October is here. Time for the leaves to change colors and feast on Halloween candy. And it just happens to be the best sports month of the year. The NFL is in full swing...time to separate the contenders from the pretenders. And some teams just flat out suck balls, I'm looking at you Detroit. The college teams are starting to meet their conference foes and this is the time of year for some wild matchups and grind-it-out games in the Big Ten(for those of us in the Midwest). Maybe this is the year we actually have 2 unbeaten teams facing off in the BCS title game, or should I say BS game.Oh I almost forgot...the MLB playoffs start today. Who will be this year's Kirk Gibson...or Bob Gibson for that matter? Who will be this year's Bill Buckner or Steve Bartman(I just threw up a bit in my mouth)? Time for J and Fred Schneider to sort it all out for you. But first, let me recap my predictions from March and pat myself on the back. I aced the NL, correctly picking all 4 playoff teams. The Dodgers were a ballsy pick by me, I win. And the Brewers almost let me down. Now for the AL...the Angels were an easy pick, so don't give me too much credit on that one, even a Sox fan could have predicted that one. As for the Sox...congrats. Most experts including myself, picked them to finish 3rd or 4th. And how about those Yellow Eyed Demons(Supernatural reference for ya). I mean the Rays, no longer Devils. No one saw that coming. So to recap, I got 4 of 6 division winners correct and 6 of 8 playoff teams correct. Not too shabby.
Phillies-Brewers: I'll take the Phillies in 4. The Brewers have been carried by Sabathia since mid-July and I think they are running out of gas. Welcome to the party...now leave. I could see them forcing a Game 5, but there's no way the Phillies blow this one.
Fred's take: It comes down to the silly mascots. Bernie Brewer has a fabulous moustache, is he a "bear". The Phillie Phanatic is just too weird. On a scale of 1 to 5, I give this series 4 assless chaps.
Cubs-Dodgers: Cubs in 4. My dad, a die-hard Dodgers fan, has vowed not to talk to me until the series is over. I have blue blood running in my veins, part Cubbie blue/part Dodger blue. Growing up it was all Dodgers, all the time. The White Sox were non-existent downstate and it was 70/30 Cubs/Cardinals. But my loyalties lie with the Cubs since moving to Chicago 12 years ago. The Cubs have been the most consistent team in the NL all year and I see no reason why they lose this series.
Fred's take: Boystown all the way. I give this series 4 assless chaps.
Rays-White Sox: Rays in 5. The Sox almost choked it away after losing Crede and Quentin. They are capable of winning this, but I like the Rays spunkiness(is that even a word?). They won a great division and any team visiting Tropicana Field is in for a treat...or maybe a trick.
Fred's take: Evan Longoria is so hot right now! I give this 3 assless chaps.
Angels-Red Sox: Angels in 5. This one was the toughest to figure out. Clash of the Titans. Francisco Rodriguez's antics after each save are annoying.
Fred's take: What's up with that Boston accent? I don't appreciate anyone pawking their caw in my yawd. 5 assless chaps.
Cubs-Phillies: Cubs in 7. Home field advantage will come in handy for this series. This one could be the Empire Strike Back of all the series, good from the opening until the very end. Plus I will be at Game 1 with my brother.
Fred's take: I want to boogie with John Cusack in the streets of Chicago! 5 assless chaps
Angels-Rays: Angels in 7. I wanted to pick the Rays, but I think the Angels pitching staff gets the edge in this one.
Fred's take: 4 assless chaps. Joe Maddon, I will comfort you.
Cubs-Angels: Well, well, well. Look who's in the World Series. I'm not going to bore you and rehash 100 years, goats, curse, Bartman...blah blah blah. 2 eerily similar teams. The Angels have the home field, but I think the Cubs will find a way to finally bring home the trophy. I'm guessing someone like Derrek Lee steps up, he's due. I'll be at Game 3 with my wife.
Fred's take: Bring your jukebox money to Boystown, the first round is on me. 5 assless chaps.
Fred, all chaps are assless.
ReplyDeleteA popular pair of leather pants that motorcyclists wear. As the name says, they are assless, making it easier to advertise at biker bars.
Shaggy wears assless chaps when he plays Halo!
The point is that Fred Schneider is gay and assless chaps give him quicker....nevermind
ReplyDeleteusing the phrase "assless chaps" is the same as returning back, raising up, or unaccompanied people traveling alone.
ReplyDeleteChaps are protective wear worn over real clothes. Their main purpose is to protect the wearer from injury by offering an extra layer. As the people who use them--cowboys, bike riders--are sitting when they do so, having a seat on the protective gear would be cumbersome and uncomfortable.
Yeah, I may sound like I'm gay, but at least I can f**king speak & write my language properly.
It's funny becasuse Fred Schneider is gay and he is being "voiced" in the article giving his "take" on the playoffs. An extremely gay dude talking about sports, that's funny. I know chaps are assless by nature, but I don't care. Get a sense of humor. The point is that "Fred Schneider" used chaps as a rating system for each series.
ReplyDelete