Sep 3, 2008

Glass of Water, Please?

Fred Thompson waves his arms frantically, looking for a glass of water last night.

He coughed and cleared his throat at the end of every single sentence last night as he talked up the gritty gory details of John McCain's story.

Where was his water? Where was the team to get him some water? Why was there no fuggin' backup water in his lectern? How come a professional actor/orator doesn't know that clearing his throat only takes more moisture off his vocal chords - he should have just grabbed his throat and rubbed it during the video roll ins.

He said, "[cough]   

....the selection of Governor Palin has the other side and their friends in the media 

in a state of panic. [ahem] She is a courageous, successful, reformer, who is not afraid to take on the establishment. [gwarble]  


Sound like anyone else we know?  [haemm]


She has run a municipality and she has run a state.  [horkkk]


And I can say without fear of contradiction that she is the only nominee in the history of either party who knows how to properly field dress a moose ... [herrmm]

with the possible exception of Teddy Roosevelt.*  [horkk]


She and John McCain are not going to care how much the alligators get irritated when they get to Washington, they're going to drain that swamp.  [cough - cchhheerrphhhff]

*Thompson addressed that, yes, in fact that Teddy Roosevelt would have been able to field dress a moose. I was pissed that he didn't say that up front - but then he tacked it on at the end of that thought. Teddy was a Republican, however, since he was a Trust Buster and a staunch,( (possibly the first) 'environmentalist' (back then the word would have been conservationist) he probably would not be a Republican in 2008. In fact, he left the GOP to form the Bull Moose Party to defeat Taft.


Anonymous said...

I'm waiting for someone to go back even further and point out that the Republicans were the anti-slavery party...

what's Obama doing on the other side?

Anonymous said...

The Vietnamese had a name for him. They called him John McCain, which is also what we call him.

During his time in captivity, John McCain did not betray America, though he did give up the names of the Green Bay Packers. Later on, after the entire team was crushed beneath an avalanche of logs that rolled down a hill, John McCain blamed himself. To the surprise of his captors, he decided then and there to stay a POW longer, to serve out a self-imposed sentence on behalf of America and the National Football League.