It Is Official: Michael Jackson is STILL Dead

Michael Jackson's doctor administered a drug that authorities now believe might have actually killed him! Yes, after weeks of speculation and 24/7 coverage, the self nicknamed 'King of Pop,' Michael Jackson, might actually, be dead. Perhaps now, just now, the AP and all the toadies that buy their wire service have finally decided that in fact, Michael Jackson could be dead- and might have been dead for about a full month now.

An official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation on whether Michael Jackson is, in fact, dead is ongoing. The official provided a glimpse inside Jackson's rented mansion that he used before his 'alleged death' describing the room Jackson slept in as outfitted with oxygen tanks and an IV drip. There's no point in putting that stuff into a dead person, since they don't use oxygen or IV. However, another of his rented bedrooms was a shambles, with clothes and other items strewn about and handwritten notes stuck on the walls. One read: "children are sweet and innocent." No word on whether Michael Jackson had a note about other sweet and innocent things - such as KFC's new grilled chicken. It boggles the mind what other great songs may have come from that disheveled room. Perhaps a song about doing the laundry?

The world will never know, since, it's possible that the King of Pop is now, probably, dead.