John McCarnac

"In this envelope..."

John McCain gave a speech today that made him sound optimistic - and psychic - and then just batshiat insane in Ohio today.

Highlights of the speech, which was told in past tense - as if from a stump speech 4 years in the future...

• Iraq and Afghanistan violence will be stable.
  
  
• Osama Bin Ladin - caught and captured.
  
  
• Government spending curbed by his veto (that one is funny since the Democrats will have won both houses of Congress and would overide his veto)
  
  
• He will institute a British-like question-and-answer sessions with lawmakers like in the House of Commons.
  
  
• He'll have weekly press conferences too.
  
  
• A "League of Democracies" has supplanted a failed United Nations to apply sanctions to the Sudanese government and halt genocide in Darfur. (which won't work since China is a big player in the Darfur situation and why so many people continue to die there)
  
  
• The United States has had "several years of robust growth," appropriations bills free of lawmakers' pet projects known as "earmarks," public education improved by charter schools, health care improved by expansion of the private market and an energy crisis stemmed through the start of construction on 20 new nuclear reactors.
  
  
• Democrats are asked to serve in his administration, he holds weekly news conferences and, like the British prime minister, answers questions publicly from lawmakers.
  
  
• And there won't be any more rancor or bipartisanship (which is the funniest one of all)

"I'm not interested in partisanship that serves no other purpose than to gain a temporary advantage over our opponents. This mindless, paralyzing rancor must come to an end. We belong to different parties, not different countries," McCain says in remarks prepared for delivery in the capital city of Ohio, a general election battleground. "There is a time to campaign, and a time to govern. If I'm elected president, the era of the permanent campaign will end; the era of problem solving will begin."

No word on Mr. Fusion, Hoverboards, or who will win the next couple World Series or American Idols - which, frankly, is disappointing.