The War In Drugs

The enemy, it seems, is hiding in the tall grass.

Last month, a General Rick Hillier, head of the Canadian defense staff, reportedly reported that Canadian troops in Afghanistan have encountered a drug problem in their fight against Taliban militiamen. Specifically, the enemy has taken to hiding in a vast, virtually impenetrable field of ten-foot-high marijuana plants-- a real, uh, woolly mammoth. They are using guerrilla tactics, y'see: A whole new way to roll on the concept of "hit and run." Strike a target and then, puff --I mean, poof!-- disappear into the green zone.

According to General Hillier, the problem with... um... weeding them out is two-fold (or, if you prefer, double trouble). Not only does the cannabis camouflage the enemy from plain sight, it also disguises their heat signatures, making it difficult to detect them with thermal sensors. Marijuana, apparently, absorbs heat really, really well.

Ah, but not well enough. So far, efforts to, uh, smoke out the militiamen have been hempered --I mean, hampered-- by the very hardiness of the ganja. They have tried to clear the field by --say it in unison, now-- burning it, but the stuff is too wet, and it won't stay lit... prompting (probably) one soldier to say, "Dude, I, like, hate it when, like, that happens." They have tried white phosphorus. It didn't work. Then they tried dousing the plants at the edge of the field in diesel fuel (because the price of petroleum products is way cheaper in Canada... after all, they've got the metric system) but that didn't work, either.

All in all, it's a real buzz-kill.

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Believe it or not, marijuana use is on the rise in Afghanistan: The crew of at least one armored car is using it as camouflage. (Why, what did you think I meant?) Heh, I guess they figure the enemy is less likely to take pot shots at them, now.

And, borrowing an idea from the fly-boys of yester-war, they have even given their vehicle a nickname. They call it, "Death By Stoning."
(Okay, so I made that one up.)

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...All of which begs one very, very important question...
There are Canadians in Afghanistan?

Yeah, I didn't know that, either. Apparently it's a... uh... hmm...
Oh, what the hell, I'll say it: It's a joint effort.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

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P.S.... Allen H. "Bud" Selig must go.