When Presidents Kill (Pt. 2)
- James Garfield: Soldier. Not the most exciting dude. He was assassinated which is kind of interesting. It seems that the bullets that hit him did not kill him immediately. Alexander Graham Bell came up with a metal detector to try to find the bullet. But seeing as he was laying on a metal framed bed . . . He died of a heart attack caused by lead poisoning. Bonus' for having Johnny Cash write a song about him ("Mister Garfield (has been shot down"). In the movie Unforgiven English Bob mocks the assassination ("But, the President, why not shoot the President?"). He was the only ambidextrous President. But really who cares?
- Benjamin Harrison: Soldier. Grandson of William Henry Harrison makes him the only grandfather-grandson presidential duo in U.S. history. Bonus points for being the last president to sport a full beard in office, having electricity installed in the White House, and being the first president to travel the country by train and attend a baseball game. Negative points for having his ticket comprised entirely of alumni from Miami University which is in Florida.
- William McKinley: Soldier. Superior officer was yet-to-be President Hayes. Generally boring guy but does get bonus points for being assassinated by an anarchist, Leon Czolgosz. Theoretically, the Wizard of Oz was based on him. If so, a big fat negative.
- Theodore Roosevelt: NOT A SOLDIER! This bad ass killed horse thieves! And dudes that stole a boat! He did found the Rough Riders and fought in sanctioned battles but was given his military titles after the war. Technicality, sure, but not a killing soldier. Plus look at this picture. Bad Ass! After his presidency he went on a hunting expedition in Africa and bagged or captured 11,397 animals. 262 were eaten by the expedition and many were sent to the American Museum of Natural History. Many more cool things exist about this man making him "The Blasphemes Murderous President So Far."
- Harry Truman: Soldier. He should not have been a soldier. His eyesight was 20/50 R, 20/400 L. But he memorized the eyechart so that he could kill. Bonus for sure. Fired off the first Hydrogen bomb. The Vietnam War and the Korean War started during his tenure. Should have been beaten by Dewey.
- John F. Kennedy: Soldier. Bonus for wanting to enter the navy. Seems the old boy had a bad back and was denied. He used his political favors not to get a cushy job or his wealth to sit around on a yacht (that would come later) but to enlist. Jack was on the PT-109 when it was rammed and swam 3 miles while carrying a wounded man. Negative points for the incident being used as the basis of McHale's Navy which then became a god-awful movie with Frazier. Negative points for not censuring McCarthy. More negs for Bay f Pigs but big bonus for TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for it. Some could learn from this.
- George W. Bush: Soldier. Sunk a small cargo boat during World War II. Negatives for being a wimp and fathering lame-ass kids.