Benghazi? No, that's Sandy. S A N D Y.
Impious since 2006
Oct 30, 2012
Oh God, You Devil
posted by killre
If there is a God, He is autistic. Believe me, I would rather have opened with a bolder blaspheme. "If there is a God, He is a sadistic prick," for instance; or, "If there is a God, He is a bi-polar monster." Best of all would have been, "There is no God, and I can prove it," but this site is about honesty (which, unfortunately, is not always to say accuracy) and I, alas, can neither prove nor disprove the existence of a Grand Architect. I'd hang my head in eternal shame were it not for the redemptive realization: Neither can you. In the spirit of honesty then, and not just to show I can blaspheme from both sides of the plate, let me point out something about the Theory of Intelligent Design that most non-believers won't admit, even to themselves: In its purest form, it has merit. Moons slingshot around planets, planets whirl like tireless dancers 'round their stars, stars sweep in majestic arcs past their galactic cores and it all happens at a speed both breathtakingly slow and mind-bendingly fast, and by a wildly improbable balance of forces. Too big a picture? Okay... electrons zip around nuclei, atoms collide to form molecules, molecules cluster to form compounds, compounds commune into matter and occasionally that matter grows a brain able to grasp that quantum entanglement happens, but unable to say why. Too small? Try this: there is a mathematical precision to musical harmony. It is not a human construct. We did not invent music, we discovered it. Difference. What makes non-believers (and many may-believers) really gnash their teeth over Intelligent Design, though, is that true-believers rarely leave it in its purest form. They adulterate it, and in doing so knock it from its precarious perch as a speculative science into the realm of, well, speculative theology by trying to answer questions like Who God Is, What God Said, When God Did such-and-such and, of course, How He Wants You To Act. Which brings us, as you surely knew it would, to Richard Mourdock, the Republican candidate for a United States Senate seat from the grate state of Indiana, who, on October 23rd, said: "I believe that life begins at conception. Uh, the only exception I have for, uh, to have an abortion is in that case of the life of the mother. I, I just... I struggled with it myself for a long time but I came to realize life is that gift from God, and I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is, uh, something that God intended to happen." |
I suppose I shouldn't slam Mourdock. He believes what he believes and deserves some credit for actually telling us what he believes, which is far more than can be said for the presidential candidate who personally endorsed him, Willard "Mitt" Romney. (It is mildly possible that Mourdock is merely tacking right: his Democratic opponent, Joe Donnelly, is also anti-abortion. Mildly possible, as I said, albeit unlikely.)
Mourdock does lose a few points for the non-apology apology he later gave the Washington Post:
"If there was any interpretation other than what I intended, I really regret that. Anyone who goes to the video tape and views that understands fully what I meant."
Yes, by all means, let's go to the tape: "I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that God intended to happen."
So you're saying, Mr. Mourdock, that the creator of the cosmos, who is credited with all sorts of neat-o abilities including, in The Gospel According to Matthew, the ability to initiate a pregnancy without physical intercourse of any kind --consensual, clinical or criminal-- and who loved the world so much that he gave us his only begotten son so we could kill that peace-loving hippie and thus save ourselves from our God-given violent nature... THAT creator not only intends the pregnancy to occur, but intends it to result from one human being overpowering another and forcibly violating and traumatizing them. Because I have seen the tape, sir, and that's what I fully understand you to have meant.
If so, God is either a sadistic prick or dangerously, dangerously bi-polar.
That was my first thought, anyway, but there are other possibilities. Perhaps God --whomever or whatever He, She or It is-- has simply lost interest over the eons, the way anyone with a life does with fantasy sports. Perhaps God erred in creating an animal that could one day call him a monster. On the other hand, maybe God recognizes his own monsterous flaws and created a species capable of adoring Him in spite of His imperfections.
Perhaps, of course, there is no God.
Or maybe, just maybe, there is some sort of creator who intimately understands the push and pull between gravity and centrifugal force, who intuitively grasps the dizzying workings of quantum mechanics, who can comprehend harmony in many of its myriad forms... but is completely stumped by the mysteries of human interaction, like someone with autism.
If so, He should be disregarded in this area.
-------------
P.S... Bud "Everyone Enjoy Your Free Taco, Courtesy of The Pagan Angel" Selig must go.
Oct 29, 2012
New Blasphemous Ad
Ad agency: Ogilvy New Zealand.
I thought for sure that the Lord had better abs than that?
Oct 28, 2012
The True State of the Economy?
1. One recent survey discovered that 40 percent of all Americans have $500
or less in savings.
2. A different recent survey found that 28 percent of all Americans do not
have a single penny saved for emergencies.
3. In the United States today, there are close to 10 million households
that do not have a single bank account. That number has increased by about a
million since 2009.
4. Family homelessness in the Washington D.C. region (one of the wealthiest
regions in the entire country) has risen 23 percent since the last recession began.
5. The number of Americans living in poverty has increased by about 6 million
over the past four years.
6. Median household income has fallen for four years in a row.
Overall, it has declined by more than $4000 over the past four years.
7. 62 percent of middle class Americans say that they have had to
reduce household spending over the past year.
8. According to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, 85 percent of
middle class Americans say that it is more difficult to maintain a middle class
standard of living today than it was 10 years ago.
9. In the United States today, 77 percent of all Americans are living to paycheck
to paycheck at least some of the time.
10. In the United States today, more than 41 percent of all working age Americans
are not working.
11. Since January 2009, the "labor force" in the United States has increased by
827,000, but "those not in the labor force" has increased by 8,208,000. This is how
they have gotten the unemployment numbers to "come down".
12. Sadly, 60 percent of the jobs lost during the last recession were mid-wage jobs,
but 58 percent of the jobs created since then have been low wage jobs.
13. Today, about one out of every four workers in the United States brings home
wages that are at or below the federal poverty level.
14. Right now, the United States actually has a higher percentage of workers doing
low wage work than any other major industrialized nation does.
15. At this point, less than 25 percent of all jobs in the United States are "good jobs",
and that number continues to shrink.
16. There are now 20.2 million Americans that spend more than half of their incomes
on housing. That represents a 46 percent increase from 2001.
17. According to USA Today, many Americans have actually seen their water bills
triple over the past 12 years.
18. Electricity bills in the United States have risen faster than the overall rate of inflation
for five years in a row.
19. In 1999, 64.1 percent of all Americans were covered by employment-based
health insurance. Today, only 55.1 percent are covered by employment-based
health insurance.
20. Health insurance premiums rose faster than the overall rate of inflation in 2011
and that is happening once again in 2012. In fact, it has been happening for a very
long time.
21. According to one recent survey, approximately 10 percent of all employers in
the United States plan to drop health coverage when key provisions of the new
health care law kick in less than two years from now.
22. Back in 1983, the bottom 95 percent of all income earners had 62 cents of debt
for every dollar that they earned. By 2007, that figure had soared to $1.48.
23. Total home mortgage debt in the United States is now about 5 times larger than
it was just 20 years ago.
24. Total consumer debt in the United States has risen by 1700 percent since 1971.
25. Recently it was announced that total student loan debt in the United States has
passed the one trillion dollar mark.
26. According to one recent survey, approximately one-third of all Americans are not
paying their bills on time at this point.
27. Right now, approximately 25 million American adults are living at home with their
parents.
28. The percentage of Americans that find that they are able to retire when they reach
retirement age continues to decline. According to one new survey, 70 percent of middle
class Americans plan to work during retirement and 30 percent plan to work until they
are at least 80 years old.
29. The U.S. economy lost more than 220,000 small businesses during the recent
recession.
30. In 2010, the number of jobs created at new businesses in the United States was
less than half of what it was back in the year 2000.
31. Back in 2007, 19.2 percent of all American families had a net worth of zero or less
than zero. By 2010, that figure had soared to 32.5 percent.
32. Approximately 57 percent of all children in the United States are living in homes
that are either considered to be either "low income" or impoverished.
33. In the United States today, somewhere around 100 million Americans are considered
to be either "poor" or "near poor".
34. In October 2008, 30.8 million Americans were on food stamps. Today, 46.7 million
Americans are on food stamps.
35. Approximately one-fourth of all children in the United States are enrolled in the food
stamp program.
36. Right now, more than 100 million Americans are enrolled in at least one welfare
program run by the federal government. And that does not even count Social Security
or Medicare.
37. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, an all-time record 49 percent of all Americans
live in a home where at least one person receives financial assistance from the
federal government. Back in 1983, that number was less than 30 percent.
or less in savings.
2. A different recent survey found that 28 percent of all Americans do not
have a single penny saved for emergencies.
3. In the United States today, there are close to 10 million households
that do not have a single bank account. That number has increased by about a
million since 2009.
4. Family homelessness in the Washington D.C. region (one of the wealthiest
regions in the entire country) has risen 23 percent since the last recession began.
5. The number of Americans living in poverty has increased by about 6 million
over the past four years.
6. Median household income has fallen for four years in a row.
Overall, it has declined by more than $4000 over the past four years.
7. 62 percent of middle class Americans say that they have had to
reduce household spending over the past year.
8. According to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, 85 percent of
middle class Americans say that it is more difficult to maintain a middle class
standard of living today than it was 10 years ago.
9. In the United States today, 77 percent of all Americans are living to paycheck
to paycheck at least some of the time.
10. In the United States today, more than 41 percent of all working age Americans
are not working.
11. Since January 2009, the "labor force" in the United States has increased by
827,000, but "those not in the labor force" has increased by 8,208,000. This is how
they have gotten the unemployment numbers to "come down".
12. Sadly, 60 percent of the jobs lost during the last recession were mid-wage jobs,
but 58 percent of the jobs created since then have been low wage jobs.
13. Today, about one out of every four workers in the United States brings home
wages that are at or below the federal poverty level.
14. Right now, the United States actually has a higher percentage of workers doing
low wage work than any other major industrialized nation does.
15. At this point, less than 25 percent of all jobs in the United States are "good jobs",
and that number continues to shrink.
16. There are now 20.2 million Americans that spend more than half of their incomes
on housing. That represents a 46 percent increase from 2001.
17. According to USA Today, many Americans have actually seen their water bills
triple over the past 12 years.
18. Electricity bills in the United States have risen faster than the overall rate of inflation
for five years in a row.
19. In 1999, 64.1 percent of all Americans were covered by employment-based
health insurance. Today, only 55.1 percent are covered by employment-based
health insurance.
20. Health insurance premiums rose faster than the overall rate of inflation in 2011
and that is happening once again in 2012. In fact, it has been happening for a very
long time.
21. According to one recent survey, approximately 10 percent of all employers in
the United States plan to drop health coverage when key provisions of the new
health care law kick in less than two years from now.
22. Back in 1983, the bottom 95 percent of all income earners had 62 cents of debt
for every dollar that they earned. By 2007, that figure had soared to $1.48.
23. Total home mortgage debt in the United States is now about 5 times larger than
it was just 20 years ago.
24. Total consumer debt in the United States has risen by 1700 percent since 1971.
25. Recently it was announced that total student loan debt in the United States has
passed the one trillion dollar mark.
26. According to one recent survey, approximately one-third of all Americans are not
paying their bills on time at this point.
27. Right now, approximately 25 million American adults are living at home with their
parents.
28. The percentage of Americans that find that they are able to retire when they reach
retirement age continues to decline. According to one new survey, 70 percent of middle
class Americans plan to work during retirement and 30 percent plan to work until they
are at least 80 years old.
29. The U.S. economy lost more than 220,000 small businesses during the recent
recession.
30. In 2010, the number of jobs created at new businesses in the United States was
less than half of what it was back in the year 2000.
31. Back in 2007, 19.2 percent of all American families had a net worth of zero or less
than zero. By 2010, that figure had soared to 32.5 percent.
32. Approximately 57 percent of all children in the United States are living in homes
that are either considered to be either "low income" or impoverished.
33. In the United States today, somewhere around 100 million Americans are considered
to be either "poor" or "near poor".
34. In October 2008, 30.8 million Americans were on food stamps. Today, 46.7 million
Americans are on food stamps.
35. Approximately one-fourth of all children in the United States are enrolled in the food
stamp program.
36. Right now, more than 100 million Americans are enrolled in at least one welfare
program run by the federal government. And that does not even count Social Security
or Medicare.
37. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, an all-time record 49 percent of all Americans
live in a home where at least one person receives financial assistance from the
federal government. Back in 1983, that number was less than 30 percent.
The Political Commentator (http://s.tt/1r9Kl)
Oct 22, 2012
Project Censored
Probably too hip to have read this one. You certainly didn't read about it on FOX or MSNBC... but are probably right in your wheelhouse if you're reading this here.On Project Censored's website, you can read details (with links to sources) on these and a lot more entries.
1. Signs of an Emerging Police State
2. Oceans in Peril
3. Fukushima Nuclear Disaster Worse than Anticipated
4. FBI Agents Responsible for Majority of Terrorist Plots in the United States
5. First Federal Reserve Audit Reveals Trillions Loaned to Major Banks
6. Small Network of Corporations Run the Global Economy
7. 2012: The International Year of Cooperatives
8. NATO War Crimes in Libya
9. Prison Slavery in Today’s USA
10. HR 347 Would Make Many Forms of Nonviolent Protest Illegal
Oct 21, 2012
Oct 15, 2012
The Real Party
For those of you who see through the left-right paradigm you can put this one on your lawn this election season:
Gold Sacks. I mean, even the name is right under your nose. It's just screaming a picture of Mr. Money Bags as their mascot...
Influenceexplorer.com is a great tool to look up contributions to any candidate.
Influenceexplorer.com is a great tool to look up contributions to any candidate.
Oct 13, 2012
Oct 11, 2012
At Last! (shrug)
posted by killre
Watching the Presidential Debate Series is a little like watching the Olympics: It happens every four years; it last a few weeks (or seems to); a prodigious number of Americans tune in; most root according to the color of the uniforms ("I like the guy in the red tie." "I like the one in blue!"); most could give neither a hoot nor a holler in the intervening 46 months or so, but now they are avid; and most can claim to know little about the rules and less about the subtleties when the event begins, but after 23 minutes of coverage all are experts ("Did you see the way he [parlanced] that [parlance]? Now it all comes down to sticking the landing.").
Of course, the impending contest between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan is a vice presidential debate so, really, it's more like watching the Winter Olympics. Specifically, the ski jump.
I choose that analogy because, let's face it, nearly everyone who tunes in Thursday night will be watching --some with anticipation, some with dread, some with a odd mixture of both-- to see if Joseph R. Biden, Jr. will fly higher, farther, faster, or go helicoptering off at an obtuse angle like the agony-of-defeat guy in the Wide World of Sports intro reel.
Ryan, of course, is expected to be Ryan. His eyes will be the electric blue of the hero's lightsaber in a space opera, his posture will be just a bit stiff, his gestures will be just a bit herky-jerky, his cadence just a bit staccato. Conservatives will silently deny the discomfiting self-awareness that they want to sleep with him; liberals will fight the urge to ball their fists and knock some of that naive smugness off his lopsided face. Undecideds will be busy googling Ayn Rand... and misspelling it.
Hmmm. Regular reader may safely skip the next paragraph. It is nothing more than a shameless attempt to boost readership.
ine rand, ein rand, eine rand, ien rand, iene rand, eyne rand, eyene rand, ain rand, aine rand, eyen rand, i. n. rand, anne rynde (Hey... you never know.)
Biden, on the other hand, is a wild card. Figuratively speaking, one never knows when ol' Uncle Joe is gonna have one too many before proposing a toast to the happy couple. Hence the anticipation, and the dread.
Having watched 23 minutes of ski jump coverage (probably) in my life, I feel I am well-qualified to pontificate on the key components comprising a world-class jump: a strong start, form, form, form, a well-timed leap, form, form, prayer (I'd assume), form, form and then [parlance] the landing. No doubt you'll notice the frequency of the word "form." Feel free to read that as "posture" if you like. The first few anticipatory seconds of form are a gravity-friendly crouch; the few seconds of form that follow the well-timed leap (and it must be well-timed) are a ruler-straight, forward lean over one's ski tips. Those few seconds can be fraught with dread...
...or they can be a thing of utter beauty.
The secret is in leaning just... far... enough... without going too far.
-------------
P.S.... Bud "Why Couldn't He Have Said, 'World Baseball Classic?' After All, We Have Bats Helicoptering Into The Stands All The Time" Selig must go.
Watching the Presidential Debate Series is a little like watching the Olympics: It happens every four years; it last a few weeks (or seems to); a prodigious number of Americans tune in; most root according to the color of the uniforms ("I like the guy in the red tie." "I like the one in blue!"); most could give neither a hoot nor a holler in the intervening 46 months or so, but now they are avid; and most can claim to know little about the rules and less about the subtleties when the event begins, but after 23 minutes of coverage all are experts ("Did you see the way he [parlanced] that [parlance]? Now it all comes down to sticking the landing.").
Of course, the impending contest between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan is a vice presidential debate so, really, it's more like watching the Winter Olympics. Specifically, the ski jump.
I choose that analogy because, let's face it, nearly everyone who tunes in Thursday night will be watching --some with anticipation, some with dread, some with a odd mixture of both-- to see if Joseph R. Biden, Jr. will fly higher, farther, faster, or go helicoptering off at an obtuse angle like the agony-of-defeat guy in the Wide World of Sports intro reel.
Ryan, of course, is expected to be Ryan. His eyes will be the electric blue of the hero's lightsaber in a space opera, his posture will be just a bit stiff, his gestures will be just a bit herky-jerky, his cadence just a bit staccato. Conservatives will silently deny the discomfiting self-awareness that they want to sleep with him; liberals will fight the urge to ball their fists and knock some of that naive smugness off his lopsided face. Undecideds will be busy googling Ayn Rand... and misspelling it.
Hmmm. Regular reader may safely skip the next paragraph. It is nothing more than a shameless attempt to boost readership.
ine rand, ein rand, eine rand, ien rand, iene rand, eyne rand, eyene rand, ain rand, aine rand, eyen rand, i. n. rand, anne rynde (Hey... you never know.)
Biden, on the other hand, is a wild card. Figuratively speaking, one never knows when ol' Uncle Joe is gonna have one too many before proposing a toast to the happy couple. Hence the anticipation, and the dread.
Having watched 23 minutes of ski jump coverage (probably) in my life, I feel I am well-qualified to pontificate on the key components comprising a world-class jump: a strong start, form, form, form, a well-timed leap, form, form, prayer (I'd assume), form, form and then [parlance] the landing. No doubt you'll notice the frequency of the word "form." Feel free to read that as "posture" if you like. The first few anticipatory seconds of form are a gravity-friendly crouch; the few seconds of form that follow the well-timed leap (and it must be well-timed) are a ruler-straight, forward lean over one's ski tips. Those few seconds can be fraught with dread...
...or they can be a thing of utter beauty.
The secret is in leaning just... far... enough... without going too far.
-------------
P.S.... Bud "Why Couldn't He Have Said, 'World Baseball Classic?' After All, We Have Bats Helicoptering Into The Stands All The Time" Selig must go.
Oct 9, 2012
Big Bird, Big Business
How hosed is Obama after the debates? I can understand using a few key words, or even some of the half truths, or even the .0001% truths that Gov. Romney threw at the President.... But instead, they decided to go with this:
Remember, it's less than 30 days to the election. And for all of you pissed off about Big Bird getting knocked around - you know you can just donate to PBS? They give you, like, oh, 10 weeks of pledge drives every year.
And on top of that, Big Bird and Oscar aren't too thrilled with their intellectual property being used in the political theater... Here's their statement...
Oops. Gosh, I hope Mr. Obama can win back Elmo's love and affection in time? Just don't ask the Count to start counting to 16 Trillion in Debt.
Remember, it's less than 30 days to the election. And for all of you pissed off about Big Bird getting knocked around - you know you can just donate to PBS? They give you, like, oh, 10 weeks of pledge drives every year.
And on top of that, Big Bird and Oscar aren't too thrilled with their intellectual property being used in the political theater... Here's their statement...
Sesame Workshop is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization and we do not endorse candidates or participate in political campaigns. We have approved no campaign ads, and as is our general practice, have requested that the ad be taken down.
Oops. Gosh, I hope Mr. Obama can win back Elmo's love and affection in time? Just don't ask the Count to start counting to 16 Trillion in Debt.
Oct 8, 2012
Turner's Classy Movement
posted by killre
Thank you, Turner Family of Networks. I just love being jerked around like you're a cadre of schoolyard bullies and I'm the weird kid who wears short pants and dark socks and --come on, you guys-- wants his bleepin' book back! Really, I do.
That had to be my opening paragraph. Its purpose is to let you know this post is about a television network playing sophomoric games with its viewers. I'll circle around to how Turner Nets pooed this particular screwch after the following, fully-acknowledged digression...
Despite the fact that I now reside in this God-forsaken, provincial cluster of cul-de-sacs known as the San Francisco Bay Area, and despite the fact that this site's Official Baseball Player, Angel "The Pagan Angel" Pagan, now plays (quite well, I might add) for the San Francisco Giants, I just can't help rooting for one John B. "Dusty" Baker.
No, it isn't because of his recent health problems. If you're looking for that kind of saccharine shinola, go to a site that doesn't use the word "impious" in its slogan. I want Baker's Cincinnati Reds to win the National League Championship for three reasons...
3. They aren't the ball club formerly known as Those Poo-holes From Saint Loo.
2. The short-term heartbreak it would cause Giants fans along the way.
1. The far deeper, more subtle, more long-term dark shadow it will leave on the psyche of the Chicago Under-achievers and Bud-lighters Society (C.U.B.S.).
Baker, you see, has had three jobs in his managerial career: the Giants, the C.U.B.S., and now the Reds.
With the Giants, he won three Manager of the Year Awards, two division titles, a League Championship, and woulda, coulda, shoulda won a World Series in 2002 if he hadn't been such a woeful tactician as to pitch to Troy Glaus --the Angel's leading hitter-- with a one-run lead and an open base in the eighth inning of Game Six... but I'm digressing from my digression.
With the Reds, he has already won two division titles in four seasons and, as of this keyboard clacking, has a two games to none lead in this year's divisional playoff-- not that the lying sacks at the Turner Family of Networks wanted me to know that... but more on them in a moment.
In between the Giants and the Reds, Baker managed the C.U.B.S. During his tenure, they managed to win a division title and even --Holy Cow!-- more games than they lost two whole seasons in a row-- a franchise watershed that dated back more than three decades at that time. One has to feel that if Baker now wins a pennant with Cincy, Cubs Nation will have to once again mutter to itself, "Dude, maybe there really is a curse..."
So I'm rooting for Dusty.
As much as I like National League baseball, though, I have other things to do and even I have to admit that even playoff baseball can be wonder-inducingly slow at times. No problem-- I have a DVR. Oh sure, it's a cheap, place-your-bets DVR, prone to suddenly dropping picture for 42-second stints with frightening regularity, deciding I don't want to watch Jon Stewart or Tina Fey after all, or that I do want to watch pro football even when I don't... but hey, it's better than not having a DVR.
So come Sunday morn I programmed a couple of recordings and went... um... out. I... was... doing something... provincial, okay? I was doing something provincial. In my defense, it involved a ride on a choo-choo train, so... yeah.
Having returned home, I settled in to watch my recording of Washington at Saint Loo. Throughout the telecast, TBS kept telling me the Yankees' game might be delayed by rain, but if/when it got underway, it would be on their sister network, TNT.
Fine by me. I was avoiding the Yankees' game anyway, and if it was on TNT, like they said, it wouldn't interfere with my recording of the Reds-Giants game.
Imagine my surprise, then, when upon switching to my recording of the Reds and Giants on TBS, I found the Yankees instead. Well, I told myself, maybe they decided to fore-go the usual pregame see-you-b.s. of milquetoast announcers asking idiot ex-jock analysts stupid questions and listening to them babble babble babble boo; they'll cover ten minutes or so of high-humidity american league ball, then transport us through the magic of satellite signals and signal switchers to the Game They Promised Us.
Right?
Wrong. By the time I figured out that the preempting prevaricators were drilling me like their names were Black & Decker and mine was Spruce "Pine" Fir, I'd missed four --the most crucial four-- innings. Not only had I missed all of the Reds early scoring (they didn't need much, it turned out), I missed more than half of Bronson Arroyo pitching a one-hitter through seven.
See, I can't even write that sentence the way it should have been written. I should have been able to say, "...pitching a perfect game into the fifth," but I can't honestly do that because I spent most of that time down in a figurative Pulp Fiction cellar being almost casually Ving-Rhamed by people who get a small percentage of my cable bill!
Why could they not simply move the Yankees game to TNT and leave it there? Because they didn't want to preempt their mini-marathon of six-year-old Law & Order episodes.
So thank you TBS, TNT and especially you Michael Wright, President of Programming. On behalf of fans in the greater New York, Baltimore, Cincinnati and San Francisco markets, as well as fans of playoff baseball everywhere, thank you for jerking us around. I guess it was silly to think that since you paid 2.4 billion dollars over eight years for the right to broadcast the early rounds of the MLB playoffs, you'd actually want people to watch the early rounds of the MLB playoffs. Clearly, I don't understand the business you're in, Mr. Wright.
"Listen, the last thing in the world I want to have to do is scroll a banner across the bottom of the screen telling those 32 hard-core Law & Order fans out there that if they want to watch episodes 213 through 218 for the 17th time, they're gonna have to wait until Tuesday.
"After all, we made promises to those people."
-------------
P.S... Bud "Nobody Kills Anyone In My Store 'cept Me and Zed" Selig must go.
|
Oct 4, 2012
The Jape of the Schlock
posted by killre
"What mighty contests arise from trivial things," wrote Alexander Pope in 1712. The phrase was later adopted by Hasbro as a slogan or a motto or perhaps merely a self-conscious justification for the board game Trivial Pursuit.
I'll be the first to admit the pursuit I'm about to embark upon is pretty trivial, but I just can't seem to let it go...
Chris Mathews was like a kid on Christmas morning during Wednesday's edition of his MSNBC show, Hardball. Former White House press secretary Dee Dee Myers and the Huffington Post's Howard Fineman joined him on set at the University of Denver to shake the presents 'neath the tree and try to guess what might transpire during the first presidential debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney.
Toward the end of the segment, their discussion centered on whether Obama would do better to pounce on any early opportunity Romney might give him or lay off and see if moderator Jim Lehrer (of PBS) would press Romney on the point in question. (If not, Obama had the option of coming back to hit Romney on it later, albeit to less effect.) Myers and Fineman voiced their opinions and then --just before the when-we-come-back and the cue to commercial-- Mathews coughed this bulky nugget onto the table (I'll paraphrase):
"Why did the cavalry leave the fort to fight the Indians? Because they're cavalry."
Huh?
A throw-away line, to be sure, intended to elicit a chuckle more than make a point, then carelessly crumpled and tossed in the general direction of the nearest recycling bin. Yet here I go, chasing after it, picking it up, smoothing it out, puzzling over it...
Mathews delivered the one-two as if he were quoting someone. Who, when or why the words were ever spoken I couldn't say.
At first blush, this cloudy question-and-answer gem might be taken as a sort of blue-collar wisdom akin to Yogi Berra's "It ain't over 'til it's over" (a saying that is true, by the way, except when it isn't).
A second consideration might lead one to the possibility that some not too deep-thinking 19th century military man didn't want to answer the question, so he decided to be snide about it. Sort of an Ozzie Guillen type with mutton-chops. Several years ago Guillen, then manager of MLB's Chicago White Sox, was suffering through a press interview following a tough loss. One reporter had the temerity to ask him why he'd put such-and-such a pitcher into such-and-such a situation in the bottom of the whatever inning. Guillen replied, "I made the pitching change because I'm the manager."
I'll pause at this point to permit you to ponder the profundity of that pronouncement.
I call it a Job v. God answer. For those of you unfamiliar with the case of Job v. God, I'll summarize. The name Job, by the way, is pronounced with a long vowel sound, as if it were spelled Joeb.
God was throwing a big party out at the lake house one weekend...
See, now, already some of you are starting to think about being offended. To you I say with utter sincerity: Trust me, you're going to be a lot angrier by the time this story is over. Please refer yourself to the big word on the banner at the top of this page.
So anyway, God was throwing a big party out at the lake house one weekend. He'd invited all the highest-ranking angels in the company. Of course, they'd all have had to attend, even if they weren't among the most dedicated brown-nosers in the cosmos.
Lucifer arrived late. On purpose. This was back before he and God had their big falling out, but even back then Luci (as he was known to his friends) was more brash than most of his colleagues.
Yes, Lucifer was called Luci by his friends. It was a different era, when proud men bore names like Mordecai, Hiram, Orville, Marion, Shirley... heck, even Willard. (Actually, Heck was a name, too.)
Anyway, Lucifer arrived late, but almost immediately he realized that God was being a boastful douchebag this day.
"Luci!" the Old Man boomed. "About time you showed up. I was just telling the boys about My pet human Job. Have you ever seen a more well-behaved human?"
Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Of course he's well-behaved. You've given him everything! A beautiful family, good friends, wealth, power, land, stock options..." He paused to knock back a shot of Hot Damn!, then snapped his fingers for another. "I'll tell you something, Yaya--"
God had made it abundantly clear He didn't like being called Yaya. He frowned. For most, it was terrible to behold. Of late, though, Lucifer had started to take perverse delight in displeasing the self-righteous Old Fart, so he bulled on. "I'll tell you something, Yaya, I'll bet you that if you let me torture Job, I'll have him cussin' a blue streak in less than a month."
"You'll bet Me," God said. "How much?"
Lucifer shrugged. "Ten thousand bucks?"
God raised His eyebrows. "That's a lot of scratch."
Lucifer smirked. "Afraid You'll lose?"
The Almighty considered, then He spake so He unto him, and saying: "You're on, you cheeky little dung beetle!"
So Lucifer threw all his energies into what he called Project Dirty Word. He destroyed Job's house, killed Job's whole family, got Job fired from his, uh, job (short vowel), stole all his money, afflicted him with, like, three or four chronic diseases... pretty much took everything from him but his Social Security. Even for Lucifer, that's a third rail.
Job was a tough old bird, but even the toughest among us has a breaking point. He filed suit in Superior Court. Once he'd gotten God face to face, he demanded to know why he'd been treated so unfairly.
Unwilling to admit that the whole sorry series of events stemmed from a childish wager He'd made with Lucifer, God pursued a stupifying defense. He looked at Job and said, "Who the hell are you to question Me?" Case closed.
Now, then... where was I? Oh, right:
Why did the cavalry leave the fort to fight the Indians? Because they're cavalry.
The problem with this pearl isn't just that the answer is unsatisfying in its over-simplicity; the problem, like the cases of Job v. God and Reporter v. Guillen, is that the answer never addresses the real question. It presumes that there will be a fight, and that the question is where. The real questions are, however, (a) why must there be a fight and (b) if there must be one, how best to wage it?
You see, the cavalry does not ride forth to engage the enemy simply because they are cavalry; instead, they are cavalry because someone must ride forth to engage the enemy. That may sound like mumbo-jumbo to some, but it isn't. The former is a case of tactics dictating strategy; the latter of strategy dictating tactics.
As to who in Chris Mathews' attempted analogy --Lehrer, Obama or Romney-- is supposed to be represented by the fort, the cavalry or the Indians, I still don't know...
...but I'm probably over-thinking it.
-------------
P.S.... Bud "I'll Have a Hot Damn! to Wash Down My Hot Dog" Selig must go.
"What mighty contests arise from trivial things," wrote Alexander Pope in 1712. The phrase was later adopted by Hasbro as a slogan or a motto or perhaps merely a self-conscious justification for the board game Trivial Pursuit.
I'll be the first to admit the pursuit I'm about to embark upon is pretty trivial, but I just can't seem to let it go...
Chris Mathews was like a kid on Christmas morning during Wednesday's edition of his MSNBC show, Hardball. Former White House press secretary Dee Dee Myers and the Huffington Post's Howard Fineman joined him on set at the University of Denver to shake the presents 'neath the tree and try to guess what might transpire during the first presidential debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney.
Toward the end of the segment, their discussion centered on whether Obama would do better to pounce on any early opportunity Romney might give him or lay off and see if moderator Jim Lehrer (of PBS) would press Romney on the point in question. (If not, Obama had the option of coming back to hit Romney on it later, albeit to less effect.) Myers and Fineman voiced their opinions and then --just before the when-we-come-back and the cue to commercial-- Mathews coughed this bulky nugget onto the table (I'll paraphrase):
"Why did the cavalry leave the fort to fight the Indians? Because they're cavalry."
Huh?
A throw-away line, to be sure, intended to elicit a chuckle more than make a point, then carelessly crumpled and tossed in the general direction of the nearest recycling bin. Yet here I go, chasing after it, picking it up, smoothing it out, puzzling over it...
Mathews delivered the one-two as if he were quoting someone. Who, when or why the words were ever spoken I couldn't say.
At first blush, this cloudy question-and-answer gem might be taken as a sort of blue-collar wisdom akin to Yogi Berra's "It ain't over 'til it's over" (a saying that is true, by the way, except when it isn't).
A second consideration might lead one to the possibility that some not too deep-thinking 19th century military man didn't want to answer the question, so he decided to be snide about it. Sort of an Ozzie Guillen type with mutton-chops. Several years ago Guillen, then manager of MLB's Chicago White Sox, was suffering through a press interview following a tough loss. One reporter had the temerity to ask him why he'd put such-and-such a pitcher into such-and-such a situation in the bottom of the whatever inning. Guillen replied, "I made the pitching change because I'm the manager."
I'll pause at this point to permit you to ponder the profundity of that pronouncement.
I call it a Job v. God answer. For those of you unfamiliar with the case of Job v. God, I'll summarize. The name Job, by the way, is pronounced with a long vowel sound, as if it were spelled Joeb.
God was throwing a big party out at the lake house one weekend...
See, now, already some of you are starting to think about being offended. To you I say with utter sincerity: Trust me, you're going to be a lot angrier by the time this story is over. Please refer yourself to the big word on the banner at the top of this page.
So anyway, God was throwing a big party out at the lake house one weekend. He'd invited all the highest-ranking angels in the company. Of course, they'd all have had to attend, even if they weren't among the most dedicated brown-nosers in the cosmos.
Lucifer arrived late. On purpose. This was back before he and God had their big falling out, but even back then Luci (as he was known to his friends) was more brash than most of his colleagues.
Yes, Lucifer was called Luci by his friends. It was a different era, when proud men bore names like Mordecai, Hiram, Orville, Marion, Shirley... heck, even Willard. (Actually, Heck was a name, too.)
Anyway, Lucifer arrived late, but almost immediately he realized that God was being a boastful douchebag this day.
"Luci!" the Old Man boomed. "About time you showed up. I was just telling the boys about My pet human Job. Have you ever seen a more well-behaved human?"
Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Of course he's well-behaved. You've given him everything! A beautiful family, good friends, wealth, power, land, stock options..." He paused to knock back a shot of Hot Damn!, then snapped his fingers for another. "I'll tell you something, Yaya--"
God had made it abundantly clear He didn't like being called Yaya. He frowned. For most, it was terrible to behold. Of late, though, Lucifer had started to take perverse delight in displeasing the self-righteous Old Fart, so he bulled on. "I'll tell you something, Yaya, I'll bet you that if you let me torture Job, I'll have him cussin' a blue streak in less than a month."
"You'll bet Me," God said. "How much?"
Lucifer shrugged. "Ten thousand bucks?"
God raised His eyebrows. "That's a lot of scratch."
Lucifer smirked. "Afraid You'll lose?"
The Almighty considered, then He spake so He unto him, and saying: "You're on, you cheeky little dung beetle!"
So Lucifer threw all his energies into what he called Project Dirty Word. He destroyed Job's house, killed Job's whole family, got Job fired from his, uh, job (short vowel), stole all his money, afflicted him with, like, three or four chronic diseases... pretty much took everything from him but his Social Security. Even for Lucifer, that's a third rail.
Job was a tough old bird, but even the toughest among us has a breaking point. He filed suit in Superior Court. Once he'd gotten God face to face, he demanded to know why he'd been treated so unfairly.
Unwilling to admit that the whole sorry series of events stemmed from a childish wager He'd made with Lucifer, God pursued a stupifying defense. He looked at Job and said, "Who the hell are you to question Me?" Case closed.
Now, then... where was I? Oh, right:
Why did the cavalry leave the fort to fight the Indians? Because they're cavalry.
The problem with this pearl isn't just that the answer is unsatisfying in its over-simplicity; the problem, like the cases of Job v. God and Reporter v. Guillen, is that the answer never addresses the real question. It presumes that there will be a fight, and that the question is where. The real questions are, however, (a) why must there be a fight and (b) if there must be one, how best to wage it?
You see, the cavalry does not ride forth to engage the enemy simply because they are cavalry; instead, they are cavalry because someone must ride forth to engage the enemy. That may sound like mumbo-jumbo to some, but it isn't. The former is a case of tactics dictating strategy; the latter of strategy dictating tactics.
As to who in Chris Mathews' attempted analogy --Lehrer, Obama or Romney-- is supposed to be represented by the fort, the cavalry or the Indians, I still don't know...
...but I'm probably over-thinking it.
-------------
P.S.... Bud "I'll Have a Hot Damn! to Wash Down My Hot Dog" Selig must go.
Oct 3, 2012
The Thrill on Capitol Hill!
Blasphemes' Debate #1 Drinking Game
Drink when the following words or subjects are brought up:Cayman Islands
47 percent
Built That
The Very Poor
Immigration
Obama Care
Massachusetts
When Obama mentions: George Bush, says "aaaahhhhhh....." (also and/or "uuuhhhhh") "Sasha and Malia, wealthy, fair share." Finish the bottle if he says "Mormon."
When Romney mentions: Jimmy Carter, laughs inappropriately, stammers, Job creators, olympics, class war fare. Finish the bottle if he says "birth certificate."
If either talk about dogs or start singing - move to Canada.
Debate #1 Tonight: The Tremor in Denver
Oh yeah! The contest of the two heavywei- er, the two nominees. Yeah... oh, hells ye- you know I can barely get enough enthusiasm to type, let alone tune into this borefest. Sure there are prescripted barbs and fanciful facts that won't past muster in the morning - but it's the debates... Time for the 5 or six people who haven't made up their minds about this thing to not watch, and not care about, and still be undecided. Hmmm... Coke or Pepsi... Tide or Cheer ... golly, this one is tough. Who's offering the coupon in the Sunday fliers?
Look for those talking heads and spin-sters to already be downgrading Obama's performance and explaining away the tiny downtick after tonight, and the same air heads talking about how Romney needs to re-re-re-introduce himself to the voting public.
It's very easy for me to conclude that it's all coming down to the haircut and who "looks like" the President. Really, it's a casting call, not a policy discussion. Maybe there's a few who are getting excited for Romney to make a Reagan "are you better off" echo -- but since it's Romney, he'll probably ACTUALLY ask, "Are you better off?" And then Obama will cock his head, light a smoke and say, "Bush." And then he'll blow smoke rings out of his ear.
If you've got some whiskey, join in on me with this and watch it live. I was almost thinking about bringing out the old Twitter account and playing along... but I really don't think all two of you give a rip, and I don't think I want to be interrupted from raising my bottle to my lips.
I will be surprised if they discuss sequestration = neither of them are owing up to that "little" problem.
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