Happy Flippin' Birthday!

Happy freakin' birthday San Fransisco!

162 years of being Americans - it has been a blast. Thanks to you our Republican friends (I am looking at you Howard) have at least one place to name whenever they talk about extremist judges and homosexuality. Thanks to you we have the fortune cookie. Thanks to you I have something to write about today - you.

San Fransisco embodies everything that this country stands for from it's inception to modern day. San Francisco was largely ignored (in true American form I like to pretend there were no Native Americans) until 1769 by the Spaniards. Seven years later, they had their first military post, the mission of San Fransisco de Asis. Even though not yet an American city it was off to a good start - a military base with a religious name.

By 1835 the Spaniards had decided to share their little fort with the Mexicans. That same year Captain William Richardson built a private settlement on the bay which at the time was called Yerba Buena (good herb). Although saddened to find out that the name of the cove was in reference to a wild mint, the U.S. decided to attempt to purchase the land from the Mexicans. The Mexicans said, "Lo siento, no." Bad move. In 1846 John Montgomery sailed his warship into the bay and took it. For free. And it became an American city (pop. 469) the old fashioned way - we beat up some brown people for it.

Two years later James Marshall found some gold in them thar hills. Within four years the population grew to more than 36,000. Another American favorite helps grow the city - a get rich quick scheme.

Since that time San Fransisco has followed a long laundry list of American favorites.

• They created a monster prison to house famous bad, bad men and named it after a water fowl.
  
• They passed stupid laws. My favorite being the 1901 ruling that forbid burials in the city. This led to all of the dead being buried in neighboring Colma which now boasts the unique status of being the only incorporated city in the world where the dead outnumber the living.
  
• They created big, fancy cars that max out at 9 miles an hour and were not able to withstand an earthquake.
  
• They built a house in 1791 that withstood many earthquakes, fires and eventually almost succumbed to beetles in 2000.
  
• Over 600 boats have been abandoned in the harbor creating a landfill that would become the Jackson Square Historic District.
• One of the locations of the first Blasphemes Convention where I forced the other participant to take me to the Coit Tower. Besides the fun of driving there - meh.
• Gluttonous amounts of Clam Chowder.
  

Anyway, just wanted to wish you a happy f-in birthday and let you know I am thinking of you.