Texting Teen Falls Down Manhole

It's tough to be a teenager these days.

Alexa Longueira, 15 was walking and texting when she fell into an uncovered sewer manhole while sending a message.

Of course, the family of intends to sue.

The girl suffered a fright and some scrapes on her arms back after she dropped into the hole on Victory Boulevard.

"It was four or five feet, it was very painful. I kind of crawled out and the DEP guys came running and helped me," Longueria told the Staten Island Advance.. "They were just, like, 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

For its part, the Department of Environmental Protection said its workers had turned away briefly to grab some cones when the incident occurred. One can imagine their idea of what 'briefly' is?

"We regret that this happened and wish the young woman a speedy recovery," DEP spokeswoman Mercedes Padilla said in a statement. She added that crews were flushing a high-pressure sewer line at the time.

Sewer line workers are supposed to cut off pedestrian access to work sites or at least mark them with warning signs.

The family said they will file a lawsuit -- for what, though, is not immediately clear. Her mother, Kim Longueira, said it doesn't matter that her daughter was walking and texting, and also, the 'gross' factor that can't be ignored.

"Oh my God, it was putrid," she said. "One of her sneakers is still down there."

Alexa suffered some cuts and scrapes but is otherwise OK.

It is not known if the girl's original text went through, or if she texted while she was in the hole.

Teleprompter Fail

Obama's Teleprompter "Falls Apart" During His Speech. Actually, a screw was probably not secured. Either way - watch how he looks to his left again, expecting it to still be there. I thought that was kind of funny.

This is why we don't have free health care

Look at this graph. Okay? Any questions on WHY we don't have free National Health?
Next question. Yes, you in the back?

Let me ask...

So, if creationists don't believe in evolution, how do they explain the various breeds of dogs?

Cubs Go Bankrupt?

The Chicago Cubs may consider a bankruptcy filing as part of closing the sale of the team, according to sources close to the major league ball club.

The National League ballclub would be the first team in nearly four decades to do so. The move, first reported by Bloomberg News, comes as Cubs parent Tribune Co. works to sell the team.

The prepackaged bankruptcy under discussions by Cubs officials would be designed to clear the team of liabilities and make its sale easier, sources close to the team said. Any prepackaged filing by the Cubs could allow the team to re-emerge from bankruptcy in a very short time from weeks to a day or so, these sources said.

Wow - I knew that a few MLB teams might be doing this due to the poor economy and falling ad revenue -- but I didn't think it'd be the Cubbies. Well, maybe they can void the Soriano and Bradley contracts?

Congress: Audit the Fed! Fed: Go On, We Dare You!

Federal Reserve Threatens Congress Over HR 1207

Last week, the Federal Reserve’s vice chairman, Donald Kohn, threatened to jack up interest rates if Congress continues to expose “some of the U.S. central bank’s most sensitive decisions to political scrutiny,” Reuters reported. “Any substantial erosion of the Federal Reserve’s monetary independence likely would lead to higher long-term interest rates as investors begin to fear future inflation,” Kohn told a House of Representatives Financial Services subcommittee.

Kohn’s threat came as Ron Paul’s bill to audit the Federal Reserve (HR 1207) has picked up 256 co-sponsors — more than 55% of the House of Representatives. HR 1207’s companion bill in the Senate, S 604, has already attracted 8 co-sponsors. Kohn and his boss Ben Bernanke are obviously very concerned over the prospect that the American people may soon have a look at their books. (more)

My concern, is that Congress doesn't have the balls or the leadership to follow through. There's also little to no chance this bill would survive a day in the Senate.

Golden Food Market Shootout

A gunman stepped into the Golden Food Market. It was about 1 PM. Broad daylight. He opened fire. Customers dove for the ground. The gunman was going wild. He hit the shopkeeper.

Blam. One more shot. But not from the madman. A customer, wearing a holster with a Western-style revolver put one round into the 'suspect's' torso. Took the suspect's gun. Then called the police.

Managing Deputy Commonwealth's Attorney Tracy Thorne-Begland said it appeared that the shooting of the suspect was justified, although he emphasized that the investigation was in the early stages. Police said they expect to file charges against the suspect.

The store owner's injuries did not appear life-threatening, authorities said, but the gunman's injuries were said to be life-threatening. No one else was hurt.

Just last month, another shopkeeper had died just three months ago, only three blocks away.

The previous shooting at Golden Food took place late the night of June 12. And three nights earlier, a co-owner of the Come and Go Food Market, which is about three blocks north of Golden Food on Jefferson Davis, was shot and killed in a robbery.

Authorities said it was too early to know whether any of the three shootings on Jefferson Davis are connected.

Owners of as many as a dozen Jefferson Davis-area businesses flocked to the scene of the shooting, and many were rattled by such a brazen daylight attack, said Councilwoman Reva Trammell, whose 8th District includes the Jefferson Davis corridor.

Trammell, who arrived outside the store shortly after yesterday's shootings, described a frenzied scene. One man told Trammell that the man who had shot the robber was a guardian angel.

"Whoever did it probably saved their lives in there," Trammell said of the shooter.

Anthony Gregory, who lives near Golden Food, said he was in the store about 15 minutes before the shootings, and that while he was there, he saw a man with a baby making a purchase.

Gregory said the owner told the baby, "Welcome to the world. This is a dangerous world, so be careful. But don't worry, God will protect you."

Cap'n's note to Anthony: That is, as long as you have a rational, experienced and 2nd Amendment practicing fellow customer to save your ass, baby.

Story adapted from a story By Reed Williams

The "Good" Samaritan

I love That Mitchell and Webb Look

Too Much WoW, What Should I Do?

Dear Cap'n,

My boyfriend is playing at least 40 hours a week of World of Warcraft. What should I do?

I met my current boyfriend in World of Warcraft. We had only known each other for a month, and we started having very strong feelings for each other almost immediately. After a week of talking, I got him plane tickets to see me. He only makes $800 a month at his current non-profit job, whereas I was working full time.

The first meeting in person was a bit awkward, and things were not as great. But we continued to communicate honestly, and I gave it another chance because of our strong feelings. I flew out to see him in his home state, and it was really nice.

So we had this sort of long-distance thing. He was going to graduate school this fall and could not move, so I would have to be the one to move. It was a difficult and monetarily unsound decision in this economy... nonetheless, I quit my job at the end of last month and moved across the country to live with him.

Looking back now, that was probably a mistake. I am still looking for a full-time job, even though I do web design and development and can do a little bit of freelancing from home. I have no friends here, and it's a very different place than the more liberal and easily walkable city I used to live in. We just play World of Warcraft all the time, and we hardly even communicate anymore.

When I brought up these issues to him, he said he would cut back, but he has not really done so. He currently has two maximum level characters decked out in all epics, and now he started to level a third character intending to gear that one, too. I play WoW with him in between doing my freelance work, but I feel like it is getting in the way of something else -- but what?

One time after a verbal fight with me, he deactivated his account and was pouty, and hinted at basically that I was taking away his favorite toy. We are both nerdy people, but I feel like I have more interests than just WoW. He gets a big ego boost out of leading raids and his in-game friendships, whereas I feel like the game is just a game. I do really care about him, even though he seems really addicted, so I don't want to just cut my losses and leave.

I am at a loss as to what to do.

Oh and if anyone's looking for a freelance web designer with XHTML/CSS/WordPress/Drupal/Joomla experience, please PM me. :)

Okay, first off, love getting fan mail. Thanks for the letter.

Second. You moved to be with this douche? You kind of deserve what you paid for. Nothing.

Third, could have done without the spam/advert for your services. I can't imagine, even if we WERE hiring here at Blasphemes I'd hire someone who's a big enough idiot to a) write me for advice b) doesn't understand that she shouldn't have moved, and started 'dating' anyone who only makes 800 bucks a month.... it sure is a non-profit - none for him!

I suggest that you leave at once. Discover who you are. Then, if you're still an idiot, find a UFO religion or drugs to occupy all that goddamn free time you have.

Blasphemous Quote

Quote: William H. Gascoyne

"I’m not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I’ve seen what it can do to skyscrapers."

San Jose Mercury, Jan. 20, 2004

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Pac-Man: super ghosts

Illinois: Over By Dere Show Notes

This week, on Illinois: Over By Dere, more twists and turns. Characters expected to be major players in the next primary and general election stepped out!

After raising a whopping $845 for his re-election campaign, Roland Burris has decided not to run again. "Decided." You bet. Rumors off set were that Roland didn't want to be on the show anymore, and wanted to pursue other opportunities to fill up his tombstone wall resume. (you think I'm kidding?)

A more shocking move was Lisa Madigan, adopted daughter of the political powerhouse Speaker of the House Mike Madigan, she's also the current Attorney General - announced that she will NOT be seeking The Mighty Gov. Quinn's job. So what's her angle? What's her long term strategy? Which, in turn is really her adopted father's strategy? Did Quinn muscle her out (unlikely!)

The Chicago Tribune speculates that she's angling for Richie Daily's chair! That is, unless her good friend President Obama puts her on the Supreme Court! We'll have to see, but she turned the wheel under the Statehouse - called the Tempest - and my guess is that she'll just wait out the hail storm of debt and unpopular tax increases before seeking a better gig. She's safe on the high seas of the Attorney General's office with Desmond, that is, unless Ben finds her.

Meanwhile, John Harris, who was arrested with the former governor in December, is expected to detail for prosecutors perhaps the most stunning charge in the case: how Blagojevich allegedly used his power to appoint a successor to President Barack Obama in the U.S. Senate to barter to enrich himself.

In exchange for Harris' testimony, prosecutors agreed to recommend he serve less than 3 years in prison. He pleaded guilty to a single count of wire fraud and is expected to be one of a series of former aides and confidants -- fellow chiefs of staff Alonzo "Lon" Monk and John Wyma as well as fundraiser Antoin "Tony" Rezko among them -- to testify against Blagojevich.

It still isn't clear that the two chess players are, but they seem to be agents of fate against free will. I can't wait until the next episode!

The Real Meaning of Flags

Just a tad snarky, but I thought you would like it.

Great moments in Blasphemous Advertising

It's a great moment in advertising history: Burger King brings together a Whopper and a Hindu goddess.

Burger King has been forced to apologise to Hindus after it showed a revered Indian goddess with a 'forbidden' Whopper burger.

The fast food chain quickly withdrew the advertisement from its stores in Spain after Hindus across the world complained at the denigration of their religion.

The advertisement shows a picture of Lakshmi, the Indian goddess of wealth, above one of the burgers, which are forbidden under Hindu religion. (oops)

The goddess and the burger were placed under a slogan claiming 'La merienda es sagrada' – 'The snack is sacred.'

Though the main complaint is of course the implication that Lakshmi enjoys cow, it turns out the entire meal does not agree with the rules of strict Hindus:

It includes an all-beef patty, a beef chilli-con-carne slice, egg-based Cajun mayonnaise, all forbidden by strict Hindus. Some devotees would even be offended by the inclusion of onions which they believe inflame passions."

Passion? - what about their colon? Anyhow, so you've pissed off 1 billion people. Great viral ad, eh?

Eye of the Needle

"The eye of a needle" is part of a phrase attributed to Jesus by the synoptic gospels:

...I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

The parallel versions appear in Matthew 19:23-24, Mark 10:24-25 and Luke 18:24-25.

The saying was a response to a young rich man who had asked Jesus what he needed to do in order to inherit eternal life. Jesus replied that he should keep the commandments. To which the man stated he had done. Jesus responded, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." The young man became sad and was unwilling to do this. Jesus then spoke this response, leaving his disciples astonished.

Another common explanation of the figure, is that Jesus was referring to a certain gate in Jerusalem called Needle's Eye. This entry-point was built like the eye of a needle and so low that a camel could pass only if it entered kneeling and unencumbered with baggage. The lesson would then be that an eternal inheritance awaits those who unburden themselves of sin, and in particular, the things of this world.

Also, kneeling represents submission and humility, which are required to enter into heaven. Although there is no historical evidence that such a gate ever existed, through frequent repetition the idea has attained the status of virtual dogma in some circles.

The Jaffa Gate in the wall of Jerusalem, showing the 'Needle's Eye.' Small doors such as this were common features of the gates of ancient cities; humans could pass through fairly easily, but large animals, such as camels, had to be unloaded and then had to kneel to get through, even then with difficulty."

That, or capitalists are totally hosed. Either way, it was an interesting point that I learned today.

Mail Bag: 83 Year Old Complains about Palin

Cap'n's Mail Bag: This was cutn'pasted from an 83 year old who has a blog. Classic, funny stuff in there for me to share with you. Besides, I had these Palin Runner's World pictures to use up. Enjoy!

SARAH PALIN CALLED A FAMILY MEETING AND THE RABBIT LIVED…

Margaret, I watched Sarah Palin’s resignation speech and all I have to say is, “What the hell was that?” My God that woman is an idiot. I have said this before, but I feel the need to say it again. Her problems did not come because the media was against her. Her problems come because every time you stick a microphone in front of her mouth a whole lot of stupid falls out.

Things are getting tough and once again she is trying to hide behind that dysfunctional family of hers. She actually stood there and talked about how the Palins had a family meeting and everyone agreed it was time for her to step down as Governor. Well, I call bullsh*t. The only family meetings the Palins have usually involve someone peeing on an early pregnancy test stick.

The time to step down would have been back when the older daughter was knocked up and needed a little privacy. The time to have stepped down would have been when the special needs child was a newborn and needed some peace and quiet at home with the family. The time to put the voters or her family first hasn’t happened with Sarah Palin yet and I doubt it ever will.

I would cut her some slack but she used up all her slack with me while on the campaign trail. This is the woman who called the parts of the country where I don’t live more Pro-American than the part where I do live. She stirred up crowds across the country to the point that McCain campaign stops frequently resembled a lynch mob. She mixes religion and politics like I mix gin and tonic but then calls for less government involvement. Freedom from government is her battle cry until a vagina gets involved and then watch how much involvement she wants. Show me a woman who is making a private medical decision to end a pregnancy and I’ll show you a Palin screaming for more government involvement.

She was elected to be Alaska’s Governor for four years and she bails having completed less than three. Can you imagine what she might do if she were to ever make it to the White House? All it would take is for Congress to overturn one veto and the Palins would be packing up the bear skin rugs in the Oval Office. And I bet they take all the little shampoo bottles from the private residence as well.

Like I said a few months back - that woman is a bitch. I meant it. Really.

by: Helen Philpot

Thanks Helen!

Bill to Restrict Ammunition Moves Ahead

The Senate Public Safety Committee passed Assembly Bill 962. The bill now moves to the Senate Appropriations Committee for consideration. No hearing date has been scheduled.

AB962, sponsored by Assembly Member Kevin De Leon (D-45), would make it a crime to privately transfer more than 50 rounds of ammunition per month, even between family and friends, unless you are registered as a “handgun ammunition vendor” in the Department of Justice’s database. Ammunition retailers would have to be licensed and store ammunition in such a manner that it would be inaccessible to purchasers. The bill would also require purchasers submit to fingerprinting, which would be kept in dealers’ records and subject to inspection by the Department of Justice. Lastly, mail order ammunition sales would be prohibited.

Get some while you can.

Also note, that the American Revolution was sparked by the English attempting to confiscate weapons and ammunition at Concord and Lexington. All of the other causes exist today. Taxes, duties, limitations on free speech and assembly, jail without trial, devaluation of currency. One can make the argument for many parallels.

The question is, could a bunch of fat, lazy Americans lulled to sleep by a karaoke contest and Jay Leno really ever do anything about it?

In Case of Hippies

Viral Video - Suck it United

Dave Carroll’s problem: Last year, while he was flying United Airlines, somebody broke his $3,500 guitar.

But Carroll and his band, Sons of Maxwell, have told their tale with rhythm, harmony, rhyme, not to mention some wicked humor, and their four-minute, 37-second complaint, “United Breaks Guitars,” above, is racking up views on YouTube.

The video is a quick version of Carroll’s saga.

The video was posted on July 6. In its first 23 hours, “United Breaks Guitars” had drawn 461 comments on YouTube, most of them maligning the airline. The video quickly went viral, with the Consumerist showing more than 24,000 views by Tuesday night.

Among the comments on YouTube: “Revenge is a dish best served with country accompaniment.”

By the way: In the U.S. Department of Transportation’s tally of lost, damaged, delayed or pilfered baggage in April 2009, United ranked 10th among 19 carriers, with 13,517 “baggage reports” among 4.03 million passengers.

Update: Guitarist and United dickering, video viewers snickering

Google to Drink a Milkshake

Google Plans to Introduce a PC Operating System

In a direct challenge to Microsoft, Google is expected to announce that it is developing an operating system for a personal computer based on its Chrome browser,
according to two people briefed on Google's plans.

The move would sharpen the already intense competition between Google and Microsoft, whose Windows operating system controls the basic functions of the vast majority of personal computers.

My guess is that if it is FREE - Microsoft is going to be kind of angry about this.

Gatchaman Update

An evil presence threatens the Earth, so it's a good thing there's a brooding hero and a team of plucky volunteers to save us, in this early glimpse at the Gatchaman teaser trailer. The Gatchaman teaser trailer showed at the Anime Expo in Los Angeles, and somebody was able to download their visual impressions into a digital storage device.

Directed by Kevin Munroe (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) it looks pretty dynamic and exciting, at least as far as we can see from this low-res copy. Here's hoping we get to see more soon! Gatchman, based on the 1970s Japanese series Science Ninja Team Gatchaman, is out fall 2010.

Everybody Loves Michael

Overheard at the Michael Jackson Death Parade

I was just at the car wash, and in the little room where they make you wait to get your car back. They were blasting the Michael Jackson death parade. I overheard this little exchange between Anderson Cooper and Larry King on CNN minutes ago...

"So, Larry, you were close to the coffin?

Yes, Anderson.

What was it like?

It looked like a coffin. An expensive coffin."

The Pew Research Center released findings last week indicating that "nearly two-in-three Americans say news organizations gave too much coverage to the story. At the same time, half say the media struck the right balance between reporting on Jackson's musical legacy and the problems in his personal life.

Anyone caught making fun of the media for giving too much air time to Michael Jackson are 'elitists'.

Okay, I'm an elitist.

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
- Jiddu Krishnamurti

For shame on the U.S. media for treating his death as if it were 9/11 and Martin Luther King Jr. getting assassinated at the same time. I can't wait to see them choked to death until they're all gone.

Futureman visits the Past

Where are we headed?

We voted and got 'Change.'

How much change are we going to get?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. It seems some other people have been getting upset about it too. I'm not talking about the typical pundit on talk-news channels (this blog) bitching about Sarah Palin or what Obama is -or isn't- doing.

I'm thinking bigger right now.

I'm wondering are we at the tipping point - the point where some fundamental changes in the way we conduct our little lives is about to take place? Something radical?

Or not? I've come across about three schools of thought on the issue.

The first is the Apocalyptic - Road Warrior - Hurricane Katrina on a national scale - no gas, roving gangs, total breakdown of society. The scenario that says "you had better learn to grow your own food and defend it with guns." I call this one 'the collapse.'
Let's pretend that the economy doesn't rebound. Those comfy corporate jobs in air conditioned towers all go away. The only one hiring is the government, and they're paying in IOU's. The power is on - but no one can afford it. And there's gas - but no one has it. Worse, food becomes harder and harder to afford and come by. Food riots. Dogs and Cats living together, all that.

The collapse is also propagated by the folks who can't wait for the Swine flu to become an airborne killer and wipe out their competition two cubes over. Collapse is becoming so popular in the zeitgeist of "The Road" and "Children of Men" that the Discovery Channel is cashing in with a show called, "the Colony." I look forward to watching that show... not living it.

Milk & Honey, We're Back!

The more optimistic future takes us right back to the days of Milk and Honey. We go right back to pointless consumerism with personal and governmental debt way out of control after this quick 'correctional' pause. Everyone gets two Hummers in their remortgaged McMansion, buying big screens on CircutCity.com. Money flows based on bad credit and worse mortgages, again. It's all based on a new bubble created by Goldman Saks and the Fed manipulating the markets, again.

Never mind all those wars to keep the oil flowing. As long as the gas stays cheap, food is cheap and Americans are fat and happy once more. American Idol pays Simon 140 million to come on the show next year - and Americans are placated back into the fatass fog once more.

Until the bail out bubble bursts. But we'll try to ignore that until it happens.

Green Wet-Dream-World

We're all forced into the life of green, lean, paired down, and a tiny machines. Your new car is a Vespa with two doors on it, in your garage charging off the windmill in your lawn. You compost... all your waste. Frugality is the norm. Costco and Target become punchlines in the new paired down world of no excess. The Joneses are competing with their neighbors to see how small their carbon foot print is. Smoking, drinking, fast food and gasoline have been taxed out of existence - in America anyway. The Chinese Century begins.

I suspect that the green scenario would be more akin to the frontier days, but with warrantless wire taps and pay-per-view Internet. The corporations still own everything, but no one works for them anymore.

To the Rush Limbaugh/Sarah Palin crowd, the 'green' scenario is 100 x worse than a nuclear Apocalypse scenario... why? What is frightening to those folks is the Government. It would be assumed that if the government controls what you can buy, puts controls on prices and the market is forced to put all those taxes and pollution control measures into the price of their products. But who cares, no one can afford to buy anything anyway because over 60% of their income is going straight to the government to pay for all these services that no one can figure out how to access anyway.

I can see why they are concerned... Congress has verbiage in the Cap and Trade bill that explains that you can't even sell your house without an environmental inspection... the bill doesn't even address carbon emissions! It only opens a new source of revenue for the Chicago Board of Trade. The government is dictating what types of cars will be built by the remaining elements of Detroit... and if you want a gas guzzler, I guess you'll still be 'allowed' to buy it, but I would expect that you'll have to buy carbon offsets everytime you go to the gas pump just to fill it up?

The best part about the green world is that no one will know how un-fun it is because the stigma of 'excess' will be so appalling. High salaries and aspiring to do better will be shunned. The last thirty years (1980-2008) will be shunned as the Terrible Time of Overabundance.

Those are the three I keep coming across. Please, feel free to discuss and share your vision of the future.

Ponch Fails

Erik Estrada suffers a drunken epic fail singing the 7th inning stretch at Wrigley, then compounds it by telling Len and Bob: "I've seen my fair share of child pornography and I want to do something about it."

Estrada went on to praise a certain part of porn star Ron Jeremy's anatomy.