillac is compensating.

Here is Cadillac's real message, spoken by the world's most Aryan-looking actor:

"I've got a big dick.  A really big dick.  Not only do I have a big dick, I've got a really big set of balls to go with it.  Big dick, big balls.  Got it?  Good.  Don't forget it.  You know why?...

'Cuz I'm about to climb into a car that makes me look like a giant pussy,
that's why."

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P.S.... Bud "I'm The Most Powerful Commissioner
          In Baseball History" Selig must go.