Dinner with Abortionists

Turkish Airlines

Uh... oh, nevermind.

Wes Anderson Spiderman Reboot

Lord of the Super Bowl Rings

Blasphemes's Bluffer's Guide to the Super Bowl

Blasphemes's Bluffer's Guide to the Super Bowl

It seems that there are quite a few un-interested parties in this year's Super Bowl. There are some people who just watch for the commercials. There are some people who are just damn morons and are either pretending to care, or are just outright posers. Anyhow, I have decided to try to help the morons out by giving them a cheat sheet for the event. Whatever you do, don't complain about the host's choice of beer - and for the love of Science - don't let them see this crib sheet!

PRE GAME:

1. "Dwight Freeney is the key. If he can't play, or plays but can't push off the edge, the Colts are going to have to get better interior pressure on Brees." Then laugh, because the Colts are going to completely dominate this game.

2. "I heard CBS was going to run a pro-abortion commercial, too. They were going to introduce us to the cast of 'Jersey Shore.' But it tested so well that it encouraged genocide."

3. "If Reggie Bush is goin' to the House, he's going to have to be much more elusive in the Red Zone." [Do not respond when someone says "Who is that?"]

4. "You do realize that the Saints defense is rated 25th in the NFL. Shhhheeeiiitttt."

DURING THE FIRST HALF:

5. "We might be witnessing the greatest aerial assault since the Germans entered Holland."

6. "Look on the bright side, it's only 11 days til pitchers and catchers report."

7. "Hey, did you see Lost? Yeah, me too."

HALFTIME:

8. "The Who? I guess Elton John and Billy Joel were too busy?"

9. "Remember when MTV would run Beavis and Butthead during the half time? Yeah. That was cool. Huh huh."

SECOND HALF:

10. "Peyton Manning is just f*ckin' with them now."

11. "Maybe Caldwell should rest his starters for the offseason?"

12. "Only 11 days 'til pitchers and catchers report!"

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Here's Magical Maestro from 1952.

Snow storm

Toyota Woes

Lawsuit Over a Crash Adds to Toyota’s Difficulties

A fatal crash not explained by brakes or mats is adding to the push for a broader inquiry into problems with sudden, unintended acceleration in Toyotas.

Meanwhile, conservative media outlets, as well as a USA Today blogger, have suggested there is an all out conspiracy by the Obama administration that is forcing the recall of millions of Toyota cars. The suggestion that the recalls over safety issues regarding reports of sudden unintended acceleration in order to denigrate the company, benefit unions, and boost sales of vehicles manufactured by General Motors [Government Motors] and Chrysler, which the federal government bailed out last year. Never mind that the sudden acceleration in Toyota vehicles has reportedly been an issue as early as 1999, and Toyota has stated that its recall was voluntary.

Well, look at that on a two sided coin - that means this issue has been around for a decade and no one did anything about it -- and suddenly there's an interest in these issues. I'm not big on conspiracy theories. And even if there was a concerted effort by the Obama Administration - it's not like Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood is saying folks shouldn't drive their cars... oh. He did? Here's a way over-hyped version of the events. Funny stuff, if it weren't real.

Well, I guess we'll see what happens. If suddenly there are government probes into Ford - then I'll join that conspiracy theory talk.

All I see is a company that has decided to be EXACTLY like GM, emulating every detail of that fantastic company - with equally stellar products.

I'm expecting to see the CEO of Toyota commit Seppuku in a press conference in about an hour.

Baptists Charged with Abduction

10 Baptist Americans in Haiti Charged With Abduction, Prosecutor Says

Ten Americans arrested in Haiti last week as they tried to take 33 Haitian children to an orphanage across the border in the Dominican Republic were charged on Thursday with abduction and criminal association, according to prosecutors.

The charges, which carry prison terms of up to 15 years, were announced after a closed court hearing in which prosecutors questioned the Americans, most of them members of a Baptist congregation from Idaho.

Oh come on... so some privileged white folks come in and try to kidnap some children. It's not like there's a history of brutal slavery on the island of Haiti or- oh.

I don't suppose this has become a flash point for Haiti's fears of foreign encroachment in the aftermath of the Jan. 12 earthquake? Oh, it has. Bummer.More

For what it's worth, Sorry, Hatians. On the plus side, they probably weren't going to make them pick potatoes for zero wages. But, I'm guessing that's falling on deaf ears right now.

Pawnbroker PWND

Update: The Mighty Quinn wants to dump his new number 2!

That's right, there's been a major shift in the alternate storyline - Scott Lee Cohen is getting killed off by Quinn. He said Cohen "has an obligation to step aside" if his past becomes a problem.

"I always appeal to others in politics based on what's good for the people," Quinn said.

Quinn was faced with this new crisis even as his rival, Dan Hynes, announced he was conceding the Democratic primary nomination for governor. Oh, and he was blubbering all about it. So that pretty much ends his career too. It's one thing to cry when your kid is caught having a teenage party [Mayor Daley] -- it's a whole other thing to cry when you lose an election.

Anyhow, back to our Lt. Gov contest. This just got interesting.

The Hooker and the Pawnbroker

Next Time on Illinios: Over By Dere, The New Hooker and the Pawnbroker Storyline Debuts!

The new Democratic nominee for lieutenant governor said he doesn’t think a 2005 domestic battery arrest where he held a knife to a prostitute should hurt him in the fall general election. Really?

Scott Lee Cohen, a pawnbroker who was the surprise winner in the little-publicized contest among half a dozen candidates, had previously disclosed the arrest. He described it Wednesday as an argument with his drunken girlfriend and said he didn’t lay a hand on her, though she called the police and had him taken into custody. Well, that's his side of the story.

The official police and court records show that the woman alleged Cohen put a knife to her throat and pushed her head against the wall.

Here's what went down. In 2005, the arrest report detailed the complaint from the 24-year-old woman, Chicago police noted they observed “mild abrasions from knife wound” on her neck. They also noted “minor scars on her hand from her trying to defend herself against the arrestee swinging the knife at her.” The report notes the woman was seen by ambulance personnel but not taken to a hospita. The case was [conveniently] dropped a month later when the woman did not show up for a court date.

Public records also reveal that the alleged victim, Scott’s 24-year-old girlfriend at the time, was a prostitute. Six months before the October 2005 incident, she had been arrested after a police investigation of a Glenview massage parlor. She later pleaded guilty to a charge of prostitution.

Through a spokesman Cohen said he did not know at the time that the woman was a prostitute and that she had told him she worked as a “massage therapist.” Oh. Okay, then you're off the hook then.

Cohen's spokesman said the woman’s accusations about the assault were false, and pointed to the fact that the case was dropped as evidence that complaint was baseless.

“These are accusations of what she says happened, but that is not what happened,” said campaign spokesman Phil Molfese. Of course. How silly. Because he's totally trustworthy.

Molfese said that he doubted that the marks on the woman’s neck that were noted by the arresting officers could have been made by a knife, and Cohen stands by his claim that he did not touch the woman.

“Those abrasions, we don’t know where they came from,” Molfese said.

“I think this is totally ridiculous,” he said. “They were living together. They had a fight.”

In the earlier interview with Cohen, he had characterized his relationship with the woman as “tumultuous,” and said that he was going through a difficult time as his marriage was breaking up and he “fell in with the wrong crowd.” See, they were separated, and he had a crazy 24 year old prostitute girlfriend.

“He admits he was not in an ideal place at that time,” Molfese said. “People sometimes get off track. He was going through a divorce.”

Every time we think we have found the bottom of the political pit in Illinois, we somehow find another sub-basement.

Why don't we just elect folks who are already in prison and save ourselves the time?

Pie Hunter

There's Still Hope

"Mississippi's House Bill 586, which if enacted would have required "scientifically sound arguments by protagonists and antagonists of the theory of evolution" to be presented in the state's schools, died in committee on February 2, 2010, according to the legislative website.

In 2009, the bill's sponsor, Gary Chism (R-District 37), introduced a bill, HB 25, requiring biology textbooks in the state to include a hybrid of two previous versions of the Alabama evolution textbook disclaimer; that bill also died in committee."

Illinois: Season Premiere

Tied to Blago, Rezko, and The Mob. Looks like Illinois Democrats have found themselves a new Senator.

In the season opener of Illinois Over By Dere on ABC last night, two timelines emerged after the 'incident.' On one path, the Democrats pretended that nothing had ever happened. They went about their merry way and landed in O'Hare airport, like they were 'supposed' to. Quinn was the party's choice for Gov, but Todd Stroger was found flailing around in the airplane toilet... choking on what was either a small bag of heroin or his own arrogance. Unfortunately, he might be back in future episodes. Other characters, thought dead were back - like Boone, Claire and Toni Preckwinkle. We started off last night's episode by seeing that Desmond was on the plane, and the Island was under water. That's probably significant. Maybe the underwater thing represents the 80 million dollars of unfunded pension liabilities that no one wants to talk about?

Meanwhile, Gov. Pat Quinn declared himself the winner, even though Comptroller Dan Hynes had not conceded defeat. Hynes trailed by fewer than 6,000 votes as results trickled in. That ought to be a good second episode.

In the alternate timeline, the one we're more familiar with, Mark Kirk won the Republican spot to run for Obama's old Senate seat, and it seems that after the trip to the temple to find out that the Others are actually the Black Rock pirates, the entire gang will be headed to a unity breakfast. With the Smokemonster loose, and their governor nominee still in doubt, it's a dangerous time for these guys. State Sens. Bill Brady of Bloomington and Kirk Dillard of Hinsdale were within 1,500 votes of each other with 99 percent of the unofficial vote counted this morning, and there was a lot of explaining to do. Each had 20 percent of the tally in a six-way contest.

The possibility of lengthy and expensive recounts looms, along with a very evil Smokey which will put pressure on elections officials who aren't even done counting the ballots and certifying the election results. The black circle of protection might help, but questions and danger loom. It wasn't enough to protect Dennis Hastert's son who was killed in his contest.

Another note was that Judy Barr Topenka emerged from the rubble.

It will be interesting when the two timelines converge and fight over fate, vs free will (watch the video). As you can see below, the fight has already started... and it seems that the Democrat's choice for Senate will have quite a fight on his hands - which is bound to upset President Obama.



Meanwhile, Da Mayor's ethics's aide has resigned after he bungled a sexual harassment claim... I can't believe that this job even existed. While Ald. Isaac "Ike" Carothers quietly pleaded guilty in federal court to bribery and tax charges, bringing to 29 the number of aldermen — his father included — to be convicted over the last four decades.

The felony conviction capped a stunning fall for Carothers, who admitted his guilt in exchange for a 28-month prison term. Carothers, in a bid for a lighter sentence, wore a wire for a year. That's going to make some characters awfully nervous for the rest of this season.

The question we should all be asking is, When does it end? Or more specifically, what's going to be done to stop it?

Stay tuned.

Orange Christ

Orange Christ. Wonder if that's closer to Orange Crush or Orange Julius?