Saturday Morning Cartoons

Kiss - A Love Story from RACECAR

Fresh of the the festival circuit, where it was projected in super wide-screen, Kiss is an art film. It was co-directed by Joseph Hodgson and Franck Aubry through Oslo, Norway graphic design studio Racecar. Hodgson writes:

“As Paul Auster once said “The sun is the past, the earth is the present and the moon is the future.” “Kiss” is a no-budget, independent film, undertaken to examine a simple idea: We set out to explore the consequence of something as innocent as a kiss. We believe that every solar eclipse is the moon’s attempt to reach the sun. Our idea is personified through the sun and the moon as seen from earth… a love story plain and simple.“

For more information and art, visit the Kiss website.

My Star Wars Prequels : The Clone Wars

Ah, Star Wars...

With all this talk about Star Wars 3D coming out - yet another grab at my wallet by Lucas - The failure of Jar Jar, the Greedo 'always' shot first comment in the Hollywood Reporter today... ugh... Just got me thinking of 'my' version of Star Wars - that I came up with when I was 6.


Opening crawl: There's a Clone War on, and it's the Mandilorians in their armor vs the remains of the Old Republic... That's a billion Boba Fetts vs. The Jedi. Light Sabers vs. Blasters. That's all you gotta' know.

It starts with old man Anakin (no less than 40 years old) flying his large garbage hauler with some other dudes, and accidentally his hyperdrive pops off in the middle of a giant space battle. Obi Wan crashes into the garbage ship - and recruits the crew to be his men. That's right, he makes them Jedi. On the spot. (Recruit, transcript, Mind Trick... whatever works) Anakin shines above the rest, seeing his chance to get out of his crummy job and become a war hero.


In their first adventure, it's a spectacular battle to save a Princess of a doomed world, Obi Wan and Anakin both fall in love with her (the Luke + Leia parallel) in the rescue.


Anakin becomes a spectacular pilot and uses the Force in unique and dangerous ways. He can push enemy Slave 1 ships into each other, pull off Mandilorian jet packs, and throw loose items into the advancing armor clad enemies.


Eventually Obi Wan singles out Anakin and gives him 'extra' training - something the other recruits don't learn in their Force training... and Anakin dives right in... but soon decides it isn't enough. He wants, craves, more power. He learns about the Dark Side, and with the war on, Obi Wan doesn't have time to send Anakin for proper Yoda training on Dagobah.


Princess Amadala and the Jedi love triangle ends with Anakin going to the Dark Side to defeat Obi Wan and win his girl's heart. Ooops! It doesn't work out as planned - she likes Ben- decides to marry him. Anakin tricks her to thinking that he's Obi Wan on the honeymoon (not too far fetched, since King Arthur's Dad did this) and ta-da you get the two twins!


Obi Wan burns Anakin up for this treachery, but he survives the battle. The Princess and Ben hide on Dagobah. Yoda knows what's going on, even though he's never left. He's got the Force, you know? Amadala gives birth in Yoda's hut (Luke remembers it when he lands there!) and Obi Wan sends her away (with the Droids) to live safely on Alderan... she eventually dies there (we don't need to see that since it's resolved in conversation on Endor).

Meanwhile, Obi Wan is so pissed off (in a Zen non-angry Jedi way) so he decides to hide out and protect Luke from Vader - hoping to one day use Luke as the ultimate weapon against him. ... which is exactly what worked out. And it's a double bonus - he get's his payback by saving the galaxy because remember, Jedi don't get revenge, they get even.


And why not hide on a dust ball of a planet that Vader would have zero reason to go to? How about Ben's brother Owen's house? Tatooine! Sure 3P-O said it was his first job, but he was also trying to get off that Jawa Transport.


If you HAVE to see any other characters - you could have Jedi Wookies, and there's the lesser roll with Yoda. C3-PO would have been Amadala's protocol droid, and R2 would have been Anakin's on that garbage ship.... Remember in the original three stories the two Droids are the storytellers -- it's all from their perspective, something completely lost in the prequels.


There's no robot armies, no Trade Group nonsense, no air breathing talking fish people, no galactic C-SPAN. Just a bunch of Jedi and Boba Fetts blasting the hell out of each other as the love triangle story plays out.


The Emperor and all other storylines happen off screen... just like the original three. The Clone Wars are the backdrop while the first two movies happen. The Jedi are decimated, and by the time Vader rises at the beginning of episode 3, he's in his full black armor searching for Obi Wan and his wife and taking down the remaining Jedi. He's searching for Obi Wan just like he's looking for Luke in Empire. And he's pissed. The Jedi try to protect Obi Wan, and die doing it. The Emperor rises because, well, he's enjoying all this, and can even be playing both sides of the Clone War the way Lucas has him doing it. He wins either way... but my version makes him rise because of the power vacuum that Vader created -- there aren't any more Jedi Knights to protect the fragments of the Republic. The Emperor then creates the Stormtrooper army to fill the void - with the spoils of war, the Cloning tanks. And this story makes the Death Star(s) an absolute necessity to keep control, not a luxury public works project.


We know nothing of the Rebellion until we see Leia's ship when it's introduced in Episode 4.


Maybe I'll put that on Kickstarter and do what JJ Abrams called his reboot of Star Trek... an "Alternate Timeline."


PS - Boba Fett would be the last of the Clones, and he's an old man reduced to being a bails bondsman, so his being tossed into the sarlac pit in Jedi becomes an appropriate death, not a limp death to an iconic character.

Does George Lucas Have Brain Damage?

Serious question. Really.

In a new interview with the Hollywood Reporter, Lucas claims that Han never shot first. Never.

"The controversy over who shot first, Greedo or Han Solo, in Episode IV, what I did was try to clean up the confusion, but obviously it upset people because they wanted Solo [who seemed to be the one who shot first in the original] to be a cold-blooded killer, but he actually isn’t. It had been done in all close-ups and it was confusing about who did what to whom. I put a little wider shot in there that made it clear that Greedo is the one who shot first, but everyone wanted to think that Han shot first, because they wanted to think that he actually just gunned him down."

Right. Is he just trolling fanboys at this points?



Okay?  Now, to be fair, and he brings the point to a head by noting that Blade Runner has been cut "about sixteen times since Sunday."

The best part about the interview? It interrupted a discussion he was supposed to be having with Spielbergo about Indiana Jones 5.

DUI Checkpoint Refusal

He asked the magic question that everyone should know: "Am I free to go?" The definition of being arrested is along the lines of "A reasonable person would assume that they were not free to leave." Once you've been arrested you must be informed of your rights and provided with counsel, unless you choose to waive that right. After asking if he was free to leave the police officer had a decision to make, either cite some form of probable cause for a search/arrest, or let him leave. Remember that question! Am I free to go? If they say yes, you leave; if they say no, you ask for a lawyer and refuse to say anything else until that lawyer arrives.

But, you also have to have balls of steel.

Dear ClimateFaithers: Give Up

In an interview on Co.Exist, economist Gernot Wagner of the Environmental Defense Fund says just throw up your hands and give up. It's not worth it, because you're doing it all wrong.

Wagner: Environmentalists, all too often, think that the best way to go about solving the problem is to get everyone to do as they--we, I included--do. I don’t eat meat. I don’t drive. But individual do-gooderism won’t solve global warming.                  
And it may actually be counter-productive, for two reasons. First, there’s a well-documented psychological phenomenon called “single-action bias.” You do one thing, and you move on. You carry your groceries home by foot, in a cotton canvas bag, and you think that single act of environmental kindness makes up for other sins. 

Second, you spend all your energy thinking about these tiny things. Should you buy the local apples that have been stored for months in a cool house somewhere, or should you buy the fresh apple flown in from across the world? Or should you not buy apples at all when they are not in season and risk not getting enough vitamins?
You’d go positively crazy trying to figure out what to do, and you’d miss the big picture: That, at the end of the day, none of that really matters.

So what should we do? Oh, the typical Cap-n-Trade nonsense. Here's the rest on Co.Exist: Link

Me? I think I'm going to slaughter a cow and chop down a tree to cook it with.

America At Halftime

Here's the best rebuttal that I've seen yet to the Clint Eastwood commercial -- 

Arnold and Stallone get shoulder surgeries together.

"COHAGEN, give theze people da air!!!"

Like the tipped over Italian cruise liner - is there a better metaphor for the times we live in? The two hottest action figures of the 1980's in hospital beds next to each other. America at half-time.

Arnie hurt his shoulder during filming, and coincidentally met Stallone in the hospital, for a similar operation.

Gurgling Rumors of War

Can we quit tap dancing around the 'crackdown' on the Syrian people by their President Bashar al-Assad, and say it is a civil war now? It's clearly out of anyone's control, and the Russians and the Chinese are making money from it which is why they vetoed any action in the UN Security Council. Let's cut the b.s. about 'referendums' and 'dialogue' and call it what it is. Russia is trying to come out as a relevant player in the region by playing peace keeper, - and possibly more importantly, keeping the US from knocking out one of Iran's best chess pieces. Watch out Russia, if you play with matches you're likely to get burnt.

Speaking of fire, and Iran, there's still fairly high tensions in the Middle East, and there's snow in Denver. Somehow those two are news? Iran continues to stage military maneuvers amid its threats to close the vital oil shipping lanes in the Strait of Hormuz. And Israel continues to mull a military strike on Iranian nuclear facilities, while politicians are urging Washington to show Tehran that it faces a credible military threat. The Iranians are working on their nuclear bomb -er, reactor- in a bunker, while they're dismissing the US sanctions as 'psychological warfare.'

Now, let's say that Bashar falls, and the Iranian cash flow via their oil is totally stopped up = ta dah, I give you the next war in the Middle East - the Big Iranian War. Iran loses their influence in the region if Damascus falls and they would have no money when the EU and US plug up their oil... so the Iranians would simply decide to ruin everyone else's day too. And then there's a new medal for US Vets.

Thinking of America's Veterans, let me get this straight, the New York Giants get a ticker tape parade, but there hasn't been one for the veterans of Iraq. It's not a big deal until you realize there have been 4 parades for team sports in NYC, and zero for Vets since 2000. Just to be clear, this act clearly shows everyone who our real heroes are.

Call + Response

 Try luminous ball of hydrogen plasma.... but hey, Internet, you're trying.

Call and response is a form of "spontaneous verbal and non-verbal interaction between speaker and listener in which all of the statements ('calls') are punctuated by expressions ('responses') from the listener.

Not Aware of the Satire

Wholesale Abortion? Costco is offering abortions now?

Rep. John Fleming (R-LA) is ironically above the satire, by himself becoming the subject of satire. Well, one thing is for sure - he knows what the internet is and how to repost stuff.

And yes, it's the same John Fleming who opposed to the tax hike, by stating that of his 6.3 million dollar income he only has about $600,000 leftover for his family and investments.

The Week in Review

Hey everyone, I hope I'm not taking you from the pre-pre-pre-pre game. There's still only 8 hours until the new VW commercial.

Mitt won Nevada last night. This is news the same way it'll be a surprise when he takes Utah. Not a secret - there are a lot of Mormons in Nevada - including the President of the Senate, Harry Reid. I suppose the bigger news is how well he took Florida from Newt, despite his recent "I'm not concerned about the very poor" gaffe. The only number that means anything right now is "8", and plus a couple. Eight, or higher is where the unemployment number needs to be in November for Mr. Obama to lose his job. Otherwise, the Republicans can run around slapping paint and throwing cream pies at each other and it'll just look like cheap Vaudeville.

Did you hear about the Cancer charity that decided to not give to Planned Parenthood anymore? Yeah, about that -- the facts are irrelevant, the politics are worse, but the only take away you need to know is that the Mob on Facebook isn't well informed - they're just an angry mob. But they're an effective mob. I would say the lesson should have been learned with the SOPA fight, but it wasn't, so pink ribbons are now on notice. Me? I soured to that whole racket once they started suing any other charity who said, "for the cure." I'm not too impressed by companies that use their lawyers as a goon squad -- Hallmark vs. "Happy Birthday Song" and Apple vs. Everyone Else.

And, unintended consequence of this Komen public relation fiasco isn't who should be funding women's cancer screenings or providing abortions - it's going to be abortion. And that's teeing up to become a major topic in the Presidential race. Yep, not a single other issue out there to discuss, is there? "Abortions for some, tiny American flags for others."

Egypt blew up because of their over active soccer hooligans. For the record, the Egyptian soccer fans are worse than Lakers fans because Lakers fans only riot when they win a ring, unlike the Egyptians riot kind of like whenever there's a game. Does anyone have an excuse for a military crackdown on protesters and that pesky democracy movement? Anyone?

The second largest data mine set up an IPO this week. The funniest thing I kept hearing was "but how are they going to make any money?" Folks, this isn't Groupon! It's not the worlds loudest "two-fer-one coupon." Facebook has people telling it about themselves - all day long! I just don't see how could a marketer ever use that much personal information? And if you can't see that, then I have a Groupon for that IPO to sell you. To explain it, the graffiti artist who tagged the main Facebook office stands to make 200 million from this IPO. The best part of the story is that Mr. Hearst -er- Charles Foster Kane - er - Zuckerburg somehow conned everyone to give him the voting power in all the stock. The more stock that sells, the more power Zuckerburg gets. It's amazing! Does this guy have mind control over people?

And it's the greatest day in America - it's Boston vs New York in a protracted land battle interrupted by commercials with monkeys, cars, and beer. Don't think the commercials are important? How many regular season games did your wife watch with you this year? And when else during the regular season do the commercials get trailers?

One quick note - the VW ad with the dog and Darth Vader. First off - it's going back to the well. Second - the Cantina scene is absolute rubbish. Yeah, I said it. It's not the cute little kid in the real world, it's Vader coming down to Tatooine to force choke hold the ugly doctor in the bar. That's not funny - and it's probably cannon now. I actually heard the creative director of the agency - and exploiting the GenX'ers with Star Wars is easier than shooting babies in a barrel.... I may be paraphrasing the interview. But to prove his point - let me know how many GenX'ers already posted the Ferris Bueller Honda CRV commercial to their Facebook page?

Meantime have a nice non-religious all capitalist pigskin fest. See you here back tomorrow or next week.

Bonus Cartoon: Bloody Lego Cap'n America

Extremely violent and, I don't remember Steve Rogers using a gun that often in the books... maybe it was more the modern era Rogers, who's dead now?

Enjoy the bloody lego picture. I would have posted it earlier, thought otherwise, now it's all over the interwebs, so, you've probably already watched it twice.

If that's true, go outside.

Saturday Morning Cartoon

Canadian cartoonists Seth Scriver and Shayne Ehman recently finished raising over $10,000 to complete their animated feature Asphalt Watches. They describe their collaborative two-man animated epic in the following way:

Asphalt Watches is a true adventure story: in 2000, we hitchhiked across Canada together. The animation captures our crazy journey, full of hilarious and amazing encounters. Using music and songs we make ourselves, alongside hand-drawn Flash animation, we tell the tale of making our way from a 7-11 near Chilliwack, BC where a guy was hanging out with a knife in his belly… to meeting one of only “two real Santas” in the world outside Calgary… to barely escaping death near Regina, SK. Our style is to turn real-life characters and settings into funny and poetic abstractions that depict the feeling and essence of what happened. 

The film should be finished this year. There’s an official film blog and the trailer below

ASPHALT WATCHES - trailer from Asphalt Watches on Vimeo.

Fear the Future

Yes folks, maybe the hormones are backing up in these kid's brains, or maybe they're huffing more than they let on -- either way, if you're counting on the youth of America to pick up the tab for the Boomer's spending spree, I have visual and audio proof that we're way past doomed.

We won't even be able to speak Chinese because, uh, um... "Canada? Oh, that's a state, never mind."

Eric Holder Has To Go

U.S. Attorney General Eric "Head Stooge" Holder denied the Justice Department was impeding a Republican probe into Operation Fast and Furious, the botched gun-trafficking investigation in Arizona tied to the 2010 killing of a Border Patrol agent.

Answering questions about Fast and Furious before Congress for the sixth time in a year, Holder again told lawmakers he had not authorized the operation's controversial "gun-walking" tactics, which allowed illegal guns to fall into the hands of Mexican drug traffickers without any way of tracking them. He called those tactics "unacceptable" and "stupid," and said he has issued a directive banning their future us.
Republicans [via proxy of the NRA] subjected Holder to withering criticism during the nearly four-hour hearing, with some lawmakers calling for his resignation. Others accused him of deliberately blocking the GOP-led probe.

"It appears we're being stonewalled," Dan Burton (R-Ind.) said while questioning Holder.

Not one person has been reprimanded since the 13 months this hit daylight. There have been six hearings because everytime he speaks to Congress, there's new things he forgot to forget last time he spoke. Where's the memos? Did he at least send flowers to the slain Border Agent that was killed by Eric's policy? And if it was all Bush's fault - where's that proof? The incompetency of the Attorney General is dangerous, not only to his President, but to the American People. He's gotta' go now.