Updated Bible Stories

Goliath is now a celebrity binge drinker, Eve is a sex-obsessed man-eater and Noah's wife wants to kill him . . . It's the all new, updated Bible! (Daily Mail)

An Anglican vicar has rewritten the most famous biblical tales because he wants to make them more "accessible" to modern readers.

I guess it's totally fair to just "re-imagine" or make a "special edition" of the Bible now? Groovy! Maybe we can have Marty McFly swoop down on his hover board and save Jesus from Crucifixion?

We can have Moses save the Jews from time traveling Nazis instead of boring old Egyptians!

The author took 10 stories and reworked them. For example: In the nativity story, Jesus is born in an overcrowded house instead of a stable, amid family conflict as Joseph's aunt deals with the fact that he and Mary are not even married.

Wow, why stop there? I mean, let's REALLY update it for today's audience. Why not have Mary be a Meth addict who was molested by her father, who then goes on the Mauray Povich show for a paternity test?
"Joseph... you are NOT baby Jesus's daddy!"
"Hallelujah!"