World of Dorkcraft: The Movie

Unfortunately, that Max Payne movie made some money over the weekend - maybe because people didn't know that it was based on a video game? The game itself is pretty old. It was out around Grand Theft Auto III was released for the Playstation II.

Because of Marky Mark's success in beating the Beverly Hill's Chiwawa - suddenly the suits in Hollywood are looking at other video games to turn into movies. Roh, roh. Yep, now they're looking at World of Warcraft.

And on top of that poop sundae - they've got Sam Raimi to direct the thing.

Look, I love Sam Raimi - or rather I love the OLD Sam Raimi. The guy who did the Evil Dead series. Those are awesome in their SamRaiminess. Mostly because he didn't have Spiderman money.

But there are some obvious flaws in making a movie based on MMORPG WoW...

1) Your fan base is predestined to stay in the basement on a quest, a raid or a, well, not going outside... that's for sure.

2) If you thought Lord of the Rings the fan base were nit-picking hawks that took great pains to point out every single inconsistency with the Tolkien material, well, you ain't seen nothin' yet. If there's a character or a pixel out of place - OMG Can u believe that the Dungeon of Morfin was... whatever, (it was wrong or cut, or the wrong color). These are the folks who refuse to "accept the movies because Tom Bombadil should have been included." Hey, if you're a super nerd and don't like Peter Jackson's LOTR's, then you really need to stand out side and look at that nuclear fireball in the sky instead of simulating it with your overclocked specialized video card, okay?

3) For whom are you making this film? Players or Non Players? The people who play it won't see it because they're too busy playing it. But let's pretend they do go, there's only a million or so people installed. 1 million times ten bucks for the ticket = that's only 10 million dollars (check my math... yeah, looks right). This is not the money making machine that was Lord of the Rings. WoW is a video game knock off of Dungeons and Dragons - which was a nerdy pencil spreadsheet and dice game knock off of Lord of the Rings to begin with. This thing is diluted to the point that Asteroids the Video Game movie makes more financial sense than WoW. I would have said Super Mario Brothers... but they already did that...

4) Video game movies SUCK ASS! I don't care if you've got James Cameron directing it... video games do not translate onto the screen well. Video games are not passive. Movies and television are. And movies into video games almost always SUCK ASS too, it's part of the equation. ET anyone? The stories of video games are almost always over the top, unrealistic or super cliched - but that's the medium! And how would Raimi show the action? Live action on greenscreen - like Spiderman? Or just film himself fighting some battles straight out of the computer? Sounds exciting doesn't it? Why not just go over to someone's house who has the game and just watch that instead? It'll be about the same experience.

5) And if you're not making it for the folks who play, there's 290 million people who don't - is this just a very expensive marketing gimmick? Oh....