90's Theme Party

I got word that someone was having a 90's theme party. At first, I thought "why?" since the 80's were so much funnier and had much better drugs.

But then I thought about it a bit - and was thinking how I would host something like that. I mean instead of just getting a keg of Natural Light and putting it in the basement.

First, it would have to be a costume party. Again, not as funny as 80's fashion - no leg warmers, Madonna-circa Like a Virgin, no Michael Jackson jackets, no Crockets or Tubbs, Gordon Gekkos with giant Motorola cell phones ... man, you sure you don't want an 80's party?

Anyhow - the most important part of the 90's costumes would be mandatory goatees for the guys. As host, you put out a bowl of glue-on fake goatees from Mr. Fun or the local costume shop, or if you're a cheap ass like myself, you put out a big black Sharpie and force every male to draw one on. Perfect.

And they must wear either Obsession, Polo or Drakkar Noir cologne.

Soundtrack? Well, if you don't have too much time, you could just play the Singles soundtrack all evening. If you're more intense, you only get two CD players. NO iPODS! Have your DJ Mix some U2, a couple R.E.M. tunes, Alanis Morrisette, and Red Hot Chili Peppers for the cocktail hour. Then build up to Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins for a mosh pit. Perhaps some ska?

Throw in some Snoop, 2Pac, Biggie, that one Coolio hit, and Dr. Dre then ramp up to just Techno while you hand out the glow sticks, pacifiers and whistles. Toward the end of the evening kill the party with some Dave Mathews, Smash Mouth and Blues Traveler. If there's anyone still there at 6 AM, play Backstreet Boys and Hanson.

Everyone must smoke cigarettes. Inside.

Dude attire: The Mandatory goatee, wallet chain, black band shirt - I prefer an early Sonic Youth concert shirt, red flannel over it - unbuttoned. Semi faded jeans - with big holes, white thermal under wear showing through, Doc Martins boots, or Doc Martins with white socks.

Or - any outfit worn on The Fresh Prince of Bell Air. Hammer pants are acceptable as well. You could dress up like the kids from Saved By the Bell... but try not to. Acid washed cargo pants still look stupid.

Chicks: Boots and patterned tights, medalions with anchs or something. Think Hope Sandoval from Mazzy Star. You can get away with a Goth look, with less makeup. Or just go with olive green - as olive green was the color of the entire decade.

For the less inspired, knoted tie-dye t-shirts, babydoll dresses and a side ponytail. Or just watch the movie 'Clueless' and pick an outfit.

You can also wear an awareness ribbon - as AIDS still killed you in the 90's.

Zima will be offered, but no one will drink it. Everyone will think it's funny, but then be offended.

Got anymore ideas?