The Week In Review: Sunday Comics

Well, we made it to the end of the week.

Walmart got nailed with a report that they paid out $24 million *shock* bribes to Mexican officials, to achieve market domination there. U.S. authorities, smelling blood in the water, are going to fall over each other to attack the execs. Wonder if they'll figure out that this is standard operating procedure across the world and Chicago?

It was a pretty bad week for Nicolas Sarkozy. The austerity-promoting, celebrity-marrying French president is trailing Socialist leader Francois Hollande heading into a May 6 run-off, and many expect Sarko is on the way out. Who is Hollande? A sauce at brunch? The follow-up after Dominique Strauss-Kahn was accused of sexual assault...

Sudan and South Sudan, following a two-decade civil war finally stopped in 2005 - are back on the brink of all-out war. How come? Oil. And it's right in-between the two of them. Heaven forbid they, you know, share? Nah, much easier to kill each other.

SCOTUS is looking into whether Arizona's law to uphold Federal law is unconstitutional or not. Bummer for Mr. Obama - he's still got the same lawyer who bungled the ObamaCare case. The law, which Mr. Obama doesn't like, which lets cops demand the documents of suspected illegal immigrants. Sure, it promotes racial profiling. But, it's not worse than Alabama's radical immigration law, is it? Guess that'll be round two?

"Here's a fundamental fact of the 2012 presidential race," said Chris Cillizza at The Washington Post: "President Obama is cool. Mitt Romney isn't." And to prove his hipster awesomeness, Mr. Obama rapped at Rolling Stone, slow jammed the news on Jimmy Fallon's late-night show, and went to campus - a lot of campuses - to offer free money for college, that Pelosi had set up to expire just in case they didn't have the House in 2012. Heaven forbid colleges made cuts, rather than raising their prices. Maybe if Romney wears some flannel and takes a Mr. Fix-It/Joe Plumber image, it'll counter the jet-setting Al Green Too Cool for School image of Mr. Obama.

And the Administration must be a 'little' concerned, because they rolled out Bin Laden as a campaign issue - and even had Bill Clinton narrate the spot. Cheap shot? You bet. Will it work? It could backfire - or backlash - as the act should have spoken for itself. Maybe the Commander in Chief could take a note from the troops that carried it out?

The NBA playoffs began, and ended for the Bulls. D. Rose's ACL tore about a minute and two ticks before the final buzzer of game one. Is that it for the Bulls? They've been working without him most of this lockout-shortened 66-game regular season. They're tied with San Antonio for the best record (50-16) -- but then there's LeBron James' Miami Heat, Kevin Durant's Oklahoma City Thunder, or even the Lakers, who start without Metta World Peace, suspended for getting caught elbowing.

Well, that's the end of the review, hope to see you here next week!

If I wanted America to Fail

Free Market America is a project of Americans for Limited Government and Citizens for Lower Taxes and a Stronger Economy

Now, I kind of wonder if this is a SuperPAC -- it sure is a condemnation of the Democrats.

My rebuttal would be... I'd start a shooting war in just about every country that reads the Koran.

Werner Herzog’s Note To His Cleaning Lady

Werner Herzog’s Note To His Cleaning Lady

Rosalina. Woman.

You constantly revile me with your singular lack of vision. Be aware, there is an essential truth and beauty in all things. From the death throes of a speared gazelle to the damaged smile of a freeway homeless. But that does not mean that the invisibility of something implies its lack of being. Though simpleton babies foolishly believe the person before them vanishes when they cover their eyes during a hateful game of peek-a-boo, this is a fallacy. And so it is that the unseen dusty build up that accumulates behind the DVD shelves in the rumpus room exists also. This is unacceptable.

I will tell you this Rosalina, not as a taunt or a threat but as an evocation of joy. The joy of nothingness, the joy of the real. I want you to be real in everything you do. If you cannot be real, then a semblance of reality must be maintained. A real semblance of the fake real, or “real”. I have conquered volcanoes and visited the bitter depths of the earth’s oceans. Nothing I have witnessed, from lava to crustacean, assailed me liked the caked debris haunting that small plastic soap hammock in the smaller of the bathrooms. Nausea is not a sufficient word. In this regard, you are not being real.

Now we must turn to the horrors of nature. I am afraid this is inevitable. Nature is not something to be coddled and accepted and held to your bosom like a wounded snake. Tell me, what was there before you were born? What do you remember? That is nature. Nature is a void. An emptiness. A vacuum. And speaking of vacuum, I am not sure you’re using the retractable nozzle correctly or applying the ‘full weft’ setting when attending to the lush carpets of the den. I found some dander there.

I have only listened to two songs in my entire life. One was an aria by Wagner that I played compulsively from the ages of 19 to 27 at least 60 times a day until the local townsfolk drove me from my dwelling using rudimentary pitchforks and blazing torches. The other was Dido. Both appalled me to the point of paralysis. Every quaver was like a brickbat against my soul. Music is futile and malicious. So please, if you require entertainment while organizing the recycling, refrain from the ‘pop radio’ I was affronted by recently. May I recommend the recitation of some sharp verse. Perhaps by Goethe. Or Schiller. Or Shel Silverstein at a push.

The situation regarding spoons remains unchanged. If I see one, I will kill it.
That is all. Do not fail to think that you are not the finest woman I have ever met. You are. And I am including on this list my mother and the wife of Brad Dourif (the second wife, not the one with the lip thing). Thank you for listening and sorry if parts of this note were smudged. I have been weeping.

Your money is under the guillotine.
Herzog.

The Week in Review: Sunday Comics

We made it this far. First and foremost, let me congratulate White Sox right-hander Phil Humber pitched the third perfect game in franchise history, 21st in MLB history, mowing down the Mariners. Question, was it his skill, or lack of skill with the Mariners. He'll get another chance when he faces the Cubbies later this year.

Three Secret Service agents have been ousted, and more firings and  lawsuits are expected. Bad week. Up to 12 men charged with protecting President Obama on a trip to Colombia were found drunkenly cavorting with prostitutes from a tacky brothel. They were caught when they were going to dig and dash on the bill. It hurts Obama in a closely fought election - maybe. But I'll say one thing, at least there was ONE government agency conscious of the bills.

Another day, another Corps photo op with a corpse. The U.S. military is facing yet another damaging controversy in Afghanistan, after (apparently quite old) photos surfaced of American soldiers gleefully posing with dismembered bodies of insurgent bombers. The photos are particularly harmful to U.S.-Afghan relations, surfacing so soon after similar scandals in which American soldiers burned religious books with secret codes in them. Well, any excuse to get pissed is a good day. Wonder why no one's is talking about the bombers who were caught red handed and admitted that they were trained by Islamabad?

Why don't we just have a standing order that standing on a dead body isn't something to put on your Facebook page?

The French are heading to the polling booth today - to see if there's a clear winner in the "let's ignore reality for a couple more years" contest. It's a clear indication of what we're about to get in the States. It's a Dog-eat-dog election... haven't you heard that one?

Let me ask you something, is it worse to a eat dog or strap one to the roof of your car? Hey, where is Bo, anyhow?

Meanwhile presumptions of who Romney will pick - either a woman or Latino to help cozy up to crucial voting blocs is starting up already. Will he pick a No. 2 who hails from a critical swing state? Ohio, looking your way. Pennsylvania - Ricky Rickster - maybe, if folks thought he could have carried it. Jeb Bush? John Huntsman? Rand Paul? Ryan? And why do leading VP contenders insist they don't want the job? Because they could have beat him in the primaries - that's why. He's going to pick someone who doesn't make him look worse than his pick. How about Elaine from Seinfeld -- no, that's on HBO and why would she give up a good gig like that? Hey, how about Ted Nugent?

Pay your taxes? On time? Funny, Congress can't pass a budget, or on time - yet we all have guns to our heads to get to the post office on time? Funny, isn't it?

They retired the Shuttles to museums. I only hope that the Deadwood in Space proposal is real. That's pretty much all we got - mining space for gold.

Oh, minor issue, Pelosi wants to modify the 1st Amendment. 

More importantly, for some reason, Dick Clark - beloved Television presenter left us shut-ins to Rock the Eve stag this year. Joke's on us - we're not even supposed to be around after the 21st of December -- if the lazy Myan calendar workers are to be treated seriously.

Did you see Tupac's resurrection? Get ready for a Beatles reunion, Nirvana, Fleetwood Mac, Elvis, the Rat Pack and Led Zeppelin to fill stadiums in the next decade. The Michael Jackson tour will feature little Michael all the way to the zombie drugged up one. They'll put Tito and the boys out on stage so they can still get their cut. Expect all these acts, and when it gets stale, they'll duet with each other the following decade. The Dead and Phish on stage together will be a full time exhibit at the MGM Grand in Vegas. It never closes. Every single casino will have their own installation. Circ de Soleil - your 2 minute warning on your 15 minutes has been signaled.

Oh, happy earth day - since you're reading this online - the coal burning furnace required to show this to you has killed two birds and five trees, removed a mountain top in Kentucky and poisoned their groundwater for over 500 years. Make sure you recycle your plastic bag from Target to make up for it. Kay?  Like the Race for the Cure - Earth Day is another reason to get you into the stores to buy something -- don't you forget it.

Hope to see you here next week.

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Dogme 95 Donald Duck


"Donald leads a tormented life on the unforgiving streets of Duckburg, where sometimes he must betray his own conscience to make ends meet. Donald has to raise his 3 nephews, deal with his girlfriend and put up working for his stingy uncle; the richest duck in town."

Sounds like classic Carl Barks, right? From Icelandic comedy group Mid-Island, comes this mock trailer about the lives and times of Donald Duck… in Danish and filmed in the style of Lars von Trier’s Dogme 95. Which makes it funny on multiple levels.

 Oh, and it's NSFW. But, you probably already know that, right?